Religious Faith

When Heizi came, he cursed first, and then he asked, "How did it become like this?!"

I said, "...I want to go home..."

"Okay, go home." He helped me get dressed, looked at my swollen wounds and bleeding rear, and sighed distressedly.

He helped me up, but I couldn't stand up at all, so he simply carried me out the door.

He came by car, and on the way to the hospital, he asked me, "Where did you get that Audi key?"

I lowered my eyes, eyes dim.

"Speak up! What's the matter?"

"..." I threw the car keys out, and Heizi slammed on the brakes when he saw this. He frowned and asked, "What are you doing!" After that, he got out of the car and picked up the car keys. After entering the car, he asked: "What happened to you!"

I looked at him with gray eyes.I said: "...I was raped..."

He froze for a moment, then asked: "...who?"

"Brother..."

"Damn!" He opened his eyes wide and repeated, "Brother Xian?"

"...If you want this car, I will sell it to him... No, he will love me..." I said, "I don't want to sell it to him... It's your choice to sell it."

Heizi murmured, "...Are you... all right?"

I looked out the window and said, "Buy me some beers."

He didn't stop me, and I asked him to drive the car into a small alley after I bought it.

He asked me, "What are you doing here?"

I didn't answer, but staggered out of the car. Seeing that I was about to fall, I grabbed hold of the brick wall, and then slowly slid and sat on the ground.

Heizi walked up to me, opened a bottle of beer for me, and handed it to me.

"I escaped from this alley when I was being chased by loan sharks." I said lightly, "...It's here that I decided to be a male Ιpublic Ιguan..."

This alley is a place isolated from the world, inside the wall is extremely dark, narrow, dark, and secluded; outside the wall is the prosperous and prosperous Beijing city for thousands of years, they are only separated by a wall, but they are two worlds.

I could see the towering skyscrapers on the other side of the wall, and I could see the bright neon lights, and I could hear the cars racing by.

"The sky in Beijing is so dark." I squinted my eyes to look at the sky and said, "The sky is so high, I am getting farther and farther away from it..."

Heizi drank his wine quietly without interrupting, just listening to me.

"You see, there are two worlds inside and outside the wall, and the outside one doesn't belong to me. When I first came to Beijing, I thought it was so tall and strange... But looking at it now, I still feel it So strange..."

"I used to think that if I stepped on it, it would be conquered by me, but I didn't know that I was actually at the lowest point of it, like the bottom of a basin, and the height on both sides was enough It overwhelmed me. I was too small and too arrogant."

"I fell in love with someone before. I love him very much, and he loves me very much, but everyone disagrees that we are together."

"He's the best guy in the world, you don't know how good he is! He's so good."

"Later, we eloped. He didn't want to take me with him at first, but I insisted that he take me away..."

"He brought me here, Beijing."

"He works hard, works hard to make money, he gives me the best... But I'm not good, I always hurt him..."

"Later, I made an irreparable mistake. He was the one who was hurt... I was the one who was guilty, but he was the one who suffered."

"That year, I, I had no academic qualifications, no skills, and was bullied everywhere... I realized at that time that he was the best person in the world for me. It was really difficult during that time. The only thing I could It's a dream when you eat something good...it's so good, it's so delicious...but you're full in your dream, but you're still hungry when you wake up..."

"I didn't dare to tell him when I was bullied outside, but he was very clear in his heart. At that time, he even told me to go home and let me go home to study. He must be afraid that I would still be bullied like this. He I can't bear to..."

"Later, he fell asleep and ignored me... At that time, I took care of things by myself, and then I was forced to come to Hongdu Xinfu..."

"I was bullied when I first came here, and I also felt quite useless, but there was nothing I could do..."

I sniffed and asked him: "Heizi, why do you think it's different from what I used to think? We used to think that we are together when we are together. We used to believe so much that we would not be together if we were together. Separated, but what changed us...?" I said, "It's really hard to be together..."

I said, "It's really hard!"

The previous events suddenly appeared in my mind, he was in the park looking at the sky in a daze...

We were in Shichahai, and he was by my side, carelessly throwing coins into the water...

He smiled beautifully, and then his supervisor gave a lewd laugh and chased him into the room...

He was sitting alone on the bed, with his back to the door, and there were shameful lip marks on his slender and fair neck...

He told me about his college days...

He lost his temper with me, asked me loudly if I knew how worried he was about me, and even sprained his foot trying to find me...

He went to look for me at my work place angrily, I bit his hand, he didn't say a word, looked away, walked in front alone...

He acted like a baby with a plate of peeled apples and let me have a taste...

I slammed the door and he was in tears...

He showed up to me and took all the beatings for me...

He said, you go home...

He said let's break up...

He said, no matter how dangerous the outside world is, I will walk with you...

I understand now, but is he unable to come back?

At this time, a song suddenly came from a distance:

When I was noisy and willful when I was young

my grandma always sings to coax me

The old song comforts me in the summer afternoon

That song seems to be sung like this

It's dark, it's raining, it's dark, it's black

I left my childhood and had a life of my own

fresh song fresh idea

When self-willedness and impulsiveness are out of control

I forgot there was such a song

It's dark, it's raining, it's dark, it's black

I love someone who makes me desperate

I thought this was the world I was after

However, Rampage was misunderstood and deceived

Is there always a disability behind the adult world?

……

Hearing this, I burst into tears.

I didn't cry when I was abused, and I didn't cry when I was raped by Brother Xian. I endured it for so long and didn't cry, but when I heard the chorus, the defense line in my heart suddenly collapsed.I held the wine bottle and fell on Heizi's lap, crying until I couldn't breathe, crying until my voice broke.The wine bottle was crooked, and the wine spilled all over the floor, and a strong beer aroma rushed over.

I fell in love with a person who made me desperate. I thought this was the world I was after, but I was reckless, misunderstood and deceived. Is there always a defect behind the adult world? !

I used to think the world was so simple, I thought that if there is love, there will be everything, and if there is love, there will be everything.I don't know what is firewood, rice, oil, salt, life, what I thought was just what I thought, but I don't know anything!Nobody needs me to worry about those things, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.

The singing continues:

I'm walking on a fork in the road that I have to face every day

I miss the simple and beautiful little happiness in the past

Love always makes people cry and makes people feel dissatisfied

The sky is big but I can't see clearly, so lonely

I didn't say anything, I just kept crying.

The song comes to an end:

When it gets dark I think of that song again

Suddenly looking forward to the quiet rain

It turns out that my grandmother sang to me a long time ago

Even when it rains, we have to bravely move forward

I believe it will all settle down together

I really want to go home now

It's dark, it's raining, it's dark, it's black

At the end of the song, I choked up my voice, gasped for several breaths, and said to Heizi, "I want to go home..."

I cried and said, "I miss home, I want to go home..."

"I don't want to do it, I want to go home! My dad is hanging a lantern waiting for me to go home!"

"I want to go home...!!"

I stood up, opened my blood-red eyes, looked at Heizi with tears on my face, he was also crying...

He said: "...I miss home too..." He added: "...but where is my home?"

I said, "Everything is going to be okay, isn't it?!"

He didn't answer me.

I said, "I'm homesick..."

We both drink a lot, but we were all drunk that day.

Unexpectedly, in this deep and dilapidated alley on the edge of the bustling city, there were two men crying because they were homesick.

He said with a big tongue: "Drink, you will dream of going home when you are drunk..."

I asked in a daze, "You can see him awake when you're drunk, can't you?"

"Yes, I can also see the red lantern..."

"drink……"

"drink!"

……

After we finished drinking, we fell asleep on the ground.

The moment before I closed my eyes, I suddenly remembered the lyrics: I fell in love with a person who made me desperate, I thought this was the world I was after...

everything will calm down...

i will go home

It was dark, the rain... stopped...