There is a kind of love that is insincere

Near the evening, my drug addiction broke out, and Yu Yueshui happened to go to my house to get me clothes and toiletries, but she didn't see it.I locked myself in the ward toilet, endured the torture, filled the pool with water, and buried my head in it, so that I felt better.

Even if I am so careful, I will be discovered one day, so what can I do then?

I need to find a way so that others don't know and don't come near me.

I opened my eyes, raised my head from the water, and looked at my pale self in the mirror, suddenly disgusted and disgusted.Some things don't need to be pointed out, and I know it too.

I wiped my face dry, but I touched the wound, which hurt a little, and blood was faintly oozing from the scar.

I wiped it off with my hand, and went to the window, looking at the faint orange light in the sky, it was the sun that was about to set, and it was almost night.

I was in a trance, and my thoughts ran far away, but after all, I didn't bring anything back to me.

In the world of mortals, it is difficult for Iraqis to see.

Yu Yueshui walked into the room, looked at the thin back, frowned, went to the bedside to put down the movement of his hands, and walked to the other side.

He wanted to hug each other, but hesitated, what was he worried about?

"You're not in good health, don't open the window." He said, and closed the window for me.

I looked back at him and nodded, and he put his arms around my waist and hugged me.

I lost my mind for a moment, struggled slightly, and then gave up doing futile work, "Can you let go?"

He didn't say a word, but interlocked his fingers with mine. I felt uncomfortable, thinking that he was also a stubborn person.

There was silence in the ward, but it was an unbearable silence for me.

I raised my head, looked at him, and said, "Yu Yueshui, is this your decision?"

He didn't give me the answer, nor denied me, let me guess?Or guess?But I don't have the energy to think about it, and I don't want to guess his heart.

I said, "If you're still going to tangle with me, then I can tell you clearly that I will never have feelings for you."

He smiled, "Don't be so sure, how about we make a bet?"

"What are you gambling?"

He said, "Bet you'll like me."

As soon as I heard it, I laughed, "This kind of thing will never happen, and don't think that I will like you."

Because I am afraid of love.

Because when I used to love him, he hurt me too much.

"Really? So sure?"

"What do you think?" He and I are definitely the most unlikely people to be together, no matter what the reason is, it is impossible.

"What if it's possible?"

"There won't be that day."

He was silent, but smiled at me, as if serious, but I really wanted to tell him, don't waste your efforts, even if I can like him again, I can't tell him.

Because of me, I have low self-esteem, how can I climb up to him and love someone who thought about killing me.

Yu Yueshui is not someone who can love me, and I can't care about my affairs with him, otherwise my heart will be confused, and terrible things will happen again.

"Yu Yueshui, there are no hypotheses in this world, you should know that."

For a long time, he didn't make a sound. When I thought he had stopped thinking about this matter, he said, "In this case, then I will be the first exception."

I moved my lips and said softly, "Just daydream."

"You do not believe?"

"Yes, I don't believe it." I met his gaze without hesitation.

"Then just watch, one day you will be willing to be with me." He put a smile on his mouth, and his expression softened, which made me not disgusted for the first time.

I turned my face sideways and looked out the window, with waves flashing in my eyes, do I really know what the future will be like?I don't know who I will be with in the future?And can I live that long?

For a moment, I felt that Yu Yueshui was like the person I expected to grow up, but he was more confident than me, had a better life experience, and had his own personality. He and I were people from different worlds. near.

Butterflies are destined not to fly over the sea, and I cannot reach the far shore.

He hugged me tightly, very hard, as if he was afraid that I would break, he murmured, "From now on, I will protect you."

I froze and smiled wryly, he protects me?Are you sure you won't hurt me again?

People, don't always make promises, do something to be sincere.

He bowed his head and kissed me, a very light kiss, like a feather falling on the water, only ripples.

My eyes were reddish, and I wanted to cry, but I didn't know what to cry for, why did I cry?

"I'm sorry." I said, and wept.

He was dazed, and felt the cold liquid flow to his mouth, with a salty taste, and his heart ached.

He kissed me firmly, and I let him kiss me without responding.

I lowered my hands and put them on my legs, accepting this one-sided kiss, but it doesn't mean I forgive him, I just don't want to refuse, and I don't want to add unnecessary irritability.

As soon as the kiss was over, our breathing was a little messed up.I leaned on Yu Yueshui's shoulder, panting slightly.

I closed my eyes, and the room was quiet again, as if the front was just an illusion, which never existed.

Who is right in love?Who is wrong in love?Right or wrong is only a personal feeling, the most real thing is that love is worthless in this world.No matter how much you thought it was worthless at the beginning, you will regret it later.

Because the love at that time is no longer called love, it is not pure emotion, and it does not have the light you want to see.

Time will dilute everything, so love or not love, sometimes it is a persistence and persistence, and that love, if it doesn't belong to you, still doesn't belong to you, no matter how hard you try, it's useless.

Today is August 24th and it's also my birthday, but no one will celebrate my birthday now, and I don't care.It's just that I can only spend this supposedly happy day in a deserted hospital.

I remember that my parents would buy me cakes on this day and make delicious food, but they will not come back for another week, and I don’t want them to see me like this, they will definitely worry about me, I don’t want to watch They worry about me.

When I woke up early in the morning, I came to the garden of the hospital, sat quietly on a chair, stared at the distance in a daze, and I didn't even notice that Yu Yueshui came to me.

He sat next to me and took off his coat and draped it over me before I realized he was there.

He looked up and asked me, "What are you looking at?"

"I don't know." I didn't know what I was looking at or what I wanted to see, I just came out to get some air, and I didn't want to smell the smell of disinfectant.

He turned his head to look at me, got up again, grabbed me, and walked outside the hospital.

I was surprised, not to break free from his hand, followed his footsteps out of the hospital, and let him take me to where he was going, a place I would never have thought of.I thought that if I didn't come out with him, he would force me to get into the car, so I might as well follow him, so as not to make him angry and make me upset.

He took me to a western restaurant, which was quiet and elegantly furnished. A few waiters walked by and took us to a table that had already been arranged, with cakes on it.

I was surprised, looking at Yu Yueshui, I didn't know what to say, there was warmth spreading in my heart, but would I feel this way?

Yu Yueshui opened the chair for me, but I didn't sit down for a long time. I asked, "Why do you want to do this?"

"What do you say?"

"I can not guess it."

He frowned, took my hand, and said in a flat voice, "Bai Yuanyi, I think you understand what I mean, so don't run away."

He lowered his tone, it was the first time he spoke to me so modestly, how could he speak to me so gently like he did before.

I was silent, walked to the chair and sat down slowly.

He smiled, sat in front of me, snapped his fingers to the waiter, and someone brought the food.

I lowered my head, unable to figure out Yu Yueshui, is he really interested in me?Still want to play me?

I was eating, but I ate very little, probably not because of him, but because I had no appetite.Coming here early in the morning, that's all he could think of.

He saw that I didn't eat after a few mouthfuls, and asked, "Is it not to your appetite?"

I shook my head at him, put down the fork, and looked outside. The sun was shining brightly, but it always made me feel uncomfortable.

"Yu Yueshui, your kindness to me will only make me feel that you are making up for me." I turned my head and stared at him.

He said, "If you think so, take it so."

I was in a daze, and the sun shone through the window, shining on my face, leaving warmth.

The eyes he looked at me were shining, like the waves reflected in the sea, flowing endlessly.

"Why do you have to?"

"For you, I am willing to do this."

I was annoyed, and I didn't know the source of my anger, "Then you can do whatever you want, I won't accompany you."

I stood up, walked towards the door, and was grabbed by him and held in his arms.

"Bai Yuanyi, can't you talk to me well?" He frowned and asked, "And I'm celebrating your birthday, so you feel so bored?"

His question stunned me, and I didn't want to answer it, because what I said must be something he didn't want to hear, and he couldn't get the answer he wanted from me.I would rather he treats me as he did before, and I can still understand him, but now that he treats me well, I really don't know what to do to refuse him.

He is not a good person and shouldn't do things that misunderstood me. Although I knew his intentions, he changed me so quickly that I couldn't accept it.

He looked at me with dim eyes, but it didn't seem to be.

He stepped back and didn't make things difficult for me, "I'll take you back after eating the cake."

"Okay." He compromised, how could I continue to be awkward, treat this as a dream, in the dream I can be like this with him calmly.

The cream is very sweet, but I tasted it in my mouth, but I didn't like it. After taking a few bites, I said, "It's okay now."

He pursed his lips, he probably beat me up because of my attitude before, but he suppressed the anger in his heart and didn't want to let it out at me.

I know he has a heart, but I don't need him to do these things for me, doesn't he understand?

He took me out of the restaurant, but instead of taking me back to the hospital, he drove to the river.

The wind by the river messed up the broken hair on my forehead, but it calmed my heart.

He walked with me for a while, then stopped, took out a gift box from his bag and gave it to me, "For you."

I looked at his hand in mid-air, but didn't take it. This kind of method suitable for girls, he actually used it on me.

"Is that a ring in there?" I asked without looking at him.

"Ah."

"I won't want it, you'd better forget it."

"I don't mean anything else."

I shook my head, but I still can't take it, even if he is a friend and gives me this, I can't accept it.

He frowned, squeezed my arm, stuffed it in my hand, and finally got angry, "I must accept it, otherwise..."

"Otherwise what? Are you going to hit me?" I asked him with a smile, thinking it would be more normal to talk to him like this.

He stared at me, wondering if he was angry with me, held me, and kissed my lips hard.

In fact, he can only make me submit to him by using coercive means on me, and he is afraid that he understands this, so he is not willing to torment me any more.

This kiss brought his boredom and took away my apology, "Bai Yuanyi, do you still hate me? It was my fault that I treated you that way before, but now I apologize, is it irreparable?"

I think it is impossible for him to understand the pain in my heart, he will not understand how the despair he gave me means to me, he thinks that I will forgive him because of his apology?If I could forgive him, I wouldn't reject him so much, but just saying I'm sorry, how can I cancel what he did to me.

I smiled slightly, and pointed to my chest, "I will always hate you here, so don't think that I will forgive you, and don't even expect that I will love you."

Yu Yueshui, I will tell you the answer again, I hope you understand, don't pay attention to me, I will not change my original feelings towards you, so that you can also stop spending extra thoughts on me.

He was startled, pinched my arm, and slowly exerted force, "Why can't I? Can't I change it for you?"

"Yes, even if you change, no matter how good you are to me, I don't want your love."

His face turned cold, the temperature in his eyes dropped sharply, and he asked coldly, "Are you trying to tell me that if I want to get you, I have to use the same method as before? Is this what you want?"

I frowned, how could he misunderstand my words.

"Yu Yueshui, don't be unreasonable." I said to him, without intending to quarrel with him.

Hearing my words, he sneered and said, "I'm unreasonable? That's right, I'm not as patient as Zhuo Luoyin for you, and I'm not as affectionate as he is. Does this kind of me make you sick?"

I moved my lips but couldn't say anything. Seeing my silence, he probably thought I acquiesced to his words and dragged me into the car.

He got angry, pulled my clothes off, and bit my body, but he only did these things and didn't want to hurt me any further.

I'm not afraid of him, but I'm afraid to accept doing that kind of thing, shouting, "Yu Yueshui, don't do this, please..."

He listened to my crying, stopped moving, and cursed himself angrily, but he didn't know how to comfort me.

He raised his hand and hugged me, but I struggled and rejected his hug abnormally.

He said silently, sorry, but no one could hear it.The wind chime in front of the car suddenly made a clear and crisp sound, and slowly swirled for a long time without stopping.

I fell asleep crying in Yu Yueshui's arms, and when I woke up, night came.I was leaning on the passenger seat with Yu Yueshui's clothes on, but he was not in the car.

I sat up straight and grabbed his clothes, but I didn't dislike his kindness. How do I feel about him?Sometimes you hate him, and sometimes you think you love him?

I got out of the car and stood by the river. The wind at night was extremely cold, which made me cold.I looked at the bright starry sky, and felt a little sad in my heart. Why do I feel sad?Yuyueshui, Yuyueshui, Yuyueshui, these three words are like a name implanted deep in my mind, and I can't even forget it.

Yu Yueshui, what should I do so that I don't remember the harm you did to me and love you like I did back then?

Love is an invisible shackle that keeps me bound, even if I hurt each other with him, it still exists and does not dissipate.

I stretched out my hand and probed into the night, but I buried the purest heart.

I turned my head and left the river, wanting to find Yu Yueshui, I wanted to ask one thing, I wanted to know if Zhuo Luoyin had looked for me after I was kidnapped by his mother Zhuo Luoyin.This question bothers me, and I need an answer.

I saw Yu Yueshui at a side intersection, he was on the phone.I walked towards him, but before I approached him, I only heard him say, "You are enough, this is my business, you have nothing to do with it!"

I don't know who he is calling, but he must have a bad face, with his back to me, but I can guess that he is frowning at this moment.

do i know himIt shouldn't be.

"So what if I'm gay? If you dare to touch him, I will never go back to Yu's house! Find a son to be your exploit!" He yelled and hung up the phone.

I can't see his appearance, but I feel that his figure is very lonely, and his life is not as good as I thought, but has he turned his face for me and my family?

He doesn't need to do this, and I can't give him a response if he does this.

I want to resist the overflowing emotions in my heart, but I can't. The moonlight casts a very, very long shadow on me and him.

I stepped up and walked behind him, but he happened to turn around, looked at me for a moment, and put away his phone.

"you're awake."

"Ah."

He looked sideways, "shall I take you back to the hospital?"

I shook my head, thinking of the pungent smell of the hospital, I just felt that it was not a place for people to stay.

I was silent for a while, and asked in a low voice, "Is that your family's phone in front?"

He nodded slightly, "Did you hear everything?"

"No, I... I just came to see you just now." I lied, not wanting him to worry too much, and avoiding what he said when he hung up the phone at the end, and I really didn't listen to everything he said on the phone, But why are you so nervous?

He looked at me, glanced at my open chest, frowned and said, "Why don't you button up your clothes before getting out of the car, what if you meet a hooligan?"

"Will hooligans find men?" I said, and he hit me on the head.

He hugged his chest and raised his eyebrows to look at me, "That's right, with your body, you really can't attract the attention of hooligans."

I don't like, "You bastard."

"Yes, I'm an asshole, I'm really speechless to you."

"I'm speechless."

"..."

We stared at each other, and then he smiled lightly, as if he didn't care about it, put his arms around my shoulders, and walked towards the car.

I followed his steps, forgetting what I should have asked him.

In fact, I can guess without asking, but I want to find out, so that the hatred for them in my heart can be reduced, and it won't become a burden for me.

When I came to the car, I pulled him back, he looked at me with doubts, I hesitated for a moment before asking him, "Have you seen Zhuo Luoyin these days?"

He frowned, with dissatisfaction between his brows, "No."

"Then has he contacted you? After I was..."

"no!"

He interrupted, slightly louder, to clear my head, how could I ask him these questions?He won't tell me the truth, and he certainly doesn't want me to talk about Zhuo Luoyin, but I challenged his patience with me again and again.

I was silent, but he asked me, "Do you miss him?"

It's hard for me to answer, not to express my heart, to be honest, I miss Zhuo Luoyin at all, after all he treats me so much, I even harbor hatred when I see him.

Rather than thinking about Zhuo Luoyin, I might as well think about Lan Shining, I don't know how he is doing.

His face was buried in the darkness, I couldn't see his face clearly, "Bai Yuanyi, do you still love him?"

I was slightly taken aback, wanting to smile more, love?Does this thing belong to me?

I didn't want to answer him, but thinking of the previous conversation between him and me, I nodded abruptly, "Of course I love you, but I just want to know if he still cares about me."

He looked at me, his eyes seemed to be able to see through my heart, "Do you really love him?"

I smiled and asked, "Are you jealous?"

He said, "Yeah."

I was taken aback, and looked at the sky and said, "You don't need to be like this, it is impossible for me and him to be together again."

We can't be together now, and we won't be able to be together in the future, and even less so in the next life.

He stared at me without saying a word, as if he was feeling sad for me, but also seemed to be relaxing. I don't know if it was his attachment or my attachment, but we were all trapped in the air and could not escape.

I folded my arms, feeling cold, and said, "Let's go."

He curled his lips and took me into the car. Along the way, he and I were still speechless.

Silence is a way to avoid problems, and I'm not good at doing it, but I can only bear it.

I think the dream I had today should be over, don't go on absurdly with him.

His house is deserted, but it is warmer than when I came last time. I think it is an illusion caused by the temperature.

I stood in the living room, and he ignored me, went into the kitchen, and left me alone.

I looked around and walked to the table and cabinet, and there was a photo frame on it, the people inside were Zhuo Luoyin and Yu Yueshui, probably taken in the early years, their faces were relatively childish, but their smiles were bright.

It turned out that Yu Yueshui could laugh so happily, but how could he become so repulsive now?

A hand pulled the photo frame away from behind me, and when I looked back, Yu Yueshui was frowning slightly.

"It's okay, don't touch my things casually."

I bowed my head, and I should listen to his words, but my chest felt uncomfortable.

He put the photo frame upside down on the table, and pulled me towards the kitchen. I could smell the aroma of food in the faint.

I think he is indifferent to me for a while, pushes me out of his world, and treats me very well for a while, and even cooks for me. How does he want me to treat him?I can't understand his mind.

There are a few small dishes on the dining table, with white rice on the side. It is very simple, but I still have no appetite.

He said, "You only had some in the morning, let's have some now."

I turned my face away, although I heard him say this, but I didn't intend to respond to him, who told me that he was good and bad to me.

He handed the chopsticks to me, but I didn't take them, and he said, "I made this for you."

I know his intentions, but his intentions will annoy me. I didn't take the chopsticks in his hand, but he just stuffed them to me, pressed my shoulders, and asked me to sit on the seat, not allowing me to refuse.

I put down my chopsticks and asked him, "Why do you always force me like this?"

"It's kind of me," he said.

I said, "I don't need your kindness. If you have this kindness, you might as well stay away from me."

In this way, I will have one less worry and one less pressure.

Because of his liking, I can't bear it.

He looked at me, I looked at him, no one would take a step back.

He glanced at the food on the table and said in a strong tone, "You must eat this food for me today."

"I will not eat."

Yes, I am uncompromising, this is my consistent attitude towards him.

He frowned and pursed his mouth slightly, "Do you want me to feed you myself!"

He is already angry, I can see it, and even if he is angry, it has nothing to do with me, if he cooks for me on his own initiative, should I eat it?Does he think that I will follow his will and accept what he treats me well?How can anyone force others to do things they don't want to do like him?

I pushed the chair away, and before I could stand up, I was held down by him again.

He yelled at me, "Bai Yuanyi, don't think that I like you, you can be proud!"

When I heard it, I found him ridiculous. Could it be his wishful thinking?Why is it all my fault?Because he likes me, should I like him?In love, love and the beloved are never fair.

He clenched his fists and asked me again, "Are you going to eat or not?"

I said, "Don't eat!"

As soon as he changed his face, he looked at me gloomyly, and dragged me out of the kitchen, as if he was not embarrassing me, but trying to make me submit by other means.

He pushed open the door, threw me on the bed, and crushed me who was struggling.

He said, "Since you don't want to eat, let's do something that consumes energy, and then you can think about whether you want to eat or not."

My face turned pale, and I understood what he meant, it's really not worth it for me to change him a little bit, and I will never bow to him as he wished.

I pretended to smile, hiding sarcasm, "You can do whatever you want."

He looked at me angrily, crawled on top of me, and demanded what he had long wanted from me.

I pursed my lips, wanting to pry open his chest and see his hypocritical heart.

Yu Yueshui, is this what you like about me?Hurt me again?