Gu Nianruochu

five years.Wei Siyuan has been in love with Yin Xu for five years, and he either tentatively or seriously asked many times if you can formally date me, but he always gets the same answer, I don't want to.

That's it, it's self-defeating to ask any more questions.

Wei Siyuan pressed the back of his hand against his eyes, his heart was so sore that it almost burst into pain, tears kept pouring out of his eyes, and he couldn't say a word anymore.

"I'm sorry, Siyuan." Yin Xu parted the hair on his forehead and kissed his forehead with a bit of distress and guilt, but it was useless, even the comfort given by a pair of lips that had kissed others was full of impurities of.

Wei Siyuan cried until he was annoyed, so he turned away without saying a word, and walked towards home with difficulty, breathing heavily like a dying critically ill patient, he felt like a flame being extinguished by cold water, cold Dark and lifeless, all the light in this world was swallowed in the black hole when it approached him.

From that day on, Wei Siyuan's mood was unprecedentedly low, and he was so exhausted that he didn't even have the extra strength to collapse. He was worried that the egg roll would be uncomfortable due to the lack of activity and the sun, so he left the egg roll on the morning of the first day of the new year. A room without light.

He returned to Yin Xu's empty house and stayed there until the fourth day of the fourth day, and then left his house after Yin Xu returned home on the fifth day of the new year, and rented a hotel until school started and moved back to the dormitory.

Yin Xu has never been left out by Wei Siyuan before, this kind of estrangement, which is like a cold war, made him feel very wronged, before Wei Siyuan asked him if he could date, even if he refused, Wei Siyuan would soon cheer himself up, and continue to like him without any blame He took care of him, so close that he could hug him with his arms.

But now Wei Siyuan doesn't even want to come to his house, and he doesn't even call him. He has never met Wei Siyuan in this state before, and he is really not sure whether he should be furious or low-key at this time, so he also left Wei Siyuan alone. No matter, I thought that when he sorted out his mood, he would take the initiative to reconcile.

Yin Xu waited until the winter vacation was over and school started, Wei Siyuan still didn't come to his house to look for him, hid in places he couldn't find and didn't show up, didn't come to pester him to say he still liked him, didn't come to cook for him, buy cakes and clean up the room, it seems It was as if he was no longer needed, so he gradually became restless and a little belatedly.

On the first Friday of the new semester, Yin Xu asked his professor to give his graduation work Riddle a revision opinion. After he left the professor, he went directly to the library, looking for it floor by shelf, and finally in the library In front of a desk in the self-study area on the second floor of the building, I found Wei Siyuan who hadn't seen him for half a month.

"Wei Siyuan."

Hearing Yin Xu's voice, Wei Siyuan raised his head slowly and stared at the person in front of him with his eyes wide open, showing a puzzled and surprised expression. His chin looked sharper, his shoulders were thinner, and he was wearing an off-the-shoulder jacket. A loose sweater won't hold up at all.

When Yin Xu looked into his eyes, he felt that he was about to cry, but when he looked closely at his dark pupils, he was so calm that he almost had no emotion.

Without saying a word, Yin Xu pulled Wei Siyuan's wrist to get up from his seat, and walked straight to the outside of the library. Wei Siyuan let him pull him without resisting, and even began to be spinelessly attached to the warmth of his palm. The only remaining intimacy gave him a salvation similar to relief after he was pushed into despair by Yin Xu.

On the way to the station, the sky suddenly started to rain, and the rain was not light. Yin Xu stuffed the piano score he was holding into Wei Siyuan's schoolbag, and then took off his coat and put it on Wei Siyuan's. head on.

Wei Siyuan silently accepts his thoughtfulness, but there is still an irreparable loss in his heart. No one can understand how much he wants Yin Xu's love in his heart. All the most tender and tender thoughts in the world.

But in the face of Yin Xu's negation, wishful thinking no matter how affectionate it is is nothing more than self-inflicted humiliation. It doesn't belong to me, no matter how hard I try to fight for it, it still doesn't belong to me.

Yin Xu didn't like to show his private care to Wei Siyuan in any place where a third person could see him, so he took him all the way home and then tightly clasped Wei Siyuan's waist as if taking off all the disguise. , stroking his back and begging in a low voice, "Don't be angry with me, Siyuan, I didn't stay with you because I didn't like you, nor because of others, I only have you, can you trust me?"

In the past, Wei Siyuan had been able to get the courage to destroy all self-doubt and continue to practice his feelings from simple words, but now he can't, he knows that every word of Yin Xu's words is false, and every word under it is false. The comments are all the sentence "I still don't want to, sorry".

Yin Xu couldn't get Wei Siyuan's response, so he panicked in an instant. He kissed Wei Siyuan's lips, but tasted bitter. Wei Siyuan didn't know why he burst into tears, and the tears slid down his cheeks to the corner of his mouth.

He began to act like a child who got into trouble and begged the adults not to punish him, his heart fluttered and anxious, and he hugged Wei Siyuan tightly, "You can't ignore me, Siyuan, you still like me, right?"

"Then what should I do?" Wei Siyuan choked up for a moment, feeling the unbearable pain as if someone had stabbed him in the heart, and finally answered, "I like you, then whoever likes me, I also want to be liked sometimes, why do you You only know how to make me like you, so what about me, what should I do?"

Yin Xu felt his throat tighten when he heard his words, and explained in a panic, "I like you too, isn't it good that we are like this now, we maintain this stress-free relationship with mutual liking, you know I have you in my heart Isn't that enough?"

False, all are false.

Wei Siyuan was silent for a while, and finally raised his eyes to meet him, "Don't lie to yourself, Yin Xu, if you really have me in your heart, you pretend to be me in your heart and then kiss others, what good is it? You put me What are you doing? Am I not a human being, so I won’t be in pain?”

"Are you going to regret it now?!" Yin Xu's expression was stunned for a moment. He knew that he could not hide what he had done from Wei Siyuan. You can stop liking me from the beginning, since you like me, don't want to give up halfway."

Wei Siyuan's faint hope of reconciliation like a candle in his heart was finally extinguished, he broke free from Yin Xu's embrace with all his strength and pushed him away, then turned around and slammed the door to leave.

Yin Xu was so angry that he threw a water glass on the ground forcefully on the ground. The egg roll that had been woken up from their quarrel and looked at it curiously jumped onto the sofa in fright, and curled himself up into a ball timidly.

Wei Siyuan has never had a dispute with Yin Xu, he has always been gentle and soft, and he has a thorough understanding of Yin Xu's irritable temper, so even if there is a conflict when getting along with him, he is willing to be the one who takes the initiative to give in, and he knows that he likes it. More that person means more tolerance and patience.

But whether you like it or endure it, there is a limit to everything.

Yin Xu, who had never been resisted by Wei Siyuan, felt an unprecedented sense of frustration. Since he was a child, he was a proud son of heaven who was admired by all the stars. When he grew up, it was only natural for him to be liked and admired by everyone. He was used to Wei Siyuan's wholehearted devotion to him. Doting without complaint or regret, completely unacceptable to Wei Siyuan's slight resistance and disobedience.

But when he realized that he was going to chase Wei Siyuan, Wei Siyuan had already gone away. He felt wronged and angry, and couldn't bear to ask Wei Siyuan to come back, so he also started to get angry.

He found a few friends to go out for a drink, and left behind the uncute Wei Siyuan who regretted liking him. nonsense.

"He is forcing me to make a decision. He wants me to only look at him and not others. I am only 21 years old. I still have a long way to go in my life, and I can meet many unexpected people. He doesn't necessarily It is the one that suits me best, why should I be bound by his side?"

"What's wrong with Yin Xu, are you in a bad mood?"

"Is he broken in love?"

"How is it possible? Is there anyone he can't like?"

Yin Xu's friends couldn't understand, and didn't know who he was complaining about, they just smiled and patted him on the shoulder to comfort him, and then threw him on the sofa who was drunk.

When it was time to finish, the friends were all drunk and a little out of their wits, and no one could send Yin Xu home, so they discussed whether to find someone to pick him up, "Do you want to call Wei Siyuan?"

As soon as Yin Xu heard the name "Wei Siyuan", he got angry, snatched his mobile phone from his friend, and cursed inarticulately, "I don't want Wei Siyuan, it's not that I can't live without Wei Siyuan, he will regret it Just regret it..."

The friends looked at each other, and took the phone back when he passed out again, "What should we do then? Did he and Wei Siyuan get into trouble? Who else can we turn to if we don't want Wei Siyuan?"

"Look at his call records, find the person who has been in touch with the most recently, and take him to the hotel if it doesn't work."

The friend who was holding Yin Xu's mobile phone felt that it made sense, so he clicked on Yin Xu's call history and called the contacts of the last three calls, "Hello, are you Yin Xu's friend Xu Ziyu, Sorry to bother you. Yin Xu is drunk now and can’t leave the bar, but it’s inconvenient for the rest of us to be drunk too, so there’s no way to send him back, can you come over and help send him home?”

Xu Ziyu came over after receiving the call, saw Yin Xu drunk and touched his face with some distress, but Yin Xu pushed his hand away impatiently, he opened his eyes, and there were blurred and shaking figures in front of him, He reprimanded with a bit of aggrieved tone, "Why are you here? Didn't you want me? Didn't you leave happily? Why do you regret it? You liked me first. What right do you have to force me to make a decision? ..."

Xu Ziyu was stunned for a moment, and looked at this fragile man with soft eyes, "Why would I not want you?"

Yin Xu stopped talking, and fell silent as if the power cord had been pulled out. When Xu Ziyu touched him again, he also showed cooperation and obedience. Xu Ziyu sent him home, and when he got off the car, he vomited on the side of the road. It took me a long time to go upstairs.

Xu Ziyu took out the key from him and opened the door, put him on the bed and untied his dirty clothes, and heard him whispering, "You can't dislike me...I just don't want to make a decision, It's not that I don't like you, why don't you believe me?..."

Xu Ziyu lay down beside him, kissed him, and said softly, "Then you can temporarily forget about the decision that made you unhappy, I like you, and I'm here."

Wei Siyuan still doesn't have the courage to give up on Yin Xu. He has liked someone for five years, and his feelings for this person are like a habit that goes deep into his bones. Even if he is sad and disappointed, he still has a trace of luck.

He forced himself to avoid seeing him for half a month, but when he saw him again, he wanted to forgive him, and when he saw him smile at him again, he felt that his disappointment was not worth mentioning, even if he was so selfish and wanted to hurt him. For himself, he still wanted to hug him and give himself another chance to reconcile as before.

After Wei Siyuan returned to the dormitory and calmed down, he suddenly remembered that Yin Xu's piano score was in his schoolbag. He knew that the dispute between himself and Yin Xu had caused a rift, and he originally wanted to wait for Yin Xu to calm down before contacting him. , but after tossing and turning all night, he still couldn't hold back and went out early at dawn.

The door of Yin Xu's house was locked from the inside for some reason, and it couldn't be opened with a key. Wei Siyuan thought that he was angry with him, so he deliberately locked the door to prevent him from entering, so he patiently waited for him outside, planning to wait for him to wake up. He calls.

After Wei Siyuan waited outside his door for five hours, the locked door finally opened from the inside. Xu Ziyu was wearing the wine red fleece sweater that Wei Siyuan also wore, and a college-style gray pleated skirt underneath. Knee stockings and a pair of white lace-up shoes, came out from inside.

Wei Siyuan, who was a little tired and haggard standing outside the door, focused his eyes on her, feeling as if someone had hit his head hard with a stick. He saw Xu Ziyu looked at him with a flat expression, and there was a hint of contempt in his eyes. It's like looking at an ignorant brat from a relative's house who robbed someone else's toy.

Then Wei Siyuan looked past her slowly, and saw Yin Xu standing in the shadow of the door with disheveled clothes.

But at that moment, Wei Siyuan gave up.

His eyes met Yin Xu's flustered gaze, he lowered his head subconsciously, and then saw the title on the top of the music score in his hand, which was in Yin Xu's beautiful font, Riddle, which means riddle.

It turned out that this was the riddle Yin Xu gave him.

Unrequited love is a riddle, and now the answer is finally revealed in front of Wei Siyuan who has been waiting for five years.

It means that you like a person, he knows that you have always liked him, but he doesn't like you.

It's as if you're lost in a forest, and you've gone through all kinds of hardships and exhausted your will to survive to find a way out, only to find that the destination you thought was actually a cliff, and there's no way out behind you.

The person you once thought you would spend your whole life with will shut you out forever, no matter it is ice and snow outside or the scorching sun, the gentle and frank safety and tenderness under the eaves has nothing to do with you.

Wei Siyuan stood blankly outside the door, and was pulled into the room by Yin Xu. He gently broke free from Yin Xu's hand, subconsciously walked into Yin Xu's room unconsciously, bent down and began to make the bed for him, feeling The sky was spinning all the time in front of my eyes, and I almost couldn't support myself to kneel down, feeling sick in my stomach.

"Siyuan, listen to my explanation. I didn't do anything with her. I was drunk last night. She sent me back. Then I vomited and dirty her clothes, so I let her wear my clothes. clothes, I really... I have nothing with her."

Wei Siyuan's ears seemed to be blocked, he ignored the panic-stricken explanation behind him, picked up the old clothes that Xu Ziyu had left on the ground, and threw it into the trash can.

He said silently in his heart, this is the last time.

Believe it this time, and there will be another time, not to mention the facts are in front of him, and he believes it will not help.

He didn't want to struggle in vain anymore, what Yin Xu wanted was never companionship, but unfettered happiness.It is a delusion to seek companionship by the side of a person who yearns for freedom.

If you like someone, you put a knife that can hurt you in the other person's hand, and bet on his soft heart and care for you.

But unrequited love for a person is to put that knife in his hand. You don't have any assurance that it can be a bet, and you can only watch him stab your heart with that knife.

Then it was crisp and neat, without anger or sadness, and went directly from freshness to exhaustion.

Because the heart is dead when the knife is stabbed in, and a dead heart will not be sad anymore.

Even though Yin Xu said to him, "Even if everyone thinks you are bad, I still think you are good", but no matter how good he is, Yin Xu will not want him, and no matter how good he is, Yin Xu will make peace with him one day. Sleep with others.

The meaning of unrequited love is that simple, he has the whole world in his eyes, except you.

That being the case, then let him be perfect, love him with all your strength, and treat him well with all obedience, what can be changed.

In the end, I only found out that my love was so cheap.

Wei Siyuan came out of Yin Xu's room, Egg Roll saw him, came over and rubbed his leg, he hugged Egg Roll, rubbed his face with Egg Roll, and said softly to it, "I'm sorry, Egg Roll , I may not be able to see you again in the future."

Yin Xu followed behind him and grabbed his hand when he put down the egg roll. This time, he no longer grabbed his wrist like in the past, but held his hand, palm to palm, even the obvious You can feel the trembling.

"Siyuan, I deleted her contact information, please don't be angry, I won't look for her in the future, I won't see her once, and I won't say a word to her."

Wei Siyuan took his hand away from his, and raised his head to look into his eyes, which were as dim as ashes.

"Don't touch me, I beg you, don't touch me."

He looked at Yin Xu with a very strange look, as if he was looking at someone he didn't know at all.

He looked at Yin Xu's anxious and helpless eyes, and felt extremely calm, with no reluctance, no regrets, nothing, and then he walked out the door on his own, when the door closed behind him When it was time, he moved his lips and said a word silently.

"Goodbye, Yin Xu."

The author has something to say:

It's finally over!Start abusing scum!