There is a kind of love that is insincere

In the twilight of the morning, the hour hand moved slowly, I slowly opened my eyes, looked at Yu Yueshui lying beside me, was silent for a while, and then I pulled out a sad smile, which was sad for myself.

I got up from the bed and looked out the window. It was another day, and I was still going to waste time.

I got out of bed silently, picked up the clothes scattered on the ground, put them on, and walked downstairs.I want to breathe fresh air, and stay in the same space with Yu Yueshui, I will suffocate.

When I passed the table and cabinet downstairs, I saw the picture frame again, but I just glanced at it and went out.I don't want to know about Yu Yueshui anymore, he is a person I hate very much, don't mention that I will never like him again in this life, and it is impossible for me to like him again in the next life, the next life.

The breeze blew across my face, looking around, this is a street that is unfamiliar to me, so I can't find which direction to go, and the road home has become rough.

I walked to the park and saw slides and swings. I recalled my childhood, but it felt like a long time ago.

I swing on the swing, watch it rise and fall, and the sadness spreads. Sometimes, I wish I didn't grow up, and there would be no so many tragic experiences.

I think I still can't face the unfairness of life with an ordinary heart. I am so tired, but I still have to suppress the desperate whine in my heart as much as possible.

I am close to the morning light, but I am not affected by its warmth, and feel the coldness of the world more and more.

When can I live my life without worry?No longer so much sorrow?

Oh, I guess I will never be able to be happy.

When Yu Yueshui found me, I was playing checkered squares with a few children, laughing happily, while he was out of breath, his face was full of worry, which turned into anger.

He pulled me and was about to go to his house, his expression made several children cry in fright.

I shook off his hand, intending to comfort the children, but he said, "Are you trying to piss me off!"

I said, "If you can be pissed off by me, you won't be called Yuyue Shui."

He got angry, dragged me, and kissed me in front of several children regardless of the broad daylight.Is he crazy?Don't you know that you can't do such things that damage your concept in broad daylight?

I beat him, trying to make him let me go, but he kissed me harder.

God, someone will save me, or put this lunatic Yu Yueshui in a mental hospital.

After he had kissed enough and vented enough, he let go of me, and my face was white and red.I dare not go back to see those innocent children, thinking about my innocence, being ruined by Yu Yueshui, and still in front of young children, the guilt in my heart deepens.

He pulled me away, and I gave up fighting him, after all, I couldn't beat him, let alone win him.

He stopped suddenly, turned his back to me and asked, "Why did you run out alone?"

"My pleasure."

What I said made him angry, he turned his head to look at me, wishing he could strangle me to death.

He said, "Are you going to throw up on me early in the morning?"

I smiled and asked him back, "Do I have one?"

He frowned, and almost put his hand on my neck. If someone hadn't passed by and made him stop thinking, I was afraid that I would be crushed to death by him.

He's not happy, but I'm happy. Anyway, I don't like how he treats me like before, too kind, too...gentle, this is not his essence.

"Bai Yuanyi, I don't want to quarrel with you, come home with me now."

go home?do i have a homeWhen he mentioned this, the bitterness in my heart overflowed, and I began to think about my parents, it would be great if they could come back soon, so that I still have a warm harbor, but is it really a harbor?

I said, "I want to be alone for a while."

"No." He said sharply, leaving no room for me to refute.

I looked at him and didn't understand why he always doesn't consider my feelings at all?Just make me obey his will?

"Yu Yueshui, you're only satisfied if you drive me crazy?" I asked him with a wry smile, and I also didn't want to quarrel with him.

He was silent and didn't express anything, but I was only tired, tired from the heart.I said, "I'm tired, can you leave me alone for a while?"

When have I ever spoken to someone like this?

There was a look of sadness in his eyes, a look I had never seen before.He let go, but said, "I'll accompany you."

I don't think he understands me?I want to be alone, not with him, so what's the point?

He and I stood quietly, forgetting the time, but not the emotions in our hearts, who of us owes whom?

After a while, I compromised, "Go back, go back to your house."

Yu Yueshui, you have to know that it's your home, not mine, so don't say it's our home.I don't want to misunderstand, and I don't want to care, you are you, I am me, we are not suitable, and we will never be suitable.

He raised his hand, intending to hold me, but I avoided it.He was stiff, but not angry with me.

He said, "Let's go then."

I bowed my head and followed him, with a distance of about one meter from him. If I were to get close to him, I would feel suffocated again.

The sun-drenched temperature was getting colder, not an abnormal change in it, but my blood flow was slow and I needed something to hurry, and I knew my addiction was about to hit.

Why at this moment?

No, no, I don't want to be that disgusting outside.

I hugged Yu Yueshui from behind and said with chattering teeth, "Take me home, take me home quickly."

Yu Yueshui was taken aback, turned around and hugged me, looked at me suspiciously, "What's wrong with you?"

I shook my head, trembling all over, and my body slowly emitted cold air.

As soon as I cried, I grabbed the front of his shirt tightly, panting heavily, breathing irregularly, and my face turned pale.

"Go home... Please take me away quickly..."

He hesitated, picked me up, and walked home quickly.

When I was next to him, it was so cold, so cold, it was the cold air, which invaded my internal organs, making me miserable.

He came in, put me on the sofa, and before he could get close to me, I leaned over.

I am unconscious, low □□, but silent, cold, fish like water, I feel cold.

He touched my cheek, frowned, carried me upstairs again, and stuffed me under the quilt, but I still didn't get relief.

I wanted to be close to the warmth and rubbed against him, but I still felt cold and curled up beside him.

"Bai Yuanyi, are you feeling unwell? Or is there another reason?"

I shook my head vigorously, held his hand, and pressed it against my body, so that it could be warmed up for a while.

He was anxious, and touched the other party's forehead. He didn't feel that the other party had a fever, but he couldn't figure out how the other party could become like this?

Bai Yuanyi, what have you experienced before?

He hugged me into his arms, and I buried my head in front of his chest, touching his warm chest, as if I found a hot stove, and burrowed into his arms.

He embraced me, and I felt overwhelmed at first, then more chilled.

I put my arms around his neck, looked at him in a blur, and then bit his shoulder. He was in pain, but he condoned my behavior.I felt like taking revenge on him, and a little bit like I did it unintentionally, but after I tasted the blood, my body relaxed instead.His blood stopped the chill in my heart, but as soon as I stopped, it rushed towards me again.

I wanted to bite him again, but he covered my mouth, waiting for me to calm down, but I couldn't calm down, and was being controlled by the bone-biting poison.

When he kissed me, I struggled, but once I left his embrace, I felt very cold again.

"Give me... please give me..." I begged, unable to tell who the person in front of me was, wanting drugs to free myself.

He appeared distressed, kissed the tears from the corners of my eyes, and he took off my clothes and his, hugged me tightly, and blended with me.

I thought that when I woke up again, I would reach hell, but it was still the same as in the morning, with my pillow leaning against Yu Yueshui's arms.I blinked. The fear was an illusion, but it was real.

I don't know why my heart will gradually relax. It should be that I finally got through the difficult moment.

I want to get up, and when I move my body, Yu Yueshui wakes up.

Seeing that my face recovered, he hugged me and asked, "Did Zhuo Luoyin's mother do anything to you?"

I know he will ask this when I wake up, but I don't plan to tell him the truth, and what if he knows about me?Will you still help me to blame Li Liyi?

I said, "It's not her, it's a strange disease I had when I was a child."

He said, "Do you think I'll believe it?"

"Believe it or not." I closed my eyes and ignored him.

He frowned, and tried to speak softly, "Bai Yuanyi, you don't have to pretend in front of me."

I said, "I'm not pretending." I was just lying to him and to myself.

"Then you look at me and tell me again?"

I opened my eyes, and when I looked at his black pupils, my heart ached.

I opened my mouth, but didn't say a single word, did I deny my words?I can lie like I used to, but why can't I tell him?Is it because I am facing him that I don't have to care about other things?

He caressed my cheek very gently, "Tell the truth."

"Tell me the truth? What do you want me to tell you?" I taunted, but he looked at me coldly.

He said, "Bai Yuanyi, can you stop running away? I care about you, why don't you accept my kindness?"

I said, "So what do you want to know?"

He stared at me for a long time, "Tell me the truth."

I smiled and thought it didn't matter, maybe because I didn't want to hide it anymore, he would know it too.

"I'm addicted to drugs."

As soon as the voice fell, everything was silent.

After a long, long time, he found his voice and asked me, "Who did it?"

"Didn't you already guess?"

He glanced at me, hugged me tightly, and suddenly said, "I'm sorry."

I was startled and lowered my eyes, why did he apologize?It's not that he harmed me, he didn't need to do this, not at all.

He pressed against my neck, bringing the fragrance of his body, and apologized again, "I'm sorry, Bai Yuanyi, I'm sorry, I didn't protect you well."

Is this his love story to me?Why did he say this to me?I don't need his gentleness, I'm afraid that he will be gentle to me, his gentleness is not like Zhuo Luoyin, it will only make me more troubled and sad.

Yu Yueshui, I won't be moved, don't think that I will accept you.I shouted in my heart, but I couldn't say it myself, and what was I worried about?

There was sadness in his eyes, so sad, the kind of sadness I had never seen before.

Yu Yueshui.

You are deliberately not letting me live.

My heart hurts so much, it hurts for him, for the person who shouldn't be there.

He kissed my forehead like a dream, like a superficial touch.

My vision was hazy, and before I could respond, I heard him say, "Bai Yuanyi, please don't cry, I will feel bad."

It turned out that I cried, but why was it for him?Am I dreaming again?So hurry up and let me wake up.

For the next two days, I was absent-minded and knocked over several cups while drinking water. If Yu Yueshui didn't care, I might have to pay him money and buy a new cup.

And now, as soon as I drank the water, I knocked over another one.I stare at the shattered pieces of porcelain, reach for them, and the shards scratch my hand, but don't hurt.

The blood condensed on my wound, and after too much, it dripped down my wrist and fell to the ground, scattering red flowers one by one.

Yu Yueshui just entered the kitchen, and the wind chime rang. He frowned as if I didn't think I was aware of it.

He walked over quickly, pulled me up, and the pieces I held in my hand fell to the ground and shattered even more thoroughly.

He glanced at me, then looked at the wound on my hand, took me to the living room, dug out the medicine box and bandaged me.

He tied it too tight, it hurt my wound, I looked back at him.

I was surprised and asked him, "What are you doing?"

He ignored me, I saw the white cloth wrapped around my hand, it was dazzling no matter how I looked at it.

He finished and looked at me, frowning all the time, as if I didn't disappear from his eyes, and it wouldn't disappear.

He said, "Are you an idiot?"

I retorted, "You're an idiot."

He said, "Then why don't you love yourself?"

I said, "I did it by accident."

He was silent, and my face was reflected in his pupils, like the edge of the deep sea, constantly falling.

I lowered my head, not daring to look at him, because I was shaken by him.

I squeezed my hands, got up from the sofa, walked upstairs with my back to him, and decided to avoid him, anyway, I want to be a coward.

"Bai Yuanyi."

"What?" I asked, not daring to turn around, only to hear footsteps approaching me.

He hugged me from behind and put his chin lightly on my shoulder, "Are your parents coming back tomorrow? Shall I accompany you to pick them up?"

I wonder, I don't know how he thought of this, is he still investigating my parents?I think he really has nothing to do, and thinks I'm not annoying enough.

"No, I'll go by myself."

He said, "Do you think I'll let you go alone?"

"Why not? Are you still afraid that I will get lost?" I smiled and joked.

He turned me over and said seriously, "You know what I mean."

I said, "Think about it, I won't run back to find Zhuo Luoyin again."

"Are you sure?" he asked, but I was silent.

I know my thoughts, I just want to see Zhuo Luoyin and ask him a few questions in person, so that I can get a clear answer in my heart.

But does Yu Yueshui understand me?Why can he guess my thoughts?

He said, "If you have this idea, then you don't want to leave this house tomorrow."

"You can't control me."

He said, "You can try it."

I stared at him, feeling inexplicably wronged, but why am I wronged?And what am I talking to him about?

I panicked, stretched out my hand to push him away, and ran upstairs regardless of his shocked expression.

I went into the room, I locked the door and slid down on the floor.

What am I thinking ahead?How can there be such a mood?I obviously love Yuyue Shui so much?

I covered my face and looked for light through the cracks in my fingers, but only darkness remained.

I thought, I must stay away from Yuyue Shui quickly, so as not to become more strange.

I was lying on the bed, thinking about going to sleep, but when I woke up, I was still the original Bai Yuanyi, but what was I like before?

When I was half asleep and half awake, I felt hugged into a warm embrace. Leaning on him, I slept very peacefully.

In the dream, I actually saw Zhuo Luoyin, he was walking in front of me, I tried my best to run towards him, but I couldn't catch up with him, he was getting farther and farther away from me.

I called him, but he didn't stop. Finally, I gave up chasing him and squatted on the spot.

At this time, he took the initiative to come to me again and asked me, "Why did you stop?"

I moved my lips, not knowing how to answer, I stretched out my hand to hold him, wanting to express my feelings for him, but couldn't.

He let go of my hand and looked at me coldly, "Are you already planning to be with Yu Yueshui?"

No.

Yes.

No.

But yes.

I am sorry.

I love him.

I want to tell him, but no matter how I speak, I just can't express the words from my heart, and my throat is suppressed by invisible things.

He chuckled with sarcasm, "If I had known that you were a man of fickleness, how could I possibly like you."

He said, "I will regret it, and Yu Yueshui will regret it in the future. He actually likes someone like you. You are disgusting."

I kept looking at him, a big bloody mouth was torn open in my heart, he cut my flesh one by one with his words, but he didn't know my pain.

I shouted at him, Luo Yin, it's my fault, but you don't want to curse me like this.

Still silent, never able to tell him, what do I think?

Do not--

I woke up with a start, and when I entered my eyes, I saw Yu Yueshui's deep eyes, a little blocked and panicked.

"Are you having a nightmare?" he asked.

I shook my head, didn't speak, and breathed steadily.

He wiped the sweat off my face and said to me, "Didn't you have a nightmare that scared you like this?"

When he said this, I didn't react. When I touched my face, it was very cold.

He said again, "What dream did you have?"

I stared at him, dazed, and said slowly, "It's Zhuo Luoyin."

He frowned and patted my head, "Did he actually make you afraid of him in your dreams?"

His tone was erratic, and I couldn't hear the emotion or anger, but I felt uncomfortable.

I said, "Yu Yueshui, let me meet Zhuo Luoyin tomorrow."

He didn't think much about it, and rejected me, "No."

"Can't you do it when I beg you?"

He burst into anger, as if he didn't want to hear the three words Zhuo Luoyin in every sentence of my mouth.

"If I say no, then I can't, otherwise you don't even think about picking up your parents tomorrow!"

See, that's how he treats me, what more can I say?I'm afraid that if I mention one more word, he will turn his back on him.

I don't make a sound anymore, I'm quiet.

That's all, that's all, I'd better not provoke Yu Yueshui, lest he hurt me all over again.

In the evening, I took a bath in Yuyue water, and called my parents. They told me when I would arrive here tomorrow, and asked me about my life in the past two months, but I didn't know how to answer. Should I tell them, they Is your son living in dire straits during this time?

I responded a few times, afraid that my mother would ask about Zhuo Luoyin, so I hung up the phone as soon as possible and stopped talking to them.

I stared at my phone in a daze, then put it down again, went to Yu Yueshui’s desk and sat down, opened a book on the top of the table, and there was a photo of me in it, I don’t know when he took it, but he brought it Bookmark it?Is he too caring?Or am I too ignorant of him?

When the bathroom door was opened, I took his book and read it seriously.

He came over, saw my concentration, glanced at the photo on the table, and asked, "You know?"

"Know what?" I looked up, only to see his upper body with tight muscles.

I blushed, turned my head, and muttered in a low voice, "Why don't you put on your clothes before you come out?"

He leaned into me, and some wet hair brushed my ears, his voice was low and melted in my ear.

"It's not like you haven't seen it before, what's there to be shy about?"

I said, "People need to be ashamed."

When he heard it, he actually laughed, and his voice was pleasant, "Okay, shame, shame."

I looked at him, his smile was like the rays of the sun, shining on me, making me feel warm.

I said, "Don't you have a good smile too? Why don't you smile more?"

He froze, returned to indifference, and leaned towards me, scaring me so much that I almost jumped off the stool.

I'm on guard, lest he want to get wild, so I can defend myself.

He just took the book out of my hand, clipped the photo into it, and turned a few pages.

I looked at him strangely and didn't understand what he was doing. Is it just to use my photo as a bookmark?

He said to me, "If you look at me again, I will think you are seducing me."

I turned my head, thinking he was too narcissistic, right?

I said, "Then you stay away from me."

He said, "I'm not even close to you."

I glared at him, annoyed for some reason, and he leaned over to kiss me on the lips.

My heart beats fast, there is no disgust, why am I not disgusted now?

"Are you engaging in a sneak attack?" I said, raising my hand to wipe my mouth, but he grabbed me.

"This is a kiss you must accept."

I asked, "Why?"

He narrowed his eyes and took out the photo, "You know my secret."

I stopped thinking, my face turned red, I thought Yu Yueshui was also a monster, so why not say something ambiguous?

I reached out to grab the photo, but he dodged it, but bumped into his chin, which hurt my head.

I rubbed my head and said, "Give me back the photo."

He said, "It's mine, why should I pay you back?"

"But the person in the photo is me."

"What does it matter?"

"You..." I stomped my feet angrily, and felt like I was like a child, how can I still fight with him?

I was annoyed, very annoyed, lying on the table and ignoring him.

He was silent, put down the book, picked me up suddenly, and I exclaimed, "What are you doing!"

He said, "It's so late, of course it's sleep."

I said, "I'm not sleepy."

"I'm sleepy," he said.

"Then go to sleep by yourself."

He leaned close to my earlobe and nibbled, "I can't sleep without you in my arms."

I lost my mind, and before I could speak, I was already carried to bed by him.

He leaned me against his chest, seeing that I didn't struggle, he smiled with satisfaction.

"You finally learned how to behave."

I rolled my eyes at him and turned my back to him.He didn't embarrass me either, he just fastened me tightly and pressed against him, agitated.

In the summer, the two men's bodies were next to each other's bodies, and I felt more or less desire, but I felt Yu Yue's submerged body pressed between my legs, and I stood up suddenly.

I glanced at him and wanted to scold him, but I didn't know what to scold him, or what words could describe him exactly?

He took my hand, but when I didn't respond, he said, "I won't touch you."

"I do not believe."

He raised his eyebrows, got up and hugged me, and asked me, "Then what are you going to do?"

"Sleep separately."

As soon as I said that he was trying to overwhelm me, I quickly changed my words, "Let's sleep later, please let me read a few pages first, after all, I really can't fall asleep."

He looked at me silently, as if wondering if I was lying, then got out of bed, brought the book over, and hugged me to read it together.

I thought, if he was just like this every night, I would be happy to accompany him.

He spread out the page I read before, holding the edge of the book with his slender hands, breathing a little bit into my hair.

I like reading books, but that hasn't changed. I read the article word by word with fascination.

Yu Yueshui turned the pages for me without being impatient, but after a while, he suddenly asked, "Which university do you want to go to in the future?"

When I thought about it, I didn't think too deeply, and said casually, "Ranruo City G University."

"Why do you want to go there?"

I said, "I was born there when I was a kid, so it's kind of nostalgic."

"Are you sure which university you want to go to in the future?"

I looked up at him and asked with a smile, "Are you going to apply for that school for me?"

He is silent, I think it is tacit consent?for me?

I said, "I don't have to go anywhere, and you don't try to get close to me anymore, we won't have any results."

He said, "Whether there is a result is not what you say, but whether you have me in your heart."

He looked into my eyes and spoke very seriously, even more seriously than last time, but I lowered my head in panic, not daring to look at him.

I no longer dare to think about the future, so I can only see the arrangement of fate as to what the outcome of Yu Yueshui and I will be.

He said, "I like you, you don't have to take it to heart, but you are not allowed to reject me."

"You're not selling by force." I said, not in the mood to read.

He said, "At least you still have a chance to fight me."

"..."

I think he thought I could beat him?Still resist him?What a domineering person.

But this is like Yu Yueshui's character, and why don't I hate it?On the contrary, you still like it very much?

I don't know when I fell asleep, but there was no dream all night.

When I got up, I woke up Yu Yueshui, he was still asleep, turned over and hugged me into his arms again, and continued to sleep.

As soon as I pushed him, I especially wanted to remind him that I was going to pick up my parents at eleven o'clock this morning, but I looked at the time, it was only eight o'clock, and I also snooze for a while.I absolutely never thought that one day, I would be so peacefully in Yu Yueshui's arms, and I didn't even realize it, that's scary.

After falling asleep, I woke up again. It was almost ten o'clock. I quickly woke up Yu Yueshui. He opened his eyes and frowned, "What happened?"

I said, "My parents arrive at eleven o'clock, you take me to the train station quickly now."

Seeing that my clothes were disheveled and I hadn't washed, he said, "You are going to pick up someone, at least tidy yourself up?"

I was stunned, and rushed into the bathroom again, changed my face and changed my clothes quickly.

When I came out, he was still slowly putting on his tie, and I looked anxiously, "Can't you hurry up?"

He said, "It takes only half an hour to drive from here to there, so you don't have to be nervous and you will be late."

I think he said this because it wasn't his parents, he didn't have the urgency in my heart.

The more I looked at him, the slower he was, I didn't want to wait for him, I opened the door to go out, but he stopped me, "Why are you in such a hurry?"

I said, "I don't want to be my parents waiting for me."

He was silent, not slowing down, vaguely, he seemed to say, "Whenever you can care about me so much, it would be great."

I froze for a moment, didn't respond, and pretended I didn't hear it.

After he finished packing, it was already a few minutes past ten. I urged him, but he also drove me to the train station, but on the way, Yu Yueshui received a call, his expression changed suddenly, and he stopped the car for me. Leave me and leave.

He didn't tell me who the caller was, but I guess the person who made him emotionally unstable should be his mother. Thinking of that thin woman, I have an unspeakable feeling in my heart.Every family has its cupboard.

After arriving at the train station, I started looking for my parents, and the time was just right. I thought they should be at the station entrance, so I walked there.

Sure enough, they stood there with a suitcase beside them. I waved to them happily and walked towards them.

Before I could get any closer, I saw the way they looked at me, and stopped in my tracks.It was a disappointed, angry look like I hadn't seen in 17 years.

I understand that my affairs are known to them, but why don't they show my sad and worried eyes?

I walked in front of them with difficult steps, and when I looked up, my mother slapped me, which hurt my heart.

Her behavior attracted the attention of the people around her, and some people turned their attention to us.

I whispered, "Mom..."

"I'm not your mother, I don't have a shameless son like you."

I was stunned, and asked in a low voice, "What did I do wrong? You're going to hit me, and you're scolding me like that?"

"Do you want me to tell you all the things you did? You are not ashamed, but I am ashamed!"

I wanted to defend myself, but I heard my mother say, "Don't tell me you didn't do those things, I already know everything, including what happened between you and that kid from Zhuo's family, but I didn't expect my son to be so dirty Dirty people."

Such a dirty person.

Such a dirty person.

I looked at her, and my heart was broken. It turned out that I had already become a dirty person in my mother's heart, but I never thought that one day my relatives, my mother, would say that I and her son were dirty people. .

When others say about me, I can bear it and be wronged all the time, but she is my mother, how can she say that about me.

With a trembling voice, I asked, "Who did you listen to? What did she tell you?"

My mother was even more disappointed when she heard this, "Yuan Yi, it doesn't matter who told me, it's a matter of your life. I didn't ask you to be a perfect person, but a person must know shame and know what to do. Those things shouldn't be done! I raised you not to let you spoil yourself!"

"I don't." I said weakly, wishing she would listen to me, but she had already decided that I was that kind of person.

Mom, why do you listen to other people's one-sided words?Why don't you wait for me to explain it to you?

"Your dad and I are here today to take you out of here. Don't even think about seeing them again. You should die."

I asked, "Are you taking me out of here?"

She nodded, and there were lots of white hairs on her head, something I hadn't noticed before, and I made her worry.

I looked at her and tried to justify myself one last time, and I said, "I didn't do anything immoral, do you believe me?"

Because of my words, my mother got angry again and was going to beat me, but my father stopped her.

My dad said, "Yuan Yi, don't make excuses, we will help you correct your ideas in the future."

My dad has always been considerate of me since I was a child. Even if I fail in the exams or something happens, he will stand by my side and protect me with his father's stalwart body. Now, his back has slumped and he can no longer straighten up. .

He also said about me, proving that I have become extremely unbearable in their minds, otherwise how could they who loved me so much be like this.

I laughed at myself for not being able to defend myself, and even if I did, I would only be scolded more heartily by them.

I have accepted my fate, I can only accept my fate.

Oh, fate, you will really bring me endless disasters.