defenseless

Chen Yunqi had been with Lao Tian for a while, and Chen Nan knew about it.It's just that he was only about ten years old at the time, so he couldn't remember or understand the separation.

I vaguely remember that the elders of the Chen family were against it, but Chen Yunqi did not compromise.Later, the two elders of the Chen family passed away one after another, but the two did not make it to the end.

These years Chen Yunqi has been going around in the love scene, but Lao Tian has never had anyone else.

Chen Nan didn't expect that her sister-in-law still didn't let go of Lao Tian.

But how much of this is because of difficulty in understanding, or because of real feelings, only the person involved knows.

"You two talk first," Chen Nan stood up and said to Lao Tian and Chen Er, "I'll go to the side and make a phone call."

He went around to the canteen at the entrance of the alley to buy a can of ice sprite, and drank it all in one breath, his mind calmed down, but his thinking became more active.

Chen Yunqi's words were like a fire, and the pot that he was still trying to boil the frog in was boiled in a hurry.The thing in Chen Nan's heart that had been dormant for a long time was stimulated by Chen Er's straightforward pointing out. He never dared to wake up this thing in his heart, because he was afraid that what he woke up was a wild beast.

When his boiling brain calmed down, he couldn't deny that there was only one explanation for today's palpitations, heartbeat, palpitation, upset, and restlessness.

He took out his phone, took two deep breaths, and pressed the dial button.

The little squid quickly picked it up: "Hello."

Chen Nan looked up at the gray sky above the alleyway: "Are you in the classroom?"

Little Squid: "Yes."

"The question at noon today," Chen Nan's feet were on the ground, "Chen Er asked you and didn't answer that question, can you tell me?"

Little Squid didn't speak on the other end of the phone.

"Is it Tong Tong? Or Sun Dan." Chen Nan felt his voice tremble a little.

"No." said the little squid.

Chen Nan held her breath, deeply afraid that the next word would be something she didn't want to hear.

Little squid: "No one, I just didn't know how to answer at that time."

"That's good." Chen Nan suddenly laughed softly into the microphone, "I'll hang up, and go to class."

When I went back, Lao Tian had already left, and he still had to go to class, so he went to the club after eating wonton.

Chen Nan bought two more cans of beer and drank it. Chen Yunqi sat on the small table outside the wonton shop and talked one after another.

He was a little absent-minded, and he didn't recover until Chen Er called him a few times.

"What are you thinking?" Chen Yunqi stretched out his hand and waved in front of his eyes, "I should be distracted now."

"No," Chen Nan shook his head, trying to clear his mind, "I think Lao Tian treats you very well."

After saying this, he was stunned again.Instead, he said it to someone else.

"Really?" Chen Yunqi took a deep breath, "How should I say it?"

"On some details," Chen Nan said, "You can't notice it yourself, but it's obvious to others. Treating others is different from treating you."

"Hey, Chen Nan," Chen Yunqi stopped talking again, "Forget it, you don't understand anything about yourself."

"Chen Er", Chen Nan turned her head and asked her, "You really still miss Lao Tian? You have been in love all these years? Why can't you let it go?"

"It's not the same," Chen Yunqi shook his head, "People say that when you like someone, you are the only one who can't see clearly. But when you really love someone, only you know, because it's just about you You can't fool yourself."

"I'm quite deceiving myself. I used to think that I couldn't see or hear, and I gradually forgot about it, and my heart was ashamed. However, once there was a slight disturbance, it would immediately come back to life."

"Chen Er, don't pretend." Chen Nan touched her with a beer, "You are back in such a hurry, I don't believe you will do nothing at all."

"You still understand me." Chen Yunqi showed his white teeth, "However, you also need to understand yourself better."

"Chen Er," Chen Nan said with a calm expression, "I didn't think about what I was showing, but just now I suddenly realized that I treat him differently than I treat other friends."

Chen Er glanced at him: "You said that you treat him differently from other friends, then you definitely don't treat him as a friend."

At that moment, Chen Nan suddenly felt a kind of clearness to clear away the clouds: "Yes, it's different.

It's never been the same. "

"Let me tell you first, as a parent, I don't support puppy love." She took out a cigarette from her bag, and handed another one to Chen Nan.

"What are you talking about?" Chen Nan looked at her.

"I'll give you back what I said just now." Chen Yunqi smiled self-deprecatingly, "Don't pretend."

Chen Nan smiled to himself, but said nothing.

Chen Yunqi raised his eyebrows.

After a while, Chen Nan said: "Actually, I didn't have this concept before, or maybe I had a sign early, but I just didn't want to think about it. It seems that if I don't think about it, this thing doesn't exist, but It still exists, maybe like today, I can’t control my emotions, and I can’t hide my thoughts. They all ran out.”

"Then I caught me right away," Chen Yun laughed, "You know, you just didn't dare to think about it. Your friend named Lu Xiao, I saw it at a glance, doesn't he have a date, you I didn’t understand anything about myself from them.”

Chen Nan took a deep puff of cigarette: "Chen Er, I really don't know what I'm thinking. I don't know if I am. Accepting Lu Xiao's matter, I have done a long time of psychological construction."

"People in the old Chen family have a clear distinction between love and hate. If you like it, you like it. No matter how big it is, you can learn from Chen Shaozhi's sacrifice and dedication. You can also learn from his boldness and magnanimity." Chen Yunqi laughed.

"It's nothing frank or frank." Chen Nan shook the cigarette ash, "You say what's on my mind now, and I can't tell you why. I've never felt this way about anyone or the same sex before. Maybe Just be different with this kid, let it be. I want to treat him well, want to be close to him, want to see him happy, want to spend more time with him, that’s all I can think of right now.”

"Isn't that too thoughtful?" Chen Yunqi shook his head with a smile, "Chen Nan, I won't comment on your little school days, but there is one thing you must understand."

Chen Nan looked straight at her.

"You are attracted to this person, it is accidental and inevitable."

"Do you understand what I mean? In your words, you still subconsciously reject this identity. No one wants to be labeled and defined, but in this society, as a social role, you are evaluated and defined. It is inevitable. People like us who only live for ourselves, what other people think, whether you choose to go to other countries in the future, or choose to make it public or hidden, is not the most important thing. The most important thing is that you always have to face For yourself, if you can’t even recognize yourself, how can you gain your own respect and understanding.”

"You said I was..." Chen Nan really didn't have the courage to say the following words.

"Chen Nan, you haven't even thought about that girl since you were a child." Chen Yunqi put out the cigarette, "This is a process of self-knowledge, don't think about it so complicated. Don't be afraid."

"I'm not afraid," Chen Nan said, "I didn't think it was that complicated either. Maybe it's because I didn't think it was that complicated, and I didn't want to think too deeply, so I appeared to be deceiving myself."

"So you are still running away." Chen Yunqi sighed, "Some things have been discussed, and there is no way to return to the previous state."

Chen Nan nodded: "I understand."

In the evening, Su Youyu was a little surprised to see Chen Nan at the school gate: "Didn't you say you can't come?"

"I'm not used to seeing you off at night." Chen Nan put her hands in her trouser pockets and stood under the streetlight, her eyes were a little more tender than usual, "I feel at ease when I see you."

Lu Xiao: "Not with aunt?"

Chen Nan shrugged: "I will go back to Jinxi Garden with the little squid today."

"Auntie going back to live in Jinxi Garden?" Lu Xiao asked.

"without".Chen Nan stretched, "I just realized that I haven't gone home with Little Squid for a long time."

Su Youyu looked at him worriedly: "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Chen Nan didn't react, and there was still a gentle smile on the corner of her lips, "And now it's very good, I haven't felt so refreshed for a long time."

"He wanted to ask, why did you take the initiative to go back to Jinxi Garden when you have nothing to do? Didn't you always go back to Lu Xiao's house in the past?" Jiang Hongyu was in a good mood at this time, and said it for the little squid.

Chen Nan really wanted to rub the little squid's head, but held back: "Maybe with you by my side, returning to Jinxi Garden will become a very happy thing."

Su Youyu looked at Chen Nan, the brilliance in his eyes made Chen Nan's heart tremble.

Lu Xiao also turned to look at him suddenly.

Chen Nan looked calm and smiled at Lu Xiao.

When something comes to the surface, face it calmly.

Chen Nan didn't worry so much about Lu Xiao's matter at that time.

Chen Yunqi is right, some things should be more chic.

He is a person who only faces himself, and he doesn't value social concepts.

As for family, he has no family.

He has always done things based on his feelings, but today he understands the order of priorities. He must first have a feeling before he can do the following things.

He will not fight against his feelings, he will follow his feelings and follow his heart.He can only think of this now.

After getting in the car, Su Youyu asked, "Is it okay to go back alone?"

"How can you be alone?" Chen Nan smiled, "Aren't you staying in the same neighborhood as me?"

Su Youyu was stunned, he didn't know how to understand Chen Nan's words.

"By the way," Chen Nan took out a small rectangular box from his coat pocket, "I thought I'd give it to you on your birthday, so let's take it as a reward for winning this time."

Su Youyu took the box and opened it to see that it was a silver ten-hole harmonica with exquisite lettering on it.

This is a century-old commemorative model from a famous harmonica brand, and it is very difficult to buy.

Su Youyu knew that it was because when Su Ming went to Country D this time, he brought him a handful.

"I like it very much," his fingertips slid across the cold piano sound, "I like it very much."

"I have to like it." Chen Nan raised the corner of her mouth proudly, "This version is hard to buy, so blow it to me another day."

"Ah."

Chen Yunqi went back to Jinxi Garden. When Chen Nan got home, she was sitting on the doorstep smoking a cigarette.

"What are you doing here? Don't go back to your home." Chen Nan didn't open the door, and sat down next to her, "Give me one."

"When I go back, I keep thinking about the old man and the old lady, and I feel sad." Chen Yunqi lit a cigarette for him, "Send him home?"

Chen Nan answered vaguely with a cigarette in his mouth, "Yes."

"Come back to my hometown with me tomorrow to have a look," Chen Yunqi said, "Go back and visit the grave."

Recently Su Youyu started to sleep alone, when Su Ming came to visit him at night, he found the small box next to his pillow.

"This is not the harmonica I bought for you." Su Ming picked up the box and looked at it. This limited edition harmonica has a digital code on the box and the lower right corner of the body.

"Chen Nan gave it to me." He pulled the quilt to cover half of his face, his voice was muffled through the quilt.

"In the past, I also liked to put the things that Su Lin gave me beside the bed, and I could see them when I opened my eyes when I was sleeping." Still holding it, it wrinkled up into a ball, and it didn't hurt him badly."

Su Youyu's eyes were exposed, and she listened intently to what he said.

Su Ming: "I used to think that you follow him, but you actually follow me."

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Merry Christmas~~