Ambiguous addiction

"Ji'er, why hasn't He Shen been looking for you recently?" Lu Churan was reading the original English novel of "Howl's Moving Castle", and casually asked about Ji'er's recent situation.

He recently watched this movie with Ye Xi at home. Ye Xi said that he liked it very much. He played the theme song "Carousel of Life" on a loop at home when he had nothing to do. A gay girl who came out of nowhere. Heart.

Ye Xi strongly protested against this statement, "It's not a girl's heart, Hal is a melancholy and beautiful man who yearns for freedom but has no heart like me."

Lu Churan frowned and thought for a few seconds, then said coldly: "In fact, he is a sentimental birdman."

Ye Xi was so angry that he grabbed his arm to grind his teeth, pointed at the projection on the wall and retorted excitedly, "You, you, you are still that old mother like Sophie, be careful that your heart will be stolen by me."

Lu Churan circled him lazily, rubbed the back of his head and said nothing.

Ye Xi was still very unconvinced, and pushed Lu Churan down on the carpet to clean him up. Unexpectedly, Lu Churan hugged him gently, and his waist went limp and he couldn't get up when he lay on top of him. In the end, he just lay on the carpet with his eyes facing each other after being smoothed for a long time, which made him yawn and want to sleep.

But Ye Xi didn't continue to repeat that song for a long time after all, because a few days after they finished watching the movie at home, he and Lu Churan passed by a piano store when they went shopping at the mall.

Lu Churan pulled him in straight away, randomly picked a piano with a pleasing appearance and sat down, his fingertips nimbly landed on the keys, and played a very familiar melody in a flowing manner, leaving Ye Xi stunned.

Although Lu Churan's playing is a little jerky and not coherent compared with the original song, Ye Xi is sure that whenever he hears "The Carousel of Life" again in his life, no matter when and where he will only remember that he wanted to play it in public. The urge to kiss Lu Churan forcefully.

Lu Churan didn't finish playing the whole song, but stopped after playing the part of the main melody he remembered, turned around and raised his head to look at Ye Xi who was staring and dare not blink, and asked with a smile, "How did I play?" Like? When I was young, my mother said that we should have a little art to cultivate our sentiments, and let me and Lu Yage learn to play the piano and the other to learn painting. I haven't practiced it for many years, did I play it wrong?"

Ye Xi stood there staring at him, his face flushed red, but he couldn't say a word.

"what happened?"

Ye Xi looked around to make sure no one was looking in their direction, then bent down and slammed into Lu Churan's arms.

Lu Churan patted him on the back lightly, "Too happy to speak?"

Ye Xi still remained silent, but tightened his arms around his neck a little more.

"Ah? What are you asking me?" Ji Er heard Lu Churan's question on the opposite side, without taking his eyes off the computer screen for half a minute, and answered slowly, but the answer was irrelevant.

Lu Churan also came back to his senses, and repeated the question again, "I said why He Shen hasn't come to you recently."

"Oh, he... I told him not to come to me recently, I want to sort out my relationship with him by myself. "

Lu Churan looked puzzled, "Could you please be a little more cheerful, and stop being so blah?"

Ji Er clicked his tongue, looked at him with a smile, and said in a slightly exaggerated tone, "Ha, you dare to say me? Why don't you say that your family Ye Xi is going? May I ask Teacher Lu, do you already have a boyfriend?"

Lu Churan was poked at the sore spot, heheed perfunctorily, and stopped talking.

Ji Er sighed, leaned against the back of the chair and thought about it seriously, "I feel that if I don't hold on to him this time, I will lose him forever, but I'm not sure if I'm still with him after all these years It was just as useless when I broke up with him back then, and I couldn’t resist the pressure from all sides. Although I never stopped loving him, after all, the time I’ve been separated from him is longer than the time we’ve been together, so the foundation of our relationship is actually very weak. , I don’t have that much confidence.”

In fact, he couldn't understand his parents' way of forcing each other to die. In exchange, he and He Shen could also force each other to die if they didn't want to separate, but he didn't want to do that.

Threatening another person with one's own life in an attempt to control his life is nothing but the helpless compromise of the emotionally kidnapped person.

"Actually, you have it." Lu Churan closed the book and looked at the person opposite, "You can only see clearly with your heart. Substantial things cannot be seen with your eyes. If obstruction is useful, you would have been obedient Obedient to get married and have children, but those long-term separations and obstacles arouse your courage to persevere day by day, don't they?"

"It's probably because I'm a dead-headed person, and I'm afraid of death and rebellion," Ji'er snorted with a wry smile, "Okay, don't comfort me, I'll figure it out myself, you go back."

After Lu Churan left, other customers in the store also left one after another. Ji Er asked the people in the kitchen and Xiaotong at the bar to go back first, intending to go back after watching the movie.

He felt a little depressed that could not go away, and he planned to watch some less sad romance movies to make himself feel better, such as the current one, "I Saw Ghosts in My Left Eye", a light comedy produced in Hong Kong, with horror movies The shell is not scary at all, even just a little absurd and nonsensical.

The heroine married the man who had been in love for seven days and was at a loss between life and death. After three years, she tried to commit suicide and was rescued by a ghost. Since then, she has the ability to see ghosts in her left eye. The classmate, who has been by her side to accompany her and encourage her, showed a complicated look when she learned that she had been worried about her deceased husband.

In fact, Ji Er knew that the ghost was actually the heroine's husband pretending to be someone else when he saw this, so he suddenly didn't want to watch it anymore.

But he couldn't bear to press pause, especially when he saw that ghost said that he was leaving but he couldn't let go of something in his heart, so he told a little lie to coax his wife to say what he wanted to hear the most, even though I know it's just irony, but I have to hear it with my own ears before I can walk into reincarnation with confidence.

——"Husband! I don't want you anymore! You don't have to come back! Husband, I have lived a happy life these past few years. Don't worry, I can do it... Husband, I don't want to see you again, I don't even want to see you, hug Don't even think about it, do you hear? Can't you really hear, I don't love you anymore! I don't love you anymore!"

The lights in the outer hall were all turned off, and Ji Er sat alone in the quiet inner hall with the only light turned on, and the dim light softly surrounded him.

His shoulders trembled slightly, and he sat alone, tears kept falling from the corners of his eyes, and the sadness in his heart burst out like a flood, as if it was going to burst his heart.

What did he say when we broke up back then, and he himself said something like this, "I don't love you anymore, and I won't miss you either, just leave if you want, don't come back, I will live a very happy life without you Happy, from now on your affairs have nothing to do with me, you can go wherever you like and be with whoever you love, I won't wait for you, you'd better not come back."

Then He Shen really believed it, left angrily, left without saying goodbye, didn't even tell him where he went, and didn't contact him again.

That period of time together has been so long that the memory is blurred. At that time, he, He Shen, Lu Churan and another person, four outstanding and dazzling young people always appeared inseparable. legend.

At that time, they all thought that they were the darlings who could go to the end with the first person they loved in their lives. No one expected that all the bravery without hesitation would end up being nothing but sloppy separation into regrets.

After Lu Churan came back from abroad, he was much more taciturn. The other person left with scars and has not been in touch with him so far. Even if he and He Shen were broken, they tortured each other to no avail.

That year, I secretly went abroad to see He Shen after graduating from a master's degree and returned to China. Ji Er somehow added friends with him through social software, but almost never talked with him, only silently occasionally seeing him in the circle of friends. Knowing that he has lived happily and fulfilledly in the past few years without me, I am sincerely happy for him.

In fact, what I said was ironic, I just want you to leave me without any worries and live a better life.

In fact, I miss you very much, I really want to see you again, whether I see you or hug me, although others will think it is absurd, we have been separated for five years, and I almost forget how much I want to love, but I just love you so much ,it is true.

Ji Er sat very lonely and dejected in his seat, weeping uncontrollably, tears streaming down his face, but he didn't even have the thought of raising his hand to wipe away the tears.

It doesn't matter if you cry, I never cried when we broke up, because I told myself that I must let go, so that person will not be troubled by the world and unable to pursue his ideals.

Suddenly there was a hand covering his eyes from behind, he closed his eyes subconsciously, tears overflowed from his eye sockets, wetting the palms of that person, what those palms couldn't bear flowed out from between the fingers.

"Don't cry, Ji'er, I've always known that you miss me very much and that you love me very much."

The familiar voice and tone of the person behind him made Ji Er's stiff tension disappear instantly. He leaned on the back of the chair and leaned back, leaning the back of his neck against the person's body.

Ji Er's eyes were still blindfolded, and he heard the people behind him narrate deeply, "It's all my fault, it's my fault, if I didn't have the recklessness to drag you to disclose our secrets five years ago when I still had nothing. I won't let you suffer so much wronged because of me."

More tears burst out of Ji Er's eyes, "I have been thinking about you every day for the past five years, and I have never dared to let go of myself. Every difficult night is thinking that as long as tomorrow is alive, the earth will not be destroyed. , the day when I return to you is getting closer."

Ji Er was sobbing and choking, He Shen leaned down from behind and kissed his ear lightly, whispering in his ear, "Now I have the ability to promise the future to you, I have the burden The ability to start two families to showdown with my parents, I am not coming back to marry someone else, I am here to marry you. I miss you very much, I love you so much, wife, don’t let me go again. Trust me again , give me another chance, please."

Ji Er took He Shen's hand away from her eyes, but she never let go of it.

When he stood up, he was immediately embraced by the other party. After the sadness was gone, the deep hidden inexpressible feelings also resurfaced.

Is this lost and found?No, he never felt that he was lost, even when he was only looking forward to it in the distance, that person never left his heart.

Ji Er forcefully embraced this long reunion after a long absence.

"I love you too."

Lu Churan pushed open the door, but the light in the living room was on but no one was seen. He called out "Ye Xi?" in doubt, and heard someone in the kitchen answer, "Are you back?"

Ye Xi was wearing a comfortable cotton tee and high school trousers, and came out of the kitchen holding two big persimmons with wet hands. The moment he saw Lu Churan, his eyes lit up, as if a little star had fallen into it. of.

Lu Churan secretly breathed a sigh of relief, and sat down on the sofa comfortably next to each other, "Didn't you go to dinner with the client tonight?"

"I came back after eating. I saw such a big persimmon in a fruit shop on the road, so I bought two. Do you like persimmons?" Ye Xi sat next to Lu Churan, holding two persimmons. Persimmon swayed in front of his face.

"Well, I really like it." Lu Churan said.

He straightened up and wanted to wash his hands, but one of Ye Xi's long legs hooked up and draped over his thigh to stop him from getting up, and he easily peeled a piece of persimmon meat and fed it to his mouth, "Do you want to eat?"

He froze for a second, obediently opened his mouth to catch Ye Xi's food, and heard him say vaguely while eating, "If you are tired, sit down for a while."

Lu Churan put her hands on his knee bones naturally, and then swam into his well-proportioned thighs along the loose trousers, stroking the inner side intimately and lovingly. Ye Xi felt itchy and moved unnaturally, I couldn't help laughing, "Don't touch me if you don't want to have sex with me."

Lu Churan's eyes stopped on his face and looked at him for a while, her eyes were full of gentle smiles.

Ye Xi peeled the orange juice from both hands, fed the last piece of persimmon meat to Lu Churan, then stretched out the tip of her tender pink tongue to lick his fingers, Lu Churan took two tissues to wipe his hands, heart The beating twitched and changed the rhythm.

"Ye Xi, let's discuss something." The words in Lu Churan's heart came out without thinking. The dense autumn rain cooled the temperature outside, but the lingering love words gradually warmed up in his heart.

"Huh? Tell me." Ye Xi met his gaze. Ye Xi has been very relaxed recently, which can be directly reflected from the expression on his face, and he has gradually become able to look at Lu Churan without being afraid of his eyes. The confidence that he learned of his emotions is probably because he knows that he is deeply liked by this person.

"Be my boyfriend and like me, okay?" Lu Churan suggested, staggering his fingers with one hand and clasping with him, "Are you still unable to get rid of the past, or not at all?" Can't you believe in love? Can't you believe that I really like you? No way, that's too shocking. I'm still worthy of your trust. Who hasn't clicked on it yet? Just let it go. , Can people still live in the past forever, the future is rushing ahead.”

Ye Xi quietly bit his lower lip to restrain his expression, but the corners of his lips could not help revealing his feelings with a slight arc. He remained silent and did not deny that this was actually very good for him. good offer.

"I……"

He took a slow and deep breath, his brain was still in a half-stop state of whiteness and pink bubbles popping in the dark, when he was suddenly disturbed by a vibration, and all the bubbles were shattered at once Bitter, clammy soapy water dripped all over the place.

Lu Churan let go of his hand and took out the phone. Just as he saw the two words of the contact name on the caller ID on the screen, the phone was snatched by Ye Xi. He hung up the phone calmly and put it on the coffee table. After two seconds, he turned off the phone as if feeling unhappy, and looked at Lu Churan with a calm expression.

Lu Churan glanced at him in surprise, smiled at him with the corner of her mouth curled up, her hands were already around his back and wanted to hug him into her arms.

Ye Xi was so watched that he forgot the annoyance of the few seconds just now, leaned into his arms, rested his chin on his shoulder, and secretly smiled out of his sight.

What will come with love, loyalty or betrayal, companionship or abandonment?Ye Xi didn't know, but the answer didn't seem to matter at this moment, as long as Lu Churan was still there.

The author has something to say: Please comment!