second love

The author has something to say: I don’t know how to revise the next two chapters, and I am distressed.

Yue Chen deleted all contact information of Cheng Zhuojun.Because Yue Chen is about to leave the city, the phone number of Yue Chen that Cheng Zhuojun had before will be shut down soon.

The last time Cheng Zhuojun saw Yue Chen in college was in front of the library.

At that time, Yue Chen was wearing a bachelor's uniform, with a bright smile on his face.He was surrounded by some classmates, and everyone was chatting happily.

It was the first time for Cheng Zhuojun to see Yue Chen talking with others.In the past, they were always two people together, but now Cheng Zhuojun knew that there was such a big distance between the two of them.

When he had just started entering university and was ignorantly discussing his own path, Yue Chen had already defined his future direction and made preparations for it.

Now that Yue Chen's wings are full, he spreads his wings and is about to fly to a farther world.

And in that world, I no longer have my own existence.

Cheng Zhuojun left after Yue Chen finished taking graduation photos.

Soon, summer vacation is coming.

This summer vacation, the Cheng family moved to City H - the city where Cheng Zhuojun University is located.It was originally planned to move here in June, but it was delayed for a while because Cheng's mother needed to receive treatment in her hometown first.

Min Xinhong's mental state is not normal all the year round.Cheng Zhuojun remembers that when he was only four or five years old, Min Xinhong had mental problems for some reason.Moreover, there are too many triggers for Min Xinhong's illness, and the illness is still repeated and has not been cured.

When her condition was serious, Min Xinhong would become extremely irritable and extremely suspicious. She would also speak ill and even beat people who she found unpleasant.

When Cheng Zhuojun was a child, Min Xinhong got angry several times when he got sick.Because of this, the relationship between him and his mother is not particularly close.

One night before school started, Cheng Zhuojun was lying on the bed in the new room, staring at the only photos of him and Yue Chen in his phone in a daze.

Yue Chen has already left this city, I heard that he is now working in a foreign company in City G.

City G, that is a very far away place.Cheng Zhuojun blinked, recalling the geographical location of City G in his mind.

Probably we will never see each other again in this lifetime.

Cheng Zhuojun looked at the group photos for a while, then clicked the screen a few times to delete them one by one.

Cheng Zhuojun told himself not to be the kind of person who only misses the past.

To learn professional knowledge, to do a good job in the hospital, to participate in organizational activities...to do internships, to find a job...Isn't that what I planned when I first entered the university?

He's only 19 now, he's still young.Yue Chen is just an episode in his life. In the days to come, he will date other girls and meet someone who will be with him for a lifetime.

Cheng Zhuojun took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

He has to move forward step by step according to the plan he has made.

But his rhythm was disrupted by a rumor that began to circulate among his classmates.

Not long after the start of the sophomore year, someone told me that Cheng Zhuojun had dated a brother named Yue Chen, and a photo of them kissing on a certain road was secretly photographed.

Yue Chen is also considered a well-known figure in his college, plus he was in the student union before, this gossip spreads quite widely in the school.

When Cheng Zhuojun knew that the matter between him and Yue Chen had been discovered, he was only shocked for a moment before regaining his composure.

Now that Yue Chen has graduated, as long as Cheng Zhuojun refuses to admit it, no one can do anything to him.Although this matter attracted more attention to Yue Chen who had already graduated, Zhuo Jun also received inquiries from many of his classmates.

Of course, Cheng Zhuojun didn't need to pay attention to those people who just met and said hello.However, Cheng Zhuojun still said a few more words in front of his roommates, telling them not to think too much.

"Even if Cheng Zhuojun is gay, so what? He still doesn't like you two dicks!" Yan Jiaming, who didn't care about this matter at all, even teased the other two roommates who were overreacting like this.

In short, this matter caused heated discussions for a period of time and then cooled down.

In today's society, it is not uncommon for same-sex to fall in love. It is understandable that it will cause some heat when it happens around me, but it is not enough to be discussed all the time—let alone a matter that does not know whether it is true or not.

Cheng Zhuojun also saw the so-called candid photo after the incident.

On Saturday night, he was sitting on the sofa in the living room, using his mobile phone to check the sneak photo posted on the school forum.

It was indeed him and Yue Chen, but the photos were not taken very clearly, and in the dark environment, the two of them were still very close together, even if they were said to be other people, some people would probably believe it.

Cheng Zhuojun looked at Yue Chen's back in the photo. For the first time, he saw Yue Chen's posture when kissing him from another angle - his fingers gently pinched his chin, while the other hand pressed his on the back of the head.

If Cheng Zhuojun's ignorance of whether to reject Yue Chen is one of the reasons why he kisses Yue Chen, then there must be another reason that Cheng Zhuojun can't resist the oppressive feeling Yue Chen brings to him—that kind of feeling like he wants to kiss himself. The feeling of being eaten.

Being conquered by the man's powerful aura is something Cheng Zhuojun doesn't want to admit.Every time he was suppressed by Yue Chen, Cheng Zhuojun's heart would be congested.A sense of disobedience in the contest between men and men will continue to emerge.But Cheng Zhuojun didn't dare to resist Yue Chen, and then that feeling would turn into a sense of humiliation.

The two people in the photo embraced and kissed each other, trapped in a small world where only each other existed, maybe they didn't expect someone to take a sneak shot.

From their clothes, Cheng Zhuojun recognized that this was a photo taken in early spring.At that time, the weather was still a bit cold, and Cheng Zhuojun often wore a sweater.

Because the hat of the clothes was a little too big, Yue Chen would always laugh at him, and jokingly helped Cheng Zhuojun put on the hat so that his face was completely covered.Then, while Cheng Zhuojun was struggling, he hugged him tightly...

"Zhuo Jun, who is the person above?"

Cheng Zhuojun was distracted looking at the photo, completely oblivious to when Min Xinhong was standing behind him.His heart tightened, and he subconsciously turned off the phone screen, but when he turned his head, he saw Min Xinhong's increasingly ugly face.

"One of them is you?"

"No!" Cheng Zhuojun explained in a panic, "Those two people are so close, no one can see clearly."

Cheng Zhuojun stood up while talking, and wanted to go back to his room.Min Xinhong pressed his shoulders and pushed him back to his original position.Then he walked around the back of the sofa, sat beside Cheng Zhuojun, and frowned at him.

"You like men?" Min Xinhong stared straight into Cheng Zhuojun's eyes as if he didn't hear Cheng Zhuojun's excuse.

Cheng Zhuojun clenched his fists, but he didn't have the courage to turn his head to look at Min Xinhong.

Tick-tick-tick-tick, time passed by.Except for the sound of the hands of the wall clock turning, the living room was silent, and it seemed that the sound of the TV from the neighbor's house could be heard.

When the hour hand was pointing to "10", Min Xinhong suddenly jumped up from the sofa and grabbed Cheng Zhuojun's wrist tightly.

"You like men!" Min Xinhong didn't even think about listening to his explanation. Ever since she saw that photo, she had sentenced Cheng Zhuojun to death.

Her son actually likes men!

Min Xinhong grabbed Cheng Zhuojun, pulled him up from the sofa, and dragged him desperately towards the study.

"Mom! What are you doing?!" Cheng Zhuojun wanted to shake off Min Xinhong's hand, but Min Xinhong's nails were about to embed into his skin, and if he pulled it, there would probably be a bloodstain.

"Cheng Guoqiang! Cheng Guoqiang!" Min Xinhong slammed on the door of the study, and grabbed Cheng Zhuojun with the other hand, fearing that he would shake off her hand when she was not paying attention. "Cheng Guoqiang! Come out! I have something to say!"

"Mom..." Cheng Zhuojun stretched out his hand to grab Min Xinhong's arm, not wanting her to make a fuss to his father in the study.

After Min Xinhong yelled a few words, Cheng Guoqiang opened the door of the study, took off his glasses, and looked at the two people standing outside the door with dissatisfaction.

"What's the matter? Yelling." Cheng Guoqiang's back was a little rickety. For decades, the busy work and Min Xinhong's illness were things that made him easily irritable.He glanced at Cheng Zhuojun, "Zhuojun, you don't hold back your mother. You know that she is still ill, but you still play around with her?"

Cheng Zhuojun opened his mouth, but before he could speak, Min Xinhong took a step ahead.

"Guoqiang, I think your son is also very sick!" Min Xinhong smiled and looked back at Cheng Zhuojun. "Your son doesn't know what's wrong. He actually likes men! Why don't you hurry up and call Dr. Zheng and ask her to see your son!"

"What nonsense?!" Cheng Guoqiang glared at Min Xinhong, then turned his gaze to Cheng Zhuojun, as if he was waiting for the other party to deny Min Xinhong's nonsense.

"Mom, I told you all. That person is not me..."

"What's not!" Min Xinhong interrupted Cheng Zhuojun's words, she didn't want to hear the same sophistry again. "Do you dare to let your father take a look at that photo? That person is clearly you! I gave birth to you so hard in nine months of pregnancy, would I not even recognize you?!"

……

Throughout the night, the Cheng family quarreled over this matter.Cheng Guoqiang also looked at the photo, but he couldn't see anything from the almost overlapping figures of the two people in the photo, and he didn't know how Min Xinhong insisted that one of the boys was Cheng Zhuojun.

Later Cheng Zhuojun was driven back into the room by Cheng Guoqiang, but he quarreled with Min Xinhong.

Cheng Zhuojun lay on the bed and covered his ears, but Min Xinhong's sharp voice still leaked into his ears from between his fingers.

"It's okay, it's okay..."

He comforted himself, as long as he denied it, as long as Cheng Guoqiang didn't believe it, it didn't matter how much Min Xinhong made trouble.

But he was wrong.

That time was the most difficult time for Cheng Zhuojun.

Since that night, Min Xinhong has been standing at the door of his room every day, waiting for Cheng Zhuojun to open the door and come out.Then he desperately persuaded him to see a psychiatrist.

"You like girls, why do you like men? Are you under too much pressure from studying, or are you being stimulated?" Min Xinhong rolled her eyes, suddenly thought of something, and nervously grabbed Cheng Zhuojun's hand hand, "Have you been threatened by someone? Did some pervert threaten you with something?!"

As long as he stays at home, Cheng Zhuojun will not have a day of peace.

Cheng Guoqiang is not able to stay at home 24 hours a day, but Min Xinhong can.Later, Cheng Zhuojun couldn't take it anymore, so he wrote an application form for the college and returned to live in the school.

But hiding in the school, Cheng Zhuojun still did not get a moment of peace.

During a class, Cheng Zhuojun's cell phone vibrated several times.

Cheng Zhuojun took out his mobile phone to look, and received several messages from Min Xinhong:

—— Zhuo Jun, go see a doctor!

— don't delay!This disease cannot be delayed!

— see a doctor!

— see a doctor! "

—— Zhuo Jun, you are sick, go see a doctor!

—You are very sick!

——How could you like a man...

—You are very sick!

……

Cheng Zhuojun was stunned, his phone was still vibrating, and he had been receiving Min Xinhong's text messages urging him to see a doctor.

He quickly turned on the airplane mode, threw the phone into his schoolbag, and finally found a trace of peace.

For several days afterwards, Cheng Zhuojun did not dare to turn off the flight mode.Once he connected to Wi-Fi and logged on to WeChat. When he opened it, there were dozens of messages from Min Xinhong asking him to see a doctor.Cheng Zhuojun immediately blocked Min Xinhong's WeChat, and did not log on to WeChat again.

The communication has been in a closed state, and the classmates couldn't find Cheng Zhuojun in the first time when they had an urgent matter.

"My mobile phone was stolen, but it took me a long time to find out..." Cheng Zhuojun could only lie in the face of several people's inquiries.

After understanding Cheng Zhuojun's situation, the students didn't complain anymore.Only Cheng Zhuojun's roommates knew that he was always out of his mind these days, and even threw his mobile phone into the cabinet and locked it up.

One day, when Cheng Zhuojun was in a daze on the balcony, Yan Jiaming suddenly walked up to him and asked softly, "Cheng Zhuojun, did you become a little unhappy because Brother Yuechen graduated?"

Yan Jiaming should be the one who knows more about Cheng Zhuojun and Yue Chen among the three.That day he saw a purple patch on Cheng Zhuojun's neck, and he guessed which man Cheng Zhuojun had gotten involved with.Later, Cheng Zhuojun and Yue Chen broke up, and Yan Jiaming talked to Cheng Zhuojun about it, and the other party told him everything without reservation.

Hearing Yue Chen's name, Cheng Zhuojun's eyelashes trembled slightly, but he didn't show too much emotion.

"No..." Cheng Zhuojun sighed, "Something happened at home recently, and I'm just upset."

It has been several months since Mingming severed ties with Yue Chen, but his figure seems to have never left his world.Cheng Zhuojun looked at the thin white clouds in the distance, thinking that Yue Chen might be sitting in the office working.Maybe it was easy, maybe it was busy.But that's Yue Chen, no matter how difficult the job is, he is the one who lives in style.

Cheng Zhuojun pursed his lips, somehow thinking of Yue Chen again.

After a while, Cheng Zhuojun met a girl in an event held with another school.

The girl has long hair and has a straightforward and hearty personality. She is in charge of a certain part of the event together with Cheng Zhuojun.Encouraged by Yan Jiaming, Cheng Zhuojun and the girl added WeChat friends to each other and asked for their phone numbers.

They get along very well, and they can talk about many interesting things every time they meet.When this relationship was about to be completed, it was cut off by Min Xinhong.

The last date was at Cheng Zhuojun's school. It was a crisp autumn day. Cheng Zhuojun and the girl were walking in the school, and the two of them talked about many topics that both of them were interested in.

After seeing off the girl at the school gate, Cheng Zhuojun's joyful mood fell to the lowest point the moment he turned around and saw Min Xinhong.

Min Xinhong kept her ladylike posture, looked up at Cheng Zhuojun, frowned slightly, showing dissatisfaction towards Cheng Zhuojun.

"You haven't been home for so long, is that what you do?"

Hearing his mother's inexplicable words, Cheng Zhuojun suddenly became angry.He approached Min Xinhong, but because she was a relative, he didn't dare to touch her.

"What is this kind of thing? Shouldn't you be happy that I'm dating a girl?!"

The muscles on Min Xinhong's face twitched. She stared at Cheng Zhuojun and shook her head slowly.

"What did that girl do wrong, you want to treat her like this? You obviously don't like girls!"

Min Xinhong almost yelled this sentence, and her actions attracted some passers-by to look sideways, wanting to see what happened.

Cheng Zhuojun was confused by Min Xinhong's strange logic, and was so angry that he couldn't say a word, he left Min Xinhong and walked back to the dormitory quickly.

In the next few days, Cheng Zhuojun will see Min Xinhong at school.At first he would ignore her, but Min Xinhong would scold him in a high-pitched voice that he had no elders, and would say that he was so embarrassing, which made him look very embarrassed in front of others, and Cheng Zhuojun had to look at Min Xinhong every time he saw her. To say hello to her.

But greeting Min Xinhong would also give Cheng Zhuojun a headache.Min Xinhong will keep persuading him to keep telling him to tell that girl quickly, you obviously like men, so you can't turn other girls into same wives and become others' laughing stock, right?

Because of Min Xinhong's nonsense, now he dare not walk with others.I was afraid that as we walked, Min Xinhong would come out of nowhere and tell his classmates something.

On the weekend, Cheng Zhuojun returned home.He locked himself in the room, but still couldn't get a chance to catch his breath.

Min Xinhong was standing outside his room door, knocking on the door, and telling Cheng Zhuojun to tell the girl quickly, so as not to delay her...

Make it clear, what do you want to make clear?Cheng Zhuojun has heard those words countless times. He just wants to have a relationship with someone else. Did he do something wrong?

"Dong, dong, dong——!"

The knock on the door didn't stop, Cheng Zhuojun covered his head with a pillow, and after that crazy woman Min Xinhong chanted outside the door for how long, he finally couldn't help it.

Cheng Zhuojun opened the door abruptly, and stared fiercely at the lunatic who disturbed him day and night, his eyes were bloodshot.

"Yes! Yes! You are right! I like men, okay? I will break up with that woman, can you stop talking about it?!"

Min Xinhong still kept the action of knocking on the door. When she heard Cheng Zhuojun's words, her eyes widened and her lips trembled uncontrollably.

"You, you...!" Min Xinhong's fingers trembled slightly, as if raising a finger to point at Cheng Zhuojun would take her a lot of effort.

"You unfilial son!"

With a bang, Min Xinhong slapped Cheng Zhuojun's face. Because of the force, she couldn't stand still, and her body couldn't help leaning forward.

Min Xinhong grabbed Cheng Zhuojun's clothes and dragged him down bit by bit.

"I said you were sick, why don't you believe it?! When you were dating in high school, did your mother say anything?! How did you become gay?" Min Xinhong burst into tears as she spoke. She took off her makeup, "I told you to see a doctor! Look at you now, how sick you are now..."

Min Xinhong was still crying and cursing, but Cheng Zhuojun couldn't hear clearly.

From the moment the palm landed on his face, he saw his own world divided into pictures, which were mounted on some crude picture frames, and he just stood in a black gallery, watching those paintings.

Since then, Cheng Zhuojun can't feel the reality of anything he looks at. During class, his mind wanders more frequently. Even if someone talks to him, he has to react for a long time to understand.

Everyone's voices seemed to come from far, far away, ethereal and clear, like voices from another world.

After that, Min Xinhong continued to cry in front of Cheng Zhuojun as usual, but Cheng Zhuojun would never react to his crazy mother again, he just looked at her dully, let her beat and scold her, and he didn't say anything. Unable to speak.

Realizing the seriousness of the matter, Cheng Guoqiang finally sent Min Xinhong to the hospital again.That woman was usually a little more suspicious, but she didn't expect that this time, her son seemed to be a different person, and she didn't respond to anything she said to him.

After Min Xinhong was sent away, Cheng Zhuojun's life finally returned to tranquility, but it didn't matter to him now.

That night, Cheng Zhuojun stood in front of the mirror washing his face, but when he looked up at himself in the mirror, he froze.

The person in the mirror no longer had the vigor that a young man should have, and his bloody face now looked as pale as a person who was about to die of illness.

Cheng Zhuojun raised his hand and moved it slowly.He saw his fingers curled inward slightly, but the speed of that feeling was very slow.

His nerves seemed unable to keep up with the speed of what his eyes were seeing.

Cheng Zhuojun looked at his face again, but felt that his eyes were covered with a layer of water vapor, and his facial features were blurred.He reached out and wiped the mirror surface, but nothing was wiped off.

He couldn't recognize his own face.

Cheng Zhuojun made a judgment on his own situation with what little self-awareness he had:

There is something wrong with his spirit.