white sparrow

Bai Que still remembers the moment when he felt his heart throbbing for Lu Linan. On the night when he sneaked into his home for the first time to help him play the piano, Bai Que leaned gently on his shoulder. germination.

Habit is a chronic disease that will gradually destroy those who are still addicted to it. Bai Que fell in love with Lu Lin'an too early. After ten years of being together day and night, Bai Que liked him as easily as breathing.

No one can replace his position in Lu Lin'an's heart, and no one can replace Lu Lin'an's position in his mind.

The gap between the two of them occurred in the second year of junior high school. There was a piano competition held in the Children's Cultural Palace. A famous pianist was the judge. My mother attached great importance to this competition. She hoped that the pianist could see the white bird talent.

My mother signed up for Baique very early, and started preparing for this competition a few months ago. Sitting next to Baique and watching him practice the piano piece she selected over and over again, Baique was overstressed. A few days before the game, I was so nervous that I hid in the toilet and retched.

Lu Linan listened to his painful voice outside the toilet, and followed him to sign up, so that Bai Que would not face it alone.

The white sparrow went for the ranking, and Lu Linan went to accompany him.

But the tutor who played the piano fell in love with Lu Lin'an, and after more than half an hour of deliberation, he threw an olive branch to Lu Lin'an who was hanging on the white sparrow to make trouble.

What swept Bai Que at that moment was not disappointment, but a sense of relief that he had unloaded his burden. He let out a long sigh of relief and applauded Lu Linan happily. The mentor is a very discerning person. His talent will not let him down.

But on the way home, every step of Baique became very heavy, and he didn't know how to face his mother.

After hearing that he lost the election, the mother did not blame him. She knew her son's ability better than anyone else. She hugged him and comforted her child, but after hearing that the No.1 crown was taken away by Lu Lin'an , Mom fell into a long silence.

Baique always knew that her mother didn't like Lu Lin'an, because her mother was jealous of Aunt Lin, she loved her deeply, and was also crazily jealous of her.

My mother is a proud person, and everything she owns comes from her own hard work. This unwillingness to bow her head tortured her all her life, and also destroyed her most cherished friendship with Aunt Lin.

Aunt Lin helped her mother when she was in the most difficult time. She was the most grateful person for her mother, but her mother could not convince herself to accept this gift with peace of mind. She wanted to maintain an equal friendship with Aunt Lin forever. She worked day and night In exchange for the equality in the past, it also opened the distance between the two of them.

This is simply an unsolvable problem.

Bai Que and Lu Lin'an are about to fall into such an endless loop.

Her son Bai Que's efforts are counterproductive, while Aunt Lin's son Lu Lin'an plays a fool but reaps a lot.

Baique knew what kind of mood her mother was in.

Bai Que felt sorry for his mother, but he resolutely walked the same path with her, leaving him in the constant fear of being left behind, even though Lu Lin'an never thought about it that way.

He is in a state of being torn apart, half of which belongs to himself and his mother, conscientiously planning for the future; half belongs to Lu Linan, addicted to the unchanged present.

Maybe it was her mother's attitude that made Lu Linan aware of it, maybe it was because Lu Linan didn't want the white bird to live in the gap between her mother and Lu Linan, or maybe it was because Lu Linan never wanted to be in a competitive relationship with the white bird, even if only mother thought that the two of them were the same competitive relationship.

The pianist's favor was rejected by Lu Lin'an. He wanted to give up the opportunity to Bai Que. This kind of concession made Bai Que at a loss, even ashamed and ashamed.

Lu Linan gave up the piano after that, and the only place where the piano could comfort the white sparrow disappeared.

The moment he gave up the piano, Bai Que realized that the separation between himself and Lu Lin'an was unavoidable. He had to follow the path planned by his mother, but Lu Lin'an couldn't stay with him anymore. Falling into infinite anxiety, fear of the future, and reluctance to part with Lu Lin'an.

On the one hand, there is the future that must be separated, and on the other hand, there is the small hope that Bai Que holds for Lu Lin'an. In Bai Que's subconscious, he is still more inclined to believe that Lu Lin'an will not be separated from him easily.

Lu Lin'an didn't make any movement, he didn't know how eager Bai Que wanted to expand this hope, wanted to pierce the window paper of his childhood sweetheart, Bai Que didn't dare to take this step first, and didn't want to force Lu Lin'an to make a compromise for himself. sacrifice.

This little hope was completely shattered when my mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer.

The mother and son left the compound where they had lived for nine years under the pretext of going to a training camp. They did not ask Mother Lin for help, nor did they tell Lu Linan.

In order to treat the disease, all the money my mother saved in the past few years was thrown into the deep pit that could not be filled.The mother's family had severed relations with the deviant mother long ago, and the mother was unwilling to ask them for help. Fortunately, Bai Que's father had been silently supporting the mother and son. He took annual leave to take care of his ex-wife.

Mother's illness became more and more serious, and finally she could only rest in the hospital bed. Bai Que wanted to stay in the hospital to take care of her, but every time she was sent back to the piano store for training.

In the week before New Year's Day in the second year of high school, Bai Que was called to the bed by her mother. This strong woman had been tortured to the point of being out of shape. With a dialysis tube stuck in her nose, she didn't even have the strength to sit upright.

"Baique, my mother has always been strict with you, because I hope you will have a life that will not be picked by others, but now I realize that I seem to have done a lot of things wrong, Baique, do you really like playing the piano?" Mom now Saying such a series of words is already very laborious, intermittent, but the logic is still clear.

"I like it." Bai Que lied to her mother.

After hearing a satisfactory answer, the mother smiled at the white bird in relief, closed her eyes and lay down on the bed to rest, not having the strength to say anything else.

Baique's mother committed suicide. That night, she ended her life in the bathroom of the hospital. When she was found, she was sleeping peacefully in the water. This woman who was unwilling to admit defeat wanted to hold death tightly in her hands. inside.

Baique can't help but think that if I hadn't lied to my mother, didn't deceive her, and told her openly that I hated the piano, my mother might not have passed away with peace of mind. Baique is the only focus of her life , when his mother thought that his future was all right, she no longer had any obsessions.

For the past three years, this distorted sense of guilt has been weighing on Bai Que's heart, making him unable to breathe.

The mother's funeral was handled by the father, and the white bird was picked up by the father, and he didn't walk freely. He fled in despair, throwing away his helmet and armor.

His parents, Lu Lin'an's parents were separated in the end, because of different life directions; spoiled love; being killed, what will separate him and Lu Lin'an in the future?

He didn't even have the courage to say goodbye to Lu Lin'an. He didn't know how to explain to him his mother's bravado and his own anxiety. Bai Que was too pessimistic, and he no longer had the courage to face the fragmented future.

He didn't want to give up the piano, but as soon as he saw the score and opened the keys, he would retch uncontrollably and his fingertips would tremble wildly as if out of order.

He also didn't want to leave Lu Lin'an, but their parting was already doomed, and sooner or later it was meaningless.

Separation is the normal state of life. Bai Que and Lu Linan are both experiencing loss and separation. They are both looking for balance in the gap between being torn apart. They both need a new future.

Bai Que gave up the path of being a music student, went to a new city, met new people, and left the self who lived in the compound waiting for Lu Linan forever in the past.

From the second year of junior high school to the second year of sophomore year, Bai Que made a full six years of psychological achievements, and has been convincing himself that he can get used to life without Lu Lin'an, but when he saw Lu Lin'an again, he was quickly overthrown, completely uncontrollable by Lu Lin'an's rhythm Take it with you.

Maybe he has been looking forward to Lu Lin'an finding himself in these six years.

It was rare for the white bird to wake up from a peaceful sleep. To be precise, it was woken up. Lu Linan was taking a shower in the bathroom, probably just after washing, and opened the door of the bathroom.

Last night, the two of them took off their clothes and threw them on the bathroom floor. Lu Linan washed them while taking a shower. He also found a drying rack in the drawer of the room and hung them outside on the balcony.

There is really no room for reverie, and within a few hours of being together, there is already a feeling of an old couple living together. Shouldn't it be a wolf kiss to wake the other half from sleep, and then continue with what happened last night ?

Oh yes, the two of them stopped last night because they didn't have enough things in the drawers. It's a pity, it seems that this fantasy can't be realized.

Just when Bai Que was thinking about things illogically, Lu Linan had finished drying his clothes and planned to put away the remaining clothes hangers. The hooks of the clothes hangers caught the bath towel tied around Lu Linan's waist, and he tied such a bath towel.

The bath towel was pulled apart and fell to the ground with a clatter. Lu Linan's hair was still wet. The water droplets slipped from the ends of his hair along the mandible to his chest, winding down along the thin curve of his waist, and then...

Then Lu Lin'an picked up the towel and wrapped it around it.

Lu Lin'an is more likely to be injured than ordinary people, and now there are probably marks on his back that he inadvertently left last night.

Well, it's actually not that bad, at least Lu Lin'an's figure is really hot, and the belt is probably full of money when he goes to nightclubs to dance.

Bai Que lay limp under the quilt and pretended to be asleep, he didn't bother to move a finger, but Lu Lin'an looked quite strong.

He sat lightly on the side of the bed and applied medicine to the wound on his right hand. The two of them were ridiculous and crazy last night. Lu Linan just rubbed the medicine on the scraped place and fell asleep. Now he still has to deal with it again.

Next, Lu Lin'an might tiptoe down beside the bed, secretly kiss her forehead, or whisper love words to herself, and Bai Que is ready to open her eyes.

As a result, Lu Linan finished applying the medicine, sat on the other bed and watched TV.

It's so sweet, I also turned off the sound.

Bai Que fell asleep angrily, arguing with Lu Lin'an all the time in her dream.

When he woke up again, Bai Que was still immersed in the anger of the quarrel, and planned to continue arguing with Lu Lin'an in reality, but Lu Lin'an was hugging him, and the warm and tender kisses fell on his forehead, bridge of nose and trembling eyes. On open eyes.

Finding that the white sparrow was awake, Lu Linan looked at him with a smile, his eyes overflowing with gentle joy and passionate love.

"What are you laughing at?" Bai Que's anger was dispelled by his smile, and he laughed softly without holding back.

"It's nothing, I'm just thinking, we've known each other for ten years, we've been separated for three years, and we hit home plate on the first day we met again, what have I been doing in those ten years?" Bai Que hugged him into his arms, as if he was complaining about his past self, but also seemed to be expressing emotion.

"What? I was underage at that time?" The white sparrow rested on his arm and teased him.

"I just said that when we slept together under the same quilt, why did you always put your legs between mine? I thought it was because you were really afraid of the cold."

"That's why you stay." Baique approached Lu Linan, pressed his cheek against his chest, covered the smile on his mouth, and listened to his regular and powerful heartbeat with peace of mind.