self-awareness

When Li Mingchuan said this, he was even a little pitiful. Ye Tang has seen a lot of rehabilitated patients losing control of their emotions due to frustration. To be honest, Li Mingchuan has not collapsed until now, which in his opinion is already quite inconceivable .

You know, Li Mingchuan's patience in the past was pitiful, and his temper was first-class. When he was filming, he was well-known in the circle. I don't know how many directors and directors he scolded and cried. When the man shed tears.Ye Tang has observed Li Mingchuan for a while, but found that Li Mingchuan's temper has become much calmer and gentler, the change is not surprising, and when he thinks about those things before, it seems that everything is far away from them.

Li Mingchuan fell to the ground and didn't get up. He pulled his leg away from Ye Tang with his hand, and leaned his head against the wall.

Ye Tang also moved to the wall, leaning against the wall and sitting side by side with Li Mingchuan, "Why should I save face for you? When I was chasing you before, you didn't save face for me."

Li Mingchuan listened silently, remembering the bastard things he had done, without any refutation.

After a long time, he asked, "Is he treating you well?"

"Who?"

"Feng Lun, Feng Younian." Li Mingchuan finally asked Feng Younian unavoidably. He also wanted to appear free and easy and didn't care, but he couldn't.Seeing Ye Tang and Feng Younian appear in the nursing home as a pair, his chest felt as if it had been crushed by a giant wheel, and he felt extremely uncomfortable.

Ye Tang thought for a while and replied, "Very good."

Li Mingchuan felt a pain in his heart. He guessed that Feng Younian should be good to Ye Tang, and he knew that he should bless these two people, but he couldn't help being crazily jealous of that person. Seeing the picture of the two of them together, he felt In my heart, I wanted to be stabbed with a bloody knife, and the blood flowed continuously.Did Ye Tang feel this way when he saw himself with others before?

"Does he... know you're here?"

"He knows." Ye Tang replied truthfully, Feng Younian did know that he came to Switzerland, and sent him all the way to the airport.

Li Mingchuan felt that he was really narrow-minded, why did he ask these questions?Want to see some clues of the rift between Ye Tang and Feng Younian?But the two of them trust each other very much, and there is no room for outsiders to intervene at all.

And how do they see themselves?mercy?

Li Mingchuan took a deep breath and said, "Ye Tang, go back, don't waste your time here."

He was really afraid that at any moment he would lose his restraint and do something to Ye Tang that he shouldn't have done.

He is not that selfless. He decided to fulfill Ye Tang and Feng Younian, but only in places where he could not see. His restraint was maintained by distance. Any opportunity is afraid that one day he will not be able to bear it again, lose his mind and do what he did before, and then lock Ye Tang up and take it for himself.

This is already the limit of what he can do.If it wasn't for him not being able to stand up now, it's hard to guarantee that he wouldn't have done something to Ye Tang.

In the final analysis, human nature is difficult to change in a short period of time. Dangerous beasts will not become fraternal angels overnight. Li Mingchuan is willing to change his thinking mode and behavior. Just fight by nature.

"I'll leave when you recover." Ye Tang said, this is indeed the purpose of his coming here.

Li Mingchuan smiled wryly, he might never be able to stand up again, does Ye Tang want to stay with him in the nursing home forever?

"If you're like this, won't someone surnamed Feng stop you?" No matter how generous a lover is, he wouldn't be willing to endure his lover being alone with someone who has a bad intention for him, would he?

"Why did he stop me?" Ye Tang said, Feng Younian was too busy handling his own affairs, how could he care about meddling in his affairs?

It was only recently that Ye Tang found out that Feng Younian was in some trouble. A young actor surnamed Gu suddenly launched a fierce courtship attack on Feng Younian, causing Feng Younian to be devastated.The actor surnamed Gu dated Feng Younian in the early years, but at that time the surnamed Gu was still in high school. Later, this matter was known to the Gu family. Had to move abroad to avoid the limelight.At that time, Feng Younian had been missing for a long time, and because of this incident, he had to travel around the world without an alias when he returned to China, and he dared not use his real name for a long time.

After many years, the person surnamed Gu reappeared and even joined the showbiz. When he met Feng Younian again, the two got into trouble again. Feng Younian couldn't be more upset.

He thought of Feng Younian's haggard face when he sent him to the airport, and his frightened expression when the phone rang, and he knew that this trouble would not be small.

Li Mingchuan didn't know anything about Feng Younian, and said bitterly, "He's really generous."

Ye Tang: "It can't be said that it's big or not, the minimum respect between friends is still there, and it's not easy for him to ask too much about my private affairs."

Hearing this, Li Mingchuan felt as if he had misread some message, "Friend? Are you two together?"

"Who told you we were together?"

Li Mingchuan felt like he was hanging there, unable to go up or down, "You and Feng, don't you date?"

"Just because we are all gay, we must be in heat when we are together? Do you think that everyone in the world is as simple-minded as you?"

Li Mingchuan was dumbfounded, remembering his previous misunderstanding of Ye Tang, inexplicably eating Feng Younian's jealousy, feeling ashamed, "I'm sorry Ye Tang, I shouldn't have missed you like that, I'm sorry."

It was only at this moment that Li Mingchuan realized that he had completely misunderstood Ye Tang.Thinking back to the last time two years ago, Ye Tang rejected him very firmly. He was imprisoned by Li Yang for a long time, and then sent to a homosexual correction hospital to restrict his freedom. When he saw Ye Tang again, he had no chance to say anything. , an accident happened, and Ye Tang never went to the hospital to see him, and he already felt that something was wrong. Later, he found out about his condition, and saw the photos of Ye Tang and Feng Younian in Southeast Asia as a couple. It was after hearing the news that Ye Tang was leaving to go abroad, and piecing together the information, that the reason why Ye Tang no longer accepted him was because he and Feng Younian had become lovers.As for Li Yang's obstruction, Li Mingchuan didn't know until later.

Leaning against the wall, Ye Tang looked at the gorgeous Huoshaoyun outside the window, his face half-lighted and half-dark.

The two sat against the wall and remained silent for a long time.

There were some things that Ye Tangyuan thought he would never say out loud, but when he saw the passage of time between himself and Li Mingchuan, he felt emotional for some reason.

"I used to really like you." Ye Tang said slowly, his voice was hoarse, as if he was recalling a past, "It started in middle school, I think you may know."

Li Mingchuan's heart trembled, and he turned his head to look at Ye Tang's side face, unable to believe what he heard.

As if returning to the age of middle school, a familiar picture came to my mind.

——In physical education class, the boys were tired from playing ball, and occasionally they would sit in a row leaning against the wall, drinking soda, and chatting about irrelevant topics.He never took the initiative to sit down next to Ye Tang, and he never mentioned it to anyone. In fact, he really wanted to sit next to Ye Tang.

The young face gradually overlapped with the man in front of him, Li Mingchuan thought, maybe Ye Tang had planted a seed in his heart since then, but this seed had a long dormant period, and one day it was finally awakened, Only then did he realize that the seeds had long grown into his flesh and soul, and they were already inseparable.

Ye Tang looked into the distance and continued: "I know you don't like men, so I don't want to worry about myself. I went to university and went to a city where I couldn't see you. I thought maybe this way, I can stop thinking about you. Yes. Life is so long, I will never forget it... But I never thought that God is so good at teasing people, and I became your assistant again."

Li Mingchuan: "..."

"I thought I was able to let you go at that time." Ye Tang hooked the corner of his mouth, "I actually lived a depraved life, don't you know, before you, I also did it." He said He chuckled lightly, "But I really didn't expect that I let myself sink in again."

"The first time I had sex with you, I found that you didn't reject me, and I was very happy. I thought you accepted me, but later I realized that it was my wishful thinking."

The soreness in Li Mingchuan's heart couldn't be increased. He remembered his first time with Ye Tang. What did he say to Ye Tang the morning after?He thought that this was the free and easy way to maintain the relationship between the same sex, but he didn't expect Ye Tang to give himself to him with a sincere heart.

He has let Ye Tang down mercilessly, and now all the remorse is engraved in his own heart, he deserves it for losing Ye Tang completely.

Ye Tang thought that he had already let go of the unbearable past, but now he realized that he remembered everything and every detail clearly.

Ye Tang rested one arm on her curled knee, "I thought that as long as I was good enough, you would fall in love with me one day, but I was really wrong. Feelings are mutual. If you don't stand up from the beginning On an equal basis, it is impossible to have a good result. I am afraid that is the case between you and me."

Even though he didn't want to, when facing Li Mingchuan, he still felt inferior.This inferiority complex has been deeply rooted, and it is difficult for him to fight for it without hesitation when facing his own feelings. Instead, he has practiced extreme self-denial.

Li Mingchuan listened quietly, his eyes flushed.

The past, under Ye Tang's confiding, emerged one after another, connected in series, completed the story he had missed, and finally came to an end.

"I'm sorry." Li Mingchuan felt that he was crying.

The afterglow of the setting sun shines through the floor-to-ceiling windows, and the two people sitting side by side by the wall seem to have experienced a cycle of love and hate.

"You can stand up, Ming Chuan." Ye Tang said.

Li Mingchuan shook his head, as if he had accepted his current situation.

Ye Tang stood up, helped Li Mingchuan back into the wheelchair, and pushed out of the rehabilitation room. The medical staff waiting outside saw him and did not stop him.

There is an artificial lake behind the nursing home where Li Mingchuan lives. Ye Tang pushed Li Mingchuan's wheelchair down the lake, helped Li Mingchuan to sit on the bench by the lake, walked a few steps along the lake, and finally turned around. He turned around and looked at Li Mingchuan.

"You know I can't swim, right?" Ye Tang said standing by the lake.

A bad feeling arose in Li Mingchuan's heart. It was strange that Ye Tang insisted on helping him to sit on the bench. There were no guardrails near the artificial lake, and the lake was calm and unwavering. He couldn't tell the depth at a glance. His upper body was slightly Leaning forward, he said anxiously: "Come here, don't stand there, it's dangerous."

Ye Tang silently took a step back, and then, under Li Mingchuan's frightened eyes, he leaned back and fell straight into the water!

"Splash!" Ye Tang fell into the water, splashing a splash.

"Ye Tang——!!" Li Mingchuan watched Ye Tang's body float in the water for a moment, then sank to the bottom of the water, his liver and gallbladder were torn apart.

"Ye Tang!!" Li Mingchuan called for help loudly. He wanted to find his wheelchair, but found that the wheelchair had disappeared!

Li Mingchuan was so dumbfounded, the bench he was sitting on was only a few steps away from the lake, but those few steps would actually become a barrier between him and Ye Tang!

Li Mingchuan felt that he had never felt such fear for a moment. The image of Ye Tang sinking into the water in front of him was too powerful. He didn't even know how he got up, but he had already stood up!

At this time, people around had rushed over, but he couldn't hear people's yelling clearly, Ye Tang was the only one in front of him, he didn't know how he jumped into the water, how he grabbed Ye Tang's body, There was only one thought in his mind - if Ye Tang died, he might not survive.

The next moment, Ye Tang stood up from the water, and supported Li Mingchuan who was trying to lift him up——Li Mingchuan realized that the lake water only reached Ye Tang's chest, and Ye Tang's feet could be lifted. Touched the bottom of the lake!

Li Mingchuan couldn't stand still in the water, but he couldn't say a word. He hugged Ye Tang tightly in his arms in shock, his heart was about to jump out of his chest.

Ye Tang knew that Li Mingchuan's body was unstable, but he still clearly felt the strength of Li Mingchuan's hugging him.The buoyancy of the water reduced the weight of Li Mingchuan's body a lot. Even if Li Mingchuan hangs his whole body weight on him now, he can still hold it.

"Ye Tang!" Li Mingchuan took a long time to catch his breath, looked at Ye Tang's whole body, and hugged Ye Tang again, his soul was shaken.

Ye Tang only drank a few sips of water in total. In fact, with his clumsy acting skills, after a little careful identification, it is not difficult to see that he is just pretending that the water is /very/deep, but Li Mingchuan cares about it but messes up. Distinguish between true and false.

"How could you scare me like this!" Li Mingchuan pressed Ye Tang's head into his chest, and Ye Tang could hear the frantic rhythm of dancing there.

Ye Tang did not expect that Li Mingchuan would really jump into the water. In fact, he had already discussed this matter with the medical staff in advance. He had already signaled the medical staff when he walked out of the rehabilitation room just now. He just wanted to see if he could stimulate Li Mingchuan. Standing up again, I didn't have much hope. If there is danger, the medical staff will step forward to stop Li Mingchuan in time, and he will stand up from the water and tell Li Mingchuan the real situation. But I didn't expect that what happened just now was too fast. Li Mingchuan didn't hesitate for a moment at all, nor did he think about whether he would be able to save someone after his legs entered the water, so he just jumped into the lake!

"I'm fine, Mingchuan, I lied to you just now, you see the water is so shallow." Ye Tang didn't expect Li Mingchuan's reaction to be so strong, and he also felt that his strong medicine might be a little too much.

"I thought... I thought..." Li Mingchuan still had a frightened look in his eyes, he lowered his head and buried it deeply in Ye Tang's shoulder, his shoulders trembled a little.

Ye Tang raised his hand, paused in the air, and patted Li Mingchuan on the back, "It's okay, it's okay."

Li Mingchuan raised his head and held Ye Tang's face in his hands. Ye Tang was shocked to find that Li Mingchuan's face was covered with water, whether it was lake water or tears.

"Please, please, don't scare me like this again, I won't be able to take it anymore, Ye Tang, I really won't be able to take it." Li Mingchuan's eyelashes were also soaked, and his eyes were shadowy, like an abyss that was about to swallow people up.

Ye Tang's breath was stagnant, and he felt that he was about to be drowned by the affection in Li Mingchuan's eyes. The once overbearing man pulled out his fangs for him. He was so willing to show weakness, and he didn't know what it was like to see him.

Now Ye Tang finally understands what the dean told him - he is the biggest knot in Li Mingchuan's heart, and only he can untie this knot.

Li Mingchuan had almost lost his legs in order to save him, and he became his demon for a while. Now it is also because of him that Li Mingchuan can miraculously stand up again. How did Ye Tang know that he had such great affection for Li Mingchuan? Impact?

If a person is willing to let another person occupy his thoughts, influence his behavior, and even pay for life, death, and health, this is not love, what is it?

Li Mingchuan's love is violent and extreme. He once flinched, thinking that Li Mingchuan would never give him the affection he wanted, but now, he is not so sure.

"If you really like me, let yourself stand up quickly again." Ye Tang said.

Ye Tang's voice was neither high nor low, but it hit Li Mingchuan's heart hard.Li Mingchuan felt that he was about to misunderstand. He looked at Ye Tang himself, for fear of missing a subtle expression of the man.

Li Mingchuan's eyes trembled a little, he didn't dare to ask, and knew he shouldn't ask, but he still had the courage to ask: "Ye Tang, are you...willing to give me another chance?"