Severe Emotional Cleanliness Mutual Aid Group

"So why did you separate again later?"

In the coffee shop, Chu Jing and his friend were sitting opposite each other, slowly stirring the dark brown liquid in the cup with a silver spoon in their hands.A kitten jumped onto Chu Jing's lap, and Chu Jing scratched its chin. The kitten pressed his slender fingers with its soft paw, and Chu Jing smiled while stroking the kitten. , while saying: "When I can only be his friend, I feel that as long as he is willing to accept me, no matter who he thinks in his heart, I can bear it. After all, staying by his side as a boyfriend can be justified Asking him all kinds of demands is much better than just being a friend who is not qualified to comment on his life and feelings. I did get some of what I wanted, but the more I got, the more I got. The more, the more dissatisfied I am.”

"At the beginning, I thought that I would be satisfied if he was willing to accept me. Later, as long as he had me in his heart, I would be satisfied. Then, if he only had me in his heart and no one else, it would be fine."

The friend laughed and said, "At least he had you in his heart, didn't he?"

Chu Jing smiled wryly: "No, Fang has always been the only one in his heart."

Friend: "Is it really so bitter? You have been living together for a month anyway, and it's not like you haven't had physical contact. He has never loved you at all in his heart? It is said that a couple is a couple every day, but I don't believe that he has never loved you at all." tempted."

Chu Jing sighed, "If he had been sincere to me, I wouldn't have separated from him so quickly."

Friend: "Is it really to the point where you can't bear it for another day?"

Chu Jing: "I used to think I could bear it, but later I realized that I overestimated myself. When I was not with him, I always fantasized that one day I would be able to impress him. But when I really got the opportunity I dreamed of , I felt the real despair. Every day I was with him, I could feel his longing and love for that person from the corners of his brows and eyes. When he was in a daze, I knew he was missing that person. I know he misses him when he smokes. I know he misses him when he cooks. I know he misses him when he peels my apples. I know him even when he hugs me. Missing him."

"His whole life is full of exes, even his every breath is expressing his love."

The friend interjected: "But before that, didn't you guys also be roommates for a while? If his feelings are so obvious, why didn't you find out before?"

Chu Jing: "Actually, it's also very obvious, but I chose to turn a blind eye."

Friend: "Then why did you figure it out later?"

Chu Jing: "When I was with him at the beginning, I was in a state of ecstasy. Later, after this state of madness was over, I began to try to establish a deeper emotional connection with him step by step. But I I found that there is nothing step by step, bit by bit, his heart is closed to me, even though he never said it, even though he seems to be very considerate and good to me, but I know, I can never really get him."

Chu Jing laughed at himself, "It's as if there was an insurmountable scourge between me and him. I couldn't get through it, and he didn't want to come over. What's worse, Fang actually stayed with him on the other side of the abyss."

"In the end, I was the most selfish one. Because I liked him, I tried everything possible to get him to accept me. And because I couldn't bear the fact that he wouldn't love me, I ended the relationship hastily. I really am so terrible."

The friend smiled: "I think he still liked you, otherwise why would he agree to be with you? Just because of gratitude? I don't believe it."

Chu Jing looked over the top of her friend, through the clean and bright floor-to-ceiling windows of the coffee shop, and looked into the endless void, as if she was looking at someone who would never be able to reach her.

He murmured: "Chu Nan told me that the moment he agreed to me, he mistook gratitude and touch for liking. He told me that he was sorry."

Chu Jing withdrew her gaze and laughed at herself, "Am I a bit too pathetic?"

In the dimly lit room, the curtains were closed, only the faint light flickering on the computer screen.

Fang actually nestled on the big bed in the bedroom, which was unsightly and unsightly, playing games with an unshaven beard, like a homeless wandering soul.Beside him, various biscuit boxes, bread cake packaging bags, and potato chip bags surrounded him and submerged him.

He yelled at Mai, "Will Mom know how to fight!", then turned sideways and scrambled in the mess, and finally found half a pack of uneaten potato chips. I squeezed a piece out with my hand, took a bite, and found that it had been damp, and it tasted damp and musty.He didn't care, he still ate slice by slice. After eating the wet potato chips, he still raised his head and shook the bottom pieces into his mouth. The pieces leaked out from the corner of his mouth like raindrops, sprinkled all over him.He didn't care, he threw the bag and continued to scold the idiot in the game.

Fang actually has a sharp tongue, and recently he has been scolding with netizens from all over the country in the game. After a period of actual combat training, his skill of slandering others has greatly improved. With just a touch of his mouth, he can cover everything the opponent has for 5000 years. The in-laws of the ancestors, their tricks are complicated, the words are dirty, the words are pronounced clearly, and the breath is long. Throughout the ages, no one can match them.What's more, when he was full of obscenities, he could still maintain clear thinking, perfect logic and a calm demeanor, as well as a kind of majestic spirit of not shutting his mouth before the collapse of Mount Tai, convincing everyone but hearing his name, All of them have two hairs standing on end.Over time, the scolding battle between Fang and others has become one of the highlights of this server. Netizens from other servers and even other games have come here admiringly, just to see his burly appearance.

In just 5 minutes, Fang had already played against two fierce generals, and they both returned with great victories.Fang actually scolded impassionedly, scolded passionately, scolded so dryly, and scolded without interest.

He looked at the various virtual figures running and jumping on the screen, and at the mess around him. He suddenly slumped his shoulders, closed the computer with a snap, took off the earphones and threw them beside the bed, wearing Underpants, bare feet, walking towards the kitchen.

Open the refrigerator, except for a few cans of beer, it can be said to be empty.Fang actually took out a can, lifted the tab and started drinking.The wine was cold to the bone, passing through the intestines, like an extremely sharp ice pick, cutting his liver and gallbladder apart.

As if he couldn't bear it all of a sudden, Fang slammed the jar hard to the ground, crouched down slowly with his head in his arms, and burst into tears.

It has been two months and five days since he saw Jin Chunan for the last time.

Zero three hours, 28 minutes, 53 seconds.

The last time he saw Jin Chunan, Jin Chunan was coming out of Chu Jing's house, wearing a thick black nightgown and double fur slippers underneath.

When seeing him, Jin Chunan visibly froze, and Fang couldn't speak. The two stood there silently for a long time, until Chu Jing pushed open the wooden door of the bedroom and came out.

Chu Jing also wore a nightgown, the same color, style, and material as Jin Chunan's.He looked at Jin Chunan, turned his head and said, "Come in and sit for a while?"

Fang actually said coldly: "No need."

Chu Jing sighed, and said to Jin Chunan: "Don't be dazed, aren't you going to buy cigarettes, just to give Mr. Fang a ride."

Jin Chunan nodded, but instead of looking at Chu Jing, the other party actually said, "Let's go."

As he spoke, he went downstairs first.

Chu Jing nodded politely to the other party, but Fang turned a blind eye to this and walked down the steps without saying a word.

The two walked one after the other, and Fang looked greedily at Jin Chunan's back.Jin Chunan is tall, and has lost a lot of weight recently, and his figure looks a bit desolate.Jin Chunan went to the canteen downstairs to buy a pack of cigarettes, tore open the box, and shook one out, but the other party shook it.

Fang actually reached out to take it, and Jin Chunan silently lit a cigarette for him, and then took out one himself.

In the middle of winter, the street was cold and windy. Both of them were wearing thin clothes, with haggard faces, standing on the side of the road with their shoulders hunched, looking sloppy and not handsome at all.Jin Chunan didn't open his mouth, Fang actually just smoked with his head sullen, and looked up at Jin Chunan from time to time.

A cigarette, or a long period of love.

Jin Chunan took a deep puff on the remaining cigarette butt, turned around and crushed the cigarette butt against the wall, and threw it on the ground carelessly.Fang actually imitated his example, slamming the cigarette butt against the wall, pulling it down, and drawing a withered black mark on the wall.

Jin Chunan watched his movements, smiled invisibly, and said lightly, "So, let's go back."

Fang actually pretended to be calm and said lightly: "Let's go together."

Jin Chunan looked at him quietly, his face was obviously quite calm, but it made people feel extremely sad for no reason.

He said lightly: "I can't go back, unexpectedly."

Fang unexpectedly raised his hand to touch his face, but he lowered his hand just halfway up. He tried his best to restrain his emotions, but his voice still trembled uncontrollably, "Yes."

Jin Chunan reached out and shook his cold fingertips, sighed, and said, "The temperature is low recently, so wear more clothes."

As he said that, he was about to turn around and leave.

Fang actually reached out and grabbed his wrist tightly.Jin Chunan didn't break free, but just looked at him quietly.

Fang actually raised his hand to touch the red hickey on his neckline, and suddenly he couldn't help shaking his hand hard, giving him a heart-wrenching slap.

This strength is obviously not heavy, but Jin Chunan's figure still visibly swayed.He stretched out his hands to support the wall, closed his eyes, and opened them again. Seeing Fang's face that was about to cry, he raised his hand slightly, as if he wanted to comfort him.

But he didn't do that after all, he just said lightly: "Go back."

Then he left alone.

And the last time Fang actually saw Jin Chunan was in the hospital where he was recuperating.

Since he was injured, except when Jin Chunan nervously accompanied him through the examination when he was first admitted to the hospital, he had never seen Jin Chunan.

I haven't seen a piece of clothing.

As for Jin Chunan's accompanying him in the examination, it was told through Xiao Wang's mouth, and he didn't even feel Xiao Jin's concern and love in person.What also came from Xiao Wang's mouth was Jin Chunan's meticulous care of Chu Jingyi.

And that used to be a privilege that only Fang Ran could enjoy.

Chu Jing was injured trying to save him, but Fang unexpectedly couldn't thank him calmly because of the quarrels and fights between the two of them in the past.But he is not a wolf-hearted person, he can't repay kindness with grievances, so he can't openly fight with him when the other party is sick in bed, relying on his wheelchair and crutches to move freely.

Besides, Jin Chunan might not necessarily go with him.

So like a pitiful ostrich, he shivered and buried his head in the sand, thinking that as long as he didn't watch or listen, all the bad things wouldn't happen.

But later, he still met Jin Chunan.

That was the last time in the courtyard, and it could be said that it was the only time.