Stop loss

As if trying to escape reality and deny the reality of the ending, Chen Qiye fell into a deep sleep. The dispute with Qin Ge was just a long dream. When he woke up and opened his eyes, he stared at the antlers on the ceiling. The hanging lamp made of it seems like a world away.

Chen Qiye lay motionless on the bed for a few more minutes, without washing, changing his home clothes, or wearing slippers, he mechanically opened the door, went out, and went downstairs by the wooden escalator.Heating is in every corner of this forest house, and the only place where the house is alive is the fire in the kitchen.

Chen Qiye hadn't cooked since he moved in. Tolstoy, who was busy, saw that he woke up, so he turned around and said good afternoon.Chen Qiye said "Yes", walked slowly to the bed, and pulled up all the blinds on the first floor. The sky in Murmansk, which was in the polar night, was gray, and the vegetation and the snow-white mountains on the rolling mountains were all set against it. cool blue.

Chen Qiye stared at the beautiful scenery that had long been commonplace outside the window, until Tolstoy brought mashed potatoes and fried meat patties to the table.This is the most common diet of the Slavs, and you can buy it ready-made in any supermarket. Before Tolstoy's arrival, Chen Qiye didn't even bother to prepare such food.

This is Chen Xiye's solitary life.He seized the trend of short videos and live broadcasts to achieve financial freedom. His current life is not inferior to the poetic romance under the camera, which is perfunctory and monotonous. Eat five or six in one meal.

Chen Qiye put the food into his mouth mouthful, he didn't gobble it up, he just wanted to fill his stomach.He has had thousands of vlogs closely related to the theme of food, and he has tasted all kinds of delicacies from mountains and seas. Even if Tolstoy can cook with three Michelin stars, his eyes will not shine like they were fed a Ferrero eight years ago. bright.

But he was indeed a little hungry. Looking at the time, he chatted with Tolstoy until the early hours of the day before yesterday, and then fell asleep for a day and two nights.

Chen Qiye quickly finished his plate, but there was still a lot in the pot.Chen Xiye thought it was all prepared for himself, and joked that pigs only ate so much in one meal.Tolstoy glanced at him and didn't think his joke was funny: "Not necessarily, pigs don't induce vomiting."

"You haven't been doing live broadcasts for several years. If you don't want to eat, don't eat." Tolstoy is not a yin and yang person, and he is mainly worried about Chen Xiye's body.He said that the rest are reserved for the guests, and Chen Qiye didn't know why, only then did he know that Tolstoy opened reservations on a certain homestay platform first, and this villa is welcoming tonight due to its superior location. order.

Chen Qiye was at a loss for words for a moment, and didn't know what to say.When people don’t need physical labor, they will think too much, and when they think too much, they will easily get into a dead end, and become nothingness after reaching the end of the road.Chen Qiye, who retired early, in order to avoid becoming a waste with only money, had already had the idea of ​​opening a homestay, but his sense of powerlessness caught up with him before the project went live.

The Arctic Circle is indeed not suitable for life.

The orders came, but Chen Qiye was still willing to pull himself together and work with Tolstoy to make arrangements for the guests.This is a couple who came from China for their honeymoon. They booked a place a few months ago, but they were temporarily charged back. After checking the listings again, Chen Qiye's house popped up. It was really fate .

Like most tourists, they came to Murmansk to see the aurora.But they were unlucky and encountered bad weather. They booked for five nights, but they didn't catch the aurora for five nights. Fortunately, the two hosts of the homestay were enthusiastic and nice, so the journey would not be a disappointment.

The woman in the couple didn't dare to ask Chen Qiye if he was that Chen Qiye until the third night. After getting the affirmative answer, she couldn't help being ecstatic and said that she recognized Tolstoy the first time she saw Tolstoy, because Tolstoy Tai would often appear in his early vlogs, and she was also a member of the Kectologist back then, and felt that there was a lot of love between Chen Qiye and Tolstoy.

Chen Qiye shook his head with a smile. This would never be the last time he clarified that he and Tolstoy were just friends.The woman took this opportunity to recall back then, when Chen Xiye was just an up host at station b, she was just a high school student, and her boyfriend was not her current fiancé.

Perhaps because she was in a foreign country, she had a natural trust in Chen Xiye, so she managed to condense the first half of her life into a one-hour story.After she finished speaking, she felt embarrassed and asked Chen Qiye to promise not to tell her fiancé. On the last day, Chen Qiye and Tolstoy sent the couple to the pier and returned to the car. Thor While driving, Si Tai told Chen Qiye that the man asked him for a drink last night, and after drinking, he actually told the whole story about his dating experience as a student, as if he took Tolstoy as an object of confession.

But if he really wanted to repent, why didn't he tell his fiancée about his dirty past, instead he was just a passing passenger on the journey.

Men, Tolstoy said, are interesting enough to confide in strangers rather than to intimate lovers.Chen Qiye raised the heating in the car by a few more degrees, saying that not only men, as long as it is an individual, it will probably be like this.

Chen Qiye looked at the snow scene outside the window, but he didn't concentrate very much.He said that the closer the relationship is, the easier it is for people to worry about gains and losses. Many people would rather pay more by themselves and make more mistakes by the other party, and they should also take the initiative in their own hands.

Because they can only ensure that they will not be the one to leave voluntarily.

But people, both men and women, are afraid of being passive, afraid of losing the initiative and further losing themselves.The possibility is aching, more frightening than the fear itself.

Tolstoy asked: "Would homosexuality be better?"

Chen Qiye looked at Tolstoy with deep meaning, and the corners of Tolstoy's lips twitched, indicating that he was serious and not joking.

"...Absolute equality does not exist. Even if the gender is the same, there must be someone to dominate and someone to be dominated."

What Chen Qiye said was cryptic, and Tolstoy thought he was talking about body position.Compared to eight years ago, Chen Qiye is now very open.

Chen Qiye was not as self-repressed as he was eight years ago.After all, there are only a small number of temporary orders, and the next batch of customers will not come until a week later.

But Tolstoy did not leave, he threw away all the expired Lebas in the locker, and made hot dishes for every meal, which made Chen Xiye's body warm up for a long time.

Chen Qiye knocked on the door of Tolstoy's room.He was wearing a nightgown, which was empty.

Tolstoy inspected Chen Qiye's body up and down with a... sizing up object.Chen Qiye squatted down, pulled out a wooden box from under the bed, and opened it for Tolstoy to choose.

"...I thought your novelty was over." Tolstoy glanced at the wax-polished red rope that occupied most of the space inside, glanced away, and put a cigarette into his mouth.

"I'm idle too." Chen Qiye didn't feel shy at all.In the past eight years, he has been so busy that he has never touched the ground. He has never been in a relationship or had a friend with benefits. The only way to vent is this little hobby. There is nothing to be shy about.

He forgot when it started, but for a long time he just played by himself, cautious and concealed. If Tolstoy hadn't been found and saved in time before he was about to suffocate, his life might have died.

Tolstoy was a very reassuring friend. In order to prevent such an accident from happening again, he and Chen Qiye had a word of safety. The two had no substantive relationship, and there was no misfire.

Tolstoy was always willing to help others, he was industrious and did not talk much, and he never asked why Chen Qiye got deformed pleasure from pain.

But he turned it down today.

He felt that Chen Xiye was very contradictory. He analyzed people's hearts and human nature clearly and logically, but he still couldn't get out of the category of himself as an individual.

Tolstoy said: "You should 'start over' with Qin Ge."

Chen Xiye seemed to have been poured with cold water, most of his desires were extinguished.As soon as Tolstoy reached his feet, he pushed the box of props back under the bed, and said: "Heart disease still needs heart medicine."

Chen Qiye changed the topic: "Your Chinese is getting better and better."

Tolstoy was more stubborn: "You are not what you were eight years ago."

You have experienced growth and transformation, and this is a better time than it was eight years ago.

But you said, Qin Ge will also change.

Tolstoy was taken aback.

Then he remembered that Chen Qiye and Qin Ge had a big fight in the police station.The rhetoric was so fierce that every word directly poked at the pain point of the other party.

People seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, but they also long to be tolerated, and their shortcomings are only shown to that person. Because of love, they trust.

——The trust that was once turned into a deadly blade.In this battle where one thousand enemies were killed and eight hundred were harmed, the winner was really decided, and the one who died once was Chen Qiye.

"But I don't hate him at all. It is true that he shaped me today." After eight years, Chen Qiye can still say without hesitation, "I love him."

It's just that there are many ways to love, besides staying together for a long time and letting go.

Besides, it's not that he never looked for Qin Ge.

He had made up his mind never to look for Qin Ge again.

He handed over both watches to Lu Chong, his wrists were bare, even though he stuffed the two fuzzy red silk ropes into the interlayer of the suitcase.

He deleted all contact information related to Qin Ge, even though he was familiar with both the mobile phone number and QQ number.

After he returned to Beijing, he moved out of that apartment, even though when he wandered while walking, he would subconsciously walk on that road.

He applied for and won a Sino-Russian scholarship from the China Scholarship Council, and is about to go to a school in Moscow, although what he hopes most is not to lose his shaky initiative and self-esteem in front of his beloved.

He was still a complete failure.

He forced himself to get busy, to take all Russian-related classes, and to write down words with post-it notes before going to bed. Those Kirill letters would only turn into pigeons in his dreams.

Then he ushered in an extremely busy day, falling asleep later and later, and studying harder than in the third year of high school.His thoughts of Qin Ge did not fade with the passage of time, even though that person humiliated him with the most unbearable past events.

——He still loves, and there will always be a place for that pigeon in his heart.

He thought he could disappear forever in Qin Ge's life with that shady love, so he suddenly appeared in front of Qin Ge at the end of January.Qin Ge was about to enter the two-week exam week. In order to review more efficiently, Lu Chong gave him a key to a three-bedroom apartment near the school. Qin Ge thought it was unnecessary at first, but Lu Chong said that it belonged to his grandfather. mean.

Qin Ge plans to change his major. This final exam is aimed at the top 5.00% of all majors. After moving in, the high-end computer in the three-bedroom apartment has never been turned on once. When he heard the phone vibrate, he was struggling to memorize medical terms. Almost missed the call.

Then he hung up and stared at the "z little leaf "kiss" "kiss" "kiss"" in the "recent calls", and couldn't remember why he didn't delete the address book by accident, but just added a "z" , Hiding people until the end.

[Z Xiaoyezi "kiss" "kiss" "kiss"] Another call, no matter how many times Qin Ge hung up, he persisted.

Qin Ge had no choice but to get through, but kept silent like gold, as if the other end of the phone was just a stranger he didn't know.

Chen Qiye was not timid because of his cold attitude, because he was already in the bitter cold wind.When Qin Ge rushed from his residence to the school gate holding an umbrella, Chen Qiye shrugged his shoulders and hid in a hiding place under the campus wall.

Qin Ge felt that Chen Qiye did it on purpose.There are shops near here, no matter how bad it is, you can go to the security room next to it.

But Chen Qiye wanted to wait in the rain, drenched and shivering, pitiful like an abandoned homeless puppy, precisely hitting Qin Ge's desire for protection and compassion.

Qin Ge approached him with an umbrella propped on top of his head, and asked him where he lived.

Chen Qiye remained silent, as if expecting Qin Ge to take him away.

Qin Ge was not so soft-hearted, and changed the question: "Why are you here?"

Chen Qiye's shoulders trembled, and a few strands of hair that was long enough to be pulled into a ponytail stuck to his face, making his face smaller and his body smaller, which could be folded and hidden in the palm of Qin Ge's hand, and taken anywhere in the world.

Chen Xiye reached into his pocket and took out a piece of paper to hand to Qin Ge, which was the only dry thing on him.Qin Ge restrained himself from reaching out, and his sense of boundary with Chen Qiye was so deliberate. He watched Chen Qiye unfold the paper report, and the test result on it was HIV negative.

——If you want to apply for a student visa in Russia, you must submit the AI ​​inspection report, a copy of the Entry-Exit Quarantine Bureau in Chen Qiye's hand.He is healthy and has always been healthy.

Chen Qiye could no longer tell the difference between rain and tears.Ever since I got this report, the little things about getting along with Qin Ge can't help rushing to my heart. The gap between them has always existed, and the love that breeds the gap is also real.

So he can't just leave.Both he and Qin Ge deserve a more formal goodbye, or say goodbye in person.

"Do you still want me?" He asked Qin Ge in tears, as humble as if he was begging, "I will listen to you and give you everything in the future. Don't want me, okay?"

The author says:

There are still three chapters to separate, and we will continue to update tomorrow, without rest, let's work hard!