a quarter of his

Lin Jingfan was startled on the spot.

He had the impression that this netizen had chatted with Xu Chen before they got together.Not long after he got together with Xu Chen, he never went to blued again, who knew that such a thing would happen.

He didn't bother to think about whether he sent him these messages to threaten him or what, and immediately clicked on his personal homepage to check his latest updates.

What caught my eye was an inexplicable movement.

- There are three more days, it's almost time (smile) (smile)

Lin Jingfan swiped his index finger across the screen lightly, and saw the second item.

- four days.

This is a countdown?He had a bad premonition in his heart, and the speed of his fingertips accelerated, flipping down quickly.

......

-28, that's it, I'll be relieved immediately.

-29.

-I feel that it is impossible for anyone to like me in this life, even if there is, so what, it is not a pair of dead gays.Parents know that they will be crazy, sometimes they really want to be shocked by Yang Yongxin, but they are cowardly.Academics, relationships, family, nothing is achieved, being a human being is boring, so be it, if you don’t change your mind after a month, let’s call it a day.

A piece of "No Longer Human" by Osamu Dazai is attached below the feed.

Is this a countdown to suicide?

Lin Jingfan looked at the phone screen in a daze but in shock. When chatting with him before, he felt that this person was a bit extreme and sensitive, with a pessimistic view on things. He never thought that he would come to this point.

He clicked into the dialog box and found that the other party was online, so he took a deep breath and sent a message.

"One Leaf Boat": Are you there?

According to the records in the dynamics, it is only three days before he commits suicide.

Lin Jingfan didn't know whether this person was playing a prank or for real, but no matter if it was real or not, he would never stand by and watch, let alone someone he knew.

After 5 minutes, the other party didn't reply, so he sent another one.

"One Leaf Bingzhou": Are you there, friend, I haven't been on blued for a long time, do you have time to chat?

Another 5 minutes passed.

"One Leaf Bingzhou": I was really sorry last time, it's not that I didn't reply to you, it's that the three-dimensional is really too busy, don't take it to heart.

He flipped through the previous records of the two, and found that the last chat broke up on bad terms.

The two were arguing whether gays should find a lesbian to marry and have offspring.

Lin Jingfan's point of view is that it can't be done firmly. Firstly, he himself does not approve of formal marriage, and secondly, it will undoubtedly involve acting in front of four families, which is too difficult to perform.

If offspring are bred later, the emotional and economic entanglements of all parties will only make each other fall into a quagmire.

"None" believes that physical marriage is the only way out for gays from traditional families, and physical marriage with lesbians is more suitable than physical marriage with girls of normal sexual orientation. After all, both parties have the need to get married and have children, and neither There is a relationship of fraudulent marriage.The most important thing is to be able to give parents an explanation.

The two started arguing while chatting, each trying to convince the other, and finally Lin Jingfan got a little impatient, and directly said, "If you think physical marriage is okay, then go for physical marriage, anyway, I don't know how to do it myself."

After he finished speaking, he quit blued, and then he started busy with projects, dating and other things, but he didn't take it to heart, and gradually forgot about it.

It wasn't until I saw the news about "None" today that I looked back at the previous chat records between the two of them, only to find that after he finished sending that paragraph, this person actually sent several large paragraphs of text.

"None": I know you may disdain this kind of behavior, but this is my only way out.

"None": I also hated myself countless times for not being a normal person, and even thought about not getting married and just being a bachelor for the rest of my life, but I didn't even have the courage to do so.

"None": My family is in a small mountain village, that place is very, very traditional, a tradition you can't imagine.Parents are well-known figures in the village, and they are also very face-saving.Not to mention that they know my sexual orientation, even if I tell them that I will never get married in my life, it is impossible.

"None": They will arrange blind dates for me, one after another, and will not even leave me a window until I get married.If they found out I was gay... I can't even imagine what would happen.I didn't say this to win your sympathy, I just... Forget it, don't talk about it, just ignore me and ignore me.

He didn't send any more messages for the next few months, and the last one was the suicide message he saw today.

Lin Jingfan didn't know if the conversation between the two would have some impact on his subsequent emotions, but if this person really ended in tragedy, he would definitely be burdened with long-term guilt.

"One Leaf Boat": Brother None, I know you can see it.I can tell you responsibly that I understand all of what you said, and I have experienced all of this pain.But believe me, no matter how painful it is, it’s just a stage. As long as you get through it, you will find that it’s no big deal.Life is beautiful, love is beautiful.

He suddenly saw that "None" was less than 200 meters away from him, and immediately sent another one.

"One Leaf Boat": Brother None, are you near University C now? I'm in the coffee shop opposite the north gate of University C. Can we meet up?Please drink coffee.

Right after Lin Jingfan sent this message, the profile picture of "None's" suddenly went dark.

He is offline.

Lin Jingfan was completely at a loss, the two were just strangers connected by a network cable, he didn't know his name or anything about the three dimensions.

He closed the phone screen and looked sideways out of the French windows.

Spring in City C is here again, catkins are flying among the passing pedestrians.

No one knows how many people are rotting under this warm and bright sun.

Lin Jingfan suddenly felt that his troubles were no big deal, if he couldn't find an internship, he just kept looking.

At least he was still alive, and so happily alive.

Someone opened the door and walked into the coffee shop. Lin Jingfan came back to his senses and realized that he hadn't studied for almost three hours, so he clicked on the webpage and began to study seriously.

For a whole afternoon, every time he studied for a while, he would turn on blued to have a look.

"None" has never been online and has not responded to him.

Xu Chen sent a WeChat message to ask him for dinner, Lin Jingfan packed up his things and went back to school, when he passed by the open-air table, he suddenly saw a familiar figure from the back of a boy, as if he had seen it somewhere before.

However, before he could identify it carefully, the boy suddenly got up, opened the door and went into the coffee shop to pay the bill.

Lin Jingfan smiled wryly and shook his head, thinking that he was thinking too much, it was impossible for "None" to come.

Even if it came, I probably wouldn't recognize it.

In the evening, he told Xu Chen about "None", but Xu Chen's reaction was completely opposite to his.

"Don't worry about these nosy things." Xu Chen frowned unhappily, "Nine out of ten of these are lies. If you really don't want to live, you would have committed suicide silently. What's the countdown? What's more, this kind of website is likely to attract your attention and cheat money."

"What if it's true, shouldn't this kind of thing be 'rather believable than not believable'?" Lin Jingfan said displeased, "What's more, I chatted with him before, and his emotions are really real. It's very wrong."

"Don't be stupid," Xu Chen said, "Does he have no friends or family members? It's your turn to be taken care of by netizens who you haven't met in person and only chatted with a few times?"

"This has nothing to do with friends or family. What we are talking about is a human life." Lin Jingfan only felt that Xu Chen was becoming more and more unfamiliar, "Why are you so cold-blooded?"

"Okay, let's not discuss this for now," Xu Chen heaved a sigh of relief, and said slowly, "It's hard to see each other, and we haven't said a few words yet. By the way, how is the recent internship?"

Lin Jingfan hated the feeling of the discussion ending abruptly in the middle, but the two hadn't seen each other for several days, and the cafeteria was full of people, so it would be ugly if they really quarreled, so he tried his best to suppress his anger.

"After a few written tests," he still couldn't control his emotions, and said angrily, "waiting for the interview."

"Come to my dormitory that night," Xu Chen looked at him with a smile, "Help you rehearse for the interview?"

Lin Jingfan looked up at him, he knew what he meant.

Since the beginning of school, he has been busy with internships and schoolwork, and rarely goes to the laboratory. Although the two are on the same campus, they get together less often.

He didn't know how Xu Chen managed to quickly resume flirting after the quarrel, he was really mature and rational.After being stroked by him like this, Lin Jingfan had already let out half of his anger, but the matter of "None" was on his mind, and he really didn't have the mood to do that kind of thing.

"Success", Lin Jingfan breathed a sigh of relief, and said, "But not that."

"Success", Xu Chen fell down with a smile, and said in a voice that only the two of them could hear, "I didn't say I wanted that, little friend Lin Jingfan, are your thoughts impure?"

Now it was Lin Jingfan's turn to be embarrassed.

The next morning, Lin Jingfan went to the coffee shop to study again. For the sake of "None", he turned on blued's notifications again, and sent him a few messages after sitting down.

The other party was still not online, so he buried himself in his studies.

Blued popped up a few messages from time to time, and every time the phone vibrated, Lin Jingfan would be extremely nervous, and immediately turned on the phone to check, making his nerves almost weak.

After putting down the phone one time, out of the corner of his eye, he glanced outside the floor-to-ceiling windows, saw the open-air area outside the coffee shop, and found that the boy he saw yesterday was sitting there again.

He was wearing the same black sweater as yesterday, sitting with his back to him, with a book spread out on the table, flipping through it.

Lin Jingfan always felt that this figure was inexplicably familiar, as if he had seen it somewhere before, but he couldn't remember it.

Who is this person?

Lin Jingfan stood up from the stool, he was so curious, he was going to go out to find out.

However, just as he took a step, the phone suddenly vibrated again. Lin Jingfan turned on the phone reflexively, but the message was not sent from blued, but a text message, informing him to go to the interview tomorrow.

Lin Jingfan:! ! !

Finally got an interview invite!

And it turned out to be the start-up company of Tsinghua senior brother who thought it was completely impossible before.

Lin Jingfan only thought that this was the best news he had received in the past half a month, he replied with a smile "Got it", and sent the screenshot of this text message to Xu Chen and a few good friends.

When he turned around again, he found that the boy in the black sweater stood up at some point and was looking in his direction.

After noticing his sight, he immediately turned his head, picked up the book spread out on the table, and left quickly.

Everything happened so fast that Lin Jingfan couldn't even see his appearance clearly.

The author has something to say: I still love you today~