After saving Bai Yueguang's substitute

【Today's love temperature: 21℃】

124

After taking the medicine that time, I began to deliberately avoid Xu Zhinian.

125

Although I know that as a man with a healthy body, it is normal to have physiological reactions.

But in retrospect, I still feel...

So embarrassing!

Especially the next day Xu Zhinian got up early and went to help Mrs. Wang make breakfast together.

Suddenly seeing his face on the dining table, I subconsciously remembered the scene from last night.

……

So I took a couple of casual bites and left.

Sister-in-law Wang still asked puzzledly from behind: "Why did Xiao Jiang leave in such a hurry today, the company has a meeting early in the morning?"

I almost lost my footing when I went out and down the steps.

126

How to say this feeling.

It's like, you can shout at your idol's still photos as you like: "I can! My brother's eight-pack abs is the golden ratio, I want to doi crazy with my brother all day and all night!"

But in front of you, you definitely can't say a word.

127

What?Didn't you understand this metaphor?

Then let me make it clear.

Being impulsive about model photos and being impulsive about people around you are completely different things.

All in all, that's me being embarrassed right now.

I was a little afraid to face Xu Zhinian.

128

And Xu Zhinian didn't know anything about it.

According to my observation, he didn't even realize that I was avoiding him, he just thought that I was very busy recently.

I should have breathed a sigh of relief.

But for some reason, I felt a little uncomfortable in my heart.

129

In about a week.

I finally relaxed my mind and could look at Xu Zhinian with a normal heart.

It happened to be the day when I made an appointment to take him to see a psychiatrist.

130

The psychiatrist, surnamed Yao, is an old acquaintance of mine.

Dr. Yao is a gentle person with a smile on his lips.

Communicating with him is not like facing a psychiatrist, but more like chatting with an old friend.

Although he is very young, he only looks in his 30s, but his qualifications are not shallow.

In the beginning, he was my mother's psychiatrist.

131

When facing Dr. Yao, Xu Zhinian was at a loss.

He was so nervous that he didn't know where to put his hands, and his face was full of panic and bewilderment.

I subconsciously touched his head, trying to appease him.

He fell silent all of a sudden.

132

"Physical contact disorder? Claustrophobia, social phobia..."

Dr. Yao looked at his file, raised his head and asked me: "He didn't seem to reject your contact just now."

I replied, "Only for me."

Doctor Yao nodded calmly.

Then he ignored me, turned his head and asked Xu Zhinian a few questions softly.

He asked some insensitive questions, mostly about Xu Zhinian's daily life. After chatting for a few words, Xu Zhinian's emotions relaxed visibly to the naked eye.

This is probably Dr. Yao's special ability. He always makes patients feel comfortable and gentle, so they are willing to open their hearts to him.

133

After Xu Zhinian stopped rejecting him, Dr. Yao said, "Can I have a chat with you alone?"

Xu Zhinian subconsciously turned his head to look at me.

?

what are you looking at me for?

Doctor Yao didn't ask me this question.

134

After a few seconds, he was still staring at me, and I finally realized that he was asking me what I meant.

I glanced at him and said, "It's up to you to decide."

Xu Zhinian bit his lip, hesitated for a while, and then nodded slowly: "Okay."

135

Before going out, I patted his shoulder reassuringly, closed the door for them intimately, and found an empty chair outside to sit down.

There was no window in the room they stayed in, but there was a small piece of transparent glass on the door.

From my angle, I can just see Xu Zhinian sitting on the sofa.

He lowered his head halfway, with the corners of his mouth slightly pursed, looking vulnerable and helpless.

I looked at it for a few seconds, then turned my head away from him.

136

About ten minutes later, the door opened, and Xu Zhinian came out.

I don't know what they chatted inside, but when they came out, Xu Zhinian's face turned paler.

I couldn't help asking him worriedly: "Are you okay?"

"It's okay." Xu Zhinian answered me quickly, paused, and then said, "Doctor Yao said he wanted to talk to you."

I nodded, got up and took two steps, then turned back and said to him, "If you feel uncomfortable, tell me and don't come next time."

Xu Zhinian was stunned for a moment, then shook his head and said, "No, it was a pleasure chatting with Dr. Yao."

I am relieved.

When he turned around, he glanced at the corner of his lips from the corner of his eye, as if he was smiling.

137

It was only after entering the door that Dr. Yao found a pair of gold-rimmed glasses and put them on, making him look more refined.

I sat down casually, only to find that the sofa was still warm.

It seemed that Xu Zhinian was sitting in my place just now.

138

"Are you still taking sleeping pills recently?" Dr. Yao asked me.

I glanced at him and said, "I'm not your patient today."

Dr. Yao didn't care about my non-cooperation at all, and lowered his head to write a few words in the notebook: "That means I'm still eating."

I was speechless: "I thought you came to talk to me about Xu Zhinian."

"Just asking casually." Dr. Yao said with a smile.

I was noncommittal: "Talk back to Xu Zhinian, what did you chat with him just now?"

Dr. Yao pushed his glasses: "This is a secret between me and him, I can't tell you."

I:"……"

Although it is very unpleasant, I also know that as a psychologist, some patients are unwilling to disclose things that cannot be shared with others.

I asked, "How is his mental state now?"

"It's much better than before." Dr. Yao said and looked at me, "He relies on you very much."

I said, "I know."

Dr. Yao said, "I hope you really know."

I didn't know how to answer him, so I kept silent.

"This kind of dependence is salvation and hope for him, and for you..." Dr. Yao paused for a few seconds before saying, "It may not be a good thing, it is a heavy burden of responsibility."

Dr. Yao said: "I can see that you have been under a lot of pressure recently."

139

I understand what Dr. Yao means.

When you become a person's salvation and reliance, you have to bear more things.

Your life and living is no longer yours alone, you are also responsible for another person.

This is not so easy to say. I have learned a tragic lesson about this, and I have never completely let go of it.

140

"What can I do?" I said helplessly, "I can't really leave him alone."

Dr. Yao shook his head: "Xu Zhinian's emotional perception is very sensitive now. You have to know that whether you like it or hate it, whether you are happy or angry, will have a certain impact on him."

"Now he is a dispensable person to you, so he is very cautious when facing you. Of course, if you keep maintaining this attitude, as time goes by, he will realize it and gradually get rid of it. Your dependence."

I wondered: "Is this not good?"

Dr. Yao said, "It's good for you."

"What about him?" I asked.

Dr. Yao looked at me for a while, then sighed: "I'll be honest, although he seems to be recovering well now, deep down in his heart, he has never been able to get out of that incident."

"You know, such a cruel thing is enough to destroy the dignity and personality of any person. He can recover to the present, partly because of his tenacity, and partly because of you."

I frowned: "I don't think I did anything."

Dr. Yao smiled: "For a person in darkness and despair, any slight light can become the sun."

But I don't want to be anyone's sun.

141

"If you can't get out of the shadow of the past and lose your dependence on you, what awaits Xu Zhinian is a complete collapse."

Dr. Yao said.

142

I was a little angry, and stood up abruptly: "So I don't have the right to choose?! I have to be his light and hope?!"

"On the contrary." Dr. Yao looked at me, "The real choice is in your hands. Xu Zhinian is the one who has no choice. You saved him, so he can only trust and rely on you."

"And you...you can choose to save him, or give him up."

143

I stared at Dr. Yao for a while, and then slowly calmed down.

I know that my anger is meaningless, the most painful is Xu Zhinian, the most desperate is Xu Zhinian, he is the one who should be angry the most.

But why?

Why is it that I make choices.

Be it Yan Zhizhe or Xu Zhinian, their affairs have nothing to do with me.

I was a passer-by, but someone pulled me up when I passed by a train, forced my hand to the steering column, and asked me to choose the direction to go.

Don't let me get out of the car.

144

This makes me talk to who the fuck!

145

Before leaving, Dr. Yao also prescribed some medicine for me.

I walked outside the door and found Xu Zhinian lying on the railing of the corridor, staring outside in a daze.

He didn't know what he was thinking, he was thinking very seriously, and he didn't notice me coming at all.

146

I stared at him for a while.

147

The anger just now in front of Dr. Yao, the inexplicable helplessness of being stuffed with a burden, and all kinds of irritating emotions.

When he saw Xu Zhinian's face, he suddenly disappeared.

148

I walked up to him and waved.

He turned his head, his eyes lit up when he saw me, and he smiled at me.

I was absent-minded for a moment, then slowly reached out and touched his head.

149

On the way back, Xu Zhinian asked me: "What did Doctor Yao tell you?"

"It's nothing." I said, "This is a secret between me and him, I can't tell you."

"Oh." Xu Zhinian obediently stopped asking.

I turned my head and looked at the speeding scene outside the car window, feeling a little confused in my heart.

150

Dr. Yao said that I am the one who has the right to choose.

And I clearly know that I don't want to, and I can't repeat the same mistakes.

So should I... give him up?

The author has something to say: I changed the title of the article, the original name was "His Temperature", but now it has been changed, I don't know which one you like.

The original name is more subtle, corresponding to the love temperature at the beginning of each chapter.

The current title is more straightforward.

After reading my column, the completed "After Being Proposed by the Ex-Boyfriend's Bai Yueguang", and the unopened pre-order "The Taoist Always Thinks I'm a Substitute"

I feel that I can't get over the stalk of Bai Yueguang and the substitute

Thank you for your support

Everyone passing by, please give me a collection, Qiuli Cream qaq

Text / Christine Eleven