PS 143

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"The world is so small." She looked at me and spoke first.

"Yeah, you, are you going to run away again?" I crossed my arms and looked at her.

"I don't know..." She lowered her head, avoiding my eyes.

I walked forward and held her hand, she raised her head and looked at me without saying a word.

I kissed her lips lightly, and I could feel each other's throbbing, which is what true love can feel.In fact, I dare not think about how much distance and strangeness have been caused by the five-year gap between each other.This kiss, I just want to let myself, and let her know, those things that haven't changed.

"We, can we find a time to talk alone?" I looked at her and asked, there was a strangeness between us.

"Tonight, when I go home, nothing has changed." She answered simply, and I understood and smiled.

As soon as I finished speaking, as soon as I let go of my hand, and as soon as I retreated to the "safe distance", Philip opened the door and entered.

"What's for dinner?" he asked as soon as he entered the door.

I shrugged and left the decision to the teacher.

"Buy vegetables and cook at home!" The teacher quickly made a decision.

"I... I don't know where the teacher's house is." I said.

"How did you get here?" the teacher asked me.

"Driving..." I suddenly felt that it was a mistake to drive.

"Then you just follow me. Call me if you get lost." She said, taking a pen and writing her "new phone number" on my hand, and then it was the one who freaked me out [-] times smile.

We went for a drive together, and Philip tried to ride with me, but I turned him back.We went to Carrefour not far away.

When I got out of the car, I glanced at the 911 she parked next to me. It was the same 911, but I changed it. Don’t ask me why, I just know.After all, it used to be a car I was also very familiar with.

Since Philip was around, I didn't ask anything.

The three of us went to the supermarket happily, and bought a bunch of things to go home. In fact, Philip was choosing. He clamored to eat this and that. over.

"Do you spoil him so much?" I said looking at his half-filled shopping cart.

"Gee, it's rare for my son to come back, and..." she said, looking at Philip, who was looking for something in front of the freezer.

"And?" I looked at her suspiciously.

"I have always owed him something. I am a failed mother, so as long as he wants and I can give, I will try my best to satisfy him." She looked at me and said.

"Including me?" I didn't look at her, I turned my gaze to Philip.

She didn't answer.

Philip came back with a smile on his face and a pile of food. We quickly put away the atmosphere just now and entertained him with a smile, as if there was nothing.

But in fact, I really hate this feeling, I really want to leave the scene of this dinner.

I suddenly felt sick.

"Ape, are you okay?" Philip is sensitive to the changes in my face, after all, he has been taking care of my body for three years.

"Fortunately, I think I need stomach medicine." I said as I took out stomach medicine and water from the bag, and swallowed them skillfully.

"Are you tired?" Philip asked me.

"Maybe, plus a little bit of jet lag." I said, partly because of this, and partly because my psychological reaction to this moment was too strong.

"Why did you start taking stomach medicine?" The teacher's serious voice suddenly appeared.

"She had a serious illness in the United States..." He actively pushed the cart to the cashier, and told the teacher everything about my collapse.

After speaking, we also paid the money and settled the bill.

"So now?" the teacher looked at me and asked after listening.

"That's how it is now... my stomach feels awkward from time to time." I pretended to be relaxed and said while putting the things I bought in the car.

"It's better, Mom, let me tell you, her stomach has all kinds of problems, stomach pain, hyperacidity, gastroesophageal reflux, gastric ulcer, oh, she has all stomach problems you can think of anyway." He said Very "professional" to complete for me.

"It's so scary. How did it happen?" She gave me a gentle "stare" with eyes filled with reproach, distress and reluctance.

"Because she was abandoned by a heartbroken man, and then she put too much pressure on herself in an inhuman way in order to escape her emotional pain, and then she collapsed." Philip actually said this answer.

Hearing this answer, I couldn't hold back my anger at his talkative dick anymore.

"You can shut up, Mr. Xing." I said coldly with anger.

Both of them were startled by my anger at the same time.

"I'm sorry..." This may be the first time he saw me so angry. In the United States, I really rarely lost my temper because I didn't care about everything there.

It should be the first time she has seen me so angry. I was not so angry when I quarreled over buying a car in the United States. At other times, we have always been "harmonious".

Without looking at them again, I got into the car and slammed the door shut.

I was angry with Philip for talking nonsense when he didn't understand the situation. I was very angry and very angry.

On the other hand, I also worry that the teacher will think about something.

I sat in the car and waited for the two of them to drive.

I don't know what the two of them talked about. Not long after, the teacher got into my car and Philip drove the 911 away first.

I looked at her with a little surprise.

"Don't be angry, okay?" She reached out and took mine.

"What did you just say?" I asked her.

"I asked him who the evildoer was, and based on his description, it was me, right?" she said.

"Do you think so? Do you also think he is right?" I looked at her with a slightly excited tone.

"Don't get excited, I know you definitely didn't say that to him, he panicked when he saw you angry, I told him, I knew you very well before, let me tell you, he drove home first. "She looked at me and said in a soothing tone.

"Then answer my question, will you give him everything he wants, including me?" I asked looking her in the eyes.

She didn't answer, hesitated for a moment, and kissed my lips.

I can't help but admit that I've missed everything about her crazily in the past few years, but when we kissed each other, there was an indescribable strangeness.

What I felt when the four lips met was like two souls who were at a loss, trying to find the touch of the past from the strange atmosphere when they met again.We groped, those once familiar.

"You know what? I love you, even though we've been apart for five years, I still love you so much." When the kiss was over, she cupped my face and said.

"Are you so in love that you want to monopolize me for the rest of your life and not give it to anyone?" I asked, not letting her go.

"Give me a moment and think about how to do it well?" There was pleading in her eyes.

"I'll wait for you, but I want you to know... love, no one can let it go." After I finished speaking, I started the car, backed out of the parking space, and left.

Under her guidance, I returned to her "now home".

Philip was already in the kitchen dealing with the things he had just bought.

He looked at me with apologetic eyes.

"It's okay, don't talk nonsense in the future." I said in the tone I talked to Xiaojie.

"I see, thank you." He said with a sunny boy smile.

The two of them skillfully cooked dinner together, which must be the tacit understanding between mother and son.

I watched quietly, observing the interaction between them.It's an occupational disease. I try to find some clues about the interaction between people all the time, and try to figure out what they might think.

I looked at her and smiled happily, but after each smile ended, I felt momentarily lonely, or sad, or struggling, or confused.

The woman in front of me is no longer the teacher who always stood in front of me with open arms a few years ago, faced everything gracefully and calmly, and told me "it's okay" with a smile on any difficulty.

At this moment, in my eyes, she is very simple, a woman suffering from love.For affection, for love.

"What do you want to be so engrossed in?" Her hand was shaking in front of my eyes.

"Where's Philip?" I looked around.

"He went downstairs to take out the trash," she said, turning back to the stove to get busy.

"Are you going to give up on us?" I asked standing behind her.

Are you separated for too long, so you feel strange to each other?Or am I worrying about something?I have always kept a certain distance from her, not daring to get too close, nor far away.

"I'd love to tell you I won't, but I'm scared, really," she said, stopping and turning to look at me.

"This time, let me give you strength. Don't give up easily, okay?" I held her hand tightly, wanting her to feel my firmness.

She nodded gently, and reached out her hand to hug me.

"You've changed," she said, leaning on my shoulder.

"What changed?" I asked.

"It should be said that we have all changed." She looked at me and said.

"Five years can confuse the strong and make the stubborn compromise..." I murmured.

"You're sick because of me, aren't you?" she asked softly.

"Maybe, no one can tell." I didn't answer her directly.

We didn't speak after that, just quietly felt each other's company.After five years apart, the feeling of familiarity is mixed with strangeness, and everything seems not as pure as it was back then.

How to fill the relationship that was once blank?Now, is she still as sure about our feelings as she said in her letter?Is my trust and sense of security in her now as simple and real as it was back then?None of us know.

A tight and real hug, as if separated by a layer of veil, the person hugging is both real and vague.

We hugged like this until the doorbell rang.

It was already eight o'clock in the evening when all the food was prepared and ready for dinner.

"It's been a long time since I had a meal cooked by Mommy." In front of the teacher, Philip looked like a child who couldn't grow up.The maturity and prudence in taking care of me in the past has long since disappeared without a trace.

But I can understand, because in front of the teacher, I also have the urge to be a child.

It's just that it's different now, and now I must learn to be her reliance.Like she was always my pillar.

I couldn't help thinking, is it because of her leaving that I have fully realized the necessity of "growing up and being independent", or is it true that time is the long river of life that washes away, ruthlessly shaping everyone in it, Just like the environment of "If you want to survive, you must become stronger", it forces me to become the kind of person I "must" become.

"What are you thinking again?" The teacher's hand shook in front of my eyes again.

"Oh, it's nothing." I said guiltyly, and quickly took two mouthfuls of rice.

"Is she often in a daze like this in America?" the teacher looked at Philip and asked.

"Yeah, I often look at the distance alone, not knowing what to think. It should be the person she loves." His answer this time seemed cautious.

"Oh? Then you are thinking about your sweetheart now?" She asked me deliberately.

"Oh, don't embarrass me, can I eat?" I begged for mercy.

Indeed, Philip is right. In the United States, seemingly insignificant things can easily affect my miss for her.And when she really appeared in front of my eyes, my mood was another kind of complicated.

"Don't eat the fish, it's not fresh enough." Philip said as he looked at my chopsticks reaching for the steamed fish.

"Oh good." I nodded.

Since my health has deteriorated, I have become inexplicably sensitive to the fishy smell of seafood, as long as there is a little stale fishy smell, it will make my stomach roll and colic.Of course, he knows this better than anyone else.

"She can't eat fish?" the teacher asked in a surprised tone.

Philip told the teacher carefully about my pickiness about fish.

"So, as long as it's the fish she can eat, it's the freshest fish?" The teacher asked after listening, looking at me with apologetic eyes.

All three of us laughed.But in fact, the three of them are not at ease.

"Mommy, Dad told me that you have a sweetheart? Is it true?" Philip asked out of the blue.

We were scared at the same time.

"When did he tell you?" the teacher asked with a smile, still calm.

"The last time you visited us in San Francisco, he told me when he brought you back to the hotel." The two of them started a strange topic.

"It turns out that she has been to the United States in the past few years." I thought to myself, but I just listened quietly to the conversation between them and recorded it silently.

"Hmm..." The teacher bit his chopsticks and thought so charmingly.

"So it's true?" he asked with some excitement.

"Yes." She hesitated, nodded and admitted.

"That, that, what about Dad?" He asked anxiously.

"You're asking this in front of me, isn't it? Why in front of outsiders..." I couldn't help but interrupted.I know how it feels when secrets are being shared without consent.

"It's okay, I don't mind." She looked at me and said.

"Oh, I'm sorry..." He looked at the teacher with apologetic eyes.

"Okay, that's fine. But, I think, me and your dad, it's best for now," she said.

"Why? Don't you know that after Dad broke up with Tina, he has been waiting for you to forgive him and accept him again?" Philip asked her.

She smiled and shook her head.

"I've forgiven him, and the moment I said I wanted a divorce, I knew very well that my feelings for him were like family..." She looked at Philip and said.

"But hasn't he always lived in your heart?" Philip asked, he was really an innocent kid.

"Phil, I never said that he is the one who lives in my heart. It's not him who lives in my heart all the time." She said while shaking Philip's hand.

"How come..." Philip looked at her in disbelief.

"Women, there are many secrets, brother Xiaolu. You are really a naive child." I deliberately embarrassed him.

"Oh my God, this is too much for me!" He seemed really unable to accept it.

"You are too tender. You probably can't dig out the secrets of women in your lifetime. But you are also very good. You have learned to live with secrets." I said, knowing that he understood what I was saying. What.

"Oh, this... this is really... I don't think I can sleep today." He seemed to be quite stimulated.

"It doesn't matter, anyway, if you are here by yourself, you can't disturb me. If you can't sleep, just watch TV." The teacher showed no sympathy at all.

"He lives here by himself? The teacher?" I looked at her, knowingly asking to be sure.

"I live in another house. My house has only one room. It's not convenient for two people to live in. After all, I'm too used to being alone." She said with a smile, which was a hinting smile.

"Wait, wait, you two, don't ignore me and start talking, I haven't finished asking my questions yet." He protested dissatisfied.

"You want to ask me, who is my sweetheart?" Always looked at him with a smile.

"Yeah, why not?" He didn't mince words at all.

"My sweetheart..." She looked at the ceiling and didn't finish the sentence.

I felt the speed of my heart beating and couldn't guess how she would respond to the question.What will she say?I know that it is impossible for her to tell the truth under the current situation, but I don't want to think that she will deny it.

Those few seconds seemed like hours.

Finally, with a sigh, she gave an answer that surprised both of us.

"I fell in love with a girl, after ten years of separation from your dad," she said, looking at Philip.

I was surprised by her confession. Regarding the fact that she likes girls, at this moment, she has a kind of brave frankness in her eyes.

Philip stared at her with wide eyes.

"Scared, aren't you?" the teacher asked with a chuckle.Ask both of us.

Philip and I nodded blankly.

Another feeling of mixed flavors.

After that, no one spoke.

"Mommy, have you ever teased Dad?" Philip broke the silence, looking into the teacher's eyes, the pain of injury was written.

"This is a question I've been asking myself for ten years since my divorce." She looked at Philip without avoiding it.

I suddenly felt that this is an occasion where I am not suitable to stay.

The tension between them is suffocating and heavy.

"I think, I'll go back first." I said as I stood up.

"it is good."

"Need not."

Both of them said opposite answers at the same time.

She wants me to go; he wants me to stay.

"Philip, this should be a family matter between you, stop being childish, and settle it properly." I looked at him and said.

Then left here.

While I was waiting for the elevator, the teacher suddenly opened the door and walked towards me.

"Go back to our house tonight." She said as she handed me the remote control.

I think she should have gone back yesterday, and she should have found the bed messed up by me.

"I see." I nodded, got into the elevator and left.

I didn't expect this kind of thing to happen today. It was just a happy and happy reunion, but because of the trick of fate, everything became complicated.

No, in fact, it can be very simple.The so-called "cutting the mess with a sharp knife" appeared to deal with this situation.It's just that, in many cases, it's not that the situation is complicated, but that we lack the courage to simplify.

When she said she was afraid, the fearful look in her eyes was deeply imprinted in my mind.

I admit that I was affected, and I was afraid that she would let go and give up again, and choose to leave again.