Be Dazai's mother

"Ah, Zhi?" I said in an extremely indistinct, stumbling voice.

Even when I was half-conscious, I was amazed that I could make such a sound, which sounded less like a human being and more like a broken radio.

A certain intuition prompted me to lower my head and look at my lower body—it was shrouded in ominous smoke.

I can't even imagine what I look like in front of others now, probably a horrible and disgusting monster.

He looks very similar to Azhi, but is more mature than him. He also has an indescribably gloomy and indifferent man who looked at me in surprise and said, "Oh? A master assassin who didn't notice, didn't expect to see something unexpected."

He rested his fingers on his chin, showing a pensive look, and said, "Is this really... a special ability?" He asked inquiringly, and then shook his head as he muttered to himself, Said: "No, no, it's more like a legendary ghost than a superpower?"

Having said that, the man in front of him laughed a few times as if he thought it was very interesting.

It's unbelievable, obviously his appearance is so similar to Aji, but these two people will never be mistaken for them.Probably because the appearance is very similar, but the feeling is very different.

The person in front of me is not my Azhi - I also know this very well in my hazy consciousness.

But even so, maybe it was because of the other person's face that was very similar to Azhi, or maybe it was because of the vaguely familiar aura on the other person, even though I knew he was not my Azhi, I still unconsciously became close to him meaning.

Therefore, when this man tentatively asked in a relaxed tone: "Where are you from?", I just replied honestly: "I don't know either."

The consciousness in my mind was still in chaos, but I explained as if I didn't want to be misunderstood by the man in front of me: "I'm just, in the hotel, sleeping at night... that's it."

My words were broken and my voice was indistinct, and I was terrified when I said it myself.I thought that the man would not understand what I was saying, but he understood what I meant at once, and he repeated: "You mean to say——you fell asleep in the hotel at night, and then came here gone?"

I nodded while dragging my heavy body.Before he could say anything, I gave another vague smile and asked softly, "Do you drink coffee without sugar? It will be very bitter." I said in a tone like coaxing a child.

The man looked at me in surprise, sneered, and asked, "Are you my grandmother?" He seemed to regard me as the kind of grandmother who talks lovingly to her grandson.

I said distressedly: "I, I should not have reached that age yet?"

My voice kept stumbling, making a screeching noise like a broken radio.But the other party didn't show any disgust or impatience, which made me continue to say: "My son probably doesn't plan to find a girlfriend to have a child for the time being."

Speaking of which, Mr. Ango once mentioned to me that Aji had many women with ambiguous relationships, and some people sent bombs to Aji. Mr. Zhongya also complained that Aji was really terrible in handling the relationship between men and women. As for the others, after learning that Azhi was sent a bomb by a woman, they all just thought, "I knew it would happen."

Sure enough, next time I should talk to Ah Zhi about how he handles the relationship between men and women?

I was wandering, and the man standing opposite me asked curiously: "Son?" He seemed to find it very interesting and said, "Son of the ghost?"

"I'm not a ghost," I said feigned anger. At least not before bed - if not counting the weird state I'm in now.

"It's not surprising that I have a son." I couldn't help smiling, and said, "That's a clumsy, timid but pure child."

The man raised his eyebrows and said, "According to you, isn't that just a fool?"

"It's not!" I retorted.

"Okay, okay." The man raised his hands in surrender and said, "No, it's not."

"Don't talk in the tone you're dealing with me!" I said helplessly.

The man spread his hands, changed the subject and asked, "May I ask, what is your son's name?"

"Huh?" I replied suspiciously, and then said with a smile, "His name is Dazai, Dazai."

"..." The man fell silent suddenly.

I didn't notice his silence.It's better to say that I have been in a state of dizziness since I came here, and I almost forgot what my name is.Of course, even if I forget my own name, it is impossible for me to forget my child's name.I giggled cheerfully and said: To be honest, a long, long time ago, when I held Azhi’s hand for the first time and chose to be the mother of that child, I kept thinking: Is this really good?Is it really okay for someone like me to be his mother?

Maybe it's because the first night I left the child by myself, the phone call from Azhi reminded me of the past and made me sentimental—no, if I really want to say it, I myself Just a sentimental person.It's just that the previous me felt that such a self was not suitable to be a good role model, so I deliberately covered up my sentimentality.

I laughed a few times amusedly, and started nagging like an old woman with a broken mouth: "Oh, although everyone always thinks that parents decide to have children, in fact, it is not the parents but the children who really make the choice. Yes Children choose their parents to be their parents."

I pretended to show my teeth and claws, and said in a strange tone: "Ha! I've decided! You will be my mother!"

I smiled and said, "In this way, the child came into the mother's womb."

The man looked at me in a daze, and joked, "Your words are more dreamy than a crane giving off a child."

I waved my hand and said, "Okay, okay, I'm kidding."

As if I drank fake wine, I felt that my body was both heavy and light, as if being pressed by a heavy boulder but also as light as if I was on top of a cloud.I staggered unsteadily, and continued to say with a smile: "It is the child who makes the choice—this is true. After all, a child is still a child without parents, and parents are not parents without children."

I held up an index finger—only to see my hand covered in ominous smoke, I smacked my lips bored, put my hand back, and continued: "Children's world is very small, only So~ so small. Small and pure." I gestured foolishly.

"Because of this, the fact that the child chooses to trust and trust you is very precious in my eyes." I said: "And Azhi chose me, and this matter still makes me feel unreal."

"I'm not Azhi's biological mother. I gave birth to him without pregnancy in October. Is it really okay to choose me to be his mother? - Speaking of this, I always feel a little guilty. Did I take away the pregnancy in October?" The motherhood that the woman who gave birth to Azhi should have? Just thinking about it makes me feel like a despicable thief. Is it really okay for Azhi to choose me like this to be his mother?" I couldn't help it Showed a sad expression.Fortunately, my current appearance is shrouded in smoke. From the outside world, I am just an expressionless, ugly ghost.

The man sighed and asked, "That is to say—do you think it would be better for someone else to be his mother?"

"No." I shook my head and said, "Is it really okay to choose me to be his mother? Even if I think so, I still don't want to return it. The only thing is to be with Azhi , This period of being his mother is real, and I don’t want to be taken away by anyone. Even if I am accused of being mean.”

"I really appreciate the time I spent with Azhi and as his mother." Delirious, I turned around in a daze, smiling and clutching my heart, feeling that it was so warm I was almost in tears, and I said: "Although Azhi always said that he was worried about me, that I didn't love myself enough, and that he wanted me to be happy, I felt that I was already very happy."

"I'm so happy." I blinked blankly and smiled silly.

"So happy." I suddenly choked up again as I spoke.

"So happy..." I choked up and said.

The man standing in front of me was silent for a long time, and when I thought he had forgotten me, I heard his helpless sigh: "I think that since Azhi in your mouth chose you, it was out of his own will Hope you can be his mother. So..."

"Be more confident." He said: "Just as you love him so deeply, he must also love you deeply, and feel happy to be a mother and son with you."

My consciousness was still extremely vague, and I was stunned for a moment, and said in a raving voice: "You really look like that child, especially in this kind of gentle place."

As I said this, before my consciousness had time to react, I made a very rude gesture with my hand—like a mother stroking a child in her arms, I reached out and tried to touch his face.

The man naturally avoided my hand, he took a step back, and said calmly: "Sorry, I am not your child. I will be very troubled if you do this."

I also felt that my actions just now were very rude, and I said apologetically: "Sorry, I didn't mean it. My body just..."

The man shook his head and said coldly, "It's nothing."

There was a moment of silence between us.I looked at him hesitantly and asked, "You look tired, are you okay?"

Everything in my vision was blurred like a layer of frost, but even so I could feel the deep fatigue on that face.

"I'm fine," the man said. "There's never been a better time."

"..."

Just as I was about to say something, I suddenly felt as if my soul was being dragged by something. I looked at my hand that had become transparent and said, "I'm going back."

"Where are you going?" the man asked.

"Back to where I should be." Something tells me.

"I see." The man nodded, accepted it very well and said, "Bon voyage."

As he said that, the man turned his face away and muttered a few times in a low voice: "No wonder even if you don't know who you are, you unconsciously have a sense of intimacy. It turns out that you are from that world..."

I couldn't hear what he said, I just looked at him blankly and asked, "Did you say something?"

The man laughed, not the tired, polite, cold smile just now, it was just a smile, an ordinary, soft smile.He said, "Nothing."

"So--"

One second before my consciousness was completely plunged into darkness, I heard the man's calm and gentle voice.

"Goodbye, Sachiko."

He said so.

...

...

...

Waking up from my sleep, I was lost in thought with my messy hair.

"It always feels like I had a very strange dream." I scratched my head and said so.

I can't remember the specifics, but I vaguely remember that I seemed to be chatting with a man who looked very similar to Aji, and I choked up in embarrassment.

I hammered myself with hatred for being weak, thinking how long have I been out of my childhood?Why is it so easy to cry at this age?I really want to replace my tears with it.It's better to be a strong person than a person who is prone to tears.

After all, why do people dream?And I felt as if I had lifted a heavy weight after waking up from the dream.

I just woke up and complained angrily.

No matter what, the bed still needs to be raised, and Mr. Horibe still needs to find it.

Originally, Aji said angrily that this guy Horibe hated him to death, and refused to come to Yokohama after taking money. He just said that he would come to Yahara, and he would come to Yahara if he wanted to come, and he would come if he liked it. I used to think that I was asking others for things, and it was a matter of course for me in the past. At this time, I couldn't help but make this guy's hateful voice.

It's all Horibe's fault that I can't continue to sleep in now.

hateful!