Long grass warbler flying

This small episode suddenly cooled down the final carnival that was going on. The music was still playing, but few people were paying attention to eating, drinking and having fun.

Ji Xiao’s popularity is not bad, and he almost never showed such an expression. The students were surprised and gathered around one after another, asking him what’s wrong. Accidentally poked at the door of life, Ji Xiao listened absent-mindedly, feeling even more wronged.

He took a breath and forced a smile: "I'm fine, I drank too much wine... I feel a little sad when I think about things at home."

However, most people have heard about his family situation. Presumably not every reorganized family is as harmonious as "Family with Children", and then comforted him one by one, and then slowly returned to the right track of this carnival .

Zhai Xinen accompanied Ji Xiao, and asked cautiously: "... What did you two say?"

Ji Xiao raised his eyelids a little, stared at the glass of orange juice left by Chu Lan in front of him, and was breathless when he spoke again: "I said I like him, but he made me give up. But is there any way, how can I give up?"

Zhai Xinen: "...You, don't be too...Chu Lan, he..."

Ji Xiao sighed: "Don't comfort me, Xin En, it doesn't matter if you think I'm an idiot. I'm just stupid, and I still wonder if he will be moved even a little bit by getting along with him for so long? I guess he I knew it a long time ago, it's just that he is soft-hearted and refuses to meet with embarrassment, now that he has graduated and has no scruples, he is not willing to speak first."

Di Xinen couldn't bear it anymore, and raised his voice: "You still protect him! You still speak for him!"

The loud voice drew sideways glances from a small area, and she immediately showed annoyed expression, Ji Xiao smiled at the few classmates who looked over: "You guys play."

It's just that he behaved so decadently that no one familiar with him could pretend that nothing happened.Jiang Xinghe, who watched the play for a long time, didn't know what to think, took out his phone to check the time, and said in a hoarse voice: "I'm going out to smoke a cigarette."

He pushed open the door, walked around the gorgeously decorated corridor, and walked to the door of the KTV. He just took out the cigarette case and hadn't lit the fire, but he caught a glimpse of a person leaning on a pillar outside the door, and his profile looked very familiar. .Jiang Xinghe moved over with a cigarette in his mouth, and when he saw who it was, he was shocked as expected.

"Chu Lan?" He shouted, seeing the man tremble all over, and when he turned his head, his eyes were full of bewildered bewilderment.

Seeing that it was Jiang Xinghe, Chu Lan seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, her shoulders immediately slumped, she lost her usual pride, and looked not much better than Ji Xiao.Jiang Xinghe's heart sank, and he asked him: "You haven't gone back yet?"

Chu Lan shook her head.He usually doesn't wait to see Jiang Xinghe, now he looked at him calmly for a while, and pointed to the cigarette case in his hand hesitantly: "Can... give me one?"

Jiang Xinghe was surprised: "Do you smoke?"

"I didn't smoke before." Chu Lan thought for a while and added, "I'm annoyed."

Before that, Chu Lan would never have imagined that one day he would sit with Jiang Xinghe on the steps outside the gate of the KTV. There was a lot of traffic in front of him, which was the starting point of nightlife, and Jiang Xinghe handed him a lighted cigarette.

Chu Lan stared at the flickering red light for a moment, as if he had made up his mind, and only took a breath—he couldn’t do it at all—so he was choked to death as a matter of course, tears poured out physiologically, and he touched it with his hands. Messy with no image.Jiang Xinghe watched him make a fool of himself with a cigarette dangling from his mouth, he couldn't help but enjoy himself.

"What did you just say to Ji Xiao?" He propped his chin on his arm, showed a naughty smile, and said in a very unbeatable tone, "Do you know that he was crying?"

Chu Lan was pinching the cigarette, but he didn't have the courage to be choked again. His eyes were sour from the smell, and his eyelashes drooped, blocking the light in his eyes: "...I didn't mean to hurt his heart, but I don't want to hurt him." It might just be impossible."

Jiang Xinghe calmed down: "Why?"

Chu Lan gave him a strange look, as if wondering why he would ask such a stupid question: "I am heterosexual."

Jiang Xinghe laughed, didn't speak, and waited with Chu Lan for his cigarette to burn out.

Silence magnified the emotions in the night, and I didn't feel that it was hurtful when I said the cruel words just now, but later recalled that I knew something was wrong, but I still refused to admit my mistake.It wasn't until Jiang Xinghe casually said, "Ji Xiao is crying", that Chu Lan's heart beat suddenly a few times belatedly, as if suddenly taken out for a moment.

His mind was in a mess, all his principles and emotions stuck together repeatedly, the only thing he could clearly recognize was that he did not have a precedent for liking the same sex—he had never appreciated the beauty of the same sex, let alone be interested in it, he was good to friends, no It means that he can fall in love with his best friend.

The word "love" is sometimes frightening to think about.

Just when Chu Lan felt that sitting was boring, Jiang Xinghe slowly opened his mouth, but it was a new topic: "You know, my boyfriend also swore before that he is straight, so it is impossible for him to like boys."

Chu Lan blinked: "Your boyfriend?"

"Student at University of S, sophomore, we have known each other for more than two years. I like the type. I joked a long time ago that it would be great if you were my boyfriend. He kept saying that he was heterosexual, and it turned out that my birthday was in September last year. Did he confess—slap in the face?" At this point, Jiang Xinghe smiled as if remembering something interesting, his peach blossom eyes curved up, and under the dim night light, they were indeed very attractive arcs, "I still ask He said, "Why the fuck did you suddenly like me?" Guess what he said?... He said, "Emotional matters change rapidly, who can tell?" He said it so confidently that I couldn't even agree to him. "

Chu Lan said "Oh" half-understood, as if she didn't quite understand why Xinghe suddenly talked about her own affairs.

"So, Chu Lan," Jiang Xinghe turned his head to look at him, puffed out a puff of smoke, and the more Chu Lan frowned, the happier he became, "Don't talk too much—I'm going back to comfort Ji Xiao, you Be careful on the road, don't send it off."

He didn't care if Chu Lan had anything else to say, stood up and flicked the cigarette ash, leaned against the wall and extinguished the cigarette butt, flung it smartly, and went back to the air-conditioned KTV.

Chu Lan felt a little heat on his back, he raised his hand to wipe his forehead, and looked up at the sky.

Jincheng is foggy at night and clear in summer, with occasional moonlight.Chu Lan and Tianbian Xinyue stared at each other for a long time, then stood up slowly, and left with a stomach full of panic.

Chu Lan sleeps very well. He is a model of going to bed early and waking up late. He gets sleepy at 11 o'clock every night, and he feels uncomfortable if he doesn't lie in bed.It was probably because the KTV's light was too dazzling that day, even after he closed his eyes, Li Li still recalled it vividly and vividly, which disturbed him from sleeping, he could only toss and turn, and he didn't know how he fell asleep afterwards.

Dreams followed one after another, chaotic, mixed with troubles from various stages of life, as if trying to swallow him alive, tortured Chu Lan unable to escape, deep in the dream, unexpectedly woke up in a cold sweat.

The air conditioner was still humming slightly, Chu Lan covered his head and groaned, every part of his body was not right, he was so tired that he could cough out his lungs with his head down as if he had just finished a [-]-meter long-distance race.He sat up from the bed, went to the bathroom to wash his face with cold water, but he couldn't regain his sleepiness anymore.

The house was quiet, and the parents hadn't woken up yet. The big golden retriever that had been raised for two years was snoring peacefully in its nest.Chu Lan stood in the living room for a while, not wanting to go to the balcony to disturb the dog's sleep, so she poured herself a glass of ice water.

The sound of the second hand of the grandfather clock moving was extremely clear in the quiet night. Chu Lan adapted to the darkness, squinted and looked there, and it was only 04:30 in the morning.He secretly thought that he was really annoyed, went back to the room and turned off the air conditioner, and opened the window again, the smell of grass and trees poured in, he usually liked it, but now he just felt uncomfortable.

Chu Lan was stuffy. He sat on the bed with his legs bent. He took the phone, and there were unread messages.After reading this short message, Chu Lan suddenly felt that all his discomfort had a reasonable source.

Just half an hour ago, Ji Xiao sent it.

"I can't give up," he said.

Chu Lan sighed slightly in the dark night, thinking helplessly, why is this person so stubborn.He lay down again, pulled the quilt to cover his head, and counted the sheep for a long time but failed to meet Duke Zhou.

He knew that he caused Ji Xiao's insomnia, and he also knew that he broke Ji Xiao's heart.

Reflecting the light from the phone screen, Chu Lan finally found a target to harass.After sending the message, he turned over contentedly, finally feeling more comfortable.

At eight o'clock the next day, Fan Fan wanted to throw his phone on Chu Lan's face with two huge dark circles under his eyes.But after weighing the value of the mobile phone and the relief of beating Chu Lan, she unscrupulously chose to bow to money, so instead she resentfully pushed the mobile phone time in front of Chu Lan, her face as black as a pot: "Jianghu emergency!" , can’t sleep, four o’clock in the middle of the night—you really can torment me, brother!”

Chu Lansi said politely, "I'm three months younger than you."

Fan Fan was too lazy to talk nonsense with him, so he rolled his eyes deftly, and while stroking Chu Lan's dog, he ate the breakfast Chu Lan bought: "Let's make a long story short, I have an appointment later. What happened to you yesterday, it's not yet four o'clock sleep?"

"I've been confessed." Chu Lan really did as she wished, and said concisely, "It's Ji Xiao."

Her hands trembled, almost tearing off a few dog hairs, and she raised the volume in disbelief: "I have achieved the achievement of 'being confessed by the same sex'!——Have you promised him?"

Chu Lan silently expressed her contempt for her with her eyes, Fan Fan said "Oh" and changed her words obediently: "Then if you don't like it, you should not agree. After graduation, there will be no more opportunities to meet. You are still entangled in not going to sleep until midnight, do you have something else on your mind?"

Chu Lan held her chin, her voice sounded like a mosquito: "...I don't hate him."

Fan Fan once expressed strong contempt for his "black and white" worldview for 18 years, saying that all the books Chu Lan read were eaten into his stomach instead of his head. After all, knowing Chu Lan, he quickly adjusted his mood in shock, and glimpsed a shocking truth from his repeated words.

She considered her words and said after a while, "Do you really have a crush on him?"

Chu Lan: "I don't know."

"Is it difficult, just according to your previous standards, do you like it or not?"

This time Chu Lan was silent for a longer time, and he couldn't accept the result.Seeing his expression, Fan Fan understood, sneered, and said, "If you don't like it, just refuse it, and don't poke other people's heart. 'Give up'? It's not up to you. I really think he's bothering you. Now, let’s talk seriously, don’t fight in the cold and don’t give specious hope. Chu Lan, you will be an adult soon, don’t be childish anymore, okay, you will laugh at people when you say this…”

After being taught a lesson by her, Chu Lan was almost ashamed, and resisted weakly: "I didn't give hope..."

Fan Fan raised his brows upside down: "But you said you don't hate him! If he is really thick-skinned and continues to chat with you, pretending to be okay, can you be so cruel as to block him? Others don't know, but I still don't know you? "

Chu Lan: "After all that, he still doesn't give up. What can I do... Do I have to choose to break up with him or stay with him?"

Fan Fan: "Then you think of a solution that has the best of both worlds. You can be friends with him and let him stop picking on you."

Chu Lan: "..."

What he said just now was really ugly, Fan Fan saw that he was sad, and spoke softly, and slapped a jujube: "Take a step back and say, if you really have a crush--Alan, you see that you usually think so happily , how did you become a feudal old man on your own? It’s the 21st century, if you really like him, it’s not shameful.”

Chu Lan shook her head, sniffed and looked away.I don't know if it's Fan Fan's delusion or what, but the people who grew up together have always been strong and proud, how could they show any look related to "vulnerability" and "wavering"?

She didn't finish her breakfast at the end, and she was in a hurry to leave: "Anyway, A Lan, I will support you in whatever decision you make! Isn't it just coming out, I will protect you!"

The heroic words were spoken lightly, and Chu Lan's sleepiness surged up belatedly. He lay comfortably on the bed, resting his feet on the golden fur's back, and waved weakly at Fan Fan.His confusion still hasn't been resolved, Fan Fan's words are just a comforting effect, Chu Lan thought to himself, is Ji Xiao still just a friend to him?

He was a little slow to react, it was only when the news of Jiang Xinghe's coming out reached his ears that he realized that his liking for the same sex could actually happen to him.

Ji Xiao is kind to him with all his heart, obeys his words, and takes care of him in every possible way.He never said "no". Chu Lan suspected that one day he would kill impulsively, and Ji Xiao would hand him the knife.

He is willing to say anything to Ji Xiao, as if he regards him as a special existence.At first, Chu Lan thought it was because he had too few friends, and Ji Xiao was unique.Now he suddenly figured it out, this "uniqueness" obviously went beyond the scope of friendship.

He and Ji Xiao have long been "more than friends", but Chu Lan hesitated again and again, never daring to step into the realm of "not enough lovers".Chu Lan looked forward and backward, afraid of crossing the line, but he didn't know that he had already lured Ji Xiao into it before he realized it. If he pretended to be innocent now, Chu Lan would feel disgusted.

He didn't dare to take a step beyond the thunder pond, just because he thought it was an abyss.

Chu Lan lay on her stomach, and the world in her eyes turned sideways.He blinked, and felt a "buzzing" sound in his head, past imaginations bursting out colorfully in this one, and in the chaos, he tortured himself.

"The world turned upside down is still the world."

Fan Fan was right, whether Ji Xiao gave up or not was not up to Chu Lan to decide.He pretended to be smart, but he didn't know that in the end, he drew the ground as a prison, and instead trapped himself in a dilemma.

"Emotions are inexplicable, who can tell?"

"Then do you really have a crush on him?"

Amid all his worries, Chu Lan was surprised to find that his deepest memory of the night before was not the smoke that choked him to death, the rare cold moonlight in Jincheng, or even Ji Xiao's pitiful smile——

He said: "You already know that I have always liked you."

The author has something to say:

In fact, it doesn't seem to be very cruel (.