Dedicated to Luhe

I have always felt that to think about it more easily in the workplace, the first thing is to learn to keep a distance from colleagues and leaders. Don’t listen to some gossip that you shouldn’t listen to, and don’t know some secrets that you shouldn’t know.

Of course, my mentality is only suitable for people who never want to climb up to the management level by some quick means. I don’t mean that kind of people are bad, but I just think that compared to that, I’m better at "preserving my life wisely"—— "Mingzhe" may be me putting money on myself, but I have always tried to be a person who stands outside any small circle.

Before today, I was curious about Lu He, but in the final analysis, all the curiosity stemmed from our first meeting.

In the summer morning, the slow river and the bridge still awake, I was tired after running 1000 meters, slowed down and started to take a leisurely walk, and he, who was mentally ill and disheveled, looked like a down and out young man.

At that time, I thought he was going to commit suicide, but now I finally know that he really was going to commit suicide at that time.

Lu He really doesn't look like that kind of person.

Unlike the kind of people who would willingly give up their lives because of certain things.

The contact these days makes me feel that he is simply what I want myself to be the most, the kind of person who will be the first to be picked out even on a blind date, or many people will choose him together.

Needless to say about the physical appearance, who would not say that Boss Lu is so handsome and has a good temperament?

Needless to say about the economic strength, I can't even think about the annual salary of most department directors in our company.

You need good looks, you need knowledge and knowledge, you need status and status, and you need economic strength and economic strength.

Isn't this the future self I imagined when I graduated from college?

It's just a pity, fantasies are fantasies after all, and it's hard to realize even ideals these days, let alone fantasies.

Therefore, no one thought that such Lu He would ever have the idea of ​​suicide.

I want to know why, not to get a handle on his secrets, but just to wonder what it was that nearly beat him.

However, I didn't ask.

In the past, when I was in college, I had a nickname called "Shu·One Hundred Thousand Whys·Wang". After working for so many years and meeting so many people, I learned to ask less "why".

To put it bluntly, it means learning to keep a distance from people.

Don't try to walk into someone else's world.

I know that this kind of thinking is not absolutely correct, but I always think that if the other party is willing, they will definitely reach out to me. If they don't have that intention, I will reduce the burden on them.

So, at this moment, according to the normal chat process, I should ask him what happened at that time and why he had the idea of ​​committing suicide, but I didn't. I just touched the can with a beer and said, "Cheers, dedicated to alive."

This sentence sounds a bit hypocritical when it is said, but when drinking, everything becomes reasonable.

Lu He seemed a little surprised, he looked at me drinking, and then asked: "Aren't you wondering why I committed suicide?"

"Curiosity." I was very honest, "but this is also your secret. I will listen to what you say. If you choose not to speak, I will sit here with you, talk, drink and watch the moon count the stars."

Lu He smiled: "Look at the moon and count the stars...you are quite romantic."

"I want to be romantic, but I can't count the stars, I'm dizzy, I can't be romantic anymore."

"I think you are not dizzy from counting the stars, but from drinking."

Lu He took the beer can from my hand: "Go to sleep."

I'm a little sleepy and tired, but I don't want to leave Lu He sitting here alone, alone, only accompanied by the moon and stars, the sky is so lively, but he is the only one on the ground, how lonely.

I took my beer back from his hand: "Take another sip, dedicated to my long-awaited sleepiness."

My drowsiness actually came, but I have to say it didn't.

Lu He clinked glasses with me and drank with me.

"Shu Wang."

"Ok?"

"Is there any hurdle in your heart that you can't get over?"

I was overwhelmed by his question.

"I..." Seeing that I didn't answer for a long time, he wanted to say something.

I interrupted him confusedly and said, "Wait a minute, I'm sure."

There are already a few empty beer cans lying around, plus the previous two glasses of draft beer, my drinking capacity is just like this.

But as the saying goes, wine does not depend on whether you can drink it, but on whether you dare to drink it. I usually have a good grasp of it when I go out. Addiction, just like some people are addicted to coffee and smoking, this beer can can’t leave my hand, and I will open another can as soon as it is empty.

I think I was still influenced by Lu He.

Thinking that he would also experience despair, his heart was like a wet towel being squeezed by a pair of ruthless hands, causing cramping pain.

The reason is nothing more than I can’t believe it. In my opinion, Lu He has superior conditions that I can’t even touch when I jump up. Suddenly, I discovered my own narrowness. It turns out that people’s life is not a good condition, but a love The strength of life is not that the proud son of heaven, who is surrounded by golden mountains and beauties, is really carefree. Worry will not let any of us go.

In other words, in the face of worries, people are not divided into three or six grades, and we are all the most ordinary ants.

"Yes." I said, "When I was young, I felt that the top three in the class was a hurdle. I always got fourth in the exam, but I just couldn't get in."

Lu He smiled.

"Be a little older, let's go to middle school, and find out that let alone fourth, this time I can't even make it into the top ten. It's another hurdle."

Lu He drank wine and listened to me saying these unnutritious words.

"Later, I started to really understand things, and I also hid things in my heart." I was silent, counting silently in my heart, and counted for 20 seconds.

After 20 seconds, I took a sip of the wine, and my mouth felt astringent and bitter, and the astringency and bitterness went into my heart and stomach together.

"Then the hurdles that were in front of me didn't seem so important anymore, because there were hurdles that I couldn't say or dare to say, and I couldn't get over it no matter how much I raised my feet." I said, "I was so panicked at the time that I was so scared that I cried. gone."

When I just realized that I like boys, I was really scared and cried.

At that time, I already knew what homosexuality was, because one year during the summer vacation, I went to the video studio with my relative’s brother. At that time, a film was shown of two men dating. It was a pure love movie, really called pure love. The most intimate contact between two people from beginning to end is only a superficial kiss.Under the snowy streetlights, they kissed and separated immediately.

I know from the movie that this kind of emotion exists, and I also know from the movie and the laughter of the people around after the movie is over how unwelcome it is.

At that time, a few years ago, in the eyes of a bunch of middle-aged and middle-aged people, this was something that could be made fun of.

When I grew up, I found that the world's feedback to homosexuality is actually very complicated, and there are many other emotions besides making fun of it.

It scares me.

"Are you crying?"

I nodded.

"Nothing," I said, "because I found out I'm in love with Beckham, and he's married to Victoria."

Lu He laughed at first, as if he had heard a funny joke. After a few seconds, his laughter stopped, and I heard his question, with some uncertain doubts and surprise: "Beckham? "

I nodded: "Well, Beckham."