Ambiguous addiction

"Should I...not go to your house today?" Ye Xi asked hesitantly, rubbing his red, swollen and dry eyes from crying.

Lu Churan was quiet for a while without answering him. Ye Xi felt as if there was an hourglass in his body. When the sand in the hourglass flowed from one side to the other over time, his anxiety slowly piled up underneath.

He took a short breath and secretly observed Lu Churan's expression. He was still so calm. There was no anger, no blame, or even any emotion in his eyes. He became more and more panicked, staring closely at Lu Churan's eyes and stammering. Ask him, "You, are you mad at me? It's not that I don't want to go, I'm, I feel like I'm... not ready to face your family, I, I'm already having trouble with you... ...And I'm crying like this, it will scare your family..."

Lu Churan still didn't speak, and moved away from Ye Xi's side. Ye Xi reacted and immediately followed him, as if he was stuck to him and couldn't stay away from him for half a step.

Lu Churan took him to pour him a big glass of water, he took it and drank the whole glass obediently, Lu Churan poured him another glass, his stomach was almost bloated after drinking, Feeling uncomfortable, "I can't drink anymore..."

He looked up at Lu Churan's face again, put the cup on the dining table, took out the wallet from his trouser pocket and stuffed it into Lu Churan's hand, his fingertips felt slightly cold, and his nasal voice became thick again, "I don't Go, I promise you that I will not go, my money card and ID card are all inside, I can't go anywhere, you can leave me here with confidence."

The silent person in front of him sighed, leaned close to his forehead, and asked him in a low voice, "What are you eating after I'm gone? You're a person who would crack the bowl even if you steamed custard."

"I... But, if you don't go home for dinner because of me, then I'm too ignorant." Ye Xi whispered with lowered eyes.

"You, a person who ran away from home, still know that you are ignorant?" Lu Churan continued to scold him, but he couldn't refute it.

Ye Xi knew that the more negative Lu Churan was in his mood, the more logically he would speak with thorns. He must still be angry, but he had no power to fight back when he listened to his accusations.

So he just stretched out his arms and wrapped them around Lu Churan's waist like a fool, closed his eyes and pressed them against his lips without hesitation, kissed and sucked, and even actively entangled his tongue. When he let go again, he Only then did his face look less angry, and he quietly breathed a sigh of relief.

Lu Churan actually confiscated his wallet, and took hundreds of "living expenses" from it to give him, stuffed the wallet into his trouser pocket, and said, "You are not mentally prepared, and I don't want to force you to come with me. Go, and your eyes are swollen from crying, Lu Yage must think I'm bullying you when you see it."

Ye Xi followed his words and added, "If she sees what's inside my clothes, she will still suspect that you have abused me."

Lu Churan frowned, and gave him a look of "why do you want to undress in front of my sister", Ye Xi looked at him helplessly, and responded with a look of "why is your focus never right".

Then the two looked at each other and smiled, Lu Churan reached out and pinched his red nose, "Go and wash your face, you are going to help me wash my clothes tonight, you just rubbed your nose all over my clothes."

"You're annoying." Ye Xi smiled and knocked off his hand.

When Lu Churan called home and said that he would not be going back tonight, Ye Xi hid his face in the bathroom and dared not go out, because he felt embarrassed to listen no matter whether Lu Churan told the truth or made up reasons.

He stood there looking at the mirror in a daze for a while, but when he went out, Lu Churan hadn't hung up the phone, and handed him the phone, saying that Lu Yage was looking for him, and after he answered the phone, Lu Churan left Enter the kitchen to process the ingredients and start cooking.

The borscht soup in the pot was boiling bubbly, filled with the sweet and sour aroma of tomatoes, Lu Churan was stirring the ingredients in the soup, his eyes were downcast but unfocused.

What Ye Xi said told him a lot, about his original intention of being close to him, about the reasons for his emotional flaws rooted in his personality, he actually had too little time to digest such a large amount of information.

Although he almost subconsciously forgave and retained because of distress or other deeper reasons, he told Ye Xi that it's okay, you don't know how to love, I can teach you.

But is it really okay? That's... a person who is considered to like him very much shows that he doesn't like him very much, and even explains that his closeness to him has nothing to do with love.

It's not true that you can completely let go of the fact that there is no impact by saying "it doesn't matter". There will still be a sense of gap between reality and cognition to a greater or lesser extent. I feel that those feelings that I thought were only one answer away can be confirmed. It turned out to be just wishful thinking.

The accommodation derived from guilt and the indulgence derived from liking are different in the final analysis. They may be expressed in the same way, but they are two feelings that extend along different trajectories after all.

Lu Churan suddenly regretted whether he said that he liked to say it too early, and added the weight and pressure attached to this sentence to his expectation of Ye Xi, but instead made the other party know that he could not respond to him. The expectation fell into a cramped and helpless predicament.

In the final analysis, Ye Xi was so sad and wronged, but he also had a lot of responsibility.

Ye Xi chatted with Lu Yage for a long time before hanging up the phone. Although he was saying "It's a pity that I can't see you today, a pity, a pity", he didn't ask him why he didn't come to eat at home. Talking to him about the recent situation, which made his emotions gradually relax from the tense state.

After hanging up the phone, Ye Xi walked into the kitchen, hugged Lu Churan from behind and lay on his back.

The familiar scenes are the same as before, but those affectionate appearances have lost the real feeling behind the confession of the heart, but he doesn't realize it because of his own emotional flaws.

It's not that Lu Churan is not disappointed, it's just that he chose to keep everything in his heart and not show it. It's better for a person to adjust slowly with these negative thoughts than to complain and hurt someone who has been forced by him to have no way out. people.

Ye Xi quietly picked a few mouthfuls of rice, picked out a leaf from the fried snail and asked Lu Churan, "What is this? Can I eat it?"

"This is perilla, it has a very unique aroma, you can try it." Lu Churan looked up at his chopsticks, and smiled at him, with a very calm expression, like a silent comfort, and the deepest part in his eyes There is a slight bitter undercurrent hidden deep in the place, "If you have a problem with this project, what will you do with your performance this year?"

"I have paid back all the money, and there are other remedial plans and projects that have not yet been launched. Don't worry, I can take care of it." Ye Xi met his eyes, and turned away unnaturally after a few seconds up.

Lu Churan put a piece of asparagus in his bowl, he lowered his head and ate it, and began to feel blocked.

Ye Xi's eyes were stung by the pain that Lu Churan concealed in his tenderness, he didn't want to see that kind of complicated look in Lu Churan's pure and bright eyes.

He feels that he is the person who knows best how to find the simple happiness of Chu Ran, but there are some contradictions that can never find a breakthrough.

By the time he finally figured out that he used Lu Churan's liking for him to blackmail him for understanding and began to loathe himself, it was already time to sleep.

When Ye Xi came back to the room from the bathroom, Lu Churan was sitting on the bed fiddling with his mobile phone. Seeing him walking over, he didn't hesitate to let him look at it. His peripheral vision fell to Lu Churan's mobile phone screen. When he saw Qi Nianfa A message to Lu Churan, [Mr. Lu, is senior home yet? 】

Lu Churan replied, [Well, he is back, thank you today. 】

Qi Nian said, 【You're welcome, thank you so earnestly, I want to treat you to dinner, haha. 】

"Have you kept in touch with Qi Nian after class is over?" Ye Xi sat beside him, his blow-dried hair was a little fluffy, which set off his lazy expression.

"Well, I still chat occasionally. When I couldn't find you today, I thought he was the only person who could help me." Lu Churan said, "It seems that he is the only one we meet."

Ye Xi's expression turned cold, and he frowned slightly. Lu Churan talked to Qi Nian only to find Ye Xi, but Ye Xi instinctively felt very resistant, because Qi Nian had confessed his feelings for Lu Churan to him. He took this as an opportunity to get closer to Lu Churan, and he undoubtedly created conditions for the other party.

Even if he doesn't understand love and doesn't know how to love others, it doesn't mean that he allows himself to be the link between these two people.

Before Lu Churan taught him how to love him, he didn't want anyone to have a chance to intervene between him and Lu Churan. He wanted to occupy all the positions in Lu Churan's heart.

Look at me, just look at me alone, watch me learn to express my liking for you little by little, don't look at others, don't give others a chance to like you, just belong to me, okay?

Ye Xi's true thoughts that he wanted to express were all stuck in his throat, so he could only look at Lu Churan in silence, as if his voice had been taken away, and he could only use actions to replace it.

He took Lu Churan's cell phone out of his hands and threw it aside, and sat on Lu Churan's lap, forcing him to look directly into his eyes, and nimbly undid the buttons of his pajamas one by one with his fingers. The traces of last night have not dissipated.

"What's wrong?" Lu Churan stopped his attempt to continue taking off his pants, "Why did you take off your clothes again?"

Ye Xi knelt on both sides of Lu Churan's knees and moved a little forward. The hot temperature of the two places came together. His fingers stroked the sensitive part of Lu Churan's waist. Touching his lips, he asked vaguely, "What do you say?"

Before Lu Churan could say a word, Ye Xi leaned back a little from his lips, looked into his eyes from top to bottom, "Do you dare to try saying 'no' again? You yesterday, the one from yesterday When I said it, I wanted you to satisfy me in the future."

"Then you can't indulge in lust." Lu Churan said expressionlessly, "You also said yesterday, 'No, stop, please'."

"Shut up." Ye Xi blushed suddenly and covered his mouth, "Don't repeat my words with such a serious expression."

"Do you want it so much? Will it hurt?" Lu Churan paused, as if a little embarrassed, touched his nose, "I have no experience before."

"I thought you slept with your ex-boyfriend." Ye Xi said this harshly.

"No, I was not yet an adult at that time, a standard puppy love, and I was still underage when we broke up. If you can't be responsible for other people's lives, you can't start a relationship hastily." Lu Churan raised his hand and gently patted his forehead Don't go to the sideburns, "That's why you are responsible for me, don't just leave after sleeping."

"Don't go, even if you chase me away." Ye Xi approached him with a smile, and the desire/desire to calm down was ignited again, "I will be responsible to you now."

Lu Churan silently watched him spare no effort to seduce her, her breathing stopped for a while, and Ye Xi kissed him anxiously, asking for his response.

Lu Churan hugged him tightly, and his breathing gradually became short of breath, and the dark mud-like negative thoughts in his heart seemed to shine into a beam of clear light.

He couldn't help feeling deeply ironic that he was really more coquettish than those little girls who were just in love, as if he had no principles, as long as Ye Xi would stay in his arms obediently and act like he liked him very much, he would start to soften his heart .

It is indeed disappointing, and it is true that I feel uneasy about it, but after all, it has already happened, right? His feelings have forced Ye Xi to become awkward and helpless, but Ye Xi is still willing to try to change for him, try to understand what he put in. Why can't you be more tolerant and patient with him?

Lu Churan gradually took control of the initiative again in his own hands during the warming deep kiss, slowed down Ye Xi's urgent and unbearable intimacy rhythm, and deepened the degree of separation and integration.

Ye Xi hugged his neck tightly, panting more intensely, and hummed softly between the intertwined breaths.

Throwing it into the mobile phone in the blind spot of sight, the lighted message waited for too long and there was no response as the screen went dark.

【Mr. Lu, are you still there? 】

【Fell asleep? 】

【Good night. 】

The author has something to say: I have been waiting for a long time~~