The Swan Bay Murders

I don't know what happened to Yi Li, when I walked into brother Bai Chuan's office with the documents, he was sitting on the sofa with red eyes.

I want to care about him, after all, we are supposed to be friends.

But it's working time now, and it's in Brother Bai Chuan's office.

Probably this topic has nothing to do with me, I should not ask more.

He took out a tissue from his pocket and carefully placed it on the coffee table in front of the sofa, then left the office without saying a word.

After closing the door, I was in a bad mood.

Thinking that Brother Bai Chuan would probably go to comfort Yi Li, and maybe even wipe his tears himself, I was a little jealous.

People are such strange animals. Once they fall in love with someone, they will have a terrible possessive desire in their hearts.

I went back to work, but my mind wandered to the next room.

Wish you had just had an eye there and could peek at what they were doing right now.

Since then, I have been busy, and Brother Bai Chuan entrusted me to do many things in the company. Because I have crossed industries, it was really difficult at the beginning, but after I gradually got used to it, I became handy.

When I finished my work, it was almost lunch time, so I used this reason to knock on brother Bo Chuan's door again, but Yi Li had already left.

I really want to ask him why Yi Li is crying, but I don't seem to have the position to ask this.

"Mr. Xing going to eat at noon?" I felt uncomfortable and didn't dare to look at him when I asked.

This must be a ghost in my heart. If it is normal, I don't have the confidence to ask now.

I'm afraid he won't go out to dinner with me if he says he won't go out to dinner with me, then I can probably guess who he's dating.

The person in front of him glanced at the time, stretched his waist and said, "Is there anything you want to eat?"

With 5 minutes until my lunch break, I have no appetite at all.

I shook my head, waiting for him to speak.

"what happened to you?"

He stood up and suddenly walked in front of me.

I stepped back quickly and said again and again: "It's okay, I'm fine."

This is good, I acted too panicked, it's strange that he can believe that I'm fine.

He rubbed his temples again, and I suddenly thought that he had a headache this morning, so I asked, "Does your head still hurt?"

Brother Bai Chuan nodded, lowered his hand and said, "Come here and rub it for me."

He sat back in the chair and closed his eyes.

Suddenly my heart beat faster and I felt that I should leave immediately.

"Come on." He didn't open his eyes, waiting for me to pass.

I tiptoed over, but because the back of his chair was too high, I could only stand in front of him.

My legs are slightly apart, occasionally touching his knee.

Pointing fingers on his temples, rubbing them slowly and heavily.

There was a commotion outside, everyone had gone to lunch.

We're still here, his eyes closed, and I'm looking at him.

I thought before that it might be because he looks so similar to Berlin that I would unknowingly have a good impression of him, but I always clearly know that they are two completely different people.

Except for the time when I went to the Arctic Village and mistook Bo Chuan for Berlin because I was drunk, I never saw the shadow of Berlin in him, let alone think of him as a substitute for Berlin.

So where does this love come from?

I couldn't figure it out, and I was stuck in it, unable to extricate myself.

He suddenly opened his eyes and at the same time took my hand.

We looked at each other, and the warmth of his palm spread to my heart along the back of my hand.

I was so nervous that I couldn't speak, and felt that the atmosphere was too weird and overwhelmed me.

I was afraid that he would see my thoughts, because he said that he would not like me.

"Are you tired?" He asked me, holding my hand.

I shook my head, but actually my arms were a little sore.

He smiled, let go of me with one hand, and pulled me out with the other: "Let's go, let's eat first."

I feel that every step I take is like stepping on cotton, and I can't take it seriously, as if I will fall in the next step.

Why is he holding my hand?

Looking at his back, I really want to ask him.

In front of the elevator, I withdrew my hand forcefully.

It's too ambiguous and I can't stand it.

There seemed to be a momentary loss in his eyes, and then he said to me: "Your hands are too cold."

I nodded, didn't speak, and walked in first when the elevator door opened.

It seems to be getting weirder and weirder between us.

He obviously doesn't love me, why does he act like he can't leave me?

Could it be that, as he said at the beginning, he wanted to make up for me instead of Berlin?

If so, I should stay away from him even more.

At this point, I don't want anything but his love.

The weekly treatment is still going on, and on the surface, it is effective.

I am no longer so disgusted with kissing. When I watch those love movies, I don’t feel disgusted when I watch the scenes of the protagonists embracing and kissing when they are deeply in love, and I am even moved occasionally.

But I still can't get this behavior to work on my own.

I can't imagine what it's like to kiss myself, I feel flustered for no reason.

Yi Li told me not to push too hard, he told me to take my time and everything will be fine.

But I want to say, so what if it gets better, the person I once loved is gone, he will never have a kiss from me, the person I am in love with now will not like me at all, I will never have him a kiss.

meaningless.

Even if one day I really healed and I began to long for hugs, kisses, and even sex, it didn't make sense.

On Saturday, my treatment was over.

Yi Li happily went on a date, and the moving company I was looking for called.

I actually have very few things. The old things that I moved out of Swan Bay before have all been thrown away.

Brother Bai Chuan said that there was no need to find a moving company at all, and he just drove over such a small thing.

But I think that life still needs a sense of ritual, just like this move, I completely left the house and found a moving company, it seemed as if I had lived here for a long time.

Uncles and aunts probably couldn't stand me anymore, and they took Zai Zai to a friend's place on the day of moving.

Brother Bai Chuan sat on the sofa in the living room and watched me go about my business, but refused to say a word.

I didn't dare to talk to him either. When he was depressed, he was still a little scary.

I moved all my things out, and the room next to Brother Bai Chuan became empty, leaving only a bed, a desk and a wardrobe.

I stood at the door, suddenly a little sad.

I don't want to go, but I have to go.

This is not my home, I can't stay here forever.

I'm afraid that they will find out my shameful thoughts, and I'm afraid that one day, seeing Brother Bai Chuan fall in love with someone else, at that time, if I leave again, it will be too late.

Before leaving, I left a note in the drawer.

I don't know if Brother Bai Chuan will see it, and I don't know how he will react after seeing it. I just want to leave something behind.

That's my confession.

Three simple words.

I love you.

There is no signature, and no one to write the confession to.

When Brother Bai Chuan found out, he could regard it as my legacy to Berlin. In this way, my desire would be satisfied, and such a cryptic confession would not embarrass him.

I'm probably smart once in a while, but I have to admit my cowardice.

Even the confession is so sneaky.

The newly rented house is very close to the company, and the building can be seen from the balcony.

But I couldn't see Brother Bai Chuan's home.

He didn't come with the moving company or even say goodbye to me.

I came out of there disheartened, feeling that I was really useless.

My life seems to have been escaping. If Berlin hadn't been chasing after me, we probably wouldn't have come together.

Perhaps, what should be changed the most is not my strange disease, but this annoying personality.

I looked at the boxes in the living room, not in the mood to pack them up.

Walked over, kicked, dug out his cigarette, lay down on the ground and smoked.

When I swallowed the clouds, I seemed to have returned to a few months ago.

Not long after Berlin passed away, Brother Bai Chuan and I would always hide side by side on the balcony to smoke.

I remembered again that I used to be a non-smoking and alcoholic, and the first cigarette I smoked was given to me by Brother Bai Chuan.

No, he didn't give it to me, but I asked him for it.

This also caused me to smoke the same brand of cigarettes with him all the time. Occasionally, the pack I just bought collapsed quickly, and I knew that he must have stolen my cigarettes.

After smoking three cigarettes in a row, I was choked to tears.

But a new life has begun, I chose it myself, and I have to face it no matter what.

I woke up lying on the floor, the floor was cold and I had a runny nose.

The phone was still ringing, the doorbell was ringing.

The caller was Brother Bai Chuan, so I quickly picked it up.

"elder brother."

"What are you doing?"

The doorbell stopped and he yelled into his phone.

I looked in the direction of the door and stood up to open it.

Sure enough, he was outside.

"Why haven't you answered the phone or opened the door?" He frowned and glared at me.

I raised my hand to wipe my nose and whispered, "I fell asleep..."

He showed a helpless look, rubbed the center of his eyebrows and said, "I've convinced you."

I smiled and turned to let him into the room.

"Not packed yet?" He changed his shoes at the door, but he couldn't find any slippers after searching for a long time.

Looking back at me, I shook my head and said, "Do you really think it's summer?"

"I'm looking for slippers." Barefoot, I ran to find a pair of cotton slippers and a pair of plastic slippers from the box.

Brother Bai Chuan helped me organize everything, and I just lay on the sofa and watched him work.

Because after he came, I had a fever.

I blamed myself for this, and fell asleep on the floor.

After tidying up the house, he went to the kitchen to look around, and when he came out, he said, "No, you don't have anything here, go out and eat."

I didn't have any appetite at all, so I didn't want to move, so I turned over and faced the inside of the sofa.

I heard him approaching, so I pretended to be asleep.

"I have to eat." He put his palm on my forehead, "You told me that you can only take medicine after you have eaten."

For a moment, my nose was sore again.

I seem to be crying a lot since Berlin died, which is embarrassing as a man.

I raised my hand and put my palm on the back of his hand.

He murmured, "I feel uncomfortable and have no appetite."

I'm a patient, so I shouldn't be blamed for being coquettish with him, right?

He pulled me over to face him.

The man in front of me squatted in front of me, stroked my face with his big fingers, and said softly: "Then I will order a takeaway, you can drink some porridge, and then take medicine to sleep, okay?"

I think, I probably completely fell into this tenderness.

If this is a dream, please don't wake me up.