PS 143

Eight

"Sister, can I talk to you?" Sure enough, it was Philip.

"Oh, how much do you want to pay me by the hour?" I said deliberately.

"Please, I'm going crazy," he begged.

"I know, but my brother will settle the score. I was two hundred and five an hour ago, and it will be one hundred for your friendship." I continued to quarrel.

"You're really ruthless, you're dying." He complained.

"As serious as death? You're exaggerating." I said.

"What do you know?" He asked me back.

"It's not just about yesterday, about your mother." I said it as a matter of course.

"Yes, please..." he begged.

"Okay, I get it, but not now." I made up my mind.

"Then when? Afternoon?" He felt anxious.

"Okay, afternoon. But please organize your thoughts and feelings first, and don't waste my time." I said seriously.

"Oh, ok... I see." I can imagine his frustration as he spoke and nodded.

I hung up the phone, and she leaned against the door of the room and looked at me thoughtfully.

"What's wrong?" I looked at her and asked.

She shook her head, I picked up the clothes beside the bed, put them on, and went to the bathroom to freshen up.

When I was halfway through brushing my teeth, she hugged me from behind.

"I feel so bad." Her voice came from behind.

I stopped for a moment, waiting for her to continue.

"Philip asked very well. Have I ever loved Mr. Xing? What kind of mood did I use to put on the wedding dress, walk on the red carpet, and agree to marry him? Actually, I really can't tell why... Looking back at that For more than ten years, my memory about him is very vague. I only know that I am happy, but I am not sure whether it is because he is happy, or because I have a son... Thinking about it this way, all this seems to be a farce... A game because of too much happiness. You are young, you don’t understand your own heart, and the farce is generated.” While she was saying this, I quickly finished brushing my teeth.

"This is not a farce. I believe that without that past, you would not be the current Shi Ping. You would not have such a deep understanding of feelings and life. That is your indelible past. You might think it was a farce, but your life wouldn't be complete without that." I said as I walked back to the living room with her.

"That's right, maybe I really loved him for a while, but as I got older, I really found that compared to love, it should be just habit and dependence... But don't you think that you can't be with someone like yourself?" Is it ironic to find out if people who were once in love start a family and have children?" She looked at me and asked, with sadness in her eyes.

"Who hasn't been young? Everyone's life course is different. Who knows what love is [-]% sure when they are young? Don't they all stumble?" I let her sit on my lap.

"Because I couldn't bear the loneliness, and then I mistook his tenderness and consideration for love, so I decided to marry him." She looked into the distance with very confused eyes.

"Hey, although I really want to hear your story, tell me what you said to your son last night first." I said looking at the mist that I couldn't figure out.

She bowed her head and kissed me.

"What does that mean?" I asked her with a smile.

"This means... I love you very much." She smiled and put her arms around my neck.

"Okay, just tell me what happened yesterday." I hugged her and said.

"He's actually angry, right? For his mother, he fell in love with a woman..." She sighed and began to speak slowly.

I think I understand what she said, as well as Philip's feelings. Sure enough, as I thought before, Philip's anger at this matter and his doubts about his parents' relationship.Very typical.

"So, that's it," she said, relaxing into my arms.

"Okay, I see, I'll tell him this afternoon." I kissed her forehead.

"What are you going to tell him?" she asked me suspiciously.

"It's not that I have never encountered this kind of case. I can only analyze it for them. It's not up to me to decide what to think." I said honestly.

"Hope he's better today," she said, leaning against me.

"Didn't he ask who the girl you like now is?" I suddenly thought.

"Yes, he still clamored to see it... I was a little overwhelmed." When she said this, I could feel her tiredness.

"Hmm...he didn't ask you about your first love?" That's something I still don't know.

"He asked, but I just said that it was the first person in my life who I loved with sincerity. I didn't want him to know too much detail. I'm not sure if he can bear it now..." she said while thinking.

I could hear something in her words.

"About your first love, you have to explain to me... a problem, she is a girl, right?" I know I don't have time to listen to her story now, but I want to clarify this matter.

"Whatasmartgirlyouare! (You're so smart)" she said with a smile, and kissed me hard on the cheek.

"Okay, what time do you have class, are you ready to go out?" I said looking at the clock on the wall with the hour and minute hands overlapping the number 12.

"What about you?" she asked me.

"Go and deal with your little boy, or what?" I said with a little helplessness, why did I still have to work when I arrived in Taiwan.

"Oh, I really want to go with you...you must be very professional in the consultation." She hugged me and said.

"Of course you have to be a professional, otherwise the doctor will take it for nothing?" I gave her a white look.

"Okay, let's go out." She kissed me and turned to go out.

I looked at her back, and suddenly felt distressed, sandwiched between my lover and my son, it must be uncomfortable.

I couldn't help walking behind her, and she returned to my arms.

"What's wrong? Are you going out?" She turned around, and I leaned my head on her shoulder without saying a word.

"Thank you for your hard work, I'm sorry I can't help you with anything." I whispered.

"No, you're going to enlighten your son, it's up to you!" She said while ruffling my hair.

After some procrastination, we finally left the door an hour before her class.

After the teacher went to school, I met Philip at a nearby coffee shop.

"Come on, what do you want to say?" I sat down and looked at him who was a little haggard sitting across from me.

"I don't know how to react to this," he said, the look in his eyes full of complexity.

"Why? Isn't it a simple thing for one person to fall in love with another person." I looked at him and asked.

"No, have you ever thought about what it would be like for your mother to tell you suddenly one day that she is gay." He asked back, slightly agitated.

"I know this might be hard to accept...Let's get this out of the way and let me ask you, do you know why she divorced your dad?" I decided to start over.

"I know, because my dad was having an affair." His answer was straightforward and simple.

"So, can you understand her decision?" I continued.

"In retrospect, I think I can do it. I understand her stubbornness. If it were me, and I found out that the other half I have been with for more than ten years is cheating, even if I love again, I will still choose to separate... Maybe it is a kind, Emotional cleanliness," he said, feeling a little more relaxed.

"You, did you ever hate her? About her divorcing you when you were ten and leaving you in Dad's care?" I asked, pondering what he might give me.

"I think it was Dad who I couldn't forgive at that time. I think it was him, why did he do that, why did he go with other women, and then made Mommy so sad, if it wasn't for him, Mommy wouldn't Will choose to leave... I asked him why several times, but he just kept telling me sorry..." he said.

"What about Mom? How do you feel?" I asked after thinking for a few seconds.

"I love her very much. She is very stubborn and strong. You know, she taught me since I was a child that I have to work hard to get what I like. She taught me various ways of seeing things and how to analyze...my genius She made it. Although I was only ten years old at the time, I remember I asked her if she didn’t want me anymore? Why didn’t she try hard to win me? She told me at that time that she still loved me the same , It’s just that I still don’t understand a lot of things, and I’ll know when I grow up... Yes, after I grew up and made a girlfriend, I began to understand how she resolutely left her father at the beginning, maybe it wasn’t just a kind of love The determination, and more, is fulfillment and letting go. Maybe it is silly and naive, but when people are in love, a lot of rational thinking doesn’t work, right?” He asked with a smile after talking I.

"That's right, then what?" I nodded and admitted that it was about people losing their minds in their relationships.

"Then...after they divorced, Mommy first flew to the East Coast to study for a Ph. I occasionally told her about it, but she just listened quietly. I once asked her if she hated her father, or felt reconciled or angry? She smiled and shook her head, telling me that the so-called family members can Tolerate everything about you, good, bad, wrong, right, that's how she treats her father..." He said, as if thinking of something.

Then he raised his head and looked into my eyes with surprise.

I didn't say anything, just looked at him and smiled, and it seemed he had come up with the answer himself.

"So...family and lover, she has always regarded her father as a family member, not a lover..." he said as if talking to himself.

"You're pretty smart. You can understand after you explain it yourself." I said with amusement.

"I don't understand, why... If she didn't love Dad, why did she marry him in the first place? And gave birth to me?" People who are too smart are always easy to get into a corner.

"A lot of times, it takes a while to understand a lot of things. I think the teacher should have told you about her being with your dad?" I asked him.

He looked at me and nodded.

"Do you think a sixteen or seventeen-year-old girl really understands what love is?" As I asked, I was also thinking about her at that time, the helpless girl I didn't know.

He looked at me speechlessly.

"When people are at the bottom of the valley, there is often a trace of tenderness and consideration that can easily dismantle their defenses. Adults tend to mistake the warm companionship they have when they are lonely for love, let alone her who was only sixteen or seven years old at the time? None of us can understand her feelings at that time. But at least, she didn't feel sorry for anyone, did she?" I said my thoughts, because he was not a case, so naturally I didn't deal with him as a case.

"That's right...Actually, I've been worried about her all these years." He looked at me and said, and I motioned him to continue with my eyes.

"A woman, no matter how strong she is, will still be weak and need someone. Not only me, but also my dad, are actually very concerned about how she will be in Taiwan alone. So in fact, my dad told me at that time that she seemed to have I'm very happy when I'm dating..." He finally said, his voice trailed off again.

"But when she said that she likes girls, everything is different?" I helped him finish the sentence.

He nodded blankly.