Religious Faith

The policeman has been by my side and accompanied me, I have been praying, I do not know how many times I have recited the name of Amitabha Buddha.

After a long time, the door of the operating room opened.My heart tightened, I wanted to hear news from him, but I was afraid to hear news from him.

He was wrapped into a rice dumpling, wearing a respirator, and his face was pale, which made people feel distressed.

The policeman patted me on the shoulder and said, "I came out alive."

The doctor said, "Well, it's not dangerous for now."

The tension in my heart was loosened, and finally it was loosened, and tears streamed down my face in an instant.He was transferred to the intensive care unit, and I followed the police to the police station to make a statement.

I told him what happened, and finally he asked me: "Do you know their names?"

I felt a bump in my heart, and then said in a deep voice: "...I don't know." Suddenly remembering that I have Lao Dao's phone number, I said happily, "I have their contact information!"

"Sorry, the number you dialed is an empty number."

At that time, there was no real-name system for telephone cards, and this card was bought casually from a street stall.We only made that one phone call to make an appointment. In the following days, I always attended the appointment on time, and never contacted him with this number again, that is to say, I didn't know when he changed his number.Faced with such a result, the police and I were once again disappointed.

"There is no surveillance nearby, and you don't know anything about them... How about it, we will contact you when we have news." This is a very euphemistic announcement of giving up.

"Fuck I Fuck I Fuck!!!" I thumped my head fiercely, how can there be such a bastard idiot in this world!

When I came out of the police station, I was in a trance for a moment.I lost my down jacket, and only a dirty, colorless sweater remained on my upper body.The cash on my body was robbed by them again. I used to have 14 in the card, and only half of it was left after excluding his surgery fee, and there was still more money to be used later, so I was reluctant to take it out and take the car home. Even if it's only 100 yuan.I have finally experienced his feelings, he is also doing this for me, so he is reluctant to spend money...

It was thirty degrees below zero, and there was still a strong wind, which made my internal organs tremble.It's better to freeze, it's better to freeze, so that the brain can be clearer, and I won't be so stupid in the future.

When I got home, my whole body was frozen and my lips were purple.The pile of debris had been sitting there, and he hadn't touched it.Also, how do you want him to move?That's his heart...

Neither is it sticky, nor is it non-sticky.I was stunned for a long time, so I just put it there and ignored it.

In the past few days, we have been arguing, and he is also very tired from work, so no one has cleaned up the house for a few days, and it is a mess.I think he may feel better when he sees the clean house when he comes home?So I started to clean up the house, very seriously, as if he would come back tomorrow.

While tidying up my bedroom I found a notebook under my desk.I have never seen this notebook before. It is a black leather jacket with [-] carats. It looks very simple and beautiful. It is of average thickness and looks very business-like.

I opened it curiously, and lines of neat but elegant pen characters appeared in front of my eyes.

This is his diary. I never knew he still had the habit of keeping a diary.

The diary is very new and has been kept since 2011.He didn't write every day, and he didn't write much each time.

"2011.1.14. Sunny. I took Chengcheng to play in the ice park in the afternoon. He was quite happy. It would be great if he could be so happy every day. Although he looks really nice when he smiles, it is undeniable that He also looks ugly when he swallows candied haws in one gulp."

"2011.1.28. Cloudy. It's finally a holiday, and I can go home and rest for a few days. Chengcheng, a poor kid, told me that he doesn't want to have a holiday. That's right, he always plays and gives himself a holiday every day. Naturally, he doesn't understand the importance of a holiday. How important it is to me. I hope that after a year, my Chengcheng can grow up again, otherwise what will I do in the future if I always look like this?"

"2011.2.3. Happy New Year! I wish my grandparents the healthiest old age, and my parents the most harmonious relationship, especially my mother. I sincerely wish you beauty and health forever! I wish my students a bright future! I also wish that I can work with more energy in the new year and make great strides! Finally, I wish my Chengcheng youth is like a poem, the years are like a song, and things will last forever."

"2011.3.11. Yin. I was fired. At that time, I thought about resigning one step ahead of him. I was afraid that he would not allow me and insisted on dismissing me. My mother was very sad when she heard about my sexual orientation and what I did. We had a big fight I got into a fight, and I feel very sorry. But I did nothing wrong, so I will stick to my point of view. Homosexuality is not wrong, and I don’t ask the world to support the existence of this group, because controversy and action always show that it is Special, for example, heterosexuality will be considered normal by everyone, not encouraged, not flattered, which is good. I don’t think homosexuality is different from heterosexuality, I think it can have the same status as heterosexuality, so there is no need To flaunt, there is no need to explain, and there is no need to slander the existence of heterosexuality. I don't know if one day we can all walk hand in hand on the street openly without being noticed and whispering, everyone has become accustomed to it...

I hope everyone can hide it from their grandparents and don't let them know that I am very worried about their health.

I am very worried about Chengcheng. He lives in the school dormitory and doesn't know what to do.Aunt Jiang has a bad temper, I'm afraid he will be blamed tomorrow... I still hope he will be fine. "

"2011.3.12. Cloudy. Everything is over, we will all start again. Chengcheng, you once said that you want me to take you away, but I can't. I know they will definitely change you to another school, no one knows Your past, you will start again, so you don’t have to run around with me. Forget about me from now on, learn to love others, I hope today’s giving up can make your future, whether you will be prosperous or ordinary in the future, I will applaud you and be proud. You must blame me for being cruel, but you will understand when you grow up. Chengcheng, although you can’t see it, I still want to say, I love you.”

"2011.3.13. Qing. Today Chengcheng had a fever and said a few nonsense. It's hard for a child as young as him to be so frightened. I remember that when you have a fever, you should not cover yourself with sweat, but exercise Heat dissipation. But I couldn’t bear to ask him to get up and run in the end... But at least the fever subsided. Now that I think about it, I’m a little scared. I always feel that he is very fragile, and I’m afraid something will happen to him if something is wrong. In the end, he slept peacefully. But I frightened myself to death, it turned out that I was the most vulnerable one. I hope I always worry too much, Xiao Chengcheng, you must grow up safely."

The middle four months are blank, followed by the diary for July, July NO.14, with nothing written on it.He stabbed the paper several times with a ballpoint pen, scratching several layers of paper.The paper is like a long and deep wound, hideous and turned outward.A few pages later, the August 27 date.There are only four words on it: happy birthday.

Only then did I know that that day was not only the day he was raped, but also his birthday.I focused on fighting with him, arguing with him, and then I put all my thoughts on this matter. How can I remember his birthday...and is this a gift from him?What a profound gift...

On the day of his birthday, no one remembered, he just said something silently to himself, happy birthday.

Happy birthday... how is he happy?On this day every year in the future, he will remember that he was raped last year, the year before last, and even today a few years ago.

My heart is sore, sore and sore.

happy Birthday.

Heh, happy birthday...

The author has something to say: the one in the last chapter was posted by me in the space, and I had a big brain hole, and I wanted to see what people who didn't add me would say.

→_→Space comments, everyone told me to be careful when I go out, actually I think you are so gentle, so I am going to continue to go out in a fair manner, your love, I will follow it~