after being terminally ill

Father... dead?

The news was like a bolt from the blue, and I felt as if all the strength in my body was taken away, and I couldn't even hold the few pages of materials that were floating in my hand.

It was dark in front of my eyes, and my vision became more and more blurred. I tried to blink a few times, but I felt hot liquid sliding down my cheeks.

Although my father has always been strict with me, I still remember how he let me ride on his neck and took me around when I was a child, and I also remember the presents he would send no matter what every year on my birthday, and There was a gratifying smile on the corner of his mouth when he praised me, and he even remembered that when my father found out about my being bullied at school when I was a child, he took me to find those children and told me not to be afraid to beat them back.

At that time, father will always be a proud word in my heart.

Even though I grew up gradually, and after many things that caused me pain and even grievance happened, I actually always knew that my father didn't love me, it's just that some things were too important in his heart.

But I will always remember that one night when my father was drunk, he came to my bed, and he, who was always serious and rigid, shed tears. He apologized to me, then touched my head and told me that I was the most proud of him. child.

……

In any case, I never thought that my father would die so suddenly.

That tall figure that I have always looked up to since I was a child has disappeared from this world like this?Earlier than fragile me?

There seemed to be an invisible hand stirring mercilessly in my brain, and my heart was also in pain. I clenched the clothes on my chest, panting heavily, but still felt gradually suffocating.

I vaguely saw Song Zizhuo's flustered expression that almost collapsed, and the doctor's voice and Song Zizhuo's voice were distorted into pieces.

"Plan One First Aid!"

……

"What did you do to the patient?!"

"..."

"...you fucking can't save him, I'll kill you today!"

"If you get in the way here again, you'll kill me, and he won't be able to live."

……

My consciousness seemed to be gradually sinking into the deep sea, and there was boundless darkness around me. My father seemed to be standing not far away, waiting for me. His appearance was different from the usual seriousness, but with a gentle smile.

I also smiled and walked towards him step by step, but just as I was about to walk to my father, I suddenly heard a desperate cry behind me.

I looked at my father, and finally turned back hesitantly, and then I saw Yu Yunzhi and Zheng Qiying standing behind me, they looked at me with sad eyes, as if begging me not to leave.

I stopped where I was, and finally turned around and took a step towards them...

When I woke up, it was daytime, the sun was shining through the window, and I was lying on the bed, and I could hear the birds chirping outside the window.

Yu Yunzhi was sitting next to me, and after meeting my gaze, he forced a smile.

Although he had tried his best to pretend, the sadness and despair in his heart seemed to be too strong, so strong that he couldn't suppress it no matter what, so that there was a melancholy that anyone could see in this smile.

I looked at him, and my previous excitement was gone. On the contrary, my heart was unexpectedly calm.

"I know all those things."

Yu Yunzhi avoided my sight in a bit of embarrassment. After a long silence, he showed a forced smile, as if he wanted to avoid this topic: "Don't mention this for now, okay? You need to take a good rest now."

But I don't want to run away, I don't want to muddle along in the remaining life, I must solve this matter: "Yunzhi, I admit that after seeing this, I was shocked, very...unacceptable, because The real you seems to be different from what I thought."

"After seeing these, I even...even began to doubt, do I really love you?"

"Stop it," Yu Yunzhi interrupted, looking at me pleadingly, "Stop talking, okay?"

But I still continued: "I still don't know the answer to this question. But I know, I don't hate you, even if it's because of you that my father... died, I still can't hate you." A bitter smile overflowed from the corner of his mouth, "I Isn't it very useless?"

Yu Yunzhi looked at me with pain in his eyes.

"I probably don't have a few days left, so I want to make everything clear to you," I looked at him seriously, "I don't hate you, so I hope you don't feel guilty about me. After I die, You must be good, you must make yourself happy, you know? This is my wish, so help me fulfill it, okay?"

Yu Yunzhi looked at me without blinking, only his eyelashes trembled slightly, I saw tears overflowing his eyes and flowing down slowly, but he didn't seem to notice it, just looked at me without moving.

After a while, he said "good" in a trembling voice.

I looked at him with a relieved and gentle smile.

Ask myself, even if I know that Yu Yunzhi has done these excessive things, I still can't hate him, and I still can't help but care about him in my heart.

That being the case, I don't want to embarrass myself, let alone him. Speaking of all this, besides wanting to be open and honest, I also want him to let go of these things.

I thought, I want him to be happy, no matter what.

In the following days, Song Zizhuo did not appear in front of my eyes again.

I have mixed feelings about Song Zizhuo, but in the end I still feel that I can't forgive him for what he did - no matter what reason or reason he did it.

But I don't want to hate him either, because hating someone is too tiring, so between me and him, I just think it's best to forget each other in the rivers and lakes.

Besides Song Zizhuo, there is another person I care more about, and that is Zheng Qiying.

I haven't seen him since that day.

But in the current situation, I don't want to meet him again, because meeting him now will only add to my sadness.

Even so, I decided to leave a letter to him.The letter stated that I was terminally ill.

What would he think when he saw this letter?I'm afraid I'll be angry, after all, he doesn't like others to hide from him the most, but I kept such a big thing like terminal illness from him.

But I believe that he will forgive me in the end.

Because he actually has a soft heart, as long as he is a friend, no matter what, he will try his best to forgive.

Meeting such a person is the greatest luck in the rest of my life.

After writing the letter, I told Yu Yunzhi: "After I die, help me deliver this letter to Zheng Qiying of the Zheng family, okay?"

"... When did you know him? What is the relationship between you?"

I looked at Yu Yunzhi who seemed jealous, and smiled slightly: "Friend."

Yu Yunzhi nodded: "Okay, I will leave it to him."

I continued: "Promise me, I really want to give it to him, don't lie to me again."

Yu Yunzhi lowered his head, I couldn't see his expression clearly, I only heard him say: "...OK."

I felt relieved, sat quietly in the wheelchair, looked at the afterglow of the sunset, with a smile on my mouth, and felt that I had no regrets in my heart.

The drowsiness hit me, and I only felt that the painful symptoms caused by the terminal illness seemed to be gradually relieved, and my body felt more relaxed than ever. I closed my eyes slightly, and my consciousness fell into a deep darkness...

—End of full text —

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