The Guide to the Tear-offs in the Online Supporting Circle Part 2: Peak Acting Skills

In the middle of the night, Xie Zhengyan went to a nearby 24-hour convenience store and bought a 500ml bottle of Yanghe Daqu. As soon as he paid for it, he unscrewed the cap and blew on the bottle impatiently. The impatient people were drinking pesticides as if they were dead, and the clerk was taken aback for a moment, thinking that he was a drunk addict.

Little did he know that Xie Zhengyan was simple and honest since he was a child, and he did not dare to cultivate the bad habit of smoking and drinking. He was a smoker and alcoholic in the dormitory when he was in college, but he was always determined to be self-sufficient. The boss and colleagues are unhappy.Today, I only resorted to the folk remedy of borrowing alcohol to relieve my sorrows because I was so depressed that I had nowhere to go. I held my breath and drank vigorously all the way, and when I got home, I threw away the empty wine bottle, and the memory of the first half of the night was interrupted.

He didn't remember how he took off his coat and sweater, and he didn't know why the tidy house was turned into ruins after an earthquake measuring [-] on the Richter scale. When he regained consciousness, he found that Fuzi was licking his face. The guy must have been terrified, his big eyes were wet, and every part of his body was trembling. Seeing him crawling up and sitting up, his first reaction was to scurry under the bed, sobbing timidly.

At this moment, Xie Zhengyan's mind is a piece of kraft paper soaked in oil, showing a hazy and translucent shape. This paper blocks out what should not be forgotten, but allows the information that he desperately wants to forget to gather and mix on it. The alcohol is still in his body. The cavity was hot and burning, which made him dizzy upside down, and also made the information boil and clamor.He beat his head hard, wishing he could knock out a hole in his temple, a stream of tears suddenly choked up, broke through his jaw and hit the ceiling in one fell swoop.The cry was miserable and very strange, as if it came from a bored tree hole, firmly adsorbed on the surface of the cold night, creating strange images for the sleeping dreams of the people around.

A few lines of bitter tears flowed down his throat, he felt his stomach wall was about to burst, he hurriedly crawled into the toilet and scratched his throat, vomited into the dark, and finally even vomited out green bile, but the blockage still remained undiminished.So he understood that the body of the foreign body was an invisible emotion. He needed to vomit psychologically and find a listener to take over his heavy grievances.

Who has the heart to be a drunk toilet in the middle of the night?Xie Zhengyan chose the target the moment he grabbed the phone, and now he can only make judgments based on intuition, he firmly believes that the person will not refuse, although he is not sure whether he has enough patience, but what is certain is that he has enough calmness to tolerate He finished what he wanted to say.

"It's already 04:30, why haven't you slept yet?"

Waking up from a deep sleep, Qian Fan's voice was so vague that it was close to raving, but there was no impatience or disgust, or even if there was, Xie Zhengyan couldn't feel it in his current state.

He spoke in a more chaotic voice than the other party: "Old Qian, I feel so uncomfortable now, I feel so uncomfortable that I want to die, can you listen to my last words?"

"what?"

Qian Fan woke up as if pouring cold water on him, and asked him if he was drunk.

Xie Zhengyan answered irrelevantly and told him that he had done a very disgusting thing today, so disgusting that it was like feeding everyone ten thousand flies.Qian Fan was quick-witted and experienced, he diagnosed the cause as soon as he heard this, and said with a smile: "You have a showdown with that suitor? Well, this kind of thing will inevitably lead to bloodshed. You hurt your self-esteem and can't bear the blow for a while, so don't take it to your heart."

Xie Zhengyan smiled bitterly: "No, he is not a woman."

This immediately provoked Qian Fan's second surprise "Huh?", and his attitude became more cautious.

"Did you have an affair with a gay guy in the circle, and the other party actually did a fake show?"

Xie Zhengyan's chaotic brain can't find a gap to admire Qianfan's excellent reasoning ability. His current thinking is only good enough to calculate intuitive data. Hearing that his analysis is correct, he nods and admits, and then he does not ask himself what he has done with Zhihu. In the past, it was like roasting a whole lamb with soup and water.

"You must think I'm despicable, right? Me too. I feel that I'm really bad. I obviously don't like other people, but I still covet their tenderness and lie to them to treat me well. Shameless, shameless!"

He cried and shouted, and casually slapped himself a few times, but it didn't hurt at all, but he heard Qian Fan's "hissing" inhale, and ordered solemnly: "If you still have something to say, just say it, don't get drunk."

Xie Zhengyan crawled on the edge of the bed and sobbed. The crying became louder and louder, like dense bombs that quickly burst the dilapidated dam. Hide the painful past that even I almost thought I had forgotten.

He said that he was the product of his mother's accidental conception, and he was disgusted by his family from the moment he was born. His mother planned to have an abortion, but because his grandfather's nephew was barren, after learning about it, he asked his cousin to give birth to the child, so that he could adopt him in the future. To his knees, accept the incense.The mother couldn't bear the persuasion of the elders, and reluctantly gave birth to him, and handed him over as soon as he landed, and never asked about his situation for the next 6 years.

He didn't remember whether he was loved by adults when he was a baby baby. From the time he was four or five years old, he had the memory to witness endless quarrels between adoptive parents.His adoptive father had an affair with a woman who opened a hot pot restaurant in the town, and his adoptive mother led him around to capture and rape him every night. As a result, his impression of that period was only night and no day.

He clearly remembered two incidents. One was when he went to the dance hall with his adoptive mother to find his adoptive father. The security guard at the gate pointed at him who was five years old and was still wearing unfit crotch pants and said, "Children cannot enter here"; Once the adoptive father was hanging out in the mistress shop, and the adoptive mother instigated him to smash the floor light box of the hot pot restaurant.Holding the heavy bricks in both hands, he walked over staggeringly. He was too afraid to do anything. He turned around and cried to his adoptive mother for forgiveness. The adoptive mother yelled at him a few steps away, "Smash it! If you don't smash it, you will have no home! "

In the end, the light box was smashed successfully, but the house was not saved after all. When he was 6 years old, his adoptive parents divorced, and he became a redundant burden, and was sent back to his biological parents.It was supposed to be a reunion day, but the house was full of smoke because of him as an unexpected guest. He hid behind a flower pot full of yellow roses and listened to the adults arguing about his ownership. take over.Later he heard his biological mother break down and cry bitterly, beating the wall regardless of the pain, and shouting: "At the beginning, I said that I would not give birth, and Nafei forced me to give birth, and some of them said that I would return it, and I will return it. My elder brother can’t even raise him, so how can I raise this little one.”

For this reason, his family once wanted to send him to an orphanage, but his parents did not meet the conditions for an orphan and failed to do so. After several turmoil, he reluctantly stayed in that family and began to live under the fence.Since he failed to establish a relationship with his parents when he was an embryo, after returning home, his family's dislike for him continued unabated. In addition, he has a smart and outstanding elder brother, who is like a thick sponge between him and his relatives, sucking him dry. Without their affection and love, all he was left with was indifference.When he was young, he suffered many overage injuries, and he learned numbness prematurely in loneliness. This numbness is like a bristle brush for cleaning toilets, brushing all kinds of unbearable and painful marks into mottled and indistinguishable marks, waiting to be washed away by running water. Like time rushes away.

However, some severe injuries cannot be covered up anyway. For example, when he entered school, his birth parents had another dispute with his adoptive father’s family over the issue of his household registration. According to the policy, he is an extra-born child, and he needs to pay a fine of 3 yuan if he wants to obtain the school’s household registration.The biological parents believed that the money should be borne by the adoptive father, on the grounds that they would not have given birth to this burden to drag down their lives if he hadn't intervened in the past.The adoptive father is a kind man, willing to pay for the past mistakes, but it is useless for him to nod. His current wife and former mistress, the hot pot restaurant owner, is still holding vengeance for the smashed light box. The ignorant brat must come to her and smack three times respectfully, otherwise she won't be paid.

The 7-year-old child could already feel his self-esteem. He was escorted to the woman by his biological father, and was pushed back hard. He still insisted on being stubborn and refused to bow his head.But in reality, he would rather die than surrender. His biological father's big hand was like the five fingers of a Buddha, pressing tightly on the top of his head, forcing him to the ground, and holding his head as lightly as a chicken, knocking on the concrete floor. three times.One exchange for 1 yuan, three times later his heart was crushed like mud, and thus turned into a fertile ground for cowardice, cowardice, and fear.

The family is the first stop to create a child's personality prototype. He becomes a defective product on this production line. When he enters the processing base of the campus, he deepens and finalizes a defective product, then labels it, and pushes it into society step by step. .The bleakness in his schooling career is the same as that at home, and he also sinks in inferiority complex, loneliness, confusion, and helplessness.Without outstanding brains, beautiful appearance, rich family background, clumsy, dull and timid, like a net bag with huge mesh, it can't contain any pleasing qualities.This kind of mediocrity has created his transparent physique. He cannot be as popular as a top student, nor can he be eye-catching like a naughty child. He lacks affinity and cannot make friends.

I still remember that the school in the second grade of elementary school sold nutritious meals to the students during the break, and the family was reluctant to pay him an extra 20 yuan a month, which resulted in him being the only one in the class who did not order meals.This made the head teacher very unhappy, and he was disgusted with all kinds of words.He was so ashamed that he escaped from the classroom every time it was time to deliver meals, and walked around the playground alone, feeling extremely sad in his heart. It was not because he was greedy for those milk breads that were not necessarily delicious, but because he couldn't bear the feeling of being a "heterogeneous".

I still remember the winter in the fourth grade, when the patrolling teacher suddenly stared at his legs and shouted: "It's already December, why are you still wearing summer single pants, aren't you afraid of catching a cold!?", laughing around In an uproar, he bowed his head and neck almost at 12°, for fear that others would know that he was so tall during that time, and his mother thought he had grown too fast, so she cursed all day long and refused to buy him new clothes. "It's good for children to be cold, and elementary school students in Japan wear shorts even when it snows." After he fell ill from the cold, this original sentence was changed again. In short, he was useless and coquettish. , will only get sick and hurt the family and spend unjustly money.

I still remember a physical education class in the sixth grade. After running and jumping with him for a whole school year, his pair of cheap rubber shoes that cost 10 yuan finally grinned exhaustedly. He once again became the focus of ridicule by his classmates.The sun was shining brightly that day, and the bright sunlight made everything invisible. He stood abruptly like a cone among the crowd, and found that the sky was so high and the earth was so wide that he couldn't find any corners to hide his feet.

................................................

Too many embarrassing encounters have turned the past into a hall of shame, and the exhibits that bother him the most are about honor.Honor is a laurel crown inlaid with the sun. It was a luxury that a humble person like him should not have, but what he cared about was not an elk chased by thousands of troops, but a small flower rewarded to outstanding students. Safflower, the so-called excellence can be excellent in study, sports, and moral character, and even students who are active in cleaning every semester can get it.Who can imagine that for six years, there are 45 students in the class, all 44 of them have received it, and many of them have received it many times, but he has never gotten a little red flower that belongs to him.

Every time he was robbed of the spot, and every time he could only be reduced to a substitute, he was not reconciled, and tried hard to fight for it, but no matter how hard he worked, this little red flower representing excellence would always avoid him. Seeing that he was about to get it, the result announced by the teacher was still missed.For the last time, he finally saw clearly the minions of fate hidden behind the bright red petals—he was doomed to be a failure in this life, and he was insulated from excellence all his life.

Since then, middle school, university, and even work experience are all the reincarnation of primary school. As he grows older, the blows on him also escalate accordingly. He has become accustomed to relying on numbness to save himself. The stones that have been soaked for thousands of years have been removed from all edges and corners, leaving a complete yield.

But what cannot be deaf and dumb is the need for love in the heart. Just as the body is hungry and thirsty, human emotions are also a digestive system that needs to be fed regularly.He has been a starving man who lacks love since he was born, and his desire for warmth is better than those starving people in Somalia who were devastated by the famine.Love attracts him like flesh and blood to beasts, and blood to mosquitoes. He cannot resist their temptation, so knowing that it is a heinous scam, he still can't help but risk the guilt of strangling his soul to steal a share. The craving for satiation.

"I know that cheating on feelings is the worst thing to do. It will turn me into a hypocritical villain. I am not heartless, deliberately ruining other people's love. I just want a little care and love. From childhood to adulthood, my family I have never loved me, and I have not been able to make friends who care about me. I am too lonely and painful. If Zhihu Jun just wants to be my friend, I will return him sincerely, but what he wants is not friendship, he What I want is love between lovers. I can’t do this. Even if I force myself, I can’t accept a man physically and mentally. I can’t give him what he wants. What else can I do except refuse? Now I’m an emotional liar. It also hurt him deeply, just a small wish can cause such a big disaster, you think there is no one in this world whose life is more failure than mine..."

Xie Zhengyan was like a tragic entertainer who sang love in the old days, chattering and pouring out his sufferings. After sobbing and swallowing his grief several times, and finally wailing heart-piercingly, his eyes were like two high-power pumps, continuously plundering water from his body.At this point, he no longer cared whether anyone would listen, and finally opened the floodgate of mourning. He just wanted to drive out the heart-breaking pain, even if he had to uproot his entire heart.

For him, the main purpose of the heart is pain, and it might be better to throw it away.