put your skirt on

Chu Hancai packed up his things and ate dinner alone again.He sat on the bed and read a book for a while. No one would believe it. Chu Hancai, who has long been an adult, likes to read fairy tale books. The bedside table is full of children's picture books.He once remembered thinking that psychologists said that an adult's attachment to one thing is often because he lacked such a thing in childhood.At Chu Hancai's age, he still likes plush toys and fairy tale picture books, perhaps because he never got these in his childhood.

He used to keep the black box by his side, and when he saw something interesting in the book, he turned his head and had a few words with the black box.There was a story in a children's picture book about a funny old man selling wontons. Chu Hancai's memory seemed to be evoked. He turned his head and reached out to touch the cold black box with his white and red fingertips, muttering: "Actually During those years abroad, I especially missed the little wontons you made."

Chu Han became interested, closed the picture book, reached out and took the box and hugged it in his arms.

He had something on his mind and wanted to tell his father slowly.

The white sheets, white bedding, and the black box in his arms formed a very opposite composition.And Chu Hancai lay in the center of the white world, like a terminally ill patient with no cure.

"Do you still remember? At that time, we had to save money for a period of time before we could buy some minced meat. You asked me to go downstairs to ask my uncle for some flour, and then you stood in front of the small table under the window sill. Make dough, tell me to pick some green onions we planted in the small flowerpot."

Thinking of this, Chu Hancai smiled a little.He hugged the box tightly and curled up into a ball, as if hugging his whole world.

"If you stand kneading the dough, the wound on the back of your neck will open if you are not careful, and then you will have to rest for a long time before you can continue kneading the dough." Chu Hancai kissed the black box surface lightly, "One I made a bowl of wontons with some minced meat, and you were reluctant to eat it, so you gave it to me."

He withdrew his hand and pressed it on his heart, trying to calm himself down.

He originally thought that this kind of life would continue, even if it was a little bit bitter, it didn't matter, at least he had a relative who was connected by blood.At least he can still dream, to dream of a wonderful future and a bright world.

It's just that such beauty is like colorful foam on the ocean, which is fragile after all.

The moment of parting will come.

The collapse of his world had already been foreshadowed.The pieces of bloody gauze, the screams of his father in the middle of the night again and again, and the increasingly bitter lemon scent were enough proof that the crumbling home between him and his father was about to collapse.

That day, Chu Hancai returned home with the marshmallows that his uncle downstairs gave him.He was reluctant to eat and wanted his father to taste the sweetness. The summer heat wave melted the icing sugar, which stuck to Chu Hancai's palm.He cautiously opened the door of the house and saw his father lying on the ground, the blood on the back of his neck couldn't stop gushing.There was no light in his father's eyes anymore, he just looked at the door blankly.

At that time, Chu Hancai could hardly hear the sound of the world, only knew that the marshmallow slipped from his hand, the bamboo stick fell to the ground, and his heart was torn apart.Since then, no one has been able to stitch it together.

He ran to his father, trying to dial 120 with the old phone at home.He remembered that it was taught in the book that if a family member was sick, he had to call 120.If you make this call, you will be saved.But before he dialed, his father hung up the phone.

The extremely weak father crawled to Chu Hancai's side and rubbed the child's leg.

"Stop calling," broken words rolled out of his pale and chapped lips, "It hurts too much..."

"I originally wanted to live a good life for you, no matter how hard or tired I have to live," the father reached out and stroked Chu Hancai's face, it was not a good thing for the child to follow his appearance, "but it hurts too much... ..."

It hurts so much...

I want to give up.

The young Chu Hancai put down the phone obediently. His right hand, which was covered with icing sugar, was now covered with his father's blood.People always say that it is enough to survive the trough, and it is enough to survive the most difficult years.But what if you can't make it through, what if the end of the darkness is still endless darkness?

What if I am the only one left in the end?

His father closed his eyes forever in his arms, the scent of lemons all over the room was like a high funeral offering, and the marshmallows melted on the ground became the only offering.If it weren't for the tears that welled up in his eyes, Chu Hancai wouldn't be able to feel the existence of this world.

In that midsummer season, when cicadas neighed to death, when lotus flowers bloomed and were defeated, and when people tried their best to kill mosquitoes, snakes and ants, he became a lonely child.

In the future, I will never have to cover my ears in the dark, and I will never be afraid of the night again. I will not be sad without stars, moon, fairy tales, and songs.Because, the only light, the only belief, and the only happiness he lived in this world disappeared at that moment.Along with everything, it lost its color and meaning.

Chu Hancai was holding the black box. Even though time had passed for so long, he was no longer that ignorant young man. Every time he thought of the moment when his father died, Chu Hancai would still cry.Every time he felt that he had lost his feelings as a human being, the memory would remind him how much he had cried.

But can't get any results back.

"After you left, I was picked up by the Chu family." Chu Hancai wiped away his tears, and the corners of his eyes were a little red. "I'm not used to anything when I went abroad. I just miss the little wontons you made. The scenery over there is beautiful." , life is just like that, it’s just that I’m really not used to eating.”

"You know I'm not used to those things from abroad. The salad steak was alright at first, but I almost vomited later." He looked at the ceiling blankly, "The Chu family won't let me mess up." If I run away, I can only eat what they give me. When I am happy, I give some meat, and when I am unhappy, I eat their leftovers. The only young master of the Chu family? But he is just a puppet... ..."

Before Chu Hancai finished speaking, his expression suddenly became flustered, and he quickly explained: "I'm not saying that I'm not doing well, you don't have to worry about me, I'm just...in fact, it's okay, I can eat enough of."

He stroked the box to comfort the dead thing.

"Those are not important. It doesn't matter if you eat, drink, scatter, or fight in the family. They are just a bunch of idiots." Chu Hancai smiled contemptuously, then suddenly softened his eyebrows, and said softly to the black box Sentence: "You are the most important."

In the days to come, no one will treat me as well as you.

As a result, I have been immersed in the bloody dream of my childhood all my life, and I can never wake up, nor do I want to wake up.

That's fine, it's better than having no dreams at all.

It's just that the child who was carefully cared for and raised tenderly by you bloomed unforgivable evil flowers in the lonely and dark years to come.