I was a stand-in for those years

Dust, I know you best.You can ruthlessly abandon everything, but you can't be ruthless about anything about Guo Zhanxiong. You will always put your loved ones in the most important position, and bury yourself at the bottom of the humble.I dare not think that such a sincere and pure you once loved yourself deeply, but I lost you.

You once regarded me as the sky, but in the end the sky collapsed, and you, who are fragile, suffered the pain alone.My dust, I hate myself for being so useless, and I hate myself for not being able to protect you well, so you can hate me as much as you want, just don't look at me with indifference and alienation, I hurt and feel uncomfortable.

Not long after you had an accident, when I took Lin Xingmu and bumped into you in the nursing home, you clearly smelled of dilapidation, but I didn't see it... Even continued to hurt you under the pretext of ignorance, which led to the fact that you are now invincible. Redemption ending.

I often think, if I didn't break up with you at that time, but went to hug you, investigate what happened to you, stay by your side, protect you, and accompany you through the most difficult period, what will happen between us? Will time be different from now?

When I reunited with Lin Xingmu on the island, if I hadn’t left you alone on the island, but had returned home to watch over you with a fever, explain it to you when you recovered, and then we would make a decision together, then you Will you suffer?Or, I didn't let Ryan fire you, and I didn't bring you to the island in the name of filing a lawsuit for you. Now, will you have a busy job, a superior life, and maybe you will meet someone who knows how to pamper you? Your people, instead of being scarred and mentally disturbed by yourself as a bastard, life would be better than death.

I know that I am not qualified to say that I love you, and I also know how despicable and selfish I am who took you away from Zhang Chengwen.But, let the world scold me, let the dust hate me for the rest of your life, please give me a chance to make up for the mistakes I made before, let me protect you with my future life, and never let you suffer any grievances.

I used the truth about Guo Zhanxiong's death to force you to undergo surgery. I know that I am weak and despicable, but what should I do?Your name has turned into a needle tip and buried in my heart. A name affects both our lives.

I would rather you forget about me completely, and I don’t want to see that there is no such person as Chen Chen in this world anymore. It is such a hopeless thing that I cannot see your face or hear your voice.Forget each other in the rivers and lakes, people go to the cold tea, the end of any tragedy is much better than the separation of yin and yang, I don't want to let go, my dust has suffered too much, and I haven't made you happy yet, how can I just let you go? ?

Zhang Chengwen and I teamed up to overthrow the Gu family. The day before your operation, we put aside the things that were about to end in the United States and rushed back to China to accompany you in the operation. I didn't expect that you would point my gun at me.

I was generalized by Zhang Chengwen, whom I have always looked down upon, and that man took advantage of your love for him to kill me...

But, why bother so much?If you want my life, as long as you say a word, I will give it to you. Anyway, when you pointed a gun at me, I can't live anymore.

Zhang Chengwen, hello!It's just that now, I can no longer expose your indifference and hypocrisy, because I don't have the qualifications.Chenchen loves you, you love him too, you two love each other, as long as I disappear, lovers will finally get married, and the three of us will be complete.

Dust, before I die, I just want to hear you say that you like me again, but why are your eyes still so indifferent when I am about to die, like looking at a piece of lifeless wood... I am really so guilty pardon?Are you unwilling to give me a lie of mercy even when you are about to die?

What to do, I'm so sad, please tell me what to do so that you are willing to look at me more.

Dust... Dust... Dust... Can you hear me calling you?Why don't you look back at me?You must have thought that I was already dead, that's why I left so resolutely, right?Otherwise, you will definitely hold me and cry, or call me Brother Chen softly, send me to the hospital like crazy, call the doctors and nurses to come to my side to stop the bleeding, or come to my funeral, but Didn't run to Zhang Chengwen's grave and marry him in the dark, Chenchen!You are too cruel!

After killing someone, is it really necessary to wring that person's heart out and squeeze out the blood inside?

I know you love Zhang Chengwen, but... do you know how hard it is to let me watch you abandon me, who is dying, to die in front of Zhang Chengwen's grave?This feeling of not being able to survive or dying, but only watching you freeze to death in the ice and snow because of Zhang Chengwen, do you know how broken I am?

Dust, my baby, is it only fair if I suffer the same degree of pain as you?If that's the case, I want to die in your hands, and I am willing.

Do you know that after you left, I had a long dream.In my dream, I just met you in college. At that time, you were like a rabbit, happy every day. I didn't beat you in the dark playground, I didn't insult you in the empty stands, and I didn't take the diamond earrings Threatening you, I just... looked at you quietly, and then, watching and watching, suddenly my heart started beating abnormally, I started to lose my mind, I started to panic, I found that I fell in love with you, I showed my love to you, Pursue you crazily, give you the best in the world, and spoil you as the happiest person in the world.Later, my family obstructed us and forced me to marry and have children. I did not give in. I took you to elope. We went to the remote western countryside. You basked in the sun every day at home, and I went out to herd cattle and sheep. You will not lose because of me. Abandon me for everything, but stay by my side silently, you will wipe my sweat when I am tired, and you will feed me water when I drink, the flock of sheep graze leisurely on the grass, you and I are quiet Sitting quietly on the top of the hill, watching the sun sink a little bit, I took you in my arms and carried you home.

You don't know, at that time I was so happy that I almost cried.

We adopted a child, that child is like you, not good at all, and loves to blow hair, that little guy is noisy every day, hugs my legs limply and calls me daddy, and then calls you rationally Mom, you will be angry on the surface, but your ears will turn red behind your back. You like children calling you that.

I wish I drowned in the dream and never came out.

How happy you are in your dream, how sad you are when you wake up.Dust... I really regret that I didn't cherish you well before, but now I realize that in this busy life, what I want in the end is to be you with my eyes open, and your ordinary life with my eyes closed.

I used to think that life is very long, so I squandered it recklessly, but now I realize that life is so short, so short that I suddenly turn my head back, you and I have passed by for 15 years, and now, you have almost slipped away from me.

don't go, okay...