Ambiguous addiction

Two hours later, Ji Er came back alone, his eyes were slightly red and swollen, and without saying hello to Lu Churan, he half-lowered his head and went straight into the kitchen, cooking the leftover porridge that Lu Churan gave Ye Xi before. Put it on the induction cooker and heat it. The white sticky foam of rice porridge floats up from the bottom of the pot and swells and bursts, exuding a faint sweet smell of rice in the air.

Ji Er gently stirred the white porridge with a long spoon, added a little fish and shredded ginger to it, sniffed lightly, and felt Lu Churan gently put his hand on his shoulder, "Are you reconciled?"

"I won't be with him." Ji'er had a strong nasal voice, and his tone was a bit stiff, his eyes were fixed on one spot, and his shoulders were trembling weakly.

Lu Churan hesitated for a few seconds, but still said, "But I think He Shen also loves you, just like you love him."

"So what?" Ji Er sneered and asked back, unwilling but helpless, trying to suppress the painful emotions that were about to overflow from his heart, "What is love in life? There are things in this world that love can't solve The problem is not that if I don’t want to compromise, all problems will automatically disappear in front of me. It’s not that if I love him and he loves me, the world has an obligation to be tolerant to us. "

"But you don't even have the courage to persist for him." Lu Churan retorted puzzledly.

"You know shit. Whatever you think, I don't want to argue with you about right or wrong." Ji Er turned around and said angrily, then went out with the porridge in his hands.

Lu Churan followed behind him and made a concluding statement, "You like him, but you just don't want to be with him, you don't accept being with him, and you say you can't control him if you don't like him, Then what do you want to do?"

"I don't want to do anything, so I don't do anything. By the way, I will accompany my classmate to the second-hand market to find some goods in the next two days. His new store is being renovated and he will start buying furniture and decorations. Come back and look at the store." " Ji Er raised his eyes and talked to Lu Churan, then put a small spoonful of porridge into his mouth, suddenly gasped as if he had touched some wound, and frowned, biting his lower lip.

The eyes of Lu Churan and Ye Xi who were sitting across from each other became subtle in an instant. Ji Er looked at the two people in front of him, and took the initiative to explain one word with a sullen face, "Don't look at me like this, it's just that I'm growing up. It's just an ulcer!"

Lu Churan listened to this guilty and superfluous rebuttal, and looked at Ye Xi tacitly with Ye Xi who was sitting next to her and raised her head from the laptop screen, and then asked Ye Xi with a pure and harmless face, "We Did you ask him anything?"

Ye Xi replied cooperatively with a half-smile, "No."

Ji Er glared at them angrily, shut up and ate porridge without answering.

Lu Churan could see that Ji Er was depressed and irritable, and he didn't want to delve into this topic anymore, so he remained silent for a while as if nothing had happened, letting the embarrassing atmosphere dilute.

While flipping through the textbook and marking the example sentences and grammatical points, he turned back to the original topic and complained in an extremely flat tone, "It's hard for me to have a weekend, and you actually want me to come back to work overtime. Do you think you are a domineering president?"

Ji'er ate porridge slowly and vaguely replied, "Very well, you have successfully attracted my attention, you annoying old goblin, what do you want me to do with you?"

Lu Churan was caught off guard by his words and couldn't help laughing. He thought hard about what he said, and suggested, "Next time Mr. Wu comes to deliver fruits, you can order two catties of strawberries for me. I want to eat them recently. Strawberries can’t be found in the market.”

"That's two catties? Strawberries don't last long, are you planning to eat them three times a day?" Ji Er asked in surprise, then quickly realized and nodded suddenly, "Oh, you want to take it home to your sister eat."

"Well, she likes to eat strawberries since she was a child like me, and she can give them to students if she can't finish them." Lu Churan made another note, and then turned her face to look at Ye Xi, " Do you have any favorite fruit? You can order them together."

"Huh? Me?" Ye Xi pulled a smile, and the corners of his eyes were bent, "I don't have anything special to eat, just buy me strawberries, I like what you buy me." He bowed his head again as he spoke Went to see the laptop.

After hearing Ye Xi's words, Ji Er glanced at him subconsciously, and couldn't help but look at Lu Churan. Unexpectedly, Lu Churan looked calm and unresponsive. He was so dull that he couldn't tell that someone was molesting him?Or is their way of talking like a habit that has become natural?

Ye Xi borrowed Lu Churan's spare laptop in the store to surf the Internet, and downloaded from the mailbox the internship reports of the batch of interns he had brought before. After reading over and over again, he was about to summarize and write a project summary and hand it over to the general manager. Consciously or unconsciously listening to the conversation between Lu Churan and Ji Er, unknowingly, she gradually became fascinated by the blank Word document.

However, in just a few hours and a few words during the conversation, he has already been able to infer the story of Ji Er and the man just now. They used to be a pair of lovers, but separated due to some irresistible factors, so now Even □□ cannot be together.

Then he analyzed Lu Churan's attitude towards Ji Er and himself, and now he can almost confirm one thing.

That is, Lu Churan is used to taking care of others when he is an older brother at home, or because of his occupational disease as a teacher. He wants to morally influence a bad student like him who has corrupt ideas and refuses to change, and is satisfied with the feeling that he is needed, so this This time he approached his life easily on the grounds of illness.

Know that this person likes to feel needed, so if you show weakness in front of him, you will definitely not be rejected.

But how to explain those acquiescence and ambiguity before?

Thinking of this, Ye Xi couldn't help feeling a little self-loathing again. He found that he was subconsciously looking for weaknesses in others. He always used other people's weaknesses to communicate with others. How could anyone be willing to confide in him? Well, no wonder I don't have any friends.

Moreover, he was still a little embarrassed in his heart, but he had to admit that he had never tried to be taken care of by others before, and now that he stayed near Lu Churan, he felt unfulfilled in his heart. On the dog, after someone rubs its hair, it can't help but go up to its thighs and breathe out.

However, for the reasons for wanting to stay with Lu Churan, all of the above are actually secondary. The most urgent thing at the moment is that he now has an upcoming investment project that needs a lot of short-term funds, and Lu Churan is The best candidate he could find right now.

Ye Xi suddenly didn't know how to make a choice, he was so stupid that he was in a hurry when real emotions were involved in everything, and he had a full set of provocative skills, but none of them could be used to make ordinary friends, so he and Lu Churan became friends. Friends seem to be at a dead end.

But he couldn't figure out Lu Churan's sexual orientation and attitude. Even if he really wanted to make the relationship more ambiguous, he still lacked an opportunity, so he was so at a loss.

"What are you staring at? Have you finished writing?" Lu Churan saw Ye Xi staring blankly at the screen for 15 minutes, and couldn't help but ask him.

He turned around and looked at Lu Churan in a daze, opened his mouth but didn't speak, his expression was a bit similar to that of a slightly unclear mind when he had a low fever.

Lu Churan raised his hand and touched his forehead, but didn't feel that the temperature was abnormal, and then looked down at the time, "Forget it, you can write when you go back, and it's time to take medicine. Anyway, I'm going to be here all day tomorrow , let’s go back early today. Ji’er, then he and I will go first.”

Ji Er lowered his head to play with his mobile phone, waved at them, and signaled his approval to leave.

After hearing what Lu Churan said, Ye Xi saved the half-finished summary and sent it to his mailbox, then closed his hand and got up from his seat, and after pushing the door out on his own, he suddenly heard Lu Churan's voice A voice came from behind, "Where's Ye Xi?"

Hearing the sound, he looked back and saw Ji Er pointing in his direction.

The bustling street was full of neon lights, and a gentle night wind blew past his ears, scratching him like a feather, light and itchy, itching to his heart.

He looked at Lu Churan, blinked slowly, and whispered to himself in a very low voice, "...he is looking for me."

Then Lu Churan followed up and walked in front of Ye Xi, and took out two purple-black round fruits from the refrigerator next to the bar before leaving, and put them in his hands.

Ye Xi sniffed it under his nose, and there was a strong fruity aroma, "What is this?"

"Passion fruit, also called passion fruit, haven't you seen it before?" Lu Churan replied, and opened the co-pilot's door for him.

Ye Xi shook his head, thinking that his current expression must be quite silly, like a country bumpkin who has never seen the world, "I've heard of it, but I haven't seen the real thing, what's the use, is it delicious?"

"I'll tell you tomorrow." Lu Churan smiled slightly at his curious expression, and started the car.

"Oh." Ye Xi responded, the expression in his eyes became a little deeper in the process of thinking, the original hesitation seemed to disappear suddenly, he watched the street scene passing by outside the window, and fell silent for a few minutes Ten seconds later, he said nonchalantly, "I seem to hear you often mention your sister, and it sounds like you have a very good relationship."

"Well, my sister is eight years younger than me. When I was a child, my parents were very busy with work. I always took care of her, because other relatives in my family were either abroad or in the countryside. They rarely met and were not familiar with each other. I always only She and I are two people. She will follow me wherever I go, and she will eat whatever I eat. When I was a child, I was afraid that if she kept following me like this, I would not be able to figure out my gender. In the future, which woman I like will be her. Which girl do you like too..."

As soon as Lu Churan talked about his sister, he couldn't help talking more, and the emotion in his tone was not as cold as usual. He was secretly rejoicing that Lu Yage was not gender-disordered and sighing secretly why his own sexual orientation was disordered instead. Ye Xi laughed "pooh" and said to him, "It's okay, then it's fine if you like men."

Lu Churan didn't know why he seemed a little embarrassed. After a while, he felt awkward and wanted to forcefully bring the topic back, "Are you the only child?" Just after asking, he remembered that Ye Xi said that he had no family, which seemed even more embarrassing. The expression on his face was frozen, a little ugly.

Ye Xi's eyes froze, he turned his face away so that Lu Churan could not see his expression at the moment, and replied in a quite normal tone, "It's okay, you don't have to feel embarrassed, I don't have a family now, I used to have one Yes, I was brought up by my grandfather, but he left later. I am an only child, so I envy you all. When I was in college, almost the entire class was a guerrilla group of super students. It seemed that I was the only child. Yes, it's interesting to hear them talk about their brothers and sisters every day."

He said so in his mouth, but in his heart he felt that there was no meaning at all.

When Ye Xi was very young, he was indeed envious of others having brothers and sisters but he did not have them. Later, he would rather not have brothers and sisters, not to mention relatives and even relatives. He wished they would die so that he could treat them unscrupulously. By Grandpa's side.

Later, when his grandfather was gone, as long as he heard that there were brothers and sisters in other people's families and thought that he didn't even have a family, he felt as uncomfortable and wronged as if he had been mocked by fate.

It's like walking alone on the road in the evening, the lights of the residential buildings on both sides of the road are gradually lit up after the sun sets, and I am wandering aimlessly, I don't even have a direction to return, and there is only chaos waiting for me of darkness.

Ye Xi felt that he had lost his composure, or he felt that his emotions were a little out of control, so he restrained himself from thinking about these boring past events that disturbed the peace, and redirected the topic to Lu Churan, unwilling to talk about himself any more.

"Why did you become a teacher? You don't seem like the kind of person who is keen on socializing, but the education industry has to come into contact with different people every day."

"You think it's weird too, right? The people around me thought it was weird at first." Lu Churan said, "But it's reasonable to think about it from another angle. I want to be in the crowd, but I don't want to establish a relationship with anyone. Contact, so what career is most suitable for me? There is only a teacher. As long as you do your job responsibly, others will trust and obey you. And I read a book when I was in college. There is a saying That's what it says, 'students are constantly flowing, but the teacher is still', so no matter how many people the class leads, as soon as the class ends, the teacher-student relationship is over, even if I don't remember who I don’t feel guilty, and it doesn’t matter if I’m remembered or not.”

"I will remember you." Ye Xi responded to him with a gentle smile, casually, "I also have a hunch that you will remember me, whether you want it or not."

"Are you trying to annoy me again?"

"It's okay to make you like it."

After Lu Churan drove back to the residence, the two went to Ye Xi's first floor.

Ye Xi took out the key and opened the door of his house, and turned on all the lights in the house. The smell of the house was a little weaker than before. Lu Churan walked in front and closed all the windows for him and checked it again. No need to do it, Lu Churan locked the floor-to-ceiling windows, turned to him and asked, "Did you vomit today?"

"No." Ye Xi replied.

"Well, then you should be fine soon." Lu Churan nodded, and then asked, "Have you found a place to live?"

"No." Ye Xi still answered the same way, and suddenly grabbed Lu Churan's sleeve as if he had found the right time, as if he was homeless and begged to take him in, "Just rent your room to me , My personality guarantees that I am curved, as curved as a winding mountain road and cannot be straightened, I will not hit your sister's idea."

Lu Churan refused without even thinking about it, with a serious face, but his tone was not too serious, "That's not okay, you bend like a winding road, I'm afraid you'll make up my mind."

"..." Ye Xi choked on his words, and he gritted his teeth a little bit at the embarrassment of being seen through, but he couldn't find a reason to be angry, so he lost his momentum in an instant, and muttered a little lowly, "Then Leave it alone."

Having said that, he hoped that Lu Churan would have more sympathy and sense of responsibility, and he was eager to test how he could get closer to Lu Churan.

Lu Churan is different from those people in the past, those people are attracted to each other with an unspoken purpose, even if the ambiguous feeling may not be ignited immediately, but it will be like wet wood, and smoke will rise from the burning point.

Lu Churan gave him this feeling of ambiguity and possibility that exists everywhere like never before, but it is more yearning than ever before.

After all, he said that he doesn't hate himself, and he doesn't reject gays, and he didn't show any behavior of resisting his relationship with him before, but it was only a little bit worse in borrowing this point, It was just a reason to soften his attitude.

After Ye Xi went upstairs, took medicine and took a bath, he nestled on Lu Churan's sofa and continued to write his summary with his hand in hand.

Lu Churan sat on the carpet and watched a movie on the wall with the home projector he gave him. They were in the same room but focused on their own affairs, as if they were alone, but Ye Xi didn't feel like being on an isolated island when he was alone. The desolate suffering.

He will no longer want to take out his phone to prove whether someone is thinking about him when he is alone. If he suddenly loses his sense of existence, just make a little movement, and then he will see Lu Churan Cast a concerned look at him.

All he had to do was return a good-natured smile, and that wasn't even a price to pay.

Time passed silently, and it was already twelve o'clock after Ye Xi finished writing the summary. He turned off the computer, sat down next to Lu Churan without restraint, and asked him, "Why don't you go to bed? Are you going back to look at the store in the morning?"

"Well... not sleepy, too much sleep today, I might go to drink a cup of hot milk to help sleep later." Lu Churan's eyes turned from the movie to the person next to him, "Have you finished writing? Are you going to sleep? I can mute it."

"No, I'm not sleepy, I'll watch it with you." Ye Xi stood up after finishing his sentence, "Do you want some hot milk? I'll cook it for you. Is the milk in the refrigerator?"

After giving Shanglu Churan an affirmative look, he went to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, took out a large carton of milk from the cabinet door, poured a cup of milk into the milk pot to heat it, and closed it when the milk was about to boil with small bubbles on the edge. After turning on the fire, poured it into Lu Churan's cup, sat next to Lu Churan and handed the milk to him.

Just as Lu Churan said thank you, an unbearable groan suddenly sounded from an unknown corner of the house. back.

He raised his head to confirm that what he was playing was indeed The Bourne Ghost and not any adult love action movie or horror suspense movie, then turned his face and met Ye Xi's eyes with the expression of seeing a ghost.

The author has something to say: the final style of painting has become so weird hahaha