self-awareness

The doctor attending Li Mingchuan put the patient's X-ray on the light box and explained to the family members: "The patient suffered comminuted fractures in both legs and knees, and the fracture site happened to be a joint, and it was a comminuted fracture. Fractures in other parts are more difficult, but his operation is considered a success. If that is the case, he can still stand up after a certain degree of rehabilitation. However, his biggest problem is not here, but the nerve necrosis caused by the blockage of the leg arteries. "

"What do you mean?" Mother Li asked tremblingly.

"The patient's two legs have varying degrees of muscle and nerve necrosis. His legs have numbness and partial loss of intuition. We are currently observing and treating, but the situation is not optimistic. Amputation may be required. Your family members Have a mental preparation and prepare for the worst.”

Mother Li covered her mouth and took a deep breath.

After all, Li Yang had seen a big battle. Although the shock in his heart was no less than that of his wife, he still sat upright and majestic, and asked, "What are the chances of him recovering?"

"Very small, to be honest. But we'll try to treat it as best we can."

Li Yang was silent for a while, and finally said: "Thank you, doctor."

After Li Yang and his wife came out of the attending doctor's office, they sent his wife back to the residence, and returned to the hospital alone.

When he came to the ward, Li Mingchuan had already fallen asleep, and even frowned while sleeping.

Li Yang sat in Li Mingchuan's dark ward for a whole night without moving.The hired bodyguards met with the nurses, but no one dared to ask more questions.

At dawn the next day, Li Mingchuan woke up and saw Li Yang sitting beside his bed, looking at him, he was taken aback.

Li Yang asked the nurse to shake Li Mingchuan's hospital bed a little bit, and then asked the nurse to go out again.

Only Li Yang and Li Mingchuan were left in the ward.

Li Mingchuan leaned on the bed and sat up straight as much as possible. In the past, the relationship between him and Li Yang was seldom like that of an ordinary father and son. Freezing point, because of the matter between him and Ye Tang, Li Yang completely lost the ability to deal with it calmly, and even used extreme methods.This time he escaped from the homosexual correction hospital, and he was ready to face Li Yang afterwards, but at this moment, Li Mingchuan felt very strange seeing Li Yang suddenly silent.

"You are my son. In fact, there are many times when you really look like me." Li Yang said.

"..."

"I was thinking, if I were in the same situation, how would I want to be treated, whether I would be kept in the dark or have the right to know."

Li Mingchuan was confused by Li Yang, and just listened quietly.

Li Yang: "I think, I want to hold the final choice in my own hands, so I still plan to tell you everything and let you make your own decision."

"What do you want to tell me?"

Li Yang looked into Li Mingchuan's eyes, as if seeing his young self, what he could bear, this young man must be able to bear it too.

Li Mingchuan said slowly: "The next thing I want to say is about your condition."

……

When Tan Chen went to the hospital to visit Li Mingchuan again, Li Mingchuan was sitting on the bed, looking sideways at the scenery outside the window.

The cold winter is about to pass, and the earth has new vitality. The branches are sprouting like crazy, and it seems that there is a new green in a blink of an eye.

"What are you looking at? So lost in thought." Tan Chen asked.

Li Mingchuan turned his head and smiled, "I'm looking at the children downstairs."

Tan Chen also went to the window to take a look. On the lawn behind the hospital compound, three or two little boys were playing football together.

"Hey, play football, I said you are itchy and want to go down to practice? How long have you been lying here, you are almost growing hair!"

Li Mingchuan smiled and said nothing.

Tan Chen felt that Li Mingchuan had changed a lot in such a short period of time, especially this time, seeing the indescribably desolate and deserted silhouette looking out of the window just now made him feel uncomfortable.

Tan Chen rubbed his nose, hesitated for a long time, and said: "I asked someone to inquire about Ye Tang's news. If you want to hear it, I'll tell you about it. If you say you don't want to have anything to do with him anymore, Just let him play with eggs!"

Li Mingchuan heard Ye Tang's name, and looked out the window again, "Is he alright?"

"Is he okay!?" Tan Chen repeated, a little unsure of what Li Mingchuan meant, "Do you think of him well, or do you think of him badly?"

Li Mingchuan didn't speak.

Tan Chen said: "He is on vacation in Southeast Asia with his new lover, do you think he is okay?"

Tan Chen took out a paper bag and handed it to Li Mingchuan, "Look for yourself."

Li Mingchuan took out a stack of photos from the paper bag, all of which were Ye Tang and Feng Younian.

Li Mingchuan carefully looked at Ye Tang in the photo. The man was dressed casually. There were no traces of plaster or bandages on his body, and there were no obvious scars on the exposed skin. It should be that the body is recovering well and the injury has healed.

Tan Chen: "This guy surnamed Feng really has an affair with Ye Tang. But isn't it too much for Ye Tang to play like this? You're still living in the hospital, but he's gone cool."

After finishing speaking, Tan Chen has been angry for a long time on behalf of his good buddies. At this time last year, Li Mingchuan announced in their group of friends that he had found a "wife", and he was relieved and would not play anymore. At that time, he still swore It is said that Ye Tang is his last term, so everyone should take good care of him.Now that Ye Tang disappeared so silently and mixed with other men, he really gave Li Mingchuan a big cuckold, and when it spread, it was like a "slap" slap in the face for Li Mingchuan.

Li Mingchuan quietly put away the photos and said, "Don't find anyone to follow him."

Tan Chen rubbed his chin, he clearly felt that he saw some emotion flashed in Li Mingchuan's eyes just now, but it disappeared soon.

He thought that Li Mingchuan might be furious when he saw the photos, and he had to think about punishing Ye Tang's pair of dogs. He was ready to help with all his strength, but he didn't expect Li Mingchuan to be like this after seeing the photos. Calm, almost no reaction.

Li's mansion.

Ye Tang sat in the lobby, looked around at the familiar layout, and waited quietly.

A man in a gray suit came out of the study and handed a passport to Ye Tang, "Mr. Ye, this is your passport. The visa has been completed, and I will send you the itinerary of the ticket later."

"Thank you." Ye Tang took the passport and put it away, glanced at the closed study door, it was reasonable that Li Yang didn't want to see him.

"Mr. Ye," said the man in the suit, "Boss Li said, you can go and see the young master before you leave."

This is what Ye Tang did not expect. He promised Li Yang to leave China for a while because he thought that Li Yang would never want to see him meet Li Mingchuan again. For work, I first went to a Southeast Asian country that does not require a visa, because I was afraid that Li Yang would pester him after Li Mingchuan was injured. This time, the destination that Li Yang wanted him to go to required a visa, and he did so. But why did Li Yang suddenly let go now?

Ye Tang shook his head, since he has already decided to leave, why procrastinate? "Not yet, I don't want to disturb his cultivation."

"Mr. Ye," the man hesitated to speak, and his eyes were a bit complicated, he said: "Please go and see the young master."

Ye Tang looked suspiciously in the direction of the upstairs study, and finally said goodbye to Li Yang's male assistant politely, and left Li's house.

When the first spring rain came in the new year, Li Mingchuan saw Ye Tang again.

The spring rain is like silk, light and thin, like a kind of wet mist, shapeless and silent, moistening the earth gently.When Ye Tang walked to the door of Li Mingchuan's ward, his hair and windbreaker were already wet with a fine layer of water mist.

Ye Tang's arrival was actually very sudden, and Li Mingchuan was not prepared at all, so that when he saw that person appearing at the door of the ward, he even panicked.

Li Mingchuan asked the nurse to help him shake the hospital bed. Remembering that he was out of shape, he straightened his hospital clothes again, sat up straight as much as possible, and then said to an old friend whom he hadn't seen for a long time, "Here we are."

Ye Tang saw everything in his eyes, and felt a stab in his heart.He knew that Li Mingchuan was seriously injured, but he didn't expect that he lost so much weight all of a sudden, and he even saw a few strands of white hair on Li Mingchuan's head.

Under Li Mingchuan's watchful eyes, he put the flower and fruit basket away, sat on the soft chair beside the bed, finally met Li Mingchuan's eyes, and responded like an old friend, "Well, come here. gone."

Seeing each other again, the two seem to have an amazing tacit understanding, they can't bear to touch anything, and don't want to break anything.There seemed to be an invisible wall between them, but instead they became strangers and polite, as if they had never experienced life and death together, experienced the unforgettable fetters, all kinds of things have passed, and the times have changed.

Li Mingchuan looked at Ye Tang with a smile, and started the topic: "You look good, are your injuries healed?"

Ye Tang looked at Li Mingchuan's sunken eye sockets, and felt sour in his heart, "It's all taken care of, how about you? Your legs?"

Li Mingchuan waved his hand, "I still have to put on a plaster cast for a while, but it's fine."

Ye Tang nodded, and both of them were silent for a while.

Ye Tang felt that Li Mingchuan's fixed gaze was always on him. He knew that he would have to say what he had to say sooner or later, so he said, "Mingchuan, I'm here to say goodbye to you. I might go abroad for a while to study."

Li Mingchuan paused, "When are you leaving?"

"tomorrow."

Li Mingchuan nodded, "Okay."

Li Mingchuan clenched his hands tightly on his thighs, but there were no traces on his face.

He felt that his heart had been hacked into pieces, he wanted to scream, his chest was so painful that it was about to explode, but at this moment he could only sit quietly, he couldn't do anything, he couldn't do anything.

Ye Tang didn't want him anymore, so what he did would be in vain.

If he was able to cover his ears and steal the bells before, pretending to turn a blind eye to this cognition, then this time after walking through the gate of hell, he also fully understands that Ye Tang really has no feelings for him.

Otherwise, he wouldn't not come to see him for so long after he was injured and hospitalized, otherwise, he wouldn't be by other people's side when he was broken by longing and worries, otherwise, he wouldn't be at his last When you need him, choose to leave.

Before he finally lost consciousness under the dirt hill in Yuandian, the request he made obviously already had an answer - Ye Tang had already given his answer with actions, he really didn't love him anymore, and didn't want him anymore.

"Going abroad for further study" seemed like an excuse. I was afraid that Ye Tang's attack on him was finally overwhelmed, and he wanted to avoid him in this way.

Li Mingchuan soon understood that Ye Tang's visit this time was not just for a visit, but also for a final showdown.If he had been more sensible, he shouldn't have pursued Ye Tang relentlessly. He even forced her to go abroad. Could it go too far?

If it was the past, Li Mingchuan might not have stopped, and he might have boasted so arrogantly, saying that it would be a big deal to start all over again, and he would pursue Ye Tang again, and this time he would chase Ye Tang no matter what The man fell in love with him, but now, he didn't have the courage.

Li Yang told him his illness without reservation, maybe he will spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair, Li Yang is right, he hopes that he can control his own choices rather than being kept in the dark .

Li Mingchuan thought cruelly, if he was more selfish and told Ye Tang that he might never be able to stand up again, would Ye Tang soften his heart and stay?But in the next second, this thought was dispelled. How could a cripple like him give Ye Tang happiness?

Ye Tang didn't love him, so he could only use Ye Tang's sympathy to bind him to him. Li Mingchuan never felt that he had such a noble moral sentiment, but for Ye Tang, he was really reluctant to do so.No matter how scumbag he was, he would not still be entangled with Ye Tang after knowing his illness, delaying him, it would undoubtedly tarnish his feelings for Ye Tang.

Therefore, when Tan Chen showed him the photo of Ye Tang and Feng Younian together, he was no longer qualified to be jealous and angry.Ye Tang didn't owe him anything, he used to be confident that Ye Tang would be the best with him, so he spared no effort to win back and fight for it, but now, he no longer has the ability.Compared with him now, Feng Younian should be the one who is more suitable for Ye Tang. Feng Younian should take good care of Ye Tang.

What Ye Tang said before was quite correct. In the past, he had never really thought about problems from Ye Tang's point of view. Even when he decided to make up for Ye Tang, he followed his own will. He was self-righteous. He always thought that it was the right choice for Ye Tang to be by his side, but he never really respected Ye Tang's wishes.

He wanted to get rid of this problem, but he didn't expect that the only thing he could do now was to let go.

Li Mingchuan didn't even ask Ye Tang where he was going. The last time he met Ye Tang, he regained the demeanor that had disappeared in front of Ye Tang for a long time. His previous demeanor and friendliness were all for outsiders. Facing Ye Tang, he didn't want to put in any effort to pretend, but now he realized that he was very wrong before.

To those passers-by who meet by chance, he can take care and be considerate in every way, but he is stingy with the people he should cherish the most, which is really unreasonable.

In the past, he poured all his negative emotions on the person he should care for the most, for what?Just to have a little extra energy to put a smile on everyone else's face?Ye Tang was the one who deserved his attention the most.

So this time, in front of Ye Tang, he withdrew all his bad temper, and didn't even show any regrets for not getting Ye Tang. He didn't want that person to have any more burdens.

He faced his lover in a humorous and polite manner, answered every question of that person thoughtfully, and tried his best to make that person relaxed and happy in the last few moments with him.He no longer wants to project any bad emotions on Ye Tang, the person he loves should be the most worthy person in this world to be treated well.

Ye Tang was actually very worried about Li Mingchuan at first. When they were almost killed by the rubble falling from the landslide, he saw Li Mingchuan vomit blood in front of his own eyes and almost died. The force is too great, and it is still vivid in my mind.But now it seems that the conditions of the hospital and ward where Li Mingchuan is located are quite good, and Li Mingchuan has the care of the Li family, so his early recovery should not be a problem.

At the beginning, Li Yang told him that he hoped that the two of them would never meet again, and he agreed.Not for anything else, just because Li Yang begged him as a father, hoping that he would let Li Mingchuan go.

In fact, how can we get him to let people go?He didn't have that much ability in the first place.Besides, he had let go of his attachment to Li Mingchuan long ago, so why not cooperate with Li Yang?

He can understand Li Yang's thoughts and position as a father. If it were someone else, seeing his son turn against his family because of a man, the family failed to marry, and almost died. One misfortune after another came one after another. How can people not think too much?

He is indeed inseparable from all these misfortunes, and he is indeed ashamed of the Li family who raised him.

Li Yang said that sometimes young people are prone to overheating. Now that they are in love with each other, maybe after three or two years, or not even that long, they will be forgotten, so it is not that Ye Tang should never return to China. , It’s just that I went abroad to avoid it for a while at this time of turmoil, and then I’ll make a long-term plan later.

Ye Tang felt that Li Yang had done his best to him. In fact, with the strength of the Li family, he could simply handle the matter without asking his opinion, so that he could not stay in the country any longer, but Li Yang never did that. Do.

So Ye Tang tactfully accepted Li Yang's proposal, but in fact he had no room to refuse.

Ye Tang didn't know the real condition of Li Mingchuan. He decided to visit Li Mingchuan once before leaving because the other party was injured because of him. Suggestion, he would be more respectful than obedient.

He also tried to talk about some light topics during the last meeting, and he unexpectedly discovered that although Li Mingchuan looked weak, he was not as depressed as he had feared, and on the contrary he was more talkative than before.

They had a tacit understanding and avoided sensitive topics. Li Mingchuan even told him about some past events in middle school. It seemed that many of the past that had been extremely persistent were relieved in such conversations and jokes.

He hadn't had such a good chat with Li Mingchuan for a long time, and the atmosphere was surprisingly good.

Seeing that Li Mingchuan seemed to have figured it out, he decided not to be attached to him anymore. No matter what the reason was, the two of them really managed to get together and part ways. Ye Tang felt that this was a good ending.

"It's getting late, I should go." Ye Tang got up and finally said.

Li Mingchuan paused, his heart throbbed with pain, but finally he smiled and said, "I won't see you off until I can't get out of bed. I wish you all the best."

Goodbye my love, I hope you can live every day without worry and happiness.

Ye Tang nodded, looked deeply at Li Mingchuan, and said, "Take care."

Neither of the two said goodbye, as if they had a tacit understanding.

The spring rain washes away the remnants of winter, and everything wakes up under the caress of the spring breeze and grows under the nourishment of the spring rain.

The two hearts that were once so close, finally moved towards the two poles that never met again.