The whole world thinks I'm a scumbag

In the dark classroom, the light is like sand sinking into the bottom of the water, gradually sinking, and falling on Lu Xingyin's eyebrows and eyes, it is a gentle and calm brilliance.

The bell rang for the end of get out of class, and the last evening self-study also ended. Students came out in groups of threes and fours from the distant teaching building, and the noise came indistinctly and far away, far away from their world.The street lights outside were dim, and there were translucent raindrops hanging on the glass windows, reflecting the dim night, and the shadows of the two of them facing each other quietly.

At that moment, Gu Fangwei felt his heart beat faster, and it rang heavily in his ears.

When those deer eyes looked over with such gentle and divine eyes, he even lost his mind for a moment.

After reacting, Gu Fangwei only looked away to cover up, smiled, and his voice was low and slightly hoarse: "—what are you singing?"

He stepped aside, pulled Deer Walking Yin to ask him to sit down with him, and stared up at the dim ceiling of the classroom.The little zombie didn't move on the ground, only the indicator light flashed from time to time, which was a dark blue light.

"I can sing the opening song of cartoons." Lu Xingyin asked him, his voice was clear and calm, "Have you ever watched "The Return of the Tiger"?"

That was what he saw on TV in the hospital when he was very young.It was the first time he went to a traditional Chinese medicine hospital for acupuncture, and was frightened and cried by rows of silver needles. The nurse specially tuned this animation for him to watch.

The pirated discs of that era cost [-] yuan each and burned hundreds of movies and TV series. The cover paper was very rough, like hard gravel.From "Little Tiger Returns Home" to "Huo Yuanjia", I don't remember the plot, I only remember that when the little tiger was exhausted, he watched his heart ache, and "Huo Yuanjia", I don't remember the tragedy of killing the family, only remember that it was in the pot The scrambled eggs that burst into bubbles in the fire, thought that it should be the most delicious thing in the world - so he went back and begged Grandma Lu to fry one for him too.

Gu Fangwei shook his head.

He basically didn't grow up in China, and he basically didn't resonate with his peers in China about cartoons, and he basically only watched Hollywood-style animated movies.

But he turned his head seriously and listened silently.

Lu Xingyin's voice is actually very nice, but because of his poor health, it doesn't sound very powerful, and his breathing is intermittent, and occasionally he has to stop because he can't find the tune.But that voice was warm and soft, constantly and softly ringing in his ears.

"The world in your eyes

through the mountains

Dreams and reality overlap

Many things are still unknown...

you are unconscious

surging blood

The longing is getting stronger day by day

With strength you work tirelessly..."

(Lyric quote - Tiger's Homecoming Opening Song)

The melody is also very nice, but Gu Fangwei laughed when he heard the word: "It's another chicken soup-style inspirational line for children, dreams and courage. Who knew what courage was at that time?"

Lu Xingyin said softly: "I know."

It is courage to drink a pack of medicine in one breath, and it is courage to open your eyes wide to see the infusion needle penetrate into your skin. It is courage to go to the medicinal material wholesale market alone for the first time and bargain with those adults.

It is courage for him to like him.

After singing a song, Lu Xingyin turned to look at him, and asked gently: "Is it not good?"

Gu Fangwei reached out and touched his head: "It sounds good. Keep singing, and when my brother hears that the lights over there are off, I will send you back to the dormitory."

So he continued to sing to him.Most of them are song clips from cartoons and TV dramas that I watched in the hospital when I was a child. Some of them can’t remember the words, so they just hum along with the melody softly.

Finally, the deer singing stopped singing.Outside the window, the lights of the teaching building have not yet dimmed.

Gu Fangwei asked gently: "Why don't you sing?"

"I'm tired of singing, I don't want to sing anymore." Lu Xingyin looked at him, "Your little zombie won't work continuously for such a long time."

Gu Fangwei laughed again.The peach blossom eyes were bent, and finally some warmth was brought inside.

Lu Xingyin looked out the window and said: "Today the lights in the teaching building will not go out, the teachers are holding a meeting."

Gu Fangwei followed his gaze and looked out.

"Teacher Song and the others are very happy." Lu Xingyin said softly, "My brother passed the No. 1 exam. I heard that the Education Bureau will re-evaluate the progress of this restructuring. We are also very happy because we can continue to do the same Having books to read doesn’t count as giving up.”

Gu Fangwei heard "No.1" this time, without any fluctuations, and listened quietly.

This little brother can say whatever he thinks of. First, let’s talk about how the students of Yingcai Middle School show off their power, and how the scene of the announcement of the results is very exciting. , There are too many gifts in his position to fit.

Talking about Song Li again: "Teacher Song may have to resign. He told us that these things are not good. We are very reluctant to part with him, but hope he can go to a better place."

"Today he said that May [-]rd is very good, but Yi Qingyang told me that at this stage we can do the red book first, which is more basic, and the purple one is for the third year of high school. But he also said that with our progress, we can directly do the college entrance examination questions There is no problem. What do you think, brother?"

He is usually not such a talkative person, Gu Fangwei listened and heard it - the angles that were relayed, and the way he tried to speak with enthusiasm, was what Lu Xingyin tried to tell him.

According to his calm temperament, he would not care too much about the provocations of the students at the unexpected school, and he would not be entangled in a teaching aid to do the basics first or the college entrance examination questions first--Lu Xingyin even prepared for the monthly exam, he just gnawed on the college entrance examination papers .

He was coaxing him, quietly and quietly, telling him what he had brought them.

Those vain, vague, and repetitive words in the past seem to be far away at this moment.

——Don't think so much, it's not your fault that you were born in such a family, and it's not something you can change. In a sense, what the uncles and aunts said is right, but it's not very nice.

——It’s moral kidnapping, Gu Fangwei, what happened to you, you shouldn’t be such a depraved person!

—isn't it true?If you were not born in our family, and you were not fed with so many resources, so many laboratories and academic contacts, do you think you would be able to achieve what you are now?For a piece of paper, the receiver prefers you over other people who have been immersed in this field for decades. If it wasn't because your surname was Gu, what else would it be?

He has always been free, free to never doubt everything around him, until a life disappeared in front of him, and that jumping off a building tragically shattered his self-confidence and freedom.

Unable to find that answer, he went outside the church.He didn't have these beliefs, but just sat on the snow-covered bench all day, letting the snow fall on his eyelashes.After receiving the Holy Communion, the aunts danced in the square, and the deafening and noisy sound scared away the white pigeons in the square.

He closed his eyes once, and the last eyes of the dead man who jumped off the building appeared in front of his eyes.

"Osamu Dazai." Lu Xingyin said suddenly.

Gu Fangwei tilted his head, opened his eyes slightly, and didn't follow his brain circuit for a while: "?"

"Brother, you mentioned it to me." As soon as Lu Xingyin opened his mouth, the heat dissipated in the winter air, and it was white. "When you told me about the little zombie last time, you mentioned the book he wrote."

"Well, what then?" Gu Fangwei smiled softly, "Did you go to see it? Really worked hard."

"I will work very hard." Lu Xingyin said seriously, "I will work very hard to chase people."

Gu Fangwei froze, with a smile on his lips, but avoided his sight, slightly absent-minded.

"Osamu Dazai was born in a family of rich officials and rich people in his hometown. He came into contact with Marxism and proletarian thought in middle school, and always believed that his birth was a kind of original sin." Lu Xingyin said softly, "This negative attitude has never been He accompanied him in middle school until his last suicide. But what he left behind may have something to do with his family background, but it has nothing to do with it at the same time.”

"My brother likes him, but I don't like him. He makes me feel uncomfortable. What I like is my brother." Lu Xingyin's gentle voice brushed past his ear, like a whisper, "You said "No Place in the World" , I only agree with one sentence in it.”

"The Gu Fangwei I know has a straightforward personality and is intelligent. If he doesn't reject me..." Lu Xingyin read like a text, "No, even if he rejected me... he is as good as a god. child."

Gu Fangwei's tense mood all night disappeared in this sentence, and he burst into laughter——Lu Xingyin solemnly changed the ironic ending of the last paragraph of the novel, and replaced him with the protagonist.

He stretched out his hand, grabbed Lu Xingyin with one hand, rubbed his hair crazily with the other hand, and laughed angrily and amusedly: "Little thing, it's terribly bad!"

Lu Xingyin didn't hide, just looked at him, his eyes sparkled.

Gu Fangwei suddenly felt that he couldn't bear such a look in his eyes—the same light and gentle eyes, but when he looked over, his heart seemed to burn together.

His movements were slow and gentle, and finally he reached out to smooth out his messy hair, and said softly, "...if only you were a girl."

"I'm not a girl." Lu Xingyin looked at him quietly, "Lu Xingyin is Lu Xingyin, brother, if you want to like me in the future, you must also like me as a man."

"..." Gu Fangwei was startled, and his voice became serious. After thinking for a while, he said, "Brother knows."

As Lu Xingyin said, the lights of the teaching building stay on all night long.Normally, 10 minutes after the lights go out there, the dormitory side is closed.

Gu Fangwei pulled Lu Xingyin and jumped off the desk, glanced at the time, he had already missed the closing time of the dormitory, and Lu Xingyin couldn't go back.

He said, "Go out and get something to eat. Is there anything you want to eat?"

Lu Xingyin said: "No."

Gu Fangwei thought for a while: "Then Malatang, you said to bring me Malatang the other day, where did you come from?"

"Teacher Chen invited us to eat, and praised us for winning the honor of the school." Lu Xingyin said, "I packed some meatballs, fish steaks, etc. for you later, and cooked sliced ​​​​noodles and instant noodles. But you were not at home that day. .”

They walked down, in the dark science and technology building, every step they took, echoed with crisp footsteps.

Gu Fangwei was silent for a while: "My friend came that day, and I went back to the city. You saw Ye Pingting and the others last time."

"Well, I know." Lu Xingyin said, "If you don't answer the phone, there must be something."

"What about the back? I'm not here. Have you turned on the heating?" Gu Fangwei asked, staring at him with sharp and beautiful peach blossom eyes, "I didn't see you when I went back in the middle of the night, I only saw your text message, and I almost didn't give it to you." I'm so hungry. Even if you don't go in, you don't know how to put the little calculator by the door for me."

"Didn't go in." Lu Xingyin walked down with his schoolbag in his arms, and said seriously, "Because my brother is not at home and doesn't reply to text messages, so I am very angry. I ate your share myself."

"..."

He admitted it so frankly.

Gu Fangwei tilted his head, trying to hold back a smile.

He imagined the scene: a white dumpling, stubbornly refusing to take out the key to enter the door, squatting down and eating a portion of lukewarm Mala Tang by himself.Some are cute, some are pathetic.

It is distressing.

"In the future." Gu Fangwei said softly, "Even if you stop chasing your brother and chase other people, you have to cherish your body. Go in with the key, understand?"

Lu Xingyin glanced at him with dark eyes, and said obediently: "Okay."