sad li bai

After Xu Ning left, An Ling left the train station, with his hand on his heart, his heartbeat was slow, and he couldn't feel it through his skin.He knew that Xu Ning was not very happy when he left, and he also knew that Xu Ning had no confidence in this relationship from the beginning to the end. He thought that these problems would gradually disappear with the passage of time, but he did not expect this anxiety As the two interacted, it was passed on to him.It made him doubt whether he could give Xu Ning the love he wanted.

Xu Ning came back by train that night, and it was close to midnight when he got home. As soon as he got out of the train station, he saw Chen Yu, waiting for him at the exit.When Chen Yu saw him coming out, he gave him a gentle smile, walked over and asked him.

"Hungry or not, or go straight home"

Xu Ning shook his head, wanting to go home directly.Chen Yu stopped a taxi.

An Ling was there as soon as Xu Ning got into the car, he called Chen Yu. Both he and Yan Shu were taking exams in other places, and Chen Yu's school had already been booked, and he was still making up cultural lessons at school.Xu Ning's car arrived at the station too late, Xu Ning didn't want to tell his family to go back so late, he was afraid that the family would come to pick him up, Xu Ning's parents were old and it would be too troublesome.An Ling asked him to come and pick him up.When it was almost time for Xu Ning to arrive at the station, Chen Yu's mobile phone was about to be blown up by An Ling, for fear that he would miss the pick-up time.

"Let me tell you, An Ling called me tonight, I wish I had more calls than before." Chen Yu saw that Xu Ning's mood didn't seem too high, so he said jokingly.

"Really." Xu Ning didn't look up, he was sitting in the back seat of the car, no emotion could be heard in his voice.Chen Yu didn't know what to say for a while, this was the most serious love partner An Ling talked about, and also the only boy, Chen Yu actually didn't know how to ease the embarrassment between him and Xu Ning He really thinks that he and Xu Ning have nothing in common. It's not that he doesn't like Xu Ning. It's just that even if Chen Yu is rich in the future, Chen Yu will definitely not go to the concert. Chen Yu really doesn't think so. What common language can I have with Xu Ning, especially Xu Ning always has an unconscious sense of alienation.

"Xu Ning, although I think An Ling and you are actually two very different people, but I think An Ling is already very serious about you." Chen Yu's original intention was to let Xu Ning understand that An Ling has Pay more attention to him.But looking at Xu Ning's expression, he didn't understand that much.Because the atmosphere around Xu Ning who didn't want to talk to people probably turned up a notch, Chen Yu touched his nose in embarrassment, turned around and stopped talking.

When they arrived at Xu Ning's downstairs, Xu Ning got out of the car, and when he closed the car door, he thanked Chen Yu. He knew that the other party came to pick him up for An Ling's sake, so he couldn't let An Ling Ugly face.

Although he was not in a very happy mood, he still gave Chen Yu a smile, watched his car leave, and then turned and entered the building.

When Xu Ning opened the door, the room was pitch black. He stood at the door until his eyes got used to the dim light in the room, and then quietly entered his room through the dim moonlight from the living room window, without disturbing Parents who have already fallen asleep.He came back much earlier than scheduled and didn't want to startle them because he wasn't sure he couldn't handle it.

He didn't take a bath either, and just lay on the bed weakly. He always knew that his personality was not flattering, that's why he didn't have many good friends for so many years.

He could have happily visited his voluntary school with An Ling, and sweetly imagined his college life after the college entrance examination, but because he didn't want to accept the girls around An Ling vaguely, he sent a text message, Arrived at the station, want to leave here.I wanted to see if I could let go of An Ling, and wanted to know if An Ling would let go easily.

He was gambling, and wanted to know how important he was to An Ling.Only he himself knows how miserable he is at the train station every second. Every second he regrets his obsession and paranoia, and every second he wants to understand An Ling's feelings more clearly.Every minute he is like a man strangling his own neck.

It wasn't until An Ling appeared that he could breathe normally.I no longer feel that every breath of air is pinched in my throat, and I dare not take a big breath.

But that's it, when he saw An Ling standing in front of him, motionless.Finally, he let go of the hand that was strangling his neck, because he still didn't want to die, and he was the one who didn't want to let go between the two of them.

Or he took the initiative to take a step forward and grabbed An Ling's clothes first, because in just a few hours of waiting, he had already deeply realized that no matter how much An Ling liked him now, he couldn't face it at all. An Ling left.Xu Ning knew that the defect in his heart about anxiety had never been healed, and the hole in his heart was getting bigger and bigger, but he pretended to turn a blind eye because he didn't want to let go.So he could only force himself to believe that what An Ling said was a future he could look forward to.

So he couldn't do without the other party, everything before was a useless farce, and instead wasted how long he and An Ling would spend together.

There is probably nothing more tormenting than waiting with your expectations. Xu Ning has lost a lot of weight in just [-] days since he returned from going out to the end of the second model. Pointy ones are not good, and people talk less and less.But no one can comfort him, and no one knows how many bad guesses he has in his heart.

March NO.15, the teacher sorted out the context of land reform in history for the fourth time on the blackboard. The history teacher is a traditional woman wearing glasses and an ancient dress. She has always liked Xu Ning's quiet and quiet temperament .He always looked in Xu Ning's direction during lectures.

But today Xu Ning always looks out of the window.When he was studying with Yan Ying and Fang Hua yesterday, he heard Fang Hua say that all the candidates who took the art test have basically returned, but they will not go back to school for classes, and they are all closed at home. Tutoring in remedial classes costs 1 yuan for one month of supplementary lessons.

An Ling didn't mention when he would come back, nor did he say whether he would attend classes at school when he came back.Xu Ning would not take the initiative to ask about such things related to the future of these two people. Ever since he tried it out at the train station and found that he still bowed his head first, he would never do this kind of thing again.

But after hearing the news, he still felt uneasy, and couldn't read the book seriously, and couldn't listen to the class.I can't help but wonder if An Ling hasn't come back or has come back and hasn't notified him yet.The teacher's eyes are always on him. He knows that the results of the second model have not been announced yet, but the teacher should have everyone's transcripts in his hand. He spent both Ling's time and An Ling's time contacting him studying.

Because as soon as he is free, he can't help but miss it.And the time An Ling can contact him is so limited.

This afternoon's class is over. When Xu Ning packed his schoolbag and went downstairs, his phone vibrated suddenly. He was extremely excited for a moment. He quickly took out his phone and found that it was really An Ling's call, so he immediately pressed the answer button .

"I'll wait for you at the stone lion outside the school, come out quickly." An Ling's voice was hoarse and lazy and sexy, which was inexplicably more mature than the voice before leaving.

"Well, I'll be there right away." Xu Ning put down the phone and ran out quickly, with his schoolbag slung across his shoulders, he also ran at his pace.

It was after two o'clock in the afternoon when An Ling came back, and he wanted to tell Xu Ning when he came back, but he felt that if little idiot Xu knew that he was back, he probably wouldn't have to go to class all afternoon, so he had to run out to meet him immediately.What's more, he has been upside down for more than three months, preparing for various exams exhaustedly, and sitting in the car for several hours before returning.You can't go to see little idiot Xu like this.

So he went back to the apartment, put all his things down, cleaned himself up, and then called Xu Ning.Come pick him up at the school gate.

"Come here, I miss you." An Ling opened his arms towards Xu Ning, his voice was gentle and tender, he also lost a lot of weight, he looked a little taller than before, and his two long straight legs were in front of Xu Ning. The looser dark blue jeans look more slender, and the exposed ankle bone looks a little more handsome.Neutralized the slightly aggressive handsomeness before.

Xu Ning was almost bewildered, there was nothing in his eyes, only An Ling.He ran over quickly and barely stopped in front of An Ling, so close that the two of them looked at each other and could only see each other.

"Let's go eat first." In the end, An Ling was the first to slow down. He put away his fiery gaze, knowing that he was still standing at the gate of the school, and Xu Ning was about to take the college entrance examination in a few months. He couldn't because of himself and Xu Ning Ning's incident affected Xu Ning's college entrance examination.

"I do not want to eat..."

Xu Ning's voice was low, his voice was still a boy's voice, soft and clear.An Ling put his shoulders on his shoulders, as if walking with good buddies, but the right hand was holding Xu Ning's left hand under the cover of the schoolbag.The fingers of the two are intertwined, doing sweet things secretly.

"Then what do you want to do?" An Ling was almost amused, his brows and eyes were full of smiles, looking at Xu Ning's little face.

"I can do anything, as long as I stay with you for a while. Eating is too time-consuming." Xu Ning's right hand secretly took An Ling's hand on his shoulder. The light yellow cocoon, he couldn't help but gently rubbed his fingers on the cocoon, and the **** feeling infected his brain numbly.

"Then you have to eat too." An Ling's voice was full of happiness and pampering.As long as I can stay with Xu Ning for a while, I can eliminate all the hard work of chasing Xu Ning all the way, the exhaustion of riding crowded subways, trains, and buses to various schools and examination rooms. Another tedious and exhausting exam, the exhaustion and heart failure of running so hard to breathe countless times, and the pressure of not being able to sleep all night seems to be gently brushed away by Xu Ning's few words, because Xu Ning likes it, Be full of energy for him at any time.

He dragged Xu Ning to the Italian cold drink shop outside the school, the blond boy in the pictorial there was as beautiful as Xu Ning, but not as elegant and agile as Xu Ning, and he would not show his loving eyes like Xu Ning , but the desserts in their home are really delicious. The key is that the price is too expensive for students, so few people go there. It can give them a quiet and private space to get along, which is very suitable for them.

The two-story independent small building is a rare Mediterranean style. The dark red decoration looks lazy and mysterious, and there is an atmosphere of relaxation that makes people want to take a quiet nap.

An Ling and Xu Ning were sitting on a couch. They were in the corner of the second floor, where the lights were dim, and their backs were facing the stairs coming up. .

Xu Ning sat on the sofa and half leaned in An Ling's arms, his arms tightly wrapped around An Ling's waist, and even the desserts on the table had to be spooned into his mouth by An Ling.An Ling leaned against the place where the armrest of the sofa meets his back, and he could see the full back of his head and short black hair from behind.

"Miss me so much, huh?" An Ling's voice was low, and when he lowered his head, his lips were on the side of Xu Ning's face, and the breath that smelled like green tea mouthwash was fresh and charming.Following that breath, Xu Ning raised his head, kissed An Ling's lips, and rubbed them slowly, unwilling to stay away even when he was talking.

"Yes, I miss you so much."

"Me too, then I will take you with me when I leave, okay, and put you on your belt."

An Ling lowered his head and kissed Xu Ning's bright forehead.Then he rubbed the top of Xu Ning's head with his chin.

"You go to class in a while, I'll go get together with them, and I'll pick you up when you leave class in the evening, and it's just the two of us for the rest of the time, okay?" An Ling brought a mouthful of mousse to Xu Ning's mouth , Watching him stick out his pink tongue and roll in the dark purple blueberry mousse with the tip of his tongue, I feel a slight heat in my lower abdomen.He moved his body backwards.But Xu Ning pressed him tightly again, Xu Ning grabbed the hand that wanted to continue feeding him, and stood up, "I want to go with you, okay?"

"No, you still have class in the evening, why should you go, if you don't go, they are all the people from the art test, everyone thinks that they have to get together after so long and finally finished, there is no one you know, go I can't always be around you, you should be bored, I promise, I will pick you up after class, and I won't hang out with them anymore."

An Ling put down the spoon, put his hands on Xu Ning's shoulders, and looked at Xu Ning sincerely. He wanted to have a long and long future with Xu Ning, so he wouldn't delay Xu Ning just because of the short time in front of him. He knew that Xu Ning was worried about Ning's study time, but he wanted Xu Ning to know that they would have time to spend together.

"Really, I just want to stay with you for a while, so it won't affect your party." An Ling looked at Xu Ning who was getting more and more pitiful, but still refused to agree.He shook his head and reached out to touch Xu Ning's side face. It was still very delicate and smooth, but the soft meat on it was a lot less. He pinched a piece, "Do you think I can't eat anymore? Thin."

An Ling had already changed the subject, and Xu Ning's eyebrows drooped.

"I have a bad appetite recently. I eat less and lose weight."

"It's okay, I'll feed him a few times a day when I get back home, and I'll gain weight in a few weeks. We, Ning Ning, look good both fat and thin." An Ling hugged Xu Ning tightly, and he bowed his head and kissed the top of Xu Ning's hair before he became serious again Open your mouth.

"Ningning, we will have a long time in the future, don't worry."

Xu Ning buried his face on An Ling's chest, smelling the refreshing fragrance of shower gel on An Ling's body, he showed the gentlest and most sensible side, but he didn't know how to restrain the most unbearable and darkest guesses in his heart.I want to know why An Ling came to pick him up from school instead of letting him pick him up. I want to know why An Ling came to see him after taking a shower. I want to ask why he can go to the previous parties, but this one is all for art exams. He can't show up at people's gatherings.He knew that once a seed of doubt was planted, it would grow into a tree without knowing it, just as once you see dirt in the food in a restaurant, you will feel that everything before it has dirt.Will not go to this restaurant again in the future.

But An Ling was the last thing he wanted to give up, so he didn't know how to make himself believe it, and he didn't know how long he could hold on, maintaining a false, vulnerable belief.

He suddenly remembered the song Yan Ying hummed while waiting for the bus that day,

I don't like your doubts, doubts are terrible weapons that kill love.He unconsciously hummed the next sentence, "I want to give you my heart. The plan is to travel separately, but why does it look like the ending? I understand."

Stopped in your arms, but not necessarily in your heart.

Not necessarily in your heart.Not necessarily in your heart.