Gu Nianruochu

On the morning of New Year's Eve, Wei Siyuan came out of Yin Xu's house with an egg roll, and returned to his so-called home by car.

His family's villa complex is located on an island not far from the city center. It takes only ten minutes to drive from the urban area to the sea-crossing bridge. Lord, there is a kind of cultural and artistic atmosphere like a paradise, away from the hustle and bustle of the city that does not stop around the clock.

Wei Siyuan only goes home for two days throughout the year, so he doesn't have any of his daily necessities at home. He packed a few sets of clothes, towels and toothbrushes into his backpack, and he brought enough pet supplies for egg rolls for a few days. amount.

From the bus station, he walked slowly into the residential area with a sense of high-end design. The low-rise villas could not hide the rolling hills in the distance. I think of the description in Liu Zongyuan's poem that "birds fly away in a thousand mountains, and people disappear in ten thousand paths".

Holding a beautifully decorated cat cage in one hand, and a large bouquet of roses in the other hand, he walked all the way to the front of his house, pushing away the door outside the double-storey villa with some clumsy movements. The fence, an early-blooming peach tree in the yard, a few peach blossoms sprung out here and there, and the green grass was well repaired. The carp in the pool sensed someone's movement, flicked its tail and went to the bottom of the water.

The rain this winter is a bit more than in previous years. After days of continuous rain, the sky outside is still a bit gloomy. The sun can’t penetrate the thick clouds and haze, and can only cast weak light, and you can’t feel anything on your body. temperature.

Wei Siyuan opened the door with the key, the heating inside the house rushed towards his face, and the warm yellow lights that filled the living room came into his sight.

Wei Siyuan's father's business has grown bigger and bigger over the years. At the end of the year, he still has busy work and cannot come back to reunite with his family. He went out with his younger brother and friends who are about the same age. At this time, he is not at home. Only his mother is in the kitchen with the servants. Prepare the ingredients for tonight's reunion dinner.

There was a silly New Year's program on the TV in the living room. Those deliberate entertainment effects and funny background music easily created a little lively illusion.

Wei Siyuan took off his shoes from the door and walked into the room. When he passed the semi-open kitchen, he stopped and called "Mom", but the well-maintained and graceful middle-aged woman seemed to take this simple greeting as air, and even The corners of his eyes didn't turn around, and he focused on the things he was busy with without a moment's pause, as if the person talking to him didn't exist at all.

Seeing this, the servant was inevitably a little embarrassed, so he took the initiative to greet Wei Siyuan, "Siyuan is back."

Wei Siyuan responded politely, "Yes, Auntie."

After Wei Siyuan left the kitchen, he went directly to the second floor. He didn't stay at home for a long time, so there was almost no trace of his life in this place. Even the room where he stayed overnight was transferred to the utility room after he went to college. Before returning home for the Chinese New Year, there will be servants who clean up early and look clean and tidy.

The utility room didn't even have windows, so Wei Siyuan wasn't afraid that the egg rolls would get lost, so he released the egg rolls out of the cage directly after closing the door and turning on the light.

He played with the egg roll for a while, fed it some small dried fish, then plugged in the earphones and watched a two-hour movie with his hand. He was also a little sleepy, so after scribbling through the movie he lay down and took a nap.

It was already four o'clock in the afternoon when he woke up again, and the sound of some conversation outside came in through the crack of the door. Wei Siyuan was a little dry from sleep, and wanted to go out and pour himself a glass of water. Talking loudly about the short-lived guests in the living room.

These middle-aged women with mean faces and noisy voices are all relatives of Wei Siyuan's mother's house. At this age, they have either just retired or their children have gone to college and no longer need to be taken care of. Talking about trivial gossip and introducing the spiritual power of a blind date to others.

These people have no blood relationship with Wei Siyuan, but they have always held an attitude of disgust towards Wei Siyuan without hesitating to speculate with the greatest malice, and they share the same hatred with Wei Siyuan's mother, as if Wei Siyuan's biological mother seduced the men of their entire family back then.

Wei Siyuan was ignorant when he was young, and he would treat them politely under the guidance of his grandparents, in order to return a little respect and kindness with kindness. Bitter barbs, so Wei Siyuan didn't want to talk to them anymore as time went by.

Wei Siyuan went to the kitchen and found the largest cup in the cupboard, filled it with a large cup of hot water, and walked upstairs. After walking a few steps, he heard the woman who didn't know whether to call her cousin or aunt behind her. Dissatisfied, he said, "Isn't this the son of the vixen? He didn't know how to say hello when he came out and saw the elders. He is really rude and uneducated, white-eyed wolf."

Another woman who didn't know how to address her responded immediately, her voice was not too loud, just enough to be heard by Wei Siyuan, "That's right, he is already 20 years old, why does he still have the face to hang around here, isn't his grandparents Don't even care about him."

The tone of the third woman who spoke was full of disdain, "Of course I don't care about him, taking care of him until he is an adult is already enough, you don't even think about who his grandparents are, how powerful his grandpa was when he was young, their school is now That headmaster was also a student of his grandfather back then, just because he took him over and endured criticism from outsiders for so many years, and no one owed him, isn't that enough?"

"Then he was able to go to that school because of his connections through the back door."

"But doesn't he have good grades? His grandma seems to have said that he receives a scholarship every year."

"He should have good grades. With his status, if he doesn't work hard, who wants to discipline him? If he is so promising, he can move out and live by himself, and he will come back to eat and drink. I will embarrass him if I say it. I will come back after the New Year's Eve." It annoys others when they see it, that is to say, sister, you can only endure it if you have a good temper. If it is someone else, you will be kicked out when you become an adult."

"That's right, you are so kind-hearted, unlike the bitch who gave birth to him, who can personally toss a child who was born in September of his pregnancy in less than half a year. When he came to snatch the man back then, he said that." How affectionate I am, I don’t need money as long as his father divorces and stays with her, and he ran away after taking the money. "

"Oh, by the way, I remember when you came here last time, didn't you say that he likes men? Why didn't he go with that man?"

"Who knows, maybe he wants to be gay but no one is willing to find him. Nowadays, homosexuality is also very demanding, but it doesn't matter if you can't find it. You can still grab one like that bitch who was born. Anyway, between gays Without the legal force of marriage, it can be regarded as cheating at best..."

Wei Siyuan couldn't listen anymore, but those disgusting words kept coming into his ears, and he felt uncomfortable in his stomach, tightly covering his ears, taking deep breaths behind the door to calm down his emotions .

He plugged in the earphones again, turned on the music player and turned the volume to the maximum, and then opened his e-mail to see a newly received e-mail, which was an admissions message from a conservatory in the United States. He read it carefully. For English content, I clicked into the homepage of that school to read it, and stopped thinking about the things downstairs.

Time passed unknowingly. When Wei Siyuan's younger brother Wei Kailin came home from outside, the dining table was already cleared and set with delicate cutlery. When his mother urged him to wash his hands and pour drinks for everyone, he asked casually One sentence, "Is my brother back? Upstairs?"

His mother didn't say a word, as it was acquiescence, Wei Kailin looked at his mother's indifferent expression, "Then I'll go up and call him."

The woman next to her started to take advantage of the topic again, "Why does that person have to be invited by someone else to eat?" Then she turned to her mother and said, "You don't care about him."

The person being asked looked a little ugly, and he replied coldly, "Is it okay to be 20 years old, and it's none of my business to do whatever he wants."

"Our Kailin is still sensible and knows how to take care of his brother." The person who spoke felt that he had slipped a bit, so he changed the subject and pretended to praise Wei Kailin, "Kailin seems to have grown up in recent years, and he has become more and more handsome. Reading is also very good, and there must be many girls in the school who like it."

Wei Kailin gave a perfunctory chuckle, turned around and rolled his eyes. Although he and Wei Siyuan had no blood relationship, and the mother who adopted him hated Wei Siyuan from the bottom of his heart, the two boys were about the same age and had lived together for several years. Years, even if there is no brotherhood, there are some ordinary friendships between boys, so the relationship is actually not bad.

Wei Kailin went upstairs and knocked on the door of the utility room, knocking several times before hearing Wei Siyuan say, "Please come in."

When he opened the door, the big bouquet of roses that Wei Siyuan put beside the bed caught his attention, with a surprised expression on his face, "Damn it, bought it for Yin Xu? You're already with him?"

Wei Siyuan pulled off the headphone cable, smiled at the person leaning against the door, "Not yet."

"Then why are you so nice to him? I've never given flowers to girls before."

"I like someone because I want to make him happy." Wei Siyuan replied calmly, "It's time for dinner, right? I won't go down, and I can't eat even looking at those people. Please save some food for me. "

"Okay." Wei Kailin nodded, not intending to leave yet, "Are you going to make a video call with your grandparents tonight? Then call me to join you."

"Okay. Then go down quickly, your mother doesn't like me staying with you, and the people below are waiting for you to eat, and I will start talking later."

"Not so fast, the second aunt's daughter and the younger aunt's son haven't arrived yet. Let's just say it. Every year, those farts are automatically filtered by my ears. It's not about your own mother saying that you like men. It's none of your business if people like men and women, and they won't like you, and it's none of your business whether they get married or not, and they won't marry you." Wei Kailin has long been annoyed by these nosy people. An orphan, who also has a deep understanding of the harm words can cause to people, he shook his head and smiled helplessly at Wei Siyuan, making fun of him without malice, "And you just like Yin Xu, and I don't like him, then This kind of arrogant, violent and narrow-minded man has nothing else to like other than being good at playing the violin, and you are the only one who likes him."

Wei Siyuan thought of Yin Xu, and before he could speak, the smile on his lips lifted, and he scratched his head in embarrassment, "He... is still very handsome."

"It's none of my business that he looks handsome, and it's not on my face, so our aesthetic concepts are still very different, and you don't have to worry about my orientation. By the way, I will show you my daughter Photos of friends, we only started talking about Christmas, and it’s not settled yet, so I dare not tell my mom, I just went on a date with her.” Wei Kailin clicked on the phone’s photo album and took out the one he was most satisfied with and handed it to Wei Siyuan looked at it, and said in a showy tone, "Isn't it beautiful?"

That night, after Wei Siyuan had dinner, he and Wei Kailin made an early video call with their grandparents who were far away abroad, and then went to do their own things.

Wei Siyuan stayed alone in the room, and when he calmed down, he felt an inexplicable sense of panic and cowardice, staying in a house with no place to stay, as if even the air he breathed was given away.

He called Yin Xu precisely at midnight, but Yin Xu didn't answer, and he called several times afterward, but Yin Xu still didn't call him back until 12:30 in the morning.

Yin Xu and Xu Ziyu stood in line at the boarding point on the roadside waiting for a taxi, Xu Ziyu looked up at Yin Xu, smiled in a good mood, and said casually, "Yin Xu, the movie we watched today, you Which one do you think is more beautiful, the heroine or the supporting actress? I have liked the actress who played the heroine since she debuted in her first film. Others said she had plastic surgery, but I think she has always been beautiful."

Yin Xu didn't look at it attentively, and didn't remember what the two actresses looked like at all. He looked down into Xu Ziyu's eyes, and casually said something to make people happy, "How can I remember when my eyes look at you?" Are other people pretty?"

Xu Ziyu blushed a little immediately, turned his eyes away, and heard Yin Xu ask her again, "You come home so late, the family won't be worried, right?"

"No, I told them in advance that there is a very reliable boy with me, so they are relieved."

After a while, the two got into the car, reported the address of Xu Ziyu's house, and after sending her downstairs, Xu Ziyu asked him if he wanted to come up and have a cup of tea before leaving. Without confirmation, he abruptly ran to other people's homes to see what the parents were like.

He watched Xu Ziyu enter the building before he asked the driver to drive. It was only when he was driving for a while that he remembered to check his cell phone, and then found Wei Siyuan's six missed calls.

When he called back, Wei Siyuan answered within a second, "Happy New Year, Yin Xu."

"Happy New Year, Siyuan. Are you asleep? Why are you calling me so much?"

"Not yet." Wei Siyuan's side was so quiet that there was no noise at all, his voice was not loud but very clear, with a hint of fatigue and dependence like a sigh, as if the person on the other side of the phone was the only one he could catch in the cold night. Live a little warmer, "I just want to hear your voice."

Yin Xu didn't know why there was a sore feeling in his heart, his voice became gentle and patient, "Are you okay at home? If you can't stay longer, you can go back to my house, it's okay."

Wei Siyuan let out a "huh" and stopped talking. Listening to Yin Xu's voice, he felt that those derogatory gossips before could not hurt him at all, even if he was alone in a dark room where his hands could not be seen. Not so lonely and scared.

Yin Xu reported Wei Siyuan's home address to the driver, and then said to the person on the phone, "Come down in 10 minutes."

Wei Siyuan couldn't wait for 10 minutes, hung up the phone, put on his coat, and tiptoed downstairs with the large bouquet of roses in his arms. It was a bouquet of fifty roses, with eleven pink flowers in the middle. One is arranged in the shape of a heart, surrounded by another 39 bright red flowers.

He stood for a while in the cold north wind, there was no starlight in the sky, only the pale light of the street lamps, thin and thin like frost.

Yin Xu's car arrived, and he gave the driver some money to wait for him inside, then got out of the car and ran to Wei Siyuan's side, he was startled by the bouquet of flowers ten steps away from him, he felt embarrassed, "So many?"

"Actually, I only bought these eleven flowers, but the owner of the florist said he didn't want to keep them for the New Year, so he gave me 39 flowers to make up fifty." Wei Siyuan smiled while biting his lips, and handed the flowers over shyly, " You go back and remove the one in the middle, and then give the rest to the teacher's wife for me."

Yin Xu took the flowers and opened his arms to Wei Siyuan. Wei Siyuan walked over and hugged him very hard, feeling the warmth of the person in front of him from where his chest touched, he sniffed Yin Xu's arms fiercely. It was a familiar smell, but what he smelled was the fragrance of tuberose that did not belong to him lingering on his clothes.

Wei Siyuan was stunned, his eyes fell on Yin Xu's neckline in a daze, and he vaguely saw a trace left by a light lipstick. He suddenly realized that Yin Xu was dating a girl when he was not by his side. It hurt like a convulsion, my body tensed unconsciously, and I felt that my eyes began to feel sore for no reason.

Is this the first girl who has an ambiguous relationship with Yin Xu?It seems that there are too many to count.

It has been like this since the first day Wei Siyuan liked him, as long as someone who feels good takes the initiative to throw himself into his arms, he can make fun of others, and he will not refuse anyone.

Wei Siyuan couldn't help shivering in Yin Xu's arms, resisting the urge to cry, a feeling of helplessness and loneliness flowed through his whole body with the slow heartbeat and blood.

It's been five years, he has liked this person for five years, he doesn't mind putting himself so lowly, lowering the bottom line time and time again, forgiving this person for being half-hearted about himself, and unconditionally for this person's unscrupulous play outside Compromise, all you want is an equal relationship, why is it so difficult.

Even if the giver and the taker are never in an equal relationship, at least there shouldn't be only one person making one-way efforts, isn't that okay?

He has been unilaterally liking all this time, so lonely.

Wei Siyuan pushed Yin Xu away a little distance away, his eyes were filled with mist quietly, and he could not be recognized clearly in the dense night.

He subconsciously stared at Yin Xu's lips for a while, and saw something that was almost imperceptible. Tears welled up in his eyes, and his voice began to tremble unknowingly.

"Yin Xu, I've liked you for five years, can you think about it again and formally date me."

Yin Xu paused for a moment, a little guilty to avoid Wei Siyuan looking directly at him, and was forced to think about the relationship between them in silence.

Wei Siyuan is very good and likes himself very much, but his liking is too serious. What he wants is the stability without distractions, and the delivery wholeheartedly. But if he promised him, the simple and easy freedom and happiness he has now will not be there. At that time, there will no longer be any inseparable relationship between them, and he must choose to have it all or lose it completely.

He couldn't make such a sacrifice for a relationship, so no matter how unfortunate it was, he could only let him down heartily.

"I still don't want to." When Yin Xu said this, he felt Wei Siyuan's hot tears falling on his fingertips caressing his face, "I'm sorry."