It's okay to sit

I rode a horse to the mountains alone, and when I crossed the mountain, I could see the faint green music of the lights.Originally, I estimated that it would be dusk here, but because Tang Yunzi pulled me to talk, it was already getting dark.I can't see the way clearly, and basically can only grasp the general direction. If my old friend Haoer sees me as a whole tomorrow, it can only mean that this horse is a good horse.

After walking about a stick of incense in the mountains, I suddenly felt that something was wrong.Stopping to listen carefully, I only felt that someone was rustling through the grass, and there were many people.I was so shocked that I hurriedly urged the horse, but it was too late.

It was darker now.The grass and trees blend together, blocking the only little light.

Torches began to light all around me.

They approach me.

I was put on a rope and couldn't move.

Remember the bandit I heard in the restaurant?

Yes, that's them.

I was taken back home in a chain and thrown into the cold and damp cellar.There wasn't even a light in this shabby place, and it was eerily quiet. I shivered, but didn't feel scared.

The quieter I am, the less afraid I am.

I began to think about things in this quiet and dark.

For a long time, Tang Fei stuck to me and chatted with me all the time during the day and night.If I didn't want to talk, he would force me to sleep, and if I didn't sleep, he would make me do somersaults like him.

He was afraid of me being alone.

Later, he gradually became busy and couldn't accompany me every day.So he picked up Zhao Jili from the mountain, and told him to keep an eye on me and not leave me alone.

Because he knew that at that time, once I was alone, I would be stuck in my own thoughts and couldn't get out.It's been too long, and I really can't come out again.

We were both in our twenties then.I was very, very, very unstable back then.

Well now, I can think about things.

No one is stopping me anymore.

And I can probably control myself.

It's cold in here.But if you really experience the pain and despair of being burned by fire, no matter how cold the place is, you will not feel cold.

My impression of my parents is very weak, but it shouldn't be like this.Although Ji Li was still young at that time, I was already a teenager.But I still can't remember anything.

Ji Li asked me more than once, brother, brother, what does dad look like?

I tried very hard to remember, I remembered the flowers and plants in the yard of the old house at home, I remembered the girl in my room named Yuntun, who had two dimples on her face when she smiled, and the cat I raised A big gray cat, in winter it will get into my quilt and arch into my arms to keep me warm all night. I think of the stone steps at the door, and my grandparents...

But I can't remember what my dad looked like.

Ah, I shouldn't have thought about this.

Time to think about something good.

good thing.

Ji Li donated a magnolia to me, saying brother you are prettier than this flower.Yunzi, every time I ask him if he likes me or his father more, he will choose me.

Oh, Tang Yunzi.

Once when he was a child, I took him to the Imperial College to play.At that time, I was not much older than he is now, and I was also timid.We were sneakily preparing to go in, and he suddenly fell in love with the candy figurines sold at the door, but I didn't bring any money, so I couldn't buy it for him.

Young Master Meng's father was also in the Guozijian at that time, and he got off work from there.

Tang Yunzi went over and hugged his thigh, and said tearfully, "Uncle, I want to eat candied haws."

Meng Peiren was very serious, and I hadn't seen him smile for so many years.

That was one time.

When Tang Yunzi was five years old, because I teased him that I was going to throw him on the street, he cried and went to the police to arrest me.

Also, when he was ten years old, he liked the little girl next door. He sat on my shoulder and beat others, but he missed the date and hit me all over my head.

I thought about it, and suddenly laughed out loud.

It's nothing, anyway, the old friend came back to redeem me.

If the old friend doesn't redeem me, Jiang Huan will come too.

Tang Yunzi, forget it.I can't stand him letting the lady from the cottage tie him up to the bridal chamber again.

I didn't know how long I slept in a daze, and suddenly felt that there was light in front of my eyes.Before he could see clearly, he was dragged to the lobby.The ground is sandy and the snow is thin. Fortunately, my cotton pants are thick, otherwise the skin would have been worn out.

Sparse light, followed by thick light.

It was dark when I was caught, and it should be the next night now.

I sit in the lobby.

The ones lined up on both sides are probably the heads of the family, and the one facing me is naturally their big head.

I couldn't see clearly, so I simply stopped watching.

Close your eyes and listen.

"Your name is... Huh? You look familiar?"

I just opened my eyes and someone approached.This man is very muscular and strong, but his face is white and clean, and there is no vicious look at all.Looking at his slender fingers, it seems that he is holding a pen, not a knife.

I looked again and thought he might be a thin man, but he just wore a lot of clothes.

"Hey, do you still recognize me?" He looked at me blankly, and before I could answer, he showed a puzzled expression, "Why are you still alive? Shouldn't you be dead long ago? Ah Zhao Sheng?"

Hearing him call this name, I felt a chill in my heart.

He is not called the province of the three provinces.

It's the province that saves money.

province of province.

Save by save.

The province of the province.

My aunt named my uncle Li when he was 20 years old. She liked the word "Li", so she arranged it for me, Ji Li, and two brothers who died young, according to uncle Ji.

At that time, she said, Shu Li, why don't you use another sound to wake you up.As for Ji Li, I want him to be safe and sound, so this "Shuo" also uses homonym polyphony, let him go to sleep.

Zhao province.

He is an old friend.

He is the enemy.

I looked at him steadily, and I really didn't know him.Before I could speak, he said again: "I really didn't expect that."

"you are?"

As soon as I asked a question, I felt my face was hot, there were gold stars in front of my eyes, and my mouth was fishy and sweet.I spat out, and there were some bloodstains on my shoulder.

His slap made my hair messy, and a few strands floated on my forehead, itching.

I spit again.

I don't know why, I obviously gained confidence in my question now, and it was more or less a challenge.

Come on, kill me.

"Who the fuck are you?"

Another slap in the face.

My right ear buzzed.At such a critical juncture, I still think about that unlucky boy Tang Yunzi.

He was so annoying that he insisted on pulling me to talk.

Thinking about it and laughing, if I really died here this time, I'd be glad he said those things to me.

At least I know that I am not the only bastard in this world.

He is also crazy.

"Don't just hit people and don't talk." I don't have to vomit anymore, I'm gradually getting used to the smell of blood.I felt the blood trickle down the corners of my lips, down my neck, and into my inner clothes.Sticky, warm, like someone's finger, across my chin, touching my skin.I smiled and asked, "Who the hell are you? Tell me, let me die more clearly."

The man was taken aback.

"Don't be dumbfounded. There are so many enemies in my family about Duke Huai's matter, so I should let me know who died at the hands of them. Oh, even the matter of burning down my house was done by several families. Who are you? The descendants of the family? I’ll listen to you when you tell it. Anyway...heh..." I continued to provoke him, but he was trembling all over, as if he had been greatly touched.

I close my eyes.

A more violent punch and kick hit me.While being beaten, I thought, they are so unscientific, I don't even have a chance to roll on the ground.Tied to a chair to fight, what a hero.

How much does this person hate me? He punches me in the stomach. I feel like I'm going to spit out the food I ate the night before.

I heard someone yelling: Stop beating, if you beat me again, you will be killed.

I thought, then kill me.

As soon as I thought of this, I woke up again with a jerk, no, I can't die.

The man was still yelling, stop beating, if you beat him again, you will be killed.And I was still being beaten, getting heavier and heavier.

Hey... This is an attitude of persuading the fight, at least give it a go.

And then I heard a lot, a lot, a lot.

When I was eight years old, I stood at the door of my father's study and recited aloud: The merchant girl doesn't know the hatred of subjugation, and she still sings □□flower across the river.He slowly opened the door and said you go to eat.

I walked a few steps, then looked back, and found him sitting on the stone steps crying, his back moving.

Oh, so I followed him.

Such an unsteady and soft personality, I just let him.

When I was 12 years old, I went to my grandfather's house to play, and Yuntun bought me a pair of old bows.I liked it so much, but my grandfather found it and lifted it to the top of his bookcase, preventing me from touching it.

He said, Sheng'er, you shouldn't wield swords and swords, you should rely on a pen and a whole body of righteousness to walk around the world.

A person who wields a sword has no strength.

At 14, we moved.

My mother and my father had a big fight, and asked him if he knew from the very beginning that this would be the result, that he would be homeless for half his life, and he would be lost forever.She cried and sat down and said that if she didn't leave, she would live here.

My father had a complicated expression, he just reached out to stroke his hair without saying a word.

I asked my second brother why he was leaving, but my second brother didn't say a word, but said that the new home had better scenery.

Then I was withdrawn, I struggled, and I was locked up by myself and couldn't extricate myself.I don't want to have any contact with the outside world. It's hard for me to believe in the truth, kindness and beauty.Because I saw, I only saw what was said in the storytelling, killing people and setting fire to the golden belt, repairing bridges and repairing roads without corpses.

I can't think of my father because I don't identify with him.

Yes, I blame him.

I blame him for not betting the lives of the whole family, just to be a hero for himself; I blame him for not being able to protect our brothers and our mother, but insisting on protecting the whole world.

I know he's done a big thing, a good thing.

But I can't identify with it.

I have been walking in the streets and alleys these years, and I always look down at the road and never look up at people.Teacher Song said at that time, Zhao Shuli is ambitious, if you don't believe me, just watch him walk.

No, I am not.

I'm just scared.

I, I suffer.

I think my father is wrong, but every well-lived person walking by, every harmonious family eating and laughing with the door open on the side of the road, every child who is running and making noise wantonly, tell me , my father was right.

He has lived up to the country.

But...but he failed us.

After waking up from that long dream, I told my aunt that I would never do anything good for the common people in my life.I only live for myself, I won't be as stupid as my father.

The more it hurts, the more awake I become.

Time plays fast, light and shadow alternate, and in the bloody world I see with my eyes closed, I see the past.

The man kept beating silently, and finally, he was also tired.

He came over and pinched my chin, my eyes were so swollen that I could barely see his chest.

All that splattered was my blood.

He chuckled, his voice hoarse, "Look at you, you live like a ghost." He paused, "Spineless, working for the court. Just like your father."

He chuckled again, "Just like your father, he has no backbone."

"What did you say?"

I wanted to move, but all I felt was pain.

"I said you are as spineless as your father."

I laughed wildly.

At this time, I spoke to him with 1 Taoist ideals.Normally, I don't bother to reason with people.

All the content, I squeezed into two sentences.I thought about it while laughing, and when I had laughed enough, I was done thinking about it.

"You are not worthy to judge my father."

I forced my eyes to look around.

"Ha, come on, you kill me. I tell you, even if you kill me, you still don't deserve it."

I had no strength, so my voice was so low that I couldn't believe it, but these must be the two most powerful words I have ever said in my life.

Oh, and maybe the last two sentences.