The Swan Bay Murders

I weighed myself in the morning and gained three pounds.

Auntie found out and happily went to make food for me again, which made me a little embarrassed.

He was obviously staying to take care of them, but now he is being taken care of by them everywhere.

I seem to be the only idler in the family, brother Bai Chuan is busy with work, aunt is busy taking care of my body, uncle is obsessed with growing flowers and sometimes looks at them and talks.

It's the end of the year, and it will be a brand new beginning in the next year. Maybe I should really plan for myself.

Xu Zhao came to me at Christmas, he apologized to me, I don't know how to deal with it.

"I'm too impatient." Xu Zhao brought some food for me, but I didn't want to eat a bite.

I have been spoiled recently. Although my appetite has improved a lot, I am very picky eater.

"Don't you want to eat? How about we order something else?" Xu Zhao raised his hand to call the waiter, but I stopped him.

"I'm not hungry, I don't have an appetite." I poured myself a cup of tea, the most common barley tea in the restaurant, it smelled very fragrant.

"You look much more energetic today." Xu Zhao also put down his chopsticks, "Can you tell me what you think? You plan to live with the Xing family in the future?"

I didn't really want to talk about these things with Xu Zhao, so I was silent for a while, and then deliberately changed the subject: "You haven't given me this year's Christmas present yet."

Xu Zhao is good to me, no matter what the festival is, even Children's Day, he will specially prepare a gift for me, although it is embarrassing, but mentioning it now is a good way to change the topic.

He froze for a moment, maybe he didn't expect that I would take the initiative to ask for a gift, because he forced it to me every time before.

"You..." He smiled, "The gift is in my car, and I'll bring it to you when I go out later."

I nodded, suddenly not knowing what to talk about next.

"My mother asked about you a few days ago and asked me to take you back with me on New Year's Day."

Xu Zhao likes me, probably his mother also knows, I will go to see her in the Spring Festival a few years ago, after all, she has always taken good care of me, after knowing that I have a boyfriend, his mother often mentions Xu Zhao intentionally or unintentionally I understand what she means about her refusal to talk about love, but I can't do anything about it.

"I don't want to bother you anymore. Berlin is not here this year. I want to spend time with his parents." I was so careless that I changed the subject again.

"Jiang Luo, I know you are soft-hearted. I feel that Xing Bailin's death has dealt a great blow to his family, so I want to take care of them, but after all, it has nothing to do with you, even..." Xu Zhao paused and took a sip. Cha, "remember what I said, he probably wanted to harm you before he died, is such a person worth it?"

Xu Zhao mentioned the thing I most want to forget. From the first day I was with Berlin, he was very beautiful and safe. He felt that I would leave him. In fact, it should be the other way around, right?

It should be me who should be afraid of losing.

What was Berlin thinking about before he died, and what kind of mood did he have when he carved my name but couldn't wait for me to go home.

All this can only be a mystery, and no one can solve it.

"It's worth it." I said firmly, "You won't understand, many things are not what you think, and I... I will make my own decisions about my affairs."

I stood up and picked up my coat: "Before I went out, I promised my uncle to buy him two new flower pots, so I'll go first."

I walked out while putting on my coat, trying to make myself look decisive, and let Xu Zhao know that I have my own ideas that can determine my own life.

To be honest, I feel guilty towards him in my heart. For so many years, he has wasted all his time and affection on me, and I am both moved and guilty.

Touched but without emotion, we will never be together anyway.

"Jiang Luo!" He chased after me and grabbed my wrist, "Wait for me, I'll go to pay the bill, and then send you back, wait for me."

He ran to the cashier, turning to look at me from time to time as he paid.

He is afraid that I will leave, and I can probably understand his anxiety.

I stood at the door, obediently waiting for him.

I don't think there's any need for us to break up or have nothing to do with each other. I don't have such intense conflicts with him, although I don't accept his so-called "for your own good".

He walked over to me after buying the bill.

"I'll treat you next time." I said, "I'm going to look for a job after New Year's Day."

We walked slowly to the place where he parked, and Xu Zhao said, "It's time to get back on track. After all, you are a top student in a famous university, so you should make a difference."

But I don’t think so in my heart. Now I don’t have any high expectations. I just want to make a living. I have no interest in making a difference or making a big difference.

When we got to his car, Xu Zhao opened the door and said, "This is a Christmas present for you, I hope you like it."

He took out a large bouquet of roses, red like a fire.

Pedestrians passing by all looked sideways, and I suddenly felt extremely embarrassed, wishing I could find a crack in the ground and sneak in.

I'm not good at dealing with such a situation, I just know that I can't accept this rose.

"I've wanted to send you roses for a long time, just like I've wanted to say I love you." Xu Zhao approached step by step, with the bouquet of flowers in the middle, sticking to our chests, "Jiang Luo, I love you, I love you with me." Be together."

I started to ring in my ears, started to panic, and started to want to run away.

I don't want to hurt Xu Zhao, but I can't agree to him because of this.

I hesitated for a long time, raised my eyes to look at him, and said, "No, Xu Zhao, I can't do it."

I really can't, my lover just died, how can I accept other love and roses.

But even if I didn't have a lover, I shouldn't accept it, but at this moment, Berlin can just be my excuse.

"Berlin just died and I can't..."

"I can wait." Xu Zhao tried to squeeze the rose into my hand, and I retreated in a panic to keep a distance from him.

"No more." I have already reached the side of the road, and there are vehicles passing by, "Xu Zhao, I didn't want to say it at first, but...even if I have been single without Berlin, I will not be with you. I will take you As a family member, I know how good you are to me, and it is precisely because of this that I can't be with you even more, I don't love you, so I'm sorry."

After I finished speaking, I turned around and wanted to run, only to find that Brother Bai Chuan's car was parked behind me.

With the car window open, with a cigarette in his hand, he said to me, "Jiang Luo, get in the car and go home."

Like a fleeing soldier, I got into Brother Bai Chuan's car without daring to look back.

I was so flustered I closed the door twice to get it shut and then forgot to put my seat belt on.

Brother Bai Chuan put the cigarette in his mouth, turned around and fastened my seat belt.

I looked ahead and heard him mumble, "What's going on? He confessed to you?"

The soot fell on me, and he blew on it lightly, then glanced at Xu Zhao who was standing outside.

I clenched my fists and didn't want to speak, let alone look at Xu Zhao's expression.

He was probably disappointed and sad. I'm sorry, but I have to do this.

I didn't buy a flower pot for my uncle, because Brother Bai Chuan took me directly to his company.

He just happened to pass by at noon when he came out to do some business, and he said that he might just be telling Xu Zhao to go home.

His company here is very small, with less than 20 employees in total, and rents the first floor of an office building outside the Fourth Ring Road. It is said that the rent here will be slightly lower, but it is estimated that it will not be much cheaper.

"You can use my computer to surf the Internet here, or you can browse the books on the bookshelf over there. I'm going to a meeting, so I won't accompany you. If you need something, you can ask the front desk." After drinking a glass of water, he brought a blanket over, "It's going to be a little cold here, don't freeze."

After he explained these things, he hurried to the meeting room next door. I sat on the sofa and looked out through the glass door. There were a lot of young people in his company, everyone was holding a laptop, and they were discussing something seriously. .

I suddenly remembered that a few months ago, I was like them, working hard and living hard.

Looking at the present, although it is much better than when Berlin just passed away, it is indeed like what Brother Bai Chuan said, I should not be like this.

The phone rang, and I was taken aback. I was afraid of affecting other people's work, so I immediately switched to silent mode.

It was Xu Zhao who sent the message, and he still apologized to me, saying that he could give me time and wait for me to come out.

I don't know how to tell him that no matter how long he waits, my lover will never be him.

I didn't reply to Xu Zhao's message. When I can't solve a problem, I often choose to escape like this.

After drinking two sips of water, I went to the bookshelf to find a book.

Coincidentally, Brother Bai Chuan also has the book "Love in the Time of Cholera".

I took it, sat back on the couch with a blanket over my lap, and opened the book to find the page I was looking at earlier.

I haven't read a book since Berlin died, because I can't calm down.

However, during the whole afternoon in Brother Bai Chuan's office, I finally finished reading this book, and finally gained the long-lost peace.

This kind of peace comes from the bottom of my heart. I think I will never forget this afternoon in my life. In this slightly cold office, I watched the sun slowly sinking outside the window. The setting sun dyed the room a warm orange , the world began to become gentle and beautiful.

This time I should really recover, time is too cruel, but too powerful, it pulls me forward, but within two months, it has made me lessen the pain in my heart.

I suddenly felt very sorry for Berlin. My heart didn't want to let myself get out of that shadow, but my brain gradually began to lose its chaos.

I stretched myself and got myself another cup of hot water.

Standing in front of the big window of Brother Bai Chuan's office, as soon as he lowered his head, there was a lot of traffic.

I remembered that when Berlin had just passed away, I almost jumped from the balcony on the 27th floor of the hotel, and it was Brother Bai Chuan who stopped me.

I'm a little thankful now, glad that I was pulled back then.

So, people are actually very ruthless. I thought I would love Berlin until I die, but now that he is dead, in just two months, I am actually glad that I am still alive.

I am embarrassed by the thought of myself, and at the same time relieved.

There was a noise outside, and their meeting finally came to an end.

I turned around and saw Brother Bai Chuan in the corridor talking to a boy with a work card hanging on his chest. I don't know if he sensed my gaze, so he turned his head to look at me.