PS 143

Ten

When I was thinking about whether I should take a shower and go out, she called first.

"Where are you, baby?" she asked me, sounding in a good mood.

"I'm still at Xiaojie's house. I just sent him and Lan Xin out. I'll go out to find you after I take a shower." I said.

"I'll go find you, I've already taken a shower at home." She said complainingly.

"Oh, okay." I told her the address of Xiaojie's house, and she told me to take a shower quickly, and then went out.

Not long after I took a shower, the doorbell rang.

As soon as the door was opened, there was a big hug from her.

"You smell so good." The scent on her body made me hold her tightly in my arms.

"Have you taken a shower," she said, and we went through the door.

"How is the evening?" I asked her first.

"It's not bad, he apologized to me, and then he also said that you are amazing, pointing out things that he didn't think about." We sat on the sofa and said.

"Oh, when I talk to him, I don't hold back." I honestly said.

"Thank you for being relentless, it made things easier for me," she said, leaning on my shoulder.

"So, it's settled?" I asked.

"He still wants to see you," she said.

I nod.

"But... I don't know if you should meet..." she said, looking at me.

I waited suspiciously for her to continue.

"Every time I hear him talk about you, I can tell that he really likes you... I don't know how he will react if he knows that the person with me is you? Will it be another blow... ..." she said, caressing my face with her hand.

"There will definitely be blows, but... this is also necessary. Don't you want to hide it from him for a lifetime? It's impossible." I said, a little unhappy.

"I know it's impossible to hide it from him forever, but I really don't know how to tell him now..." She was also in a dilemma.

"Let's wait for him to figure out why he wants to see me first." I came to a conclusion and decided to end this topic.

"I think, I'm still not brave enough. I should hold your hand and stand in front of him to declare our love, but I don't have that kind of courage. I can't bear to hurt him again..." she continued.

"Okay, don't think about it yet." After I finished speaking, I kissed her lips, interrupting her thoughts and thoughts.

"I'm not done yet..." she protested.

"Then don't talk about it..." I stopped her in the way she cheated in the morning.

"Hey..." she protested.

I ignored her protests and slipped my hand into her dress, unbuttoning her underwear.

"No, this is the living room..." She patted my shoulder lightly.

"The two of them are on night shift and won't come back." I still ignored her stop and covered her chest with my hands.

"Hey, go back to your room, okay..." She coaxed me instead.

I held her up and we walked back to the room kissing.

After closing the door, I lay on the bed and watched her.

"What's wrong? Don't continue?" She said as she took off her clothes and lay down.

"Someone didn't want it just now." I held her in my arms and complained deliberately.

"Careful..." She came up to me and kissed me passionately, but without desire.

She turned over and lay on top of me, frowning and took off my clothes, we faced each other with our bare upper body.

"I really like being so close to you, being with you without distance." She said lying on top of me.

"Tell me your story." I put my arms around her and grabbed the quilt to cover the two of them.

"Let me ask you, do you believe in reincarnation?" She said after a while.

"You mean, the one-life-the-next-life thing?" I asked.

She nodded.

"I guess I don't believe it," I said.

"I didn't believe it at first, but when I first met you, for a while, I almost believed it..." She propped herself up a little, looked me in the eyes and said.

I waited quietly for her to continue.

"She and I are good friends who grew up together. Our parents can be regarded as family friends. From as long as I can remember, we have been good friends. Our personalities are quiet and active. She is quiet and I move. I always love pulling I watched her run around, she was quietly pulled by me, she could sit on the grass all afternoon and look at the sky, I got bored and fell asleep next to her, and when I woke up, she was still looking at the sky I asked her what she was looking at, and she said she thought the sky was very beautiful, and she would never get bored watching it all the time. She always had a melancholic temperament, maybe because her parents were always busy with work, and she was often alone Right. Because her parents are busy, my house has become her second home. When her parents are going out to work, they will send her to my house, and then pick her up when they are finished. My mother thinks this is good , I’m more than ten years behind my brother and sister, and it’s good to have a playmate, so we can probably be regarded as childhood playmates who are closer than sisters.” She began to tell stories about her and her, and I Listen quietly.

"In short, we were inseparable and went to the elementary school together, and we were lucky to be classmates for six years, and then went to the junior high school together. But the junior high school was not so lucky, we were divided into different classes, but Because we live close together, we still go to and from school together every day, but we each have our own friends at school. Perhaps it should be said that I have a group of friends, but she is always alone. It cannot be said that her popularity is not good, but her She is very popular because she is very delicate. In modern terms, she should be described as an iceberg beauty. Although she doesn't like to talk, she always reads and draws quietly, but as long as classmates ask her for help, she I will never refuse; if someone asks her to complain, she will listen quietly, and then keep secrets for everyone. I often say that she is a secret bank. She has many friends, but they are all as light as water Good friend, few people really understand her, and now that I think about it, I never really understood her either." Her face was always full of confusion.

"The only time she let me know someone else's secret. It was about a guy in her class, a guy who liked me. That was the first time a guy liked me, well, maybe not the first time, but my first time Once I knew that a boy liked me. I remember when she told me, she had a look on her face that I had never seen before, and I realized later that it was her sad look." She looked at me as if she was looking at me. Another person, is she?

"Not long after, that boy confessed to me. I didn't agree right away. I just accepted his pink love letter and told him with a smile that I wanted to think about it. That day after school, she didn't wait for me and went home by herself. I've been waiting at the school gate for a long time, but I couldn't wait for her, so I had to go home by myself. I don't know what happened to her, but I can't forget the loss, the loss like being abandoned. When I got home, But I saw her waiting for me at the door of the house. Seeing me appear, she turned around and left. I chased after her and grabbed her, only to find that she, who had hardly cried since she was a child, had two lines of tears crawling on her face. "She involuntarily reached out and covered my face.

"I was terrified, and I took her back home. No matter how I asked her, she refused to tell me. Later, I became anxious and threatened her that if she didn't tell me, I would cut her into eighth paragraphs, but I had just finished speaking. , my mouth was sealed by her. That was the first time she kissed me. It was only a few seconds, and then she looked at me and told me that she liked me, that was my first time, in her depression I saw tenderness in her eyes. At that time, I knew nothing about the relationship between the same sex, and her sudden kiss made me dumbfounded. I looked at her blankly, not knowing how to react. I am usually smart She thought I rejected her, so sadly she picked up her schoolbag silently and went home." She said with a smile, and kissed my cheek.

"What happened?" I asked.

"In the end, when I came back to my senses, I ran to her house instead. When she saw me, she cried again. I coaxed her like a child and told her that I didn't reject her, but I was scared. I didn't know how to respond at once. Then we got together like this, it was the next semester in our country." When she said this, she smiled warmly.

"Don't your parents know?" I asked again.

"Of course I don't know. Anyway, we have been very close since we were young. Girls can always use friendship to steal love. In addition, we are both girls, so everything is safe. But maybe it is because we think we are safe." She smiled. speak.

"And then?" I looked at her.

"Later, we were together like this all the time, but it was just holding hands, kissing and hugging. We were really innocent at that time!" She said intentionally.

"So you're saying I'm too perverted?" I asked her with raised eyebrows.

"What about you?" She asked me back.

"I don't know, that's why I asked you." I threw the question to her again.

"Okay, let's not make a fuss," she said.

I continued to hold her tight.

"At that time, there was just a car magazine. When we were shopping together in a bookstore one day, she was attracted by the Porsche on the cover. She bought the car magazine in English without saying a word. She wanted to understand the content in it. , I looked up the dictionary without sleep and food, and fell in love with English. I still remember that she told me the performance, horsepower, engine, etc. of each car in the magazine. I thought she was so good, so powerful, and so difficult. She knows English well, and at that time, she told me that she wanted to buy a Porsche when she grows up, and then she wanted to be an English teacher, so that more people could understand English magazines. I also told her that was weird, and she said that if The two of us got off the Porsche together, it must be very eye-catching... At that time, we were innocent and cute." She said, I imagined that scene, just like the first time I saw her driving a Porsche.

"So, that's why you drive a Porsche and become an English teacher?" I asked her distressed.

"Yes. Because she's gone, I can't control my efforts to fulfill her dream." She looked at me with deep melancholy in her eyes.

"What happened in the end?" I asked the question after all.

"Finally, during the summer vacation when we were about to enter high school, we worked hard and passed the first choice. The next day, she went to England with her parents. I still remember that she stayed at my house until late the night before. We kept kissing and exploring each other's bodies, but nothing happened in the end, and then the next day, she got on the plane with her family, but the plane didn't arrive in the UK, nor did it go back to Taiwan... just like that, I lost forever I lost her..." She put her arms around me, buried her head in the crescent of my neck, and finished the rest of the story in a painful voice.

I think, the pain of her losing her is something I will never understand. It is a loss that is more complete than any death, a loss that does not leave a trace.

I held her hand and unconsciously tightened it.

"So this time, I can't lose you again. For me, the pain of loss is unspeakable. I don't think I can miss you for another 20 years, and I don't think there will be a third one who can walk in. The person in my heart appears, I can't bear the pain of losing you..." She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said.

"Why did you make that decision five years ago? Was it because of something I did wrong? Or was it because of that fight?" I must admit, I still care a lot about this.

Maybe for me, I can't find a reason to justify that decision.

"You didn't do anything wrong...you blame me, don't you?" She frowned and brushed the hair that fell on my forehead with her fingers.

"I can't describe the feeling... In the days after you disappeared, I felt like my world was going to be destroyed. I couldn't believe it, and I didn't want to face the fact that you left me, I kept telling myself , you lied to me, you will show up in a few days, because you once promised that you would not leave me alone..." When I said this, I looked at the ceiling out of focus.

"Sorry, I broke my promise," she said, leaning on my shoulder.

"Why, you can be so cruel and not look back?" I turned to look at her and asked.

She didn't speak, just looked at me quietly.

"Tell me, what were you thinking then and now. After I came back, I found that I didn't know you and felt strange to you. This feeling made me very uneasy." I squeezed her hand .

"You know, sixteen is a really scary distance," she said, pausing as I waited for her to continue.

"I'm afraid that one day, I will really go before you, and I am destined to leave you alone..." She said that I almost fainted after hearing the reason.

"So why don't you just leave me alone and run away? What are you thinking?" My voice unknowingly increased a lot.

"Don't be angry, let me finish." She was still calm about my anger.

"I said before that love can make people lose their minds. When it gets to the extreme, they will blindfold their own eyes so that they can't see the other person's heart, and use their absolute selfish thoughts to do what they think is right and good selfishly. Because I was afraid, so I didn’t want to face your pure and fierce emotions at that time. I wanted to say that when I disappeared for a long time, and you got used to living without me, you will meet someone who is better and can take care of you. People who have lived for a long time... I know you will think this is unreasonable. Now that I think about it, I also think it is ridiculous, but really, before you appeared again, although there was a lot of reluctance and heartache, I always thought that you would Find someone who is more suitable for you and can stay with you longer...I'm sorry." When she said these words, the complex emotions in her eyes made me suddenly not know how to respond.

In the end, I chose to hug her tightly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." she said, crying.

Once again, I felt her helplessness and, for me, fear.

Like a child who did something wrong and was afraid of being punished, her tears flowed over my shoulders and wet the pillow.I really want to say something to comfort her, but I really don't know how to say it. I still need time to let the feeling of "abandoned" pass.

"Will you forgive me?" she asked in a thick nasal voice.

"Of course I forgive you, but I also have to tell you that I am very disturbed now..." I honestly expressed my thoughts.

"Because I'm afraid I'll leave you again?" She asked, kissing my chin.

I nod.

"I promise not, can you trust me again?" There was unprecedented seriousness in her eyes.

"I will, but you're going to give me some time to work through my insecurities." I was equally serious.

"I will never leave you alone again, Ipromise." She put my head in her arms and kissed my forehead.

She hugged me so tightly that it hurt me.I felt her trembling all over.

"Are you scared?" I looked up and saw her tears.

She didn't answer, but turned her back to me.

I hugged her from behind, kissed her hair, and waited for her to calm down.

"Tell me, what are you afraid of." After her sobbing gradually stopped, I said softly.

"Actually, I'm not strong at all, not as strong as you think." After she finished speaking, she turned to look at me.

"Then tell me, you are not strong, now you don't need to be strong alone, you have me." I wiped away the wet tears on her face.

"From the first time I saw you, I couldn't forget you. Maybe it was because I missed Ling at the beginning. You have almost the same face as her, even small movements, contemplation, and focused eyes. Even the back view All of them. I can't control myself not to look at you, not to pay attention to you during class. I thought, Ling is back." She looked at me and said, the "Ling" in her mouth should be her first love.

"Is that why you keep saying I'm a special student?" I asked her and she nodded and hugged me.

"I admit that at first I frantically looked for Ling's shadow in you, wanting to get closer to you, to have more time and more opportunities to get along with you. I even took the initiative to care about your graduation English test. ’ she said, and I was really terrified.

"Really? Didn't the school suspect your motives?" I said with amusement.

"Of course I checked other seniors, I better be that stupid." She gave me a blank look and continued.

"It was because my heart was taken away abruptly without any psychological preparation. In the next 20 years, I never faced up to this matter, so your appearance caused such a big Shocking." She came to her own conclusion.

"Gradually, I found that you and Ling are different. In fact, you are very different. The only similarity is that except for your appearance and movements, you are probably both over-age and precocious. Although you are both melancholy, but her melancholy, her In this world, there is only herself, and her melancholy is cold, and I need to warm it up; but you are different, your melancholy, your world is full of your family, you beat them to yourself, your Melancholy is warm, and I want to embrace that melancholy, and even want to be a part of your melancholy. When I discovered this, I immediately realized that even though you and Ling are very different, I still can’t not pay attention to you, Even, it made me want to get closer to you. I wanted to take care of you, know you, and take you as my own selfishly. Because I found that you were more attractive and charming than her. It was also at that time , I started noticing that you liked me. Actually I was very happy at that time, really. But then, I realized that you are a student, and I realized that such a relationship should not exist...but I really can't let myself be wrong Hello, or alienate you. At that time, I thought, we will be like this, I treat you like a sister or mother. After a long time, when you grow up and meet other people, you will Will gradually forget about me. Yes, I want to use family affection to steal love." She said like telling a story.

"So that's why you rejected me when I first confessed?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes. At that time, I really just wanted to love you in this way and watch you find happiness. So even though I kissed you out of control and felt the shock of being electrocuted, I forced myself to reject you rationally. ' she said, giving me a kiss on the neck.

"Actually, you are very strong, you know?" I said with a smile, knowing she understood.

"What's the use of being strong? Didn't someone use the killer gun in the end?" She countered.

"I was going all out!" I said innocently.

"I know. I know how serious you are when you say those words, so I know that if I don't promise you again, I will really lose you...Because I don't want you to disappear from my life just like this, I have to put those uneasy Forget all the emotions and fears, and hold on to you first. But those emotions are always there." She said, her eyes drooping.

"I'm sorry, I was too naive before. I never knew you had these emotions. I just played around in your love and enjoyed the happiness of being spoiled by you. I thought I caught you willfully, but in fact it was you Turn around and hold me." I said distressedly.

"So when I saw your excellence in the United States, the uneasiness and fear appeared again. Even though we were no longer a teacher-student relationship at that time, under the pressure of age and realistic vision, I chose to escape again... Thank you You, even if I ran away for five years and left you behind for five years, you still caught up." She buried her head in the crook of my neck.

"Because, you owe me too much explanation. Also, because I can't forget you. More importantly, I still love you. I don't want to give up like this. At least, I have to try my best." I kissed her cheeks.

"Can you promise me, don't let me lose you, I really can't bear to lose again." Her eyes were red again.

"You won't lose me, Ipromise." I kissed her.

We hugged like this until we fell asleep.