defenseless

On the title page of a book that Su Lin gave to Su Ming, it was written "Only you are the freedom and peace of the rivers and streams."

Until now, the little squid has only somewhat understood this sentence.

Chen Nan is his rivers and streams, and he is like a drop of water in these rivers and streams.

He rides on the top of every tumbling wave, and then jumps, and can merge into the embrace of rivers and streams again.

He is free and joyful, but he is silently contained, accepted and cherished.

"I hope it can be worn on your hand in the future."

"I can take good care of you now and in the future."

The fingertips of the little squid were very hot from Chen Nan's hand just now, and the cold ring was touched back and forth by him, and his body temperature was a little bit stained.

He was happy and excited, but he couldn't say anything, the lava in his heart was boiling hotly, but his whole body was really sinking.

The two turbulent currents of crazy mood and comfortable sense of security merged wonderfully in his body.

After a long time, when he was almost home, he said, "Uncle Zhou, please take me to my father's place."

When they got down the mountain, Lao Zhou was worried about the slippery road in the snow and insisted on sending the little squid up the mountain.

The snow was deeper and thicker than last time. Little Squid pulled his hat, exhaled whitely, and took more time than usual to walk halfway up the mountain.

"Is that Mr. Su?" Lao Zhou looked at the person in front of the tombstone.

"Yeah." The little squid nodded.

Lao Zhou sighed and went down the mountain silently.

Su Ming stood motionless in front of the tomb. His shoulders were covered with snow, and even his eyelashes were stained with frost. He didn't know how long he stood here.

The little squid walked over and stood beside him without saying a word.

This was the tacit silence that he and Su Ming had been accustomed to for so many years.

Time does not flow backwards, but the cemetery is a place where memories can temporarily stagnate.

Following the frozen face on the tombstone, stay at a certain time period, at a certain point in time.

But the little squid vaguely saw the scene of flowers blooming all over the mountain in the next spring.

Maybe someone sensed his mood, and he couldn't help sneezing.

Su Ming turned to brush the snow off his body for him, and asked softly, "Why did you come here?"

"Come and see," said the little squid, "I want to tell him, thank you for bringing me into this world. I am very happy."

The movements in Su Ming's hands paused: "Really?"

The little squid took out his hand from his pocket and grabbed Su Ming's bluish knuckles: "Stop patting, your hands are cold."

Su Ming held his hand and stuffed it into his coat pocket: "It's good if you come today, let him take a good look at our grandparents for the last time."

The little squid looked up at Su Ming, who met his gaze and smiled.

Little Squid: "Why do you say that, don't you come back tomorrow?"

"I really don't want to come," Su Ming said softly, "I also get tired sometimes."

The little squid lowered his eyes: "Then I won't come."

The two didn't speak for a while.

"Gibran said, why can I leave peacefully without feeling sad?" Su Ming's voice was like snowflakes falling on the skin, a little cold, "I suddenly felt why I couldn't leave peacefully, because there was no joy or sorrow. "

The little squid looked at Su Ming: "What do you mean?"

Su Ming: "Farewell."

The little squid looked at him.

Su Ming stretched out his hand and patted him on the head: "Do you still remember, that's how I greeted you the first time I saw you?"

"Ah."

"Tell me," Su Ming said with a smile, "It would be great if we didn't meet in that kind of scene, we shouldn't have met like that."

"It's fine now." The little squid pressed Su Ming's hand comfortingly.

Su Ming gently put his arms around the little squid: "Hug me again."

Su Ming's embrace was also very cold, and the little squid thought he could smell snow.

Su Ming had never smiled in front of Su Lin's tomb before.

Not long after, Su Youyu recalled this detail.

Perhaps, at that time, Su Ming was happy. For him, he finally saw the end of the road he persisted on.

On the way down the mountain.Su Ming talked a lot and asked a lot of questions.

Every tiny and trivial detail, I asked seriously and listened carefully.

When they went back, Lin Yun had already prepared the meal.The hot milk tea that Little Squid promised to bring back had long since turned into frozen milk tea. Several children were arguing around him. He frantically comforted him, but he caught sight of Su Ming taking a seat at the dining table, sitting on Su Shen's right hand .

Su Shen waved to the little squid: "You sit on my left."

At the dinner table Su Ming still didn't speak, but the little squid could see some uncles and aunts on the table smiling with some relief.

The atmosphere at the table was not as lively as the previous few days, and everyone ate quite plainly.

But there is no uncomfortable depression.

When Su Ming was about to go upstairs after dinner, Su Tian and Su Tian's father Su Xin couldn't help calling out, "Xiao Ming, let's take a group photo."

Su Xin is no longer the big boy who used to be coquettish and fight with Su Lin. He has become a lot whiter and fatter. When he was called Xiao Ming, he was not so annoying anymore.

Of course, one thing hasn't changed. He was beaten so badly by Su Lin back then, and he still doesn't have a long memory, and he can't change his habit of calling himself Xiaoming.

He chuckled and nodded.

When taking pictures, Su Youyu kept holding his hand, a little excited.

Because Su Ming didn't take any photos in these years, except for the necessary ID replacement.

The adults held the children tightly in their arms, fearing that Su Ming would leave if they messed up the photo and failed to take a good photo.

Lin Yun didn't know what kind of skill and speed she was using. I rushed upstairs in 5 minutes, and when I went downstairs, I changed into a decent suit and put on beautiful jewelry.

When he called "eggplant", Su Youyu felt that the corners of his mouth were about to twitch to the back of his head.

The children were all eccentric, captured the joyful mood of the adults, and took the opportunity to ask to stay overnight, and they were all allowed.At night, the little squid accompanied them to finish Lego for two hours before putting them to bed.

After washing up, he ran to Su Ming's study. Su Ming was writing something at the desk when he heard his voice and turned to smile at him.

"I'm going to put today's photo on the bedside table." Little Squid rubbed against his back, "I just came to say good night."

Su Ming: "Good night."

Just lying on the bed, the little squid suddenly sat up straight again.

He touched the necklace around his neck, took it off, and then took off the ring on the sleeve.

The ring is very simple, without any patterns.

When he took it off, he found the lettering on the inside: CN&SYYFOREVER.

He smiled and put it on the ring finger of his left hand, not too small or too big, just right.

Putting my hand under the bedside lamp, I turned on my phone and took a picture, and then sent it to Chen Nan.

By the way: "Look, I have it on my wrist now."

In just two or three seconds, Chen Nan replied.

"It looks good, but actually...but I should put it on for you..."

The little squid immediately withdrew the pictures and messages, made a phone call, and said weakly: "You just had a dream, and you didn't see anything."

He didn't know if Chen Nan was dreaming, but after saying goodnight to Chen Nan, he started dreaming in a daze.In the dream, he returned to when he was six years old.

Holding Su Lin with one hand and Su Ming with the other, he ran on the sunny lawn, smiling.

Then, he seemed to hear a whisper, happy birthday.

The next day, Little Squid still woke up very early. He dressed and washed in his bedroom before going out.

Su Ming's room is next to him.

Su Ming always woke up earlier than him, even though Su Ming told him yesterday that he didn't want to go to the cemetery anymore.

But he is still used to saying good morning to Su Ming every morning.

As usual, he left his room, closed the door, and walked to the next door.

The door of Su Ming's room was open, and the lights were also on. He saw Su Shen standing beside the bed at a glance.

It may be that the sky outside is not bright yet, and the warm light of the bedside lamp makes his back look a bit stooped and vicissitudes.

He didn't notice anything wrong, walked over, and asked softly, "Grandpa, what are you doing so early in the morning..."

Before he finished speaking, Su Shen turned around and covered his eyes.

His hands were still dry, but unlike in the past, there was no trace of warmth, it was terribly cold, and he was still shivering.

His voice was hoarse and trembling: "You first, you go out first."

What happened later was like a dream.

The little squid just felt that his head was empty.He can carefully see the expressions on everyone's faces, sad, mournful, and unbelievable; he can also clearly hear everyone's voices, desperate, trembling, and screaming.

However, he himself seemed to lose consciousness.

His mind was still and his body was icy cold, as if he couldn't even feel his breathing and heartbeat.

When Chen Nan called, he picked it up in a daze, muttering to himself.

"They say Su Ming is dead."

He also forgot what Chen Nan said on the other end of the phone.

He was taken away numbly, where he took him, he forgot at a glance, what he did, he forgot again after a while.

Later, he became a little conscious, because he found that his hand was always held by another warm hand.

He turned his head and saw that Chen Nan was standing by his side at some point.

"When did you come?" His voice was a little sandy, as if his throat would break if he exerted a little force, "Why did you come here?"

"How could I not come." Chen Nan looked at him, his eyes filled with distress, but also with a little pain and firmness.

Later, when relatives were allowed to pay their last respects at the funeral home, the little squid thought, this is not true.

How could Su Ming lie there, pale, cold, and alone, as if he would never get up again.

This is obviously a dream, but why hasn't this dream woke up yet?

However, those dreams that you can't wake up from are the realities you don't want to face.

Later, on a morning when the spring breeze was blowing, he could hear a few crisp bird calls outside, he got up in a daze, and went to the next room, only to find that there was no one on the bed who would smile and say to him It was only when he was in good morning that he came back to his senses. From crying silently to crying loudly, the whole room was filled with his grief-stricken voice.

The little squid finally woke up from his dream, and he returned to reality, to the world that Su Ming had left.

Yang Chuan gave him the letter on this day.During this time, he lived in Su's house.

Lin Yun collapsed, Su Shen just held on, and the two of them aged a lot overnight.

Su Ming's affairs, big and small, were handled by Yang Chuan alone in Su's house.

Chen Nan read the letter with Little Squid in the afternoon.

Chen Nan also stayed in City Y, during which time Lu Xiangzhi, Lu Xiao and Jiang Hongyu all came over.

He only noticed the date when he called Chen Nan, which happened to be the day of Lichun.

Letter paper is still Su Ming's favorite kraft paper. He said that this kind of paper has a sense of the times and warmth.

The moment Little Squid opened the envelope, his hands trembled. Chen Nan held his hand to slow him down, and then opened the letter for him.

Su Ming's handwriting is just like his own person, it looks chic, but hides a bit of aloofness.

The little squid burst into tears when he saw the first word, he quickly stretched out his hand to catch the broken teardrops, for fear of falling on the letter paper.

The letter was not long, but that afternoon he felt that he had shed all the tears in his life.

A long time later, when the little squid really accepted and began to understand and explain, he discovered that the words and sentences inside had already been imprinted in his mind and heart.

Little Elm:

I am sorry that by the time you read this letter, I have already left you.

Sorry to leave you this way.

I'm tired, just think I've taken a long vacation.

Just let me go to that world without love and hate, without joy and sorrow.

In the past ten years, I have lived in pain and regret.

In every long and lonely day and night, I often think about how I can live peacefully and happily after my lover is gone.

Those deep memories are torture, reminding me every second that I want nothing more in life.

But I never thought that the days when I can see the head at a glance will also have a turning point.

I thought I had suffered for some years, but in the end, I realized that those days were actually sweet.

It can also be considered that my life and my relationship have a perfect echo from beginning to end.

In the ten years since Su Lin left, my heart has already become a desert.

In the endless yellow sand, only you are the star in the sky, who can give me some light to live on.

But a desert is a desert after all. I planted many seeds, but after all, no more flowers can grow.

Love is always like this, you don't know its depth until parting.

So I only hope that the hardships I have borne alone can be exchanged with God for the warm and moving time of your life.

This life is over.

I hope you are still my child in the next life.

your father

Su Ming's last pen

The author has something to say:

I'm also sorry that I ended up writing this.

I have been thinking about the time of the interruption, can it be rounded up, can there be another ending.

However, for Su Ming, this may be the best ending.

It is better to set him free than to let him muddle through the past.