i am a ghost

I was lost.

Spending all day in a daze, vainly scrutinizing my own existence.

Unfortunately, I'm not a person who is good at philosophizing, so I got nothing but headaches.

Gu Nian was still as gentle as ever, as if it was another person who was talking to me in the cloakroom that day.

But I can no longer regain peace.

Gu Nian knows everything about me, but I don't know him at all. Is this really a normal way of getting along between lovers?

And what the woman named Hongyue said, I thought it was just crazy words, but when I woke up from the nightmare again and again, when I was exhausted in the heart-piercing torture, I really felt For a moment, I regretted that I was still alive.

It was rare for Gu Nian to go out temporarily at noon.

Before leaving, he bowed his head and kissed my cheek, repeating that sentence as always: "Eat well, don't go out."

I nodded as always, and watched him walk out of the door, and there was a sound of locking it.

In a trance, I wandered into the study aimlessly, and stood in front of the bookshelf, hesitating for a long time.

Usually when Gu Nian is studying something that I don't understand in the study room, I will randomly pick out a book of interest and read it on the sofa beside me. Of course, I am more often hugged by Gu Nian.

That kind of time always passed quickly, so I almost finished reading the books on the bookshelf before I knew it, and the rest were some obscure philosophical works or books in foreign languages, which I really couldn't bear to read.

Scanning around on the bookshelf, my eyes were fixed on the blue photo album on the top floor. It was the one that Gu Nian had shown me when he told me about the past, and I never touched it again because the position was too high. .

Stepping on a stool, I carefully took down the photo album, sat down at the desk and flipped through it casually.

In the earliest photo, Gu Nian and I looked only seven or eight years old, standing side by side at what seemed to be the gate of a mansion.Gu Nian was taller than me at that time, folded his arms and lowered his eyes like a little adult, he didn't seem very happy, but I looked at him sideways with a smile in my eyes.

It seems that this is the only photo I had when I was a child, and then I jumped directly to my teenage years.

I browsed quickly, and soon found something strange. This photo album seems to be like a souvenir book dedicated to me and Gu Nian. Most of them are photos of two people and me alone, and some have obvious traces of post-processing. Except There are occasional pedestrians in the background, and there are almost no other characters.

And in all the photos, I was the only one smiling, and Gu Nian always had a displeased expression.

I continued to flip backwards, the pixels of the photo became higher and higher, and Gu Nian's eyes in the picture also gradually changed.

But it was still not the gentle eyes I was familiar with, but an indescribable sense of hunger.

Especially when he looked at me in the photo, like a ravenous beast spying on its prey, it reminded me of the cold eyes in that nightmare.

Could it be that the current tenderness is really just an illusion?

no, I can not.

I immediately dispelled this ridiculous thought, I believe in Gu Nian's love for me, otherwise he would not hesitate to commit suicide to find my ghost, and he has always been so kind to me.

I lay prone on the table, squinting at myself smiling all the time in the photo, feeling exhausted for a while.

He looked so happy, why did he throw himself into the lake?

If I hadn't chosen this path in the first place, wouldn't I have many troubles now?

Doubt and anxiety bothered me, making me gradually close my eyelids and fall into the black whirlpool again.

Still a nightmare, still painful and vulnerable.

I crouched in the corner and shivered, a man who couldn't see my face grabbed my hair hard, and the relentless fists and feet rained on my face and body, almost breaking all the bones in my body, and the smell of blood gradually faded away. fills my nostrils.

I couldn't hear the man's yelling, I could only hear my own violent panting and heartbeat, but the strange thing was that I never moaned or cried.

But when the figure suddenly pressed heavily and tore my blood-stained shirt, I finally screamed in panic, and then the scarlet color suddenly soaked my vision.

I frantically waved the kitchen knife that appeared in my hand at an unknown time. The sound of howling, flesh and blood, and the impact of metal and bone penetrated into the eardrum one after another, like a broken symphony.

I finally shed tears.

How to do?How to do!

Gu Nian, Gu Nian, help me...

I woke up suddenly by calling Gu Nian's name, and the familiar pain came again, but this time Gu Nian was not by my side.

Painful, very painful.

I rolled on the floor in convulsions, huddled and writhed like a dehydrated slug, twitching feebly.

My lip seemed to be bitten by myself, and the warm liquid ran across my jaw, but the pain was insignificant.

I really want to disappear.

When this terrible pain subsided suddenly, only ten minutes had passed, but I seemed to have exhausted a long life, and I was a little dazed for a moment, and could only lie weakly on the floor in a daze.

The night fell unknowingly, but Gu Nian did not return, which made my confused thoughts even more anxious.

I finally got up from the ground, walked downstairs staggeringly, and saw "myself" standing in front of the door in a trance.

The "I" was wearing a blue striped pajamas with a thin collarbone exposed at the loose neckline, looking much thinner than the real me.

"I" held the doorknob in my hand, turned around and scanned the living room slowly, a trace of reluctance appeared on my frighteningly white face, but then that reluctance was replaced by determination, and I saw "I" closing his eyes in pain, Turned around and opened the door and walked out.

I came back to my senses in a jerk, and found that there was no one at the door, and the door was closed tightly.

But for some reason, an unspeakable sense of déjà vu rose in my heart.

I walked to the door like a ghost, put my hand on the doorknob, twisted my wrist slightly and pushed forward, and the door was opened.

The misty night soaked by the street lamps poured into my eyes, making my pupils dilate slightly, and a red dress flashed by in my peripheral vision.

It's the red moon.

I wasn't too surprised, and I followed the bright red with my feet.

The red shadow kept a distance from me all the time, making it hard for me to see it clearly. I was not in a hurry to catch up, but just followed leisurely, as if playing a game that had been arranged long ago.

I walked for a long time, my legs were a little sore, and the game finally stopped.

As I approached her, the bright full moon was reflected on the calm lake, and the lake reflected the moonlight on the red moon's ghostly face, making her eyes sparkle.

We are standing on a big bridge, which is the bridge I am most familiar with.

"Ah~ what a nostalgia, I met my husband at this place back then." Hongyue opened her arms towards Zero Lake, narrowing her eyes slightly, as if waiting for her lover's embrace. "He obviously didn't know me, and obviously he wasn't good at swimming, but he jumped off the bridge and dragged me ashore."

Hongyue slowly closed her arms and gave herself a gentle hug.

"I was going to die like an ordinary girl, but he stopped me. What I had been dreading finally happened—for the first time, I felt hunger." Hongyue looked up at the night sky, her tone began With a touch of excitement, "His smell fascinated me, so I ate the wife he hugged, his infant daughter, and even his pet cat - but I ate everything He still didn't want to stay with me, he even hurt me, haha, what a shy guy."

Hongyue giggled like a girl, and that laughter made me feel chills all over.

"Monster," I whispered.

"The monster... that's what he said, but so what, I finally got him." Hongyue looked at me sideways, blushing with happiness on her face, "He is so delicious that it makes people crazy, no wonder My dad was so crazy sniffing my mother's eyeballs that I regretted not leaving a souvenir too."

I don't know if Hongyue is a simple lunatic or a cannibal banshee, but I have no doubt that she will suddenly open that bright red mouth towards me.

I unconsciously took a step back.

Hongyue noticed my movements, as if she saw some big joke, she started laughing out loud again, even more wanton than the one in the garden, her round shoulders trembling violently with her body.

"Hahaha~ Do you think I'm interested in your pile of garbage?"

Her tone is always so uncomfortable.

"Where is Gu Nian?" I simply interrupted her nonsense and asked directly.

Before I went out, I had noticed that there was no sign of violent damage to the lock, and only Gu Nian had the key.

Hongyue gave me a playful smile: "Xiao Nian has been called back to my family... This child actually attacked believers, no wonder the elders are angry.

"What believers?" I always couldn't understand Hongyue's words.

"Hehe, stop putting on airs." Hongyue took graceful steps, and her bright red high-heeled shoes echoed rhythmically on the bridge, "Didn't you hear the wailing from the bottom of the lake? Those poor animals replaced their souls with souls." You suffer endless loneliness, but you live comfortably in their flesh and blood bodies."

Hongyue came to me, and touched the corners of my cracked lips with her fingers mockingly, "Do you want to pretend to have amnesia to escape?"

I turned my head away from her fingers and surveyed the dead lake without focus.

It's ridiculous, how can there be any mourning?

Why both Hongyue and Gu Nian say I'm running away?

I don't know anything.

Turning my eyes back blankly, I looked directly at Hongyue's eyes that were close at hand.

She sneered, walked slowly behind me, stretched out her hands and forced my head towards the bridge head.

"Look, another victim has appeared."

I stared blankly ahead, a figure was tremblingly approaching in the night, and the moonlight gradually illuminated her appearance.

It was a girl with a baby face, her black hair tied into a lovely bun, and she was wearing a thin western-style school uniform.

There was no trace of life on the familiar pale face, and he never looked at us.

She didn't stop until she was five meters away from us. She leaned against the bridge railing and began to cry. It was a heart-piercing mourning. Tears and snot instantly stained her lovely face.

I flashed through my mind the scenes I had seen countless times on this bridge before—the weeping, howling, sighing suicides.

I ruthlessly pushed away Hongyue behind me, staggered to the side of the girl, and hugged her into my arms.

"It's okay, it's okay, everything will pass..." I comforted the girl clumsily, wiping the tears off her face.

The girl stopped crying, as if all the tears had been shed suddenly, she just looked up at the night sky blankly.

I followed the girl's gaze suspiciously.

At that moment, she pushed me away fiercely, and climbed up the railing with amazing speed.

I reacted immediately, reached across the railing and grabbed her by the collar, pulling her hard towards me.

"Don't! Don't die! Live well!" I yelled half angrily and half pleadingly.

The girl didn't say a word, she turned her head and looked coldly at my hand on the side of my neck, as if looking at an insignificant inorganic object.Then she opened her mouth and bit down hard.

The pain went straight to the brain along the tiger's mouth, and the blood slid down my fingers and onto the girl's chest, staining her snow-white school uniform shirt red, and my arms began to tremble uncontrollably.

A pair of white palms with red nail polish suddenly stretched out from behind me, grabbed my elbow and twisted it. At the moment when I was dizzy from the pain of dislocation, the girl broke away from my hands fiercely, and then, like a snow-white Like a feather, he floated to the surface of the water.

"do not want!"

I yelled and wanted to climb over the railing, but my injured arm couldn't make any effort, and I fell heavily back to the bridge.

Hongyue stood aside and looked down at me with a mocking smile on her face.

I tightly clutched the piece of blood-soaked shirt fragment in my hand, and looked at the lonely moon above my head.

The light of the moon is so dazzling that I seem to have fallen into a long-lasting dream.

In my dream, I was sitting on the railing with my back to the big lake, and I was also looking up at the moon. From the corner of my eye, there seemed to be a figure running towards me, calling my name, but I smiled and closed my eyes and fell backwards, as if into the arms of a lover.

Yeah, I should have disappeared long ago.

When I faced my father's atrocities like a dirty and broken wretch, when Gu Nian was disgusted to vomit when he saw me for the first time, when he knew that Hongyue wanted to use me but still pretended not to know, I should disappear up.

I raised my hands, cramped with blood loss and pain, and covered my eyes.

"Ha~ Your pitiful appearance is exactly the same as my husband's. You are indeed his nephew--it's a pity that things backfired. Even if you die, Xiao Nian is not willing to eat you."

Red Moon's voice hit my fragile nerves like a sharp blade, I bit my lip, and the wound left in the afternoon overflowed with blood again.

"What should I do?" I asked in a low voice.

"Stop pretending to lose your memory?" Hong Yue said with a smile, "Maybe if you beg Xiao Nian, he will let you go, as long as he doesn't stop luring suicides to sacrifice themselves to the Dead Lake, you will always be able to wander the world and endure those things." The curse of the undead on you."

"Tempt him like before. If he is unwilling to accept his desire again, I will have to report everything to my family. Oh, ah, I am really a failed mother when I think so."

I moved my hands away and stared at Hongyue for a long time, then said in a dumb voice, "You want Gu Nian to become a monster like you so much?"

"It's not a monster." Hongyue raised her foot and kicked my face in reproach, "He is the master of your group of livestock. Xiao Nian is so talented, how can he be buried like this."

I stood up with difficulty, grasping the railing and slowly stood up.

"I will." I looked at Hongyue seriously, "I will let Gu Nian do what he should do."

Hongyue smiled with satisfaction: "Sure enough, you are more obedient."

The moonlight hit the corners of her curved lips, illuminating the white canines.

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