you are so tender

Xiao Lei slept until almost noon.Xu Man checked out, and the two took their children to have lunch in the hotel, and then sent them to Ding Jianjun.Ding Jianjun told Tian Xiaohui that he would take his son back to his hometown in Zunyi, Guizhou during the Spring Festival, and promised to let Tian Xiaohui take Xiaolei to Zhongshan after the father and son returned, and spend the fifteenth day of the first lunar month with his grandparents.Tian Xiaohui was very happy, she drove the car on the return trip, and chatted with Xu Man non-stop along the way, but it was Xu Man who talked more.

"Xu Man, I think Lao Ding is much better than Yang Guangzhi when it comes to children," Tian Xiaohui said.

"Yes." Xu Man agreed, "Obviously, Lao Ding is more open-minded than Yang Guangzhi."

"It's not a matter of open-mindedness." Tian Xiaohui objected, "Children are children, and parents are parents. Any problems between parents, which belong to the problems between husband and wife or the marriage itself, should be distinguished from the problems of children."

"Xiao Hui, there is a reason for you to say this. But in fact, it is difficult to separate the two issues completely. They are both family issues. From a legal perspective, husband and wife and their children have independent rights and interests. .A well-maintained family in which the rights and interests of each other are interdependent and promote growth. Even during the marriage, if the rights and interests of either party are significantly damaged, such as domestic violence, child abuse, whether the law is applied or called, or Actively intervening and intervening because of knowing is to restore the normal order within the family. As far as children are concerned, the law may stipulate that both parents or either one of them is restricted from raising. That is to say, parents The love for children is not abstract. Except for the responsibilities and obligations that should be borne, there is no absolute power. It does not mean that you are a father or mother, so you can approach or visit your children unconditionally. When a marriage dissolves, In order to protect the health and happiness of children, the law will generally make similar provisions. Of course, neither parent can deprive the other parent of the right to be close to the child without reason outside the law or the agreement between the two parties.”

"Xu Man, please stop." Tian Xiaohui interjected, "But you and I do not belong to the legal situation you mentioned. We both divorced by agreement, and the law does not restrict us from contacting our children. Then why doesn't Yang Guangzhi Are you allowed to meet Jiaojiao's mother and daughter?"

"Xiao Hui, let me start from the legal point of view, which means that the relationship between parents and children cannot be free from the influence of the marriage relationship between the parents, no matter whether the marriage relationship is still maintained or has been dissolved. Few people can separate the other party Treating it as a pure father or mother is not enough to compare oneself with others, because he himself does not regard himself as a pure father or mother. After the couple divorces, the adopting party bears the main responsibility for raising the children, and the law naturally I tend to support the demands of this party, while the other party is restricted by conditions inside and outside the law. Of course, it does not mean that the other party is absolutely passive, because it often happens that the other party uses this to evade its obligations. In short, what I mean is to be more considerate The other party, adjust your mentality. Xiaohui, what you said last night is a clear understanding of the world, but I think that the issue of children depends more on human sophistication, and cannot be forced. It is impossible to resort to the law for everything. That's why I said, Lao Ding is more open-minded than Yang Guangzhi."

"Old Ding is called 'open-minded'?" Tian Xiaohui was a little annoyed, "He said he was guilty and made up for his mistakes. Yang Guangzhi probably relied on his own being divorced without any fault, so he used his daughter as an arrow to deliberately revenge on you."

"Xiaohui, I don't think it's right for you to think of Lao Ding that way." Xu Man said.

"What's wrong, is he worthy of our mother and son?" Tian Xiaohui asked.

"Xiao Hui, drive calmly and let me analyze it for you." Xu Man continued after exhorting: "You said it yourself at the beginning, you should distinguish the problems of parents from the problems of children, right? Ding has made a distinction. No matter how grievances and grievances he has with you, he takes into account the mother-child relationship between you and Xiaolei, so that you can fully enjoy the visitation rights and not let down your mother's love. This is not what "openness" is. You're lucky, insisting on bringing up Lao Ding's marital faults. That's right, Lao Ding did have serious faults. He expressed this meaning to me, and he said that even if I didn't intervene in it, he would agree to divorce. According to you Judging Lao Ding in that way, if he is not at fault, can he ignore your rights as a mother like Yang Guangzhi? Is it only in such a situation that Lao Ding still shows generosity and humility, can you Are you willing to admit that he is open-minded?"

"You convinced me. You convinced me again." Tian Xiaohui immediately shouted again, "Why am I always persuaded by you? Xu Man."

"Don't talk nonsense, Xiaohui. Why are you always being persuaded by me? You have persuaded me so much, I don't know how many times I knelt down to you until my knees were broken!" Xu Man said exaggeratedly.

"Okay, let's stop flattering each other." Tian Xiaohui said, "Being a human being should be reasonable, and we all obey the truth."

"That's a correct answer. I want to continue playing, okay?" Xu Man asked.

"Bengong Enzhun, you can make a fuss." Tian Xiaohui replied.

"Look, Xiao Hui, you originally started from the truth, and your words are convincing. According to logic, you should draw the correct conclusion from specific issues, right? But you didn't. Once personal grievances are involved, you immediately abandon the truth Dropped. Have you ever thought about why this is?" Xu Man began to play.

"Look at what you mean, isn't this a desire to start a revolution in the depths of your soul? Okay, tell me." Tian Xiaohui said.

"Don't worry, Xiao Hui, I will never belittle your glorious image, I love you too late!" Xu Man said.

"Love has to be reasonable, just tell me, I'm fine." Tian Xiaohui encouraged.

"This shows that sometimes it is more difficult to understand human emotions than to understand the world. Because understanding things is a matter of reason, as long as people are not affected by emotions, they can always make rational judgments based on experience, knowledge and wisdom. However, human emotions Sophistication is different. First of all, what is "sophistication of human feelings"? In my opinion, sophistication of human feelings means that when things obviously involve personal interests or touch sensitive nerves, they can still not forget the truth and take care of others in the process of handling It’s just too difficult.” Xu Man said.

"Well, it makes sense." Tian Xiaohui agreed.

"Not only that." Xu Man said, "The difficulty of understanding human emotions may also be related to people's psychology. People go to high places, and water flows to low places. Everyone agrees, but no one is specific. Speaking out, what does it mean for a person to go to a high place? Perhaps everyone knows that it is nothing more than worldly vanity such as power, status, fame and fortune. Then, should a person go to a high place in moral and spiritual? You want to do this Ask, people must answer yes, it is necessary, otherwise, what a human being! However, is this really true in people’s psychology? I don’t think so. People may realize from experience that if a person wants to go to a high place, he has to Going to a low place, and being born to let oneself be so indulgent, of course I feel a little sad, so I say the words that people will not kill themselves, to comfort the restless soul. What I want to say is that people go to a low place in character If it goes far, it will have a physiological impact on people's psychological habits or tendencies. For example, people are always more tolerant of bad things easily, but infinitely demanding of good things. After the divorce, Ding Jianjun not only reflected on his own mistakes, And he is open-minded on the issue of children, but you can't recognize his open-mindedness, and you insist on linking a good thing with his past bad deeds. As for Yang Guangzhi, you hate him, and you hate him for our daughter , but considering that he was abandoned by me for no reason, you seem to feel that he is justifiable psychologically. In this way, the nature of the matter itself is blurred. Interference, you can't be humane. Originally, wrong is wrong, right is right, and there should be a clear distinction."

"I originally said that Lao Ding is much better than Yang Guangzhi when it comes to children." Tian Xiaohui said.

"You said that, but your belittling of Lao Ding shows that you still don't know right from wrong. Xiao Hui, please don't mind me saying this, because it involves how we will deal with our relationship with our ex-husband in the future. The truth is clear. I think we should see that Lao Ding's open-mindedness is in the final analysis because of his love for his son. He started from love. I advocate that we temporarily abandon the recognition of mother and daughter. As you said, The time is not ripe, and I also think it is too hasty, not because I did something wrong on the divorce issue, nor is it because Yang Guangzhi's feelings are excusable. It is wrong for him to do that. Compared with Ding Jianjun, his feelings are inferior to those of Ding Jianjun .” Xu Man said.

"According to what you said, Ding Jianjun has become a good person?" Tian Xiaohui obviously didn't agree.

"Xiaohui, it's hard to define a good person or a bad person. We can only discuss the facts and try to adopt a fair position." Xu Man continued, "This time I came to Guangzhou to visit Xiaolei, and I was deeply touched. Both of them seem to have a new understanding. I want to communicate with you, I don’t know if my understanding is right or not.”

"Then you can continue talking." Tian Xiaohui said.

"In terms of morality, Yang Guangzhi appears tall, while Ding Jianjun looks like a hooligan. I guess that Yang Guangzhi and I are so upright and confident, maybe because he thinks he has no time for morality. However, I find that Yang Guangzhi is probably even more ignorant of love than Ding Jianjun, and even worse than Ding Jianjun. Lack of love. Although the marriage between Ding Jianjun and you is a tragedy, is it possible..." Xu Man hesitated, paused before saying, "Xiaohui, I want to say, is it possible that Ding Jianjun doesn't love you? You. Because he found that there is no love in the marriage, so he became self-willed?"

"Damn it! Does it matter?" Tian Xiaohui continued, "Old Ding definitely doesn't love me. If he has any affection for me, can he torture me and humiliate me like that?"

"Of course Lao Ding is not a good person. He doesn't even have a basic respect for marriage. Even if he doesn't love you, he can file for a divorce. How could he treat you like that and ruin the sanctity of marriage itself like that. But, Xiaohui, I I still feel that maybe Lao Ding is a valuable person, not to mention his open-mindedness on children. You told me that Lao Ding is usually a righteous person and has made many friends. Maybe Ding Jianjun did not Not such a bad person, he should still have love in his heart. His infidelity to his partner and shameful betrayal of his marriage, perhaps in a sense, is his resistance to the darkness of a loveless marriage. That is to say, Xiaohui , Based on his original concept of marriage, is it possible to make such a judgment, that is, he believes that a family should be established based on love."

After listening to Xu Man's analysis, Tian Xiaohui said, "Xu Man, I'm afraid you think too much about Ding Jianjun. However, this is not important anymore. The nightmare wakes up in the morning, and he has nothing to do with me anymore. .” And Xu Man immediately changed the topic to another person.She said: "Yang Guangzhi behaves very differently from Ding Jianjun. Whether he is working or living, he has always been well-behaved, and he is simply impeccable. But now I also wonder, did he really love me? When I filed for divorce with him He insisted on making me admit that there were other men outside, as if that was the only reason he could accept. I didn't tell the truth, but I couldn't use unwarranted moral stains to beg him to release him, right? I He even told Yang Guangzhi bluntly that I don’t love him, maybe I never loved him. He found it incredible that I had no reason not to love him unless I fell in love with someone else. God, according to what he meant, if I didn’t fall in love Others will definitely fall in love with him. He still studies law. Does the world have such logic? He is even more absurd when it comes to children. It seems that if I have not fallen in love with him, I am not qualified to love as a mother My daughter, tell me, Xiaohui, how does Yang Guangzhi understand the principle of love?"