Jinnian

"It turns out that suffocation is such a feeling..."

"I didn't know that death was so...painful.

The moment he sank to the bottom of the lake, Gu Chen suddenly remembered the first time he saw that man.I thought that after so many years, the memory would have peeled off long ago, but at the moment when all senses were blocked, he discovered that he actually remembered clearly what that person said that day and the clothes he wore.

"I always thought you were a very smart woman." When the man spoke, he didn't look at the opposite woman, but frowned and stared at the child who was eating chocolate with relish. At that time, he was not as young as that person at the thigh.

Gu Weishuang smiled lightly, took a tissue to wipe the child's mouth, and said lightly, "Maybe I'm not as smart as you think, but I have my dream."

"Don't tell me, this life is what you want to live!" The man's face was slightly cold, and the smoke on his fingers made Gu Chen unable to see his face clearly.

"Yes."

Afterwards, the chocolate melted and fell onto the pants, and the rain outside the window hit the glass heavily, and every hit seemed to be hasty as if hitting hundreds of steel nails, which made people's eardrums buzz, and he was hugged The moment I went out, I saw the man pulling his mother's arm heavily and walking into the corridor.

Apart from anger, the expression on his face also had a sense of loss that he didn't understand.

He remembered that he was crying loudly at that time, and the person holding him was wearing a blue plaid shirt. He struggled to break free but could only watch his mother's back go farther and farther, and none of them looked back at him. , only the black glass on the car window remained in my memory, looking out, the endless blackness, the downpour, like galloping lightning, fell without any scruples for an evening.

He stayed in that car all night, his eyes fixed on the black house until the sky turned blue.

On the way home, his mother bought him another piece of chocolate, and the bus drove forward in a bumpy manner. The weather was so bright after the rain, and a large piece of bright sunlight shone on Gu Weishuang's face. Gu Chen stared at him blankly. Watching the tears of mother falling on the neck.

Xiaochen wiped it vigorously for her, but her mother smiled and said, "Xiaochen, you have to remember, that person is Dad."

"Dad...Dad." What a strange word.Even pronunciation is so difficult.

"Yes, it's Dad, the person Mom loves the most in this life."

"What about Uncle Min? Dad, why isn't he with us?" Gu Chen lowered his head and said, broke the chocolate in half and ate it. Even if it fell off, there was still one piece to keep.

Gu Weishuang looked at the increasingly bumpy road outside the window, and said softly: "We will still be with Uncle Min in the future, but Xiaochen, don't forget this person."

The bright light was suddenly cut to pieces, time was running fast like a wheel, the fragments of the past were sometimes clear and sometimes blurred, making his eyes hurt, the last thing he saw was the day when his mother lay in the hospital, the white bed, the red Blood, the sunlight that day was also very dazzling, and all the colors were shockingly illuminated, only the tears on his mother's face became blurred, and he only remembered the words of Gu Weishuang's last struggle:

"He is my lifelong dream, but I can't destroy him."

"Xiaochen, you have to remember, no matter what he gives you in the future, you have to listen to him, but don't ask him in this life."

How long is this life?At that time, Gu Chen really wanted to reach out and grab his mother's clothes, don't die, don't go, don't leave me alone, okay?

The pain in the chest roared over and over again, he wanted to scream but found that he couldn't open his mouth, the endless lake water squeezed him, obviously death was such an uncomfortable thing, why didn't he break free?Why sink?

But what if you are the only one left in this world?And if that's an unwelcome life?If being alive is such a lonely thing?

Why survive?

Someone saw the clearest and deepest ocean in the world and the most beautiful sun from the dirtiest toilet in Scotland.

Why live?

It was never an interrogative sentence.

Gu Chen only knew that when he was about to give up struggling, a pair of powerful arms pulled him up. The man's chest was so hot, his shoulders were so broad, and his voice was more real than ever.He couldn't bear it all of a sudden, even if there was only one time, only one person told him that he was needed and that he was worthy of existence, then he would survive without hesitation.

When Xu Cheng ran over, he saw two intertwined figures in the lake, their close postures seemed to keep each other warm, Lin Zijin was holding his arm by the river and crying loudly, the rain was falling heavily big.Huge raindrops hit their hearts one by one.

"Ah Chu, hold on!" Xu Cheng shouted loudly, he took off his clothes, and when he was about to jump down, he saw Lu Chuxiu swimming over and gestured to him.

Xu Cheng understood immediately, and told the boy running over to take off his jacket, and threw the three pieces together into the water. After Lu Chuxiu grabbed him, they pulled him back with all his might.As soon as he landed, Lu Chuxiu felt a sense of loss of strength, but when he saw the pale face of the man in his arms and the approaching figure of Lin Zijin, he still gritted his teeth, picked up the man and ran towards the corridor.

The cold rain hit his face. The moment Gu Chen opened his eyes, he vaguely saw an unusually weak but tense face. The raindrops on that face fell on his lips, inexplicably, with warmth. Warm taste.

The heavy rain in the dream overlapped with the wetness in front of him, Gu Chen quietly closed his eyes.

When he woke up again, the surrounding area was already silent. When he opened his eyes, what he saw were water-blue curtains.

"Gu Chen, are you feeling better?" Lin Zijin asked softly while holding his hand.

Gu Chen closed his eyes, turned his head and said with a smile, "It's all right."

"You scared me to death, you know?" Lin Zijin let out a breath and touched his arm.

Gu Chen propped himself up and leaned against the head of the bed. His body was a little weak but it didn't get in the way. He said, "I'm sorry, but you still haven't got your flute back."

Lin Zijin showed an apologetic smile: "It's okay, after all, it's something outside of your body, as long as you're fine, and, I was the one who made a big fuss that day, asking you to do such a dangerous thing, I'm sorry!"

Facing the girl's guilt and concern, Gu Chen smiled and reached out to touch her head: "Is there any commemorative significance for that flute?"

Lin Zijin was silent for a while, and said softly: "Well, it was made by the master who taught me how to play the flute since childhood. He passed away the year before last. This is the only souvenir left. I have always treasured it. I didn't expect... ... I was too careless!"

Gu Chen stretched out his hand to caress the jet-black hair: "You didn't mean it either, it was an accident, what the teacher taught is learning, you don't embarrass him if you blow it so well!"

Gu Chen's light tone made Lin Zijin laugh, and the two chatted about those interesting things at the same time.

"Have you seen enough?" Xu Cheng said angrily while holding an IV.

The boy in the thin hospital gown had a pale face, his brows and eyes were cold but implying loneliness, and his black pupils looked closely at the smiling and delicate boy on the indoor hospital bed. He stood there for an unknown how long, until the drip in Xu Cheng's hand could hardly be lifted. Moved, he said lightly: "Let's go."

His voice was cold and his back was bleak.

At noon, Gu Chen asked Lin Zijin to go back to have dinner, and he stayed alone in the ward. The sophora japonica flowers were in full bloom in May, and the faint fragrance wafted in from the window. Gu Chen's heart was also like the fragrance of the flowers. Like floating around.The figure in my mind can't dissipate,

He couldn't ignore the moment when he woke up, what he was thinking about was the appearance of that person, hugging him vigorously in the lake water, running bumpily in the heavy rain, even in a coma, he still had a deep memory.

Even, at the moment of waking up, he couldn't explain why the person he prayed to see would be him.

When Gu Chen got out of bed and asked the nurse on duty about Lu Chuxiu's ward, he was told that he had left.

When he returned to the ward, he unexpectedly saw Xu Cheng's figure.

"Have you eaten? I bought you takeaway!" Xu Cheng said as he put the food on the table.

The squad leader's gentle and thoughtful attitude warmed Gu Chen's heart as usual. After the two sat down and said a few words, Gu Chen still asked, "Lu Chuxiu, how is he?"

Xu Cheng paused and said: "When he came out yesterday, he had a low-grade fever. Later, he got caught in the rain and the cold worsened, but the fever didn't subside. The doctor said that he should hang the water for two days to stabilize it, and wait until the fever subsides."

"Then why did he leave the hospital?" Gu Chen asked anxiously.

Xu Cheng glanced at him, and Gu Chen explained: "The nurse just said that."

"Ah Chu has always disliked the environment in the hospital. He went home and put on some medicine."

"Oh." Gu Chen responded in a low voice.After being silent for a while, he said to Xu Cheng: "Can you help me say thank you to him?"

Xu Cheng looked at him for a while and said an address, "Maybe he wants you to visit him more, Gu Chen, Ah Chu rarely pays attention to a person, I hope you don't mind his previous behavior, just treat him as a friend Do you get along well?"

In Gu Chen's impression, Xu Cheng rarely had such a real moment. When he said it, his eyes were full of gentle hope, which made people think of those silent but indifferent eyes.

When he returned home, he saw the few books on the bookshelf. When Xu Cheng left, he said that they were given to him by Lu Chuxiu. Maybe he had vaguely thought about it at that time, but he dared not admit it, or he didn't want to. to admit.But when he saw the book "The Funeral of the First Lady", Gu Chen smiled bitterly.

It was a book he was holding when he met Lu Chuxiu at a bookstore in the urban area before the New Year.