black offering

35.

Hokkaido in March is full of swaying snowflakes. There are nearly one-fifth of Japan’s land here, but only 5% of the population. The vast and large area of ​​primitive ecology has attracted a large number of tourists here.

We live in a remote place, and it took a long time to drive to Sapporo, and then from Sapporo to Shikotsu, the snowflakes fluttered outside the window, fell on the car window, and was swept off by the wiper, on the road, on the railing, and on the roof, all on the dirt It is white snowflakes, the whole picture is quiet and beautiful, I was sleeping all the way.

When I woke up, I was wrapped in a thick quilt and held in the arms of Jackdaw.

"woke up?"

On the boat, we held an umbrella and sat on the plywood.

As far as the eye can see is a large lake, snowflakes fall silently on the water surface, forming shattered ice slags, and in the distance, the snowflakes are densely connected into a large area of ​​white, and the mountains are vaguely showing a dark gray outline. There is a thin mist curling around the lake, like a fairyland.

"Lake Toya?" I couldn't help but took a deep breath and asked excitedly.

"kindness."

"It's so beautiful!" I exclaimed.

Jackdaw put his head on my shoulder, and said helplessly, "I have been arguing for three days to come to Lake Toya, but you have slept for four hours. Wake up and doze off, so go eat something."

I laugh while saying nothing.

I like the current life very much, enjoying the snow and swimming in the lake, a lonely boat rippling in the middle of the lake, as if we are the only ones left in the world.

I broke free from the quilt, turned around and pressed Jackdaw down, put my hands on his sides, and smiled.

Jackdaw lay quietly on the snow-fallen deck, his long black hair was messily pressed under his body, he didn't struggle, just looked at me.

In those black eyes, my shadow was clearly reflected.

I bit his lips lightly, pecked lightly, let go, and then pressed against him again.

I like this man.

I don't know if I didn't wake up, but the throbbing in my heart became more and more full, and it made me feel more and more uncomfortable.

His cold and shameless fingers penetrated into my clothes and stroked my back. He made a slight movement, and when I was invincible, he pressed me under him.

The next thing was a little chaotic, each other refused to give in, each wanted to occupy the top, gnawed, pushed, imprisoned, in short, back and forth, both of them were a little emotional, but Jackdaw couldn't bear to take off my clothes and hugged me , entered the boat, put me on the soft bed, and pushed me up.

He began to undress me very gently.

Untied one by one, accompanied by dense and gentle kisses.

So gentle, so gentle.

There is obviously throbbing in my heart, and it should be warm, but I don't know why it feels so heavy. There are many pictures that keep coming up and reappearing in my head over and over again.

Severed limbs, blood flowing across the screen.

A gentle man stands in the center of the picture, calling my name softly.

So sad.

So sad.

When all the clothes were untied, I couldn't bear it anymore, covered my eyes with my hands, and said in a hoarse voice, "Jackdaw, I want to eat."

"Want to escape after starting a fire?" Jackdaw teased, his voice was different from the past, very hoarse and magnetic.

After he finished speaking, he unbuttoned my pants, held my weakness with one hand, and moved my arm away with the other hand, but suddenly panicked, "Shen Mo?"

The world in front of my eyes is full of water vapor, and the people on the opposite side can't see clearly.

Jackdaw put his hand on my cheek, "What's wrong with you? Why...you suddenly cried?"

I do not know.

I just felt uncomfortable, and something quickly overflowed from my heart, engulfing me.

After a while, I said dumbly: "I remember, I killed a lot of people, a lot, and the fire burned the whole hall. It's very uncomfortable."

"You didn't kill that." Jackdaw replied, "They all deserve to die, you are innocent, Shen Mo."

"But, a lot of people..." There are a lot of things in my head, it's so messy!

I hugged my head, grabbed my hair tightly, and moaned in a low voice, it hurts, hurts, and is so confusing.

"Shen Mo, Shen Mo, calm down, I'm here." Comforting voices came from my ears over and over again.

I reached out and grabbed him.

"I don't want to leave you, I don't want to leave you, don't force me to leave you, I beg you."

"..."

"I don't want to forget you, how could I forget you... Jackdaw... Jackdaw..."

"En." Jackdaw's voice was not clear.

I opened my eyes wide, trying to see the person in front of me clearly, but I couldn't see it, my head hurt so much, I didn't know which nerve was provoked, and I became confused due to the pain.

"...Don't bite, be obedient... let go..." The voice was intermittent.

What are you talking about?

I subconsciously let go of my mouth, blood began to drip from the corner of my mouth.

I opened my mouth slightly, wanting to call him.

But the tongue hurts, I feel like I bit myself?

Jackdaw panicked and put me on the bed, pushed the door with blood on his fingers and went out.

The door was not closed properly, and the slight wind blew the snow in, and the snowflakes drifted slowly in the world.

I stretched out my hand and shouted with all my strength, "Don't go."

Don't go, Jackdaw.

I closed my eyes.

Warm things fell from the corners of his eyes one after another.

"Repetitive compulsive recall of traumatic images, accompanied by headaches, memory drift, high alertness, guarding everyone, never mentioning traumatic events to anyone. These symptoms are PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder." The doctor stood on the bed side said.

Jackdaw sat next to me.

I stared numbly at the white snow scene outside the window.Hands and feet are slightly cold.

The doctor is Jiang Hui.

Now I know that he is not only a nutritionist, he also knows medicine, surgery, psychology, and the most proficient in surgery.

"The reticence, indifference, irritability, sadness, lethargy, and negativity when first awakened by Shen Shao are one of the clinical symptoms of depression, but they are mild. The reason may be the accompanying symptoms of PTSD." The doctor said gently and word by word.

"The treatment plan is..."

I smashed a water glass, pointed at the door coldly, and said, "Get out, I'm not sick."

The atmosphere is awkward.

The Jackdaw waved his hand, and the doctor backed out, closing the door behind him.

Jackdaw approached me, hugged me, did not speak, just simply hugged me in his arms.

I faced the window, and it was a long time before I said, "I'm not that vulnerable."

"..."

"I'm not a porcelain doll either. How could I have such a weird disease?"

"Well, you are Vajra Gourd Baby, Popeye, Undefeated in the East."

"...Bullshit Dongfang Bubai!" I was angry.

"The eunuch will be crushed by me." Jackdaw turned me around and said seriously: "The appearance just now really scared me, don't break your wings before I break them."

"..."

"However, even if you make a fuss yourself, I will help you put it back on, because the person I love is a proud, Xiong Jian-like character like an eagle spreading its wings." Jackdaw said lightly, sensational words .

The softest place in my heart was touched.

I think back to the day I returned from France, at the Shanghai airport, facing the vulnerable Jackdaw.I had blood on my hands, but I didn't do anything.

But now, I'm in trouble, but this person looks cautious.

I moved my lips and said interferingly, "I'm sorry...thank you..."

I'm sorry for the hurt I once gave you.

Thank you, then and now, for the love you have given me.

A crow suddenly flew to the window, flapped its wings, and flew against the glass, as if it wanted to fly in.

The bird's wings vibrated in the air, and the sound was loud and harsh.

The jackdaw looked at it and said, "You are like a bird, full of vigilance and not easy to stay, so you are always flying, and I am the big tree that has been silently waiting for you to stop."

He turned his head and looked at me, as if there was clear water flowing in his eyes, he looked very bright, but frost was still hanging on the brows, "And now you have decided to fall on me, I am too happy, How can I blame you, so you don't have to blame yourself, fool."

"Fall on you, and take a shit." I grinned and added.

Jackdaw's complexion changed, and he was very cold, "How dare you!"

This is the original Jackdaw.

I laughed out loud to destroy the atmosphere, my heart was very bright, like a brook under the sun, clear and lively water, flowing brightly and carefree all the way.

Crash.

Very happy.

At night on Lake Toya, the lights are bright, and the snow becomes so small that it can only be seen under the lights. There are a few wild fishermen who are lighting floor lamps with faint light in the fishing area not far away.

I ate without a bite.

Everything is exquisite, mainly pasta, served with exquisite soup, a small dish of dishes, kelp shreds, small octopus, fungi, and three or four kinds of dumplings, green and tender, red delicate and charming.

I was covered with thick down and sat on the floor on a warm blanket with a warm phone next to me.

The jackdaw's eyebrows look more soft under the dim light. Compared with the food, I always feel that his food is more delicious.

So the appetite is even worse.

The Jackdaw saw me stop the chopsticks, and said displeasedly: "I only ate three mouthfuls, it's too little."

He obviously held a thick book in his hand, and he never took his eyes off the book. How did he know how many mouthfuls I ate?

It turns out that he didn't read the book seriously at all, but kept observing me!

"I want to fish." I interrupted.

"You have to eat half of the noodles." Jackdaw said coldly without raising his eyebrows.The tone was full of no discussion.

"If you eat too much, you will vomit. The doctor said, I can eat as much as I want, as long as I don't vomit. Otherwise, it will hurt my stomach." I threw away the chopsticks and said lazily.

"Two more bites." Jackdaw also put down the book, took the bowl himself, and fed it to my mouth.

A sweet trap, obviously unwilling to eat it, but I still ate it, and took three bites.

After eating and packing up, we went ashore in a small boat with an interpreter, and really went fishing.

I'm curious, since it's snowing, shouldn't the fish be dormant, how can they still bite the hook.

I asked the local people next to me and found out that it is the end of March now, and the cherry blossoms will be in full bloom soon. In fact, it is already spring. The reason for fishing so late is that there is a kind of fish that comes out at nine o'clock in the evening.

In fact, I really don't have any fishing skills. I sat for two hours without any results, and Jackdaw was staring at the book in his hand.

I huddled in my scarf, looking at the boundless black waters, my heart was at a loss.

The locals went back at 09:30. Before leaving, they gave us two fish and told our interpreter that I am too thin, so I need to eat more. Eat more to be strong enough to catch big fish. .

Simple people make me smile with a heartfelt smile.

I turned around and said to Jackdaw: "I want to stay here until the cherry blossoms bloom."

Jackdaw said: "Okay, if you want, we will stay."

"The cherry blossoms are blooming, let's take wedding photos." I suggested in a rambling manner.

"..." Jackdaw raised his head from the book.

"Let's get married." I said slowly.

"..."

The vastness of night eroded over bit by bit, and the icy breath gently enveloped me, and I could feel myself trembling, because the Jackdaw was silent for the first time.

For the first time since our reunion there was silence.

Seeing my appearance, Jackdaw frowned, and replied, "What's your expression? I didn't say I wouldn't agree."

"It's too sudden for you to do this, have you thought about it? Live with me for the rest of your life." Jackdaw stretched out his hand and pulled me to his chest, saying each word gently: "Life and death will never leave, cuddle together until Death separates us."

"Think about it." I laughed and pinched a bunch of his hair, "But you are the bride."

"..." Jackdaw said with a cold face, "Don't even think about it."

"I proposed marriage, you promised to marry, you are not the bride, who is?"

"Strong words make sense."

Yes, because you are the only one I can argue with.

I suppressed the little panic in my heart and smiled brightly.