He always wants to kill this scum

"Don't you hate Xie Huan?"

"I don't hate it." Han Xiaodong stared blankly at the snow-lit winter night beyond the window: "Because I also wanted to give up, so I just found an excuse. Although it's very cunning, it's still a good idea."

"Give up? That's right. You are all men. It's good for everyone to give up early. It's fine for fun. If you want to talk about your whole life, it's just like a joke."

Han Xiaodong clenched his hands into fists: "It's not because of this reason that I gave up on him."

"What's the reason for that?"

"I love him, but hate him. Sometimes I will be very jealous of him. Such complicated feelings make me unable to continue. Many times I will stab him because of such jealousy and hatred. I want to catch up with him I tried it, but found it ridiculously out of reach.”

Li Xueyang crossed his arms and tried to understand this mentality: "Maybe your self-esteem is too strong. There are many contradictions between a man and a woman when they fall in love, let alone two men? You can't be pure like you .Because your lives have never been separated, you will naturally be compared by others, not only your relatives and friends, but you will also consider each other as rivals invisibly. It's so sad, the gap is so big, do It's hard to be a friend, let alone a lover."

"You're right, but it's a pity I didn't realize it until now." Han Xiaodong hated his selfishness: "Xie Huan is actually a very good person, so good that I don't think I'm good enough for him. Sometimes I wish He shouldn't work so hard, work so hard, and even hope that he will fail every exam and do worse than me. I hate owed him things, hate him always giving me this and that for granted, such a selfish me, no Qualified to stay by his side, you say...how could I be like this? I hate myself like this, I hate it!"

Seeing his desperate appearance, Li Xueyang didn't know what to say to comfort him, so he just talked about the long past: "There used to be a boy who was about my age living opposite our house. Good friend, he is also very good, and he is also very cute. I go to the same art class with him, go to school and go home together every day. Later, the classmates all praised him for his good paintings, and his handwriting It was beautifully written. I was very unwilling, and gradually began to dislike him and hated him. Later, he really stopped talking to me, and I worked hard every day to draw and practice brush calligraphy. The only goal was to surpass him. , I want everyone to admit that my paintings are better than his. Until one day we got a higher score than his in the painting we took together for the competition. I was very happy and proud. to show off in front of him."

"and after?"

"Later...he moved and didn't tell me, and I don't know where he went. Every time I saw the empty house opposite, I was very sad. Many years later, my grandfather suddenly mentioned him and said to me, Ou It's a pity for Shuo, with such a good talent, he doesn't know why he doesn't want to paint anymore. Maybe I can understand why he doesn't paint anymore."

Han Xiaodong smiled bitterly: "Because when you try your best to achieve the goal, but you can't achieve it, the kind of annoyance and hatred will force you to give up. Sometimes I think, maybe you just need to leave to be able to achieve it." Only by starting over can I escape from the demons that belong to me. Until one day, in another corner that he doesn’t know, he obtains the glory that belongs to me, and then he regains the courage to come back to face it. If Ou Shuo really likes painting, I think He didn’t give up, he just changed a city and met new friends, and continued to paint silently, maybe one day he will come back until he feels enough to be your opponent.”

"Or, he has really given up."

Han Xiaodong looked at him seriously: "Do you still remember what you said? Do you still count on it now?"

Li Xueyang's eyes were stained with a smile: "What should I do? I am the same kind of person as you. Seeing my opponent making fun of me will make me unhappy. I am very happy to do things that can make Xie Huan unhappy."

"Perhaps we can become true friends." Han Xiaodong walked to the easel and took the unfinished painting: "Can you give it to me?"

"Isn't it already there?" Li Xueyang packed up the paints and brushes, Han Xiaodong took the painting and said thank you, then turned and strode away.At this time, the evening self-study had just ended, so he went back to the dormitory directly, and nailed the picture to the wall in front of the bed with thumbtacks. The pot of jasmine flowers on the table was gone in just one day, maybe it was too cold in winter. adapt.Han Xiaodong stared at the potted flower for a long time before looking away. The textbooks on the table were piled up like a hill. Like a terminally ill patient who gave up on himself, he gave up his last struggle and threw all the textbooks into cardboard boxes and stuffed them under the bed. , as long as you give up, there will be no competition.Since it's a loser no matter what, isn't it good to quit?Why did the repressed soreness in my heart keep reminding him that he was so sad, so sad that he didn't want to face what would happen tomorrow.

"Han Xiaodong!!" Xie Huan broke through the door, causing everyone to stop and look back. Han Xiaodong stared at him blankly, and let him drag him out of the dormitory.When they came to the back playground, the freezing night made people shiver.

"Xie Huan, if you have anything to say, just say it, it's too cold."

"What did you do? Why didn't you go to the evening self-study? Han Xiaodong, what are you thinking?" Xie Huan grabbed his shoulders and asked him in a deep voice.

"It's just a little tired suddenly, so I want to find a place to relax." Han Xiaodong waved his hand and stared at him anxiously: "It's late, Xie Huan, go back and rest early."

Xie Huan grabbed his arm and refused to let him go: "If you don't make it clear today, I won't let you go!"

"What did you tell me to say?"

"You're hiding from me!!! I just want to know why? Why?! Han Xiaodong, why? Tell me, don't go on like this, I feel bad."

"Okay, when you get No.1 in the school, I'll tell you why." He smiled and said to him, Xie Huan couldn't understand the depth in his eyes.

"Really?" Xie Huan caressed his cheek with a hint of sadness: "I can't understand you more and more. It's no longer the Han Xiaodong I knew back then. Did you change, or did I change? Or Have we all changed?"

"These should be inevitable results. We will always change. If we remain unchanged, we will not make progress."

Xie Huan's eyes were full of anxiety: "Then do you still love me? I want to hear from you."

"I love you, Xie Huan, I love you." Han Xiaodong comforted Xie Huan's restless mood with an extremely affirmative tone, and Xie Huan let out a long breath of relief.

"Well, I love you too."

In the blink of an eye, Xie Huan came to the school alone on the day when the report card came out. He went to Han Xiaodong's house. Han's mother said that he had come to school early.Xie Huan saw his name on the school's ranking list at first sight, No.1! !Not the class, but the whole school! !At that moment, he was so excited that he couldn't help himself, regardless of whether he recognized him or not, he grabbed his shoulder and said cheerfully: "Dude, I am No.1! No.1!!"

"Congratulations, Xie Huan."

"Thank you!" Xie Huan suddenly thought of something, and started looking for another person's name on the list. He saw Tusiduo's name, which was ranked No. 12.He carefully looked through the list from beginning to end, but he couldn't find his name. This time Han Xiaodong didn't even make it to grade [-].

The smile gradually disappeared on his face. He worriedly took out his mobile phone and called Han Xiaodong, but no matter how he called, no one answered.Xie Huan stopped the taxi worriedly and rushed back to the town. There was no one in Han Xiaodong's house, only Chang Le was barking inside.He barked Changle, and the dog stopped barking immediately, and groaned and knocked on the other side of the door, wanting to see Xie Huan.

Xie Huan didn't know what to do. When he was about to leave, he saw Han's mother coming from the street anxiously. Seeing Xie Huan, she walked up to Xie Huan in two steps: "Xiaohuan! Xiaohuan, it's not good, my family Xiaodong Did I contact you? He suddenly disappeared, I searched all over the place, but I couldn't find him, what should I do! This kid has never been like this before."

"Auntie, don't worry, speak slowly, what's going on?"

Mother Han wiped her tears and said with red eyes: "This kid didn't do well in the exam. When he got the report card, he said he didn't want to go to school. I was so blocked in my heart, so I beat him. Normally, this kid said he didn't want to go to school." Hitting him would not have such a violent reaction. When I went back to the vegetable garden to find vegetables, I saw him rushing out of the house with a box of books in his arms. I chased after him. The child saw me chasing him. , ran away and disappeared. I haven’t found him until now. He failed the exam and was in a bad mood. How could a mother not know? I was just... hopeful and lost my mind. What if there is something wrong with Xiaodong? What should I do if there are three ups and downs! I don’t want to live anymore!!”

Han Ma was so anxious that she couldn't stand still, and Xie Huan quickly helped her into the house and comforted her: "Auntie, don't worry, I will go find him right now, he will be fine, you wait at home. "

Xie Huan hurriedly chased after him, Chang Le followed closely behind him and refused to go back, Xie Huan saw that the dog was weak after giving birth, and wanted to drive it back, but Chang Le seemed to be worried about Han Xiaodong too, squatting in the Wagging his tail and barking at him in the snow, he refused to go back.Xie Huan patted it on the head, forcing it to follow.

Xie Huan took Chang Le to walk on the fields and paths in the countryside, but the snow was so deep that it covered the paths, and if one was not careful, he might step into the ditch: "Han Xiaodong! Where the hell are you hiding?" !? Han Xiaodong!! Answer me when you hear it!!”

But being able to care about his safety, Xie Huan didn't pay attention to his feet, and fell from the stone bridge. Fortunately, the place was not very high, and the snow was deep, so Xie Huan patted his body. Xue, what's interesting is that Chang Le rushed down, bit the clothes on his shoulders, desperately trying to drag him up.But it was too thin, its clothes were almost bitten by it, and Xie Huan didn't move at all. Xie Huan hugged its head and kissed it heavily, no matter how dirty it was: "It's so happy, I will go up by myself."