The Swan Bay Murders

I started having insomnia again, and then smoked a pack of cigarettes in one night.

Originally, the addiction to smoking was not so strong some time ago, but since I decided to move out, it has been out of control again.

Brother Bai Chuan probably didn't want me to move out very much, and always showed a completely different side from his usual when looking at the house.

It's fun to nitpick.

But he didn't say anything to keep me, so I think it's better not to be too sentimental.

It has been disturbing them for so long, and sooner or later the borrowed warmth of the family will have to be repaid. It is better to return it earlier than to be forced to leave when it is too difficult to extricate itself. It will probably be very painful at that time.

The rental agreement has been signed and we can move in next week.

It seems too fast, I haven't come to write down every corner of this home clearly.

Open your eyes until dawn, today I have to tell my uncle and aunt that I am moving out.

The alarm clock rang at six o'clock, and I got up to make breakfast.

At about seven o'clock, Zai Zai ran over and circled around my feet.

Auntie woke up, came over and opened the pot, smelled it, smiled and said, "It's much better than your brother!"

I suddenly feel sad because soon I won't be able to enjoy a morning like this again.

"Auntie." I hesitated for a moment, wondering if it would be a disappointment to say such a thing so early in the morning, but I managed to muster up the courage. If I don't say it now, I may not be delayed until some time.

"Huh?" Auntie was in a good mood and served everyone the rice, and laughed at me and said, "Why are you hesitating? Is there anything you can't tell me?"

I still found it hard to say it, stared at the plate in my hand, paused, and said, "I'm going to move out next week."

I heard the sound of the porcelain bowl falling on the table, so my aunt must be standing by the dining table with her back to me.

She didn't speak, and I didn't dare to turn my head, so we were deadlocked.

The kitchen door was opened, and Brother Bai Chuan walked in.

"The meal is ready." After he finished speaking, he realized that the atmosphere was not right. He was stunned for two seconds, and suddenly asked me sharply, "Jiang Luo, did you tell mom?"

He had never spoken to me in such a tone, serious and cold, as if I were a bad boy who had done something wrong.

I didn't dare to look at him, my eyes were still fixed on the empty plate in my hand, and I bit my lip.

It was the aunt who broke the confrontation first. She said to Brother Bai Chuan, "How are you talking! Why are you scaring Jiang Luo?"

She came over and stroked my back, and said softly, "Son, did we do something that made you uncomfortable recently? Auntie, can I apologize to you?"

My tears flowed out at once, I put down the plate and turned to hug my aunt.

Like hugging my own mom.

She kept patting me, comforting me and said: "Good boy, what do you need to tell Auntie, why are you crying?"

I feel so sorry that I must have upset her again.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I decided to move out. The problem is with me. I want to live alone."

I dare not say too much, dare not tell the truth, how could I admit that because I was too greedy for this family, I even became possessive of brother Bai Chuan, I couldn't continue to indulge myself in such a shameless behavior, so I had to leave.

Brother Bai Chuan left the kitchen, and the auntie didn't say anything, but my shoulders were wet with her tears through the thin pajamas.

Brother Bai Chuan didn't wait for me to go to work together, I think he was probably angry with me.

I am used to taking his car to work every morning, but I suddenly felt awkward when I had to take the bus alone.

People are really like this, it is easy to be killed by habit.

Holding on to the handrail of the bus ring, my heart was in a mess, thinking that if I really moved out in the future, I would have to go to work by myself like this every day.

After I went downstairs to the company, I bought two steamed buns and a bowl of porridge and brought them up. Brother Bai Chuan went out without even eating in the morning. He must be sitting in the office hungry right now.

I came early, before the rest of the company arrived, and the usually noisy office area is still sleeping lightly, waiting to be woken up by everyone to start a busy day.

I carried my breakfast and knocked on the door of his office. Brother Bai Chuan was lying on the table, not sure if he was sleeping or thinking about something.

He looked up at me with no expression on his face and no emotion in his eyes, which made me a little nervous.

I was the one who was at fault for what happened in the morning. It was agreed that he would go and talk to my aunt and uncle about my moving out, hoping to make them feel less sad, but I violated the rules and couldn’t wait to confess. He was also angry. should.

Embarrassed, I raised the breakfast in my hand and said to him softly, "You didn't eat this morning."

He stared at me, then said with an impatient expression, "I don't want to eat."

"But……"

"I'm tired, go out and close the door for me."

He dropped down again, burying his face in his arms.

I was very sad because it was the first time I found out that there was such a distance between us.

I am not very special to him, he can be gentle or indifferent.

I still went in and put breakfast on his table, then whispered: "If you're hungry, go to the microwave to heat it up before eating. I'll go out first, call me if you need something."

The moment I closed the glass door of his office, I suddenly thought, could I not be able to do this job for long?

Will all the connections between us be cut off in the future, and then he will become a short memory in my long life.

Thinking of this, my heart tugged together.

See, people's possessiveness is really terrible. It obviously doesn't belong to you, and it shouldn't belong to you. After you get used to having it, you will mistake it for your own.

But in fact, everything about others has nothing to do with you.

At noon, Yi Li called and said that he was near my company and wanted to have dinner together.

"You can eat with Brother Bai Chuan, I won't go."

"I don't want to have dinner with him." Yi Li wailed, "He's the most boring! Jiang Luo, come here, I beg you."

I was surprised that he didn't call him Brother Bai Chuan, I thought it was just him calling me for dinner.

The two of us made an appointment at a small restaurant behind the company. There were a lot of people at noon, and Yi Li ordered a large table of dishes.

"It's too wasteful to order so much." I sat down and took a sip of water.

"It's okay. If I can't finish eating, I'll pack it up." Yi Li said, "I've been staying up late to write reports recently, and I'm almost exhausted."

"Writing a report?" I thought he was eating, drinking and having fun except during working hours.

"That's right! There's no time for dating!" Yi Li made a grimace and suddenly leaned over and whispered, "What's the matter with you and Xing Baichuan?"

I was startled when he asked, and replied in a panic, "It's nothing."

"You can lie to me." He gave me a piece of meat, and said to me, "Don't blame me for talking too much, although I really think he's boring, but you two are really suitable."

I don't know what words to use to describe myself at this moment, my body and mind seem to be frozen in an instant, I can only hear Yi Li say: "And you are all very stupid, it is fate to be able to be together."

After he finished speaking, I didn't respond for a long time.

Yi Li looked up at me, frowned, and said, "You really don't like Xing Baichuan?"

I quickly shook my head, picked up the cup and took a sip of water to hide my panic.

"That's probably because I misunderstood..." He still stared at me.

I had no choice but to sigh and say, "You misunderstood me. I and Berlin, Brother Bai Chuan's younger brother, are lovers."

"But he's dead, isn't he?" Yi Li's words hit the nail on the head, "You used to be lovers, but you didn't sign an agreement with him to only love him for the rest of your life. After he's dead, isn't it normal for you to fall in love with someone else?"

How should I let him know that I will not fall in love with others, what should I say.

"Jiang Luo, it's not because of this that you dare not admit that you are in love with Xing Baichuan, right?" He tapped the plate in front of me with his chopsticks and said, "Damn, I understand, you two are the ones I met. Funniest patient I've ever had!"

"He's not a patient." I frowned, and finally found something I could talk about.

"No, he is." Yi Li said, "Do you know what he messaged me?"

I don't want to know at all, don't want to know anything about them, that just makes me jealous.

envy?I suddenly grasped the word.

Why am I jealous?

Jealousy that Brother Bai Chuan contacted Yi Li, jealous that they dated and then went to the cake shop together, jealous that Brother Bai Chuan sent Yi Li a message that I didn't know.

Why am I jealous?

I regard Yi Li as a friend. In these days, he has become more than just my psychiatrist.

"He said that he became distracted and absent-minded because you were going to move out, and when he thought about you not living with them in the future, he felt suddenly empty in his heart." Yi Li pinched my chin and asked me to look at him, "What do you mean by that?"

I stepped back and broke free from his hand: "Because they treat me like family."

"Yes, that's what he said too. He said he regarded you as Xing Bailin's substitute."

I frowned, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

I don't want to be a stand-in for anyone, not even the Berlin I loved.

loved...

I mentally used the word "loved" to Berlin, what does that mean?

I became confused, rubbed my temples and said to Yi Li: "I'm not feeling well, you can eat by yourself, I'll go back first."

"Wait a minute." Yi Li held me back and said, "I have one last word."

I looked at him, waiting for him to finish.

"I'm a psychiatrist."

I nodded in agreement with this statement.

"According to my analysis," Yi Li suddenly smiled, winking at me like a naughty boy, "Xing Baichuan is in love with you."