Bit by bit

After I came back from Shanghai, my entire face was tanned badly from the military training.I still haven't handed over the 1 yuan after dropping out of school.I was very scared at the time, and I didn't know what to do. My mother would talk about me every day, very seriously, and very ugly. I could only keep my mouth shut, because it was all my fault, and I was speechless.

After my father told my uncles about my study at home, I began to think more. What should I do if I fail again? Will I be laughed at? Will they see me with colored glasses? He also said he would come to see me.Know what I was thinking?Dad said that they were all for my own good. At that time, I was thinking that if I decided to help me, I would not come to see me. I still think about when they will come every day. I don’t want anyone to disturb me or tell me my decision. Right or wrong, I don’t care about anything anymore. Sure enough, they came and said a lot. In fact, I was disgusted at the time but it was hard to say. I only said a lot of thank you, and then they had various greetings.

I am very grateful that they came to see me, but it has been many years since I transferred to Hunan from the second year of junior high school to the college entrance examination now, and I have never received their greetings. If it was before, I would be very happy, but at this time I I'm so tired, I don't want to be disturbed by others again and again.I often also greet them, but they are all point-to-point.I said that I used to live in their house!I don't even get the usual treatment, which is why I don't go to their house anymore.I can't forget some things that hurt my self-esteem so far. I don't hold grudges but it doesn't mean I will forget them.My aunt has a daughter who is a top student.Every time she comes to my uncle's house, I am very envious of her treatment. Whenever this happens, I feel that I am a grass that no one knows, and my inferiority complex comes all at once.They would serve her a lot of dishes, and I would sit next to me and play the role of good air.At that time, I would feel warm even if a green vegetable was in my bowl, really.Similar scenes time and time again, my heart is breaking little by little.

I said I live in their house, but I actually live in a storage room downstairs, which is full of unnecessary things, which is actually nothing, but I often put ducks in snakeskin bags and put them under my bed , very smelly very smelly, indescribable.Every morning, I still have to turn on the water for them in the school cafeteria. Sometimes as a primary school student, I would occasionally be lazy and pretend not to hear, but my aunt is the one who wakes me up even if she calls to death. I have to get up.And when I was at home with my aunt, I was asked to eat cold rice, and said that people in the countryside all eat cold rice!He even said that my mother is nothing... or something like that.I am grateful that they are willing to take me in. Although my parents gave me money, but to be honest, I really feel that my love and warmth may be too little. Many times I laugh but I can’t come from my heart. I am also gradually losing the ability to love, I doubt myself.

The ending of this period of time was not good. In fact, I was not surprised when I heard the number of points. I couldn't be more clear about my own weight.The moment I saw my score, their so-called caring phone call came. I refused to answer it, but it kept ringing.After knowing the failure, there was never a redundant greeting.

I said earlier that I take care of my own affairs and hate others to intervene. I am a person with no potential, so I will never ask others for what I can do. Even if I am exhausted, I have to do it alone. The energy they spent on me is useless.No one can help me with my affairs except myself. We haven't seen each other for so long. Those suggestions are useless, but I still thank them for their temporary concern.