Gu Nianruochu

If there is light in a person, the light cannot be hidden.

On the morning of the first day of the new year, Yin Xuzai, who had recently completed a world tour, was discussing the location of the next performance with the planner in charge of the concert.

The cold wind outside the floor-to-ceiling windows shakes the green pines and cypresses whose names are not known. The weather in the sunny winter is very pleasant. A large swath of honey-colored sunlight passes through the branches outside the house and covers the mottled wall, casting circles of light spots.

Yin Xu has been on tour for a year and nine months, and he has traveled to more than a dozen cities, but he still can't find Wei Siyuan, and the messages he sent to him on WeChat seem to have disappeared without a response.

He was leaning against the bed and holding his laptop computer to see the appropriate theater location for the schedule. When he was about to make a decision to reply to the plan, the computer suddenly reminded him that he had received a new email with three exclamation points in the title.

Yin Xu curiously opened the email, and found out that it was a high school classmate of his who is currently studying in the United States, and sent him a video link on YouTube. There was a sentence under the link that seemed very excited, [Yin Xu! ! !I found your little boyfriend! ! ! 】Yin Xu sat up straight from the bed suddenly, almost dropped the computer off the bed, he quickly opened the link, it was a rehearsal video of a symphony orchestra, the camera was a little shaken, probably the official performance is copyrighted, so only Videos of rehearsals can be surreptitiously posted online.

Everyone in the picture is dressed informally, but the background is obviously a formal concert hall. From the arrangement of the band seats, it belongs to the American style. The man standing on the conductor seat is wearing a white shirt and khaki In a cardigan, he lowered his head and fiddled with the score on the piano stand, and then looked up to the left and right to make eye contact with the musicians.

Yin Xu's eyes froze and his breathing stopped. Although the picture on the computer was blurry, he already recognized Wei Siyuan on the command seat.

On the screen, Wei Siyuan had a calm and composed smile on his face. He held the baton in his right hand and slowly raised his arm. All the musicians under the seat caught his gesture and almost simultaneously held the instrument and adjusted it. In the posture of preparing to play, when his hands were quickly lowered, he began to play a neat melody.

Wei Siyuan's commanding gestures are confident and generous, his eyes are calm and imposing, and he is relaxed about the changes in the strength of the melody. The performance of various voices complements each other under his command and blends into a complete movement.

He turned to the violin division on his left hand side, making an upward gesture during the transition, the first violin and the second violin played the accent at the same time, and when he turned back to the front again and relaxed his limbs, everyone Then he relaxed with his strength.

His gaze sometimes looked far away, and sometimes fell close to him. He leaned over slightly during the rhythmic part, a naughty smile appeared on the corner of his lips, and frowned again during the lyrical part, becoming affectionate , the eyes seem to be able to read people's hearts, all the musicians' emotions and attention are concentrated on him alone, as if he is the only light that guides the direction in the dark night.

At the end of the video, he swiped the baton in the air in a circle and stopped on the other side.

The world suddenly became silent.

Yin Xu turned off the video with trembling hands, his breathing became unsteady, his nasal cavity gradually became sore, and his eyes were still fixed on Wei Siyuan's finished movement, as if he was so dazzling that his eyes hurt.

He felt that his heartbeat had completely lost its rhythm, and he couldn't wait any longer, so he immediately replied to the classmate who sent the video link, [Where is this? 】The classmate replied quickly, 【Juilliard! New York! 】Yin Xu immediately unlocked the phone and called the planner with a firm voice that could not be refused, "The next stop is New York, just ask now, whichever theater on Broadway can give us priority, I can pay double rent, hurry up and ask!"

Wei Siyuan usually doesn't go to Broadway very often, because it takes an hour to drive there from his school area, and the waiting time for the bus is too long, so he only ran there a lot during his internship, and only when he first came to New York I went to see two operas alone.

It was time for Nicole to come to Wei Siyuan for violin lessons again. When he was waiting for Nicole to come, he lay down on the table and copied the piano score. Very excited, "Wei Siyuan, hurry up and see what I brought you!"

"What?" Wei Siyuan walked back to the table after opening the door, turned around slowly and cast a curious look, and saw a leaflet in Nicole's hand, waving it so fast that he couldn't see it clearly What is written.

"I came over from Broadway today and saw that a theater had covered the advertisement of "The Phantom of the Opera" which was going to be staged next month with a new poster, and was still handing out leaflets outside. It is my favorite violinist besides you oh!"

Wei Siyuan's hand holding the pen paused obviously, his eyes lowered his head in a panic for no reason, and in the next second Nicole handed the flyer under his nose, and Yin Xu's name came into his eyes.

"You like his violin music, right? Let's watch it together?" Nicole saw that Wei Siyuan didn't respond, and looked at him pitifully with folded hands. It's really suitable to be charming, "Please, Wei Siyuan, take me to see it. The opportunity is really rare. He never came to the United States before. I want to go to China to see his concert."

Wei Siyuan buried himself in copying the piano score unmoved, neither agreeing nor disagreeing, when Nicole who was sitting across from him said excitedly, "Hey, you know, I heard from my friend that Yin Xu is gay , and loves his boyfriend very much."

Wei Siyuan accidentally snapped the refill, and was busy turning the eraser out to clean the dirty place. He raised his head in a daze, his eyes became a little complicated, "Really?"

"Well, yeah, my friend also said that she had heard one of Yin Xu's concerts when she went to Paris with her parents before, and he said that the reason for his world tour was to find his boyfriend, Do you think he came to New York because his boyfriend might be here?"

Wei Siyuan turned his face away a little awkwardly, the light and shadow of the sun hanging on the floor through the gap in the curtains, "I don't know."

"Then let's go and have a look together, we'll know!"

"..."

Nicole spent the whole afternoon with Wei Siyuan softly, and promised him that he would practice the song that he was going to participate in the school in advance. Wei Siyuan had no choice but to let her book tickets online, and even offered to pay for the tickets, saying that in order to reward Nicole, please she looks.

News was released on the organizer's website that Yin Xu's concert was the end of his world tour, so the tickets were sold out as soon as the pre-sale started.

The same day one month after the tickets were pre-sold was the performance time of the concert. Before departure, Wei Siyuan made an appointment with the landlord aunt in advance that he would take Nicole to eat in the afternoon, and then go to Broadway to watch the violin concert after eating. Send her home, and then the landlord aunt happily sent them out.

On the way to the theater, Wei Siyuan has been a little absent-minded and fidgeting. From time to time, he has to look down at his watch. Ever since he knew that Yin Xu was coming to New York to give a concert, he has been in a trance. It seems that after so long, He was still not ready to meet Yin Xu again.

But he changed his mind and comforted himself, Yin Xu glanced at the auditorium with thousands of people, and it was impossible to recognize him, so there was nothing to worry about. As for the rumor that Nicole said that Yin Xu was looking for a boyfriend, It is probably just a propaganda method, not enough to take it seriously, and there is no need to take it to heart.

When the twilight on Broadway began to fall, the audience entered the theater one after another in an orderly manner. Wei Siyuan and Nicole booked a seat in the middle and back. The price was not too high, and they could overlook the complete stage. It is impossible to see the people on the stage from a distance.

At seven o'clock in the evening, the lights on the top of the theater gradually dimmed, and the chatter of Xu Xu from the audience also fell silent. When that familiar figure appeared in the center of the stage, Wei Siyuan's heart beat involuntarily.

The first few classic pieces quickly resonated with the audience and aroused the emotions in the venue. After Paganini's Caprice No. 24, the concert entered the part of the original theme. Yin Xu pulled A song that Wei Siyuan felt unfamiliar was not Encounter, not Riddle, nor any song that Wei Siyuan had heard from Yin Xu before.

It is a song that is not emotionally sad, but more of indescribable twists and turns, which makes people feel inexplicably sad, and does not know where the feeling of loss is, as if missing something very important in life. The pervasive sense of powerlessness that matters.

When the sound of the violin stopped again, warm applause echoed from the audience. Then Yin Xu bowed lightly and put the violin away. A staff member from the backstage came up and handed Yin Xu a microphone.

He stood on the stage, glanced into the audience without stopping, and then said in English, "Thank you, this is the last show of the world tour, because, I am about to find the person I am looking for gone."

The people in the audience began to whisper to each other, and those who had something to do had already pulled out their mobile phones and turned on the camera, pointing the camera at Yin Xu under the light.

Yin Xu smiled lightly, and continued, "According to my practice on tour, please put away all the recording and video recording equipment in your hands now. Next, I hope that I can convey it to the other party myself, not through others."

He stood there as usual and waited for a while. After the audience became silent again, he put the microphone back to his lips.

"The song just now was the theme song of the entire concert, and its name was Regret. Many of my friends asked me why the theme of the concert was Regret, and I said, because this is my Regret.

For more than a year, I have been looking for someone all over the world.He is someone I like.

We met seven years ago when my first piece, Encounter, premiered at the Royal Concert Hall, and he moved to my city just to see me play, and he fell in love with me.

He was a very brave boy, he liked me very much, he would always stay by my side, tell me loudly that he liked me, and never hide his feelings.

But he is also a very timid person and often has no confidence in himself, so when he hears me praise him, he will be shy, and then smile at me, as if he is happy for my existence. "

Yin Xu looked into the dark and couldn't find that figure accurately in the dense crowd, but Wei Siyuan in the auditorium subconsciously held his breath and stared at the people on the stage for a long time, as if time had stopped flowing.

"But I unilaterally accepted his liking for me, but I never expressed my feelings to him, and I still didn't resist other people's feelings under such circumstances, so he was completely disappointed in me who was so selfish.

Then I found that he didn't want to smile at me anymore because he was never happy to see me anymore.

I was liked by him before, seeing that he always put himself in such a low position, I deliberately bullied him, made him angry and worried about me, and thought it was stupid for him to care about me so much.

Later I realized that liking someone's mood is involuntarily humble, because if you care about a person, his every move will affect your mood, so you can't help but want to protect his mood.

But because I treated him badly, he was no longer happy with me, nor was he sorry for me.

I was given up.

I tracked him down for over a year, wrote Regret, and took the song to various places where he might have been, to let him know how much I regret the mistakes I've made.

Every time I stand on stage, I think, he may or may not be in this place now, because I am not sure if I am worthy of him seeing me.

But I also thought that if the whole world could hear my regrets, maybe he could too.

I want to tell him personally. "

Yin Xu stopped, and suddenly switched to Chinese, "Wei Siyuan, I like you, I love you, I can't live without you."

Nicole listened to Yin Xu confessing to her boyfriend to the whole world, and was so moved that she kept wiping away her tears with a tissue in her small backpack. She was stunned when Yin Xu suddenly switched to Chinese at the end, and turned to ask Wei Siyuan in English, " What is he talking about? What does that last sentence mean? Why do I seem to hear your name?"

Wei Siyuan avoided her question, and stood up from his seat awkwardly, not knowing how to deal with the violent emotions that rushed into his heart unexpectedly, and wanted to run away, "I'm leaving."

Nicole quickly grabbed his arm and pulled him down, "You can't go, you promised my mother to send me home."

Wei Siyuan sat back on his seat in distress, covered his forehead with his hands, and didn't say a word, trying to pretend that he didn't exist.

Yin Xu glanced at the place where there was a small movement suddenly, then paused, and passed the microphone back to the staff as if nothing had happened, picked up the violin again and continued to play in the second half, until the final ending with Encounter, without leaving his eyes past that position.

After the concert officially ended, Yin Xu didn't even have time to change out of his costume, so he bypassed the staff's internal passage and ran to the entrance and exit closest to Wei Siyuan's seat.

Wei Siyuan and Nicole came out from the inside, listening to the cheerful comments of the little girl beside him, he felt that his mind was always turning white, he lowered his head and kept speeding up his pace to escape from this place, then suddenly there was a burst of excited screams behind him, Someone ran up from behind and patted him on the shoulder, "Wei Siyuan."

As if the time had returned to that night seven years ago, Wei Siyuan turned his head, opened his eyes wide in astonishment, met Yin Xu's gaze, his heart beat uncontrollably, and then he was at a loss what to do. After a pause for a few seconds, he turned back without saying a word, and strode forward through the crowd.

Yin Xu's gaze touched Wei Siyuan's clear eyes, and the uneasiness that had been hanging over his heartstrings for a long time finally fell steadily, his heart beat faster, but his breathing became very slow.

He looked at Wei Siyuan's face with nostalgia, as if he was the only one to be recognized among the crowd coming and going.

Seeing Wei Siyuan ignoring him and turning around to run, he quickly caught up with him and followed Wei Siyuan closely. The audience leaving next to him unconsciously made way for him who was wearing a formal attire, and frequently threw them over curiously. attention.

Yin Xu looked at Wei Siyuan, and was completely reluctant to look away, "Siyuan, I just want to talk to you again, don't avoid me."

Wei Siyuan walked too fast, and Nicole next to him couldn't keep up with him, trotting panting and grabbing his sleeve to make him slow down, at this moment, he saw Yin Xu talking to Wei Siyuan from a close distance, listening He didn't quite understand, but he didn't want to walk so fast, so he persuaded, "Wei Siyuan, Yin Xu is talking to you, walk slowly."

Hearing this, Yin Xu looked past Wei Siyuan and landed on Nicole's face, and then looked at her hand holding Wei Siyuan's sleeve, feeling a little stuffy in his heart, but felt that their physical contact was a little rusty, not like a relationship between a couple, so Turning his gaze back to Wei Siyuan, he followed him all the way to the outside of the theater.

Yin Xu asked him again, "Siyuan, how are you doing?"

Wei Siyuan didn't answer, and pretended not to notice the people next to him, and walked forward all the way on his own.

Yin Xu still asked him unrelentingly, "Siyuan, do you still have someone you like?"

Wei Siyuan finally couldn't hold back any longer, his heart skipped a beat, and he said calmly, "It's none of your business."

Yin Xu got a response and was encouraged, "Why is it none of my business, you have heard me confess to you, if you don't have someone you like, then I will make you like me."

Wei Siyuan was almost panicked by his confession, dizzy and dizzy, and turned to look at him angrily, "If so."

"Then I'll let that person go away and give me back your love." Yin Xu's domineering answer was taken for granted, and he was shivering with his arms folded by the cold wind, and suggested to Wei Siyuan, "I have a car, I'll take it to you." Are you going home?"

Wei Siyuan glanced coldly at the little girl who was nodding wildly, with a sullen face unwilling to appreciate, "I want to take the bus."

"Then I'll accompany you." Yin Xu followed closely, and accompanied them from the theater to the bus station. After getting on the bus, he patted his head as if suddenly realizing it, and said angrily, "I haven't changed my clothes yet, and I haven't brought my wallet with me." " After saying that, he cast a look of help at Wei Siyuan, "Siyuan..."

Wei Siyuan actually didn't want to help Yin Xu, because he was too eye-catching, and now everyone on the street knew that he was a violinist who had just finished a performance, and the audience who had some good things followed up and wanted to secretly take pictures.

But he looked at Yin Xu's begging expression, and still couldn't bear to be so embarrassed by his clinging to himself in public, so he came up reluctantly and gave him some change, then turned around and left immediately, and sat down. Next to Nicole's seat.

Yin Xu chose a seat behind him, and after sitting for a while, he felt that two holes were about to be stared at the back of his head, so he turned around in trouble, not wanting him to stay near him, "Don't sit here."

"Okay, then I won't sit down, I'll just stand next to you." Seeing that he took the initiative to talk to himself, Yin Xu happily agreed to his request, and even got closer to him.

Wei Siyuan was self-defeating, and felt like crying in his heart, smelling the faint long-lost breath on Yin Xu's clothes, and felt that he was about to suffocate.

Yin Xu accompanied Wei Siyuan to send Nicole home. Nicole grandly introduced his favorite violinist Yin Xu to his mother, and added excitedly, "So he and Wei Siyuan are friends!"

"No." Wei Siyuan retorted very crisply, Yin Xu turned around and glanced at him, but smiled in a good mood.

After leaving Nicole's house, Yin Xu still insisted on sending Wei Siyuan home. On the way, he was so cold that he kept sneezing, but Wei Siyuan didn't react at all, and didn't feel sorry for him, so he just let him be too cold. I hope that it would be best for him to accept him as soon as he sees him well and stop following him.

But Yin Xu still followed him all the way downstairs, still remembering the route silently in his heart, so Wei Siyuan had to turn around to say goodbye to him when he was downstairs.

"I'm here, let's go."

The light everywhere was very dim, the light from the street lamps was weak, and the moonlight was too soft to reflect the expression on Wei Siyuan's face at the moment. The bright and clear child-like eyes seemed to remain the same.

Yin Xu stood in front of him, looking at him with deep eyes, the two looked at each other in silence for a moment, Yin Xu raised his hand slightly and stretched out towards Wei Siyuan.

Wei Siyuan saw his movement, subconsciously dodged back, and stared at him uneasily, this unconscious reaction was like a sharp thorn in Yin Xu's swollen heart, he explained in a low voice, " Siyuan, I just want to touch your head, nothing else, don't be afraid."

Wei Siyuan was expressionless, and stood still at the same place. When Yin Xu stretched out his hand again, he held back and didn't dodge any more. Yin Xu's slightly cold palm touched his head gently, and rubbed it again. Rubbing, "I watched the rehearsal video of your command, you did a great job, really amazing, Siyuan."

Wei Siyuan was still so quiet, but for some reason his cautious eyes were a little wet. He didn't want to look at Yin Xu anymore, so he lowered his eyes.

Yin Xu did what he said, he took his hand back after touching his head, and smiled at him, "I hope one day I can also play the symphony you directed."

"I'm going up."

"Okay, go up, I'll watch you go in here before leaving."

Wei Siyuan turned around and left without hesitation. After entering the building for about 3 minutes, the light in a room on the second floor turned on. Yin Xu looked up at that place. Not long after, Wei Siyuan poked his head out from inside and looked down. Not still, and then saw him, and hid back like a timid little animal, pulling the curtains tightly.

"Good night, Siyuan, it's good to see you." Yin Xu waved to the empty balcony downstairs.