Don't look at your phone when crossing the street

"Chen Kaicheng, don't look at your phone when crossing the road."

This sentence came from my last female ticket, with her serious tone like a child at that time, so inappropriate but very appropriate, it popped out of my messy memory, and my body was like a piece of grass swept by the autumn wind. When it rolled over the never-drying road like fallen leaves, it helped me quickly recognize the reality from the exclamation of "Ouch, I'm fucked".

Clearly 30 seconds ago, a message was sent from my phone. I lowered my head to unlock it, not noticing the flashing red light ahead.

Someone on Zhihu replied to me: "Congratulations to the answerer, the lunatic was elected, and there is no need to live broadcast eating Laoshan white snake grass water mixed with coriander."

Before I had time to laugh up to the sky in the street, I was hit by a speeding truck into the sky. Under the illumination of the huge headlights, when I climbed to the top, a hypocritical thought suddenly appeared in my mind : "So life, just two headlights, can illuminate its thin essence."

The moment I landed on the ground, I didn’t feel much pain. I just heard the sound of my body breaking apart, and I didn’t have many scenes in my mind. I felt very peaceful and satisfied. Didn’t I always think about ending it? , now fate has finally pushed you.

However, I crossed over.

When I woke up, I found myself lying in a bright yellow tent, covered with a soft silk quilt, and when I moved, I was surrounded by two or three layers of people who looked like eunuchs and doctors, and called "Long Live".I am sure that no one I know has such a friendship and state of mind who is willing to set up a costume drama to scare me. Although his head is still a little dizzy, he has already prepared his posture: "I am fine, you all stand back. "

A group of people looked at each other and didn't respond, then a fifteen or sixteen year old white-faced eunuch rushed forward crying, "Your Majesty, it's because the slave didn't take good care of you that caused you to be pushed into the lake by Namu... that man. If you are so angry, you must vent it out, if you suffocate your body, it will be a sin of the slaves."

Such a sour loyal servant's lines made me shiver, and then I looked at the group of people in front of me with livid faces, all of them knelt down, tremblingly said: "Also... I also ask the emperor to forgive me."

I dare not blame a few words and I can’t clear the scene, I cleared my throat: “You are asking for punishment, right? Well, everyone in the temple will be fined for half a year, and they will go home and face the wall for a month.” Immediately, a bit of joy emerged, and they thanked each other and left the door.

I pointed to the little eunuch who rushed over: "You, stay."

After people left, I asked him, "Hey, what's your name?"

The little eunuch burst into tears again from his swollen, peach-like eyes, and knelt down on the edge of my bed: "Your Majesty, the servant is a pebble. Could it be that you are so stupid because you choked on water? You must remember the servant!"

"Oh, I just woke up, and I was dizzy for a while. By the way, you just said, who pushed me into the water?" After speaking, I realized that my title had not been changed.

Xiao Shizi didn't seem to pay attention to this, but just lowered his head, and said falteringly: "Since you want me to say it, your majesty, you can't blame the servant for being disrespectful. Murong Yue, he, he, a guy who doesn't know what is good or bad, actually repeated it over and over again." Sneak attack on you. If not, if not, you are in good health, and you are protected by a real dragon after choking on water for half an hour, so you are safe and sound."

These words seem to mean that I shouldn't be alive. Looking at his gritted teeth and staring eyes, it seems that Yuan is the personal eunuch who was brought up since he was a child, so there is no taboo in his words.I don't care about anything, after all, I got the body of an emperor for nothing, I don't know whether it is good or bad, I have to win favors and find out my own situation first.

I said: "I know. It's getting late, I want to rest first. Wait for me to sleep."

Xiao Shizi looked up at me uneasily: "Then tonight, Your Majesty, do you want to change to a fresh one, or?"

"Don't worry about it." I've been single for 20 years, and nothing new has been popularized. I don't have enough CPU tonight, so I want to rest.

But Xiao Shizi froze: "Your Majesty, you, really, don't think about it..." It seemed that he bit his tongue hard, Xiao Shizi cried a little: "It is rare in ancient and modern times to be as infatuated as you are." As he said that, he ran out in a hurry.

I was laid down, probably due to the change of the shell, it became less difficult to fall asleep.However, not long after, there was a sound of fine footsteps rushing into the hall, I opened my eyes in a daze, and found that there was a roll of embroidered quilt beside me, and it seemed to be a person in the quilt.

At this time, a flash of light penetrated my confused mind. Could this be the legendary bed warmer?My Rem pillow is still in the shopping cart, and I didn't expect to experience the feel of a real person now.

However, the sense of universal morality grown under the red flag climbed to the three-dimensional wall and stopped my hand that was about to lift the quilt in midair.Forget it, it's already late at night, it's too unreasonable to invite people back, just chatting under the quilt, I never imagined that one day I would be able to be so cowardly.

Being moved twice by the middleman, I must have felt very depressed, I accosted me and said, "Hey, this one, um, you might as well spread out the quilt and sleep, I won't do anything to you."

After a long while, I only heard a moan from inside the quilt. I put my hot face on my cold butt, turned over and went to sleep on my own.

But the person next to the bed became more and more restless, not only moved more violently, but also made strange and depressed sounds.I turned around and saw that the bed warmer was still wrapping the quilt tightly, only her hair and a pair of feet were exposed.I took a random look and saw that this person's feet were about the same size as mine.

The sex from the quilt became more and more difficult to hear, and finally I couldn't help but sat up and lifted the quilt off the man.I saw a rather delicate face of the bed warming lady with a strange flush, her eyes sparkling and blurred, and her fair body.I restrained myself and glanced below the bed warmer's neck. I was so frightened, MMP, what a big airport!

I yelled towards the door: "Little Shizi, get the hell out of here!"

Within three seconds, Xiao Shizi knelt down in front of me.

I glanced at the indescribable spring scenery on the bed, and smiled angrily: "Little Shizi, I told you not to play tricks on me. Is this how you usually send me?"

Xiao Shizi shuddered and kowtowed his head: "Small, little one, thinking that the master is in a bad mood tonight, so the little one took the medicine harder. Slave, this slave never thought of defeating the master's happiness. It's the slave who is overbearing. Come on, master, don't be angry."

Just as I was about to continue to get angry, I watched Xiao Shizi kowtow like a chicken pecking at rice. I am only three years old, and I am afraid of losing my life if people kowtow like this.Then he sighed and told him to stop, and after going through the cause and effect in his mind, he suddenly short-circuited his brain--fuck the original body usually does this, the original body is a gay, and the fuck I traveled to the base on the guy!

I buried my head and sat on the edge of the bed, the beeping sound outside chilled the night, but the man's gnashing of teeth in my ears disturbed my heart.

I couldn't help my forehead: "Then, Xiao Shizi, do you have an antidote, give this person a drink."

Xiao Shizi took out a bottle of pills and handed it to me, I frowned and said, "Go and give him medicine."

He said with a bitter face: "I dare not. Your Majesty, you have ordered that no one should touch Mr. Murong's body. Whoever touches his body will cut off his hands and claws. This servant is not Avalokitesvara, so I dare not."

Mr. Murong?It seems that Yuanshen is still an infatuated gay guy, he has been tricked more than once and still plays with others like this, he deserves to fall into the water and be beaten by Lao Tzu.The pain next to him was really unbearable, so I leaned over, took the pill and tried to stuff it into his mouth, but the man's face was livid due to convulsions, and I couldn't pry his mouth open even after pinching and pressing for a long time.

Xiao Shizi thoughtfully brought a bowl of water, reminded me to dissolve the medicine, and squeezed Murong Yue's nose to ferry it in with his mouth.I almost didn't cover the bowl in my hand on the head of the pebble, I just endured it as a woman, why did the bastard that the original body committed asked me to wipe my ass.I held out the bowl to Xiao Shizi: "Come here, why don't you find someone else."

Xiao Shizi's legs softened again and he knelt down: "I don't dare. I beg the emperor to show mercy, let alone a slave, in this entire Yangju Palace, no one else dares to covet Mr. Murong."

I could hear the voice of the person beside me seemed to be a little lower, with a little white face and a constipated look, with black and purple lips, I guess if I didn't take medicine or find a man to vent to, I would really belch ass.Damn it, it wasn't our first kiss anyway, so I lifted Murong Yue and let him lie limp in my arms, seeing Xiao Shizi still looking at me eagerly, felt awkward, waved my hand and said: "You go out first."

Seeing that the small stone closed the door, I took a sip of the medicine, pinched his nose, saw that his mouth was slightly opened, bit it hard, and spit all the medicine into his mouth.After wiping his mouth, although he felt a little disgusted, he drank most of the potion in a vigorous effort based on the principle of early death and early life, pinched his nose with one hand, and pinched his chin with the other, and sent the medicine Gululu in.After doing this two or three times, the breathing of the person in his arms gradually became even, and his complexion eased a little.

As soon as I relaxed in my heart, the last sip of the medicine took a little longer, and I was just about to withdraw, but I was tightly wrapped by a mass of warm air in my breath, and my lips and tongue were entangled by a soft thing.I hadn’t changed my breath when I took the medicine just now, and now my brain is a little lack of oxygen, and I suddenly remembered the taste of kissing my first love, like sweet cotton candy, obviously sticky and uncomfortable but I was reluctant to let go.

I felt a bony hand caress the back of my neck, pushing me deeper into the fragrance of the medicine.On the one hand, I couldn't breathe, on the other hand, my heartbeat suddenly became frantic, and my body suddenly moved.

My spirit altar became clear in an instant, and as soon as I pushed the person in my arms away, Murong Yue seemed to have no self-awareness at all, and collapsed on the bed.I stared at my little brother dumbfounded, and ten thousand idiots whizzed by in my heart: "My [-]T memory testifies, I am a straight man!"

After calming down for a while, I realized that although I am a straight man, this body likes men!

I'm a big Cao, don't look at your phone when crossing the road, hey!

The author has something to say: One point that must be explained: the idea of ​​this article comes from Fu Jianyibo's bedtime story written by the death hourglass, but the specific plot and protagonist setting are different from it.The original text of Dead University is a short story, very interesting, you can read it on Weibo.