Tears

Gu Jiang can swim, since when did she not know how to swim?He can't remember clearly, it seems... since Dad stopped taking him to the swimming pool.

Gu Jiang lived in that bungalow since he was born. When he was very young, his father liked to take him to swim.In his impression, the summer is almost spent in the water. They soak in the swimming pool almost every rest day, and sometimes on weekdays, Dad will take him there after get off work.

In fact, not only swimming, his father likes to take him out, parks, markets, cinemas, snack streets... They have been to almost all places in Shanghai, but no swimming pool left him with a deep memory.

Every time I go out, my mother will smile and send them to the door.He remembered that his mother always squatted in front of him and asked him what he wanted to eat at night?He didn't remember what he answered, but he remembered that his mother smiled and said yes every time, and then stood up and asked his father the same question.

What he likes most is coming back and talking to his mother, who was always busy in the kitchen at that time.He moved a small wooden stool and sat at a corner of the stove, accompanied by the smell of vegetables, excitedly told his mother where he went and what he did today.What kind of flowers are blooming in the park, what movies are playing in the cinema, cotton candy is like clouds, and the fried quail in the snack street is delicious.When he said this, the dimple on his left cheek seemed to be filled with honey.

He never thought that his childhood would end abruptly in his telling, and his life would be taken with him.

He regretted it for the rest of his life.

It was a summer that he could not remember which year, he only remembered that the sky was blue, the white clouds were melodious, and the cry of cicadas was clear and loud.He jumped excitedly in the midday sun, beads of sweat oozed from his forehead and dripped from his chin.He didn't care, it could be soaked in the water right away anyway.

Dad said that today they can play 3 games in a row and play for an afternoon.The swimming pool on rest days is always overcrowded, like dumpling, but Gu Jiang doesn't care.He swims very well, always swimming near the deep water area, where there is already some depth and there are relatively few people.

When he entered the pool, he would not come up easily. Dad always laughed that he might have been a fish in his previous life, as if he grew up in the water.Gu Jiang likes his father talking about him like this, he always says, yes, I am a big shark.After finishing speaking, he will show a mouthful of big white teeth and make a fierce look.At this time, my mother would always touch his head, not allowing him to talk nonsense, and then give him food.

After Gu Jiang swam around, he emerged from the water, moved his swimming goggles to the top of his head, and looked at the stands next to him.He quickly found his father and raised his hand high. When his father saw him, he smiled and waved to him.

This is already Gu Jiang's habit. Dad likes to bring him here, but he doesn't really like swimming with him.He always sat in the stands watching him, just like the other parents sitting around him.Sometimes I go into the water, but I always swim alone for a while, rarely with Gu Jiang.

Therefore, when Gu Jiang came out of the water again and didn't see his father in the stands, he didn't feel anything unusual.According to his usual habits, he will rest on the edge of the pool for a while, and then quickly enter the next round.When I get up next time, Dad should be there.

This time, however, he didn't continue swimming, but crawled out of the pool because he couldn't hold back his booing.In fact, he has been wanting to pee for a long time, and has been holding back, and now he can't hold it anymore, so he hurried to the toilet.

It turns out that holding back urine is a very bad habit.Gu Jiang jumped into the toilet, only to find that it was overcrowded, and there was a long queue all the way to the door.He felt that he was about to explode, but he was too embarrassed to jump in line. At the very moment, he suddenly had a flash of inspiration.

At that time, he was very proud of this flash of inspiration, but many years later, until now, he has not been able to let go of this flash of inspiration.

Gu Jiang went to the bathroom.

At that time, most people went to swim in the school's swimming pool, because it was cheap and relatively simple.But dad likes to bring him here, dad said it's indoor and clean.Unlike the bathrooms at the school, which only have bare taps, the showers here are all separate and have curtains that can be drawn.

That's exactly what Gu Jiang made up his mind, and no one would know if he closed the curtain and peed inside.

Luckily for him, it was the middle of a game, and the bathroom was almost empty.Afraid of being discovered, he ran to the inner room, closed the door curtain, and turned on the faucet to conceal it.

Gu Jiang turned off the water easily, and walked out with a little complacency.Maybe it was because he danced so violently that the wind he brought lifted the curtain of the only cubicle with people.

Until a long time later, Gu Jiang was still brooding, how could he lift the curtain just by waving his hand.Maybe it was because there was no time for anyone to go, and the people inside were too careless, so they didn't pull well at all.Gu Jiang couldn't remember the real process at all, only the impact of that scene remained in his memory forever.

In the narrow and cramped compartment, the simple shower head sprayed water from top to bottom, and the two men stood almost naked in the water column.They kissed passionately and devotedly. Perhaps the sound of water jets washing the floor gave people a sense of security, and they didn't sense the sight beyond the curtain at all.

At that time, Gu Jiang was still ignorant, but he had an intuition that this was not a good thing.Because occasionally when such a picture appears on TV, my mother will always cover his eyes or change the channel.He didn't know why his mother did this, he guessed it was because it was a bad thing, or else, why had he never seen his parents do it.Therefore, when he watches TV alone, or meets him occasionally on the road, he always chooses to avoid it.

This time, he still chose to run away, and he returned to the water, but he couldn't swim as happily as before.Countless incomprehensible thoughts flooded into his mind.

In the scenes on TV, there is always a man and a woman. What about the two men?Is it wrong too?He'd never seen two men kiss on TV, so he couldn't tell if it was good or bad.

Moreover, this is his father, isn't father only able to kiss his mother?Why would he kiss another man?

Gu Jiang couldn't figure it out, he stared in the direction of the bathroom uncontrollably.He saw his dad come out, and soon another man came out.They walked back to the stands one after the other and sat down not far apart.

No, it's not that it's not far away, it's very close, so close that you can touch it with just a move of your hand.

Gu Jiang saw his father looking towards the swimming pool, and for some unknown reason, he suddenly sank into the water and swam.Only this time, he didn't swim to the end in one breath as usual, Gu Jiang stopped in the middle of the pool, he watched his father turn his head to talk to the man, both of them laughed enthusiastically.

Gu Jiang finally saw the man's appearance clearly, and a familiar feeling came over his face, and he didn't even need to make any effort to think of this man.Passing by in the park, sitting next to each other in the movie theater, the sugar figure he bought fell on the ground, and when he was about to cry, the man handed him a new one, Gu Jiang remembered that time, he said, " Thanks uncle'.

Gu Jiang was too young, he didn't know what to do, he couldn't even figure out the situation.He needed someone to tell him, to tell him what was going on, to tell him what to do.However, he dared not ask his father.

So, he had to...

"I'm so stupid, how could I even think of asking my mother."

Gu Jiang raised his head, and his breathing was a little short. He covered his eyes with the back of his hand, as if Lu Aizhen couldn't see his tears.

"Ajaan, it's not your fault."

Lu Aizhen gently kissed Gu Jiang's earlobe.The way Gu Jiang fell into a nightmare just now made him terrified, and he desperately woke Gu Jiang up.He tried to ask Gu Jiang, thinking that he would not get an answer, but Gu Jiang was too fragile.In the middle of the night when he was dying, he could no longer bear everything alone, he finally had the courage to open the sores that had rotted for decades.This sore has followed him like a shadow for more than 20 years, never letting him go for a moment, it has never healed, and it rots to the bone.

Gu Jiang thought, maybe he is going to die, no one will care, or even know, but at least someone should know why, even if there is only one person.At this moment, he was suddenly fearless, even if he stripped him naked and let others watch him, he would not be afraid. How can a person who has lost everything be afraid.

Lu Aizhen wanted to pull Gu Jiang's hand away, he wanted to look at Gu Jiang's eyes, those eyes always seemed to contain a thousand words, there was light in those eyes, he couldn't wait to confirm whether the light was still there.

But Gu Jiang refused, he refused to move his hand away.Lu Aizhen had no choice but to lie on the bed and let Gu Jiang lie on his body. He blocked the light with his shoulders, and created a safe haven for Gu Jiang with his arms and chest.

Gu Jiang was always alone, and never mentioned his parents. Lu Aizhen always thought that he just moved out by himself.It wasn't until the day when he picked him up that he said they were old neighbors for decades that he had some vague guesses.But he guessed wrong, completely, terribly wrong.

The little Gu Jiang curled up on his small wooden stool, hugged his knees and said nothing.The familiar aroma of vegetables surrounded him, it was the shredded pork with green peppers that he said before going out.The green pepper was a bit pungent, and he couldn't stop sneezing four or five times.

Mom squatted down funny, picked up the corner of the light green apron and blew Gu Jiang's nose.Gu Jiang's nose was pinched red, and there were tears in his eyes from sneezing, it was pitiful.

"Come in, don't sit here." Mom gently rubbed his head.

"Mom," Gu Jiang clenched his trousers tightly with his little hands, feeling his heart beating violently, he couldn't tell what this emotion was.It wasn't until later that he realized that perhaps, this was an ominous premonition. "Why did the two men kiss?"

Gu Jiang saw a confused expression on his mother's face, and he thought he might not have made it clear, "Aren't men and women kissing on TV? Why doesn't Dad kiss Mom, why does he kiss other men? "

Before Gu Jiang finished speaking, he found that his mother's face turned pale and the hand holding him became cold.He was too scared to speak anymore, he kept calling, but found that he couldn't wake up his mother.

"Baby, what did you see? Tell mom?" Mom suddenly grabbed Gu Jiang's arm, and her nails were almost locked into Gu Jiang's flesh.At that time, Gu Jiang was still called Gu Baobao. He endured the pain and wanted to cry but didn't dare to cry.

"I...I saw Dad kissing a man in the bathroom."

These words later appeared in Gu Jiang's nightmare countless times, and every time he woke up, he wanted to kill himself.He hated himself when he was a child, holding a sharp knife in his own hand, and stabbing his mother's heart mercilessly.

"Baby, sit here obediently, don't move, don't go in, okay?"

His mother let go of him and straightened his hair, Gu Jiang nodded obediently.

He saw his mother enter the room and the door closed in front of him.The suppressed quarrel came, and it seemed to be getting worse.Gu Jiang was trembling with fear, are his parents arguing, is it because of him, has he caused trouble again.

Gu Jiang shrank smaller and smaller, and he covered his ears tightly with his small palms, as if this way his parents would not quarrel.

Stop arguing, please stop arguing.I was wrong, I didn't see anything, I never dared again.

Tears flowed out, soaking the front of the front, but Gu Jiang's begging did not take effect at all.

A violent shattering sound penetrated the palm of his hand and reached his ears, Gu Jiang was so frightened that his whole body was shocked.

"Gu Chaolu, you are not human!"

"Jiang Shu, enough is enough for you."

When Gu Jiang heard the door opening, he looked over with tears in his eyes, only to see his father rushing out with a flushed face, and he slammed the door, making a loud noise.

"dad."

Gu Jiang opened his mouth, he was not sure if he made a sound.All he knew was that his father walked past him without looking back.

The author has something to say: welcome to read, hope you like it, thank you