my old lover

Zhongxuan sat silently with her head bowed, the living room was quiet but only the sound of the clock ticking and the breathing that neither of them could calm down.

She and Qu Jiao just confronted each other like this.

She dared not speak, but shed tears silently.

Qu Jiao suddenly smiled "hehe".

"Zhongxuan, get out of here? Is that okay? Let me go? Just pretend I was blind before; Just pretend I have Stockholm Syndrome in the past three years, mental illness deserves to be treated; Just pretend I have never known anyone You, just pretend that I never loved you at all!"

Qu Jiao looked at Zhongxuan in disappointment, and couldn't help laughing, "Didn't you always believe that I love you? You always thought that I just wouldn't reject you, did you? Accommodate you...hehe..."

"Yes, I tell you clearly, I don't love you, I just accommodate you, I just make you feel guilty, I'm just too lonely and want you to be with me, I just want to treat you like a crazy person, you are satisfied Are you happy?"

Qu Jiao suppressed the unbearable tears, stood up and pointed at Zhongxuan's face, looking at the woman he was foolishly in love with.

Suddenly, I feel that my fucking life is like a joke!

"I love you here and there!"

With tears in his eyes, Qu Jiao smiled happily, "It's better to fall in love with someone than a fool!"

Zhongxuan shivered, watching Qu Jiao trembling all over, pursing her lips, crying, "Qu Jiao, don't do this, I was wrong, I just don't have confidence, I know you love me...I..."

"You know what a fart!" Qu Jiao interrupted her roughly, "You know? You know?"

"You know I love you, and you still use that man to test me? You made up a good story, why do I believe you, stupid? Don't you know? What should I say... You really acted like Did Oscar bury you? You would rather prove my love by hurting me...do you not believe me?"

"Okay! Just because I didn't stop you, I didn't hit you, I didn't slap you, I just don't love you, right?"

"Zhongxuan, Zhongxuan... you can really..."

Qu Jiao let out bursts of wry smiles, as if something was about to gushe out from his chest in his hoarse voice.

"I block your happiness, I can't give you happiness..." Qu Jiao remembered what Zhongxuan said at the train station when she left.

"Every time I think of this, I feel so guilty and panicked! Zhongxuan, I'm afraid I won't be able to give you the life you want, and I'm afraid I'll delay your happiness!" Qu Jiao roared.

Zhongxuan looked at Qu Jiao's mad look, and felt as if someone was taking out her heart and piercing her heart with a blunt chisel.

"How can I love you?" Qu Jiao covered his face and cried.

"I didn't throw acid on your face when you said you were going to marry a man, and I didn't drive you into a vegetable. How can I love you?"

"The time we have been together is five years, but I have liked you for a long time, so long that I even feel that I have been born to be with you."

"Is it bad for me to serve you? What makes you dissatisfied? I just let you and spoil you too much. You are like a blind man who spoils you. You can't see my contribution at all; I was blinded by lard and lost my mind... I love you..."

Qu Jiao questioned each sentence in a hoarse voice, as if breaking through the soul.

But she didn't really know what she was talking about.

Three years, three years.

What she thought didn't happen, it was as if she had put all her effort into making a work to participate in the competition, but was told that there was no competition from the beginning, it was just playing her for entertainment... Hard work, but was severely punished Made a joke?

She devoted half of her life to the person she loved half of her life, and yet she was "joking" with her?

Zhongxuan gritted her teeth, her eyes were swollen, she knelt down in front of Qu Jiao, took her hand, shook her head, and said with sobs, "Stop it, stop it, feet... I was wrong, I was wrong, Foot, I was really wrong...I am not...I just love you..."

Qu Jiao didn't look at Zhongxuan, just stared in front of him, there was no expression in his eyes, "You are right, the fault is that I take you too damn seriously... the fault is... the fault is I can't love you at all."

"I can't see that you still love me..."

Zhongxuan's heart skipped a beat, tears streaming down her face.She firmly grasped Qu Jiao's hand, as if she could capture Qu Jiao's heart in this way.

"Qu Jiao, Qu Jiao, Qu Jiao, I was wrong, Qu Jiao... wife... I was wrong, baby, I was wrong, please, please don't say that, please give me another chance... I beg you……"

"Zhongxuan, Zhongxuan..." Qu Jiao pulled out his hand fiercely, gritted his teeth, every word seemed to come out of his soul, "Do you know how I have lived these three years?" ?Do you want to know?"

"What do I do when I miss you? Do you know? When I thought you were living a happy life with your husband and children, guess what I thought?"

"You appeared, you were in trouble, you were helpless, you regretted...you said you were not married, did not fall in love with others, and did not betray me..."

"Then, I should forgive you lightly, and once again don't ask why, but only ask you, as long as you are, only love you, only love you... right?"

what about me?What do you think of me?

"Zhongxuan, I am willing to believe that you are really married now. At least the pain and suffering of the past three years, until now... will not make me feel like a fool who is being played by others!"

"I didn't, I didn't, I didn't mean to play with you...No! Qu Jiao...I really didn't expect you to react like that at that time, I really thought you didn't love me..." "You really I love you so much that I can’t leave you anymore. I really don’t know how to keep you. At that time, I already... I... Qu Jiao, I really love you, love you, and only love you ..." Zhongxuan didn't know how to keep Qu Jiao, and didn't know the self-torture that Qu Jiao had endured, she was just stupid, she just felt that Qu Jiao loved her, she obviously hurt Qu Jiao but didn't know it.

She can only express her love over and over again, and she doesn't know any reason to keep Qu Jiao.

It is obvious that the Chinese New Year is one day away, and Zhong Xuan even made a schedule for what he and Qu Jiao would do during the few days of the Chinese New Year.

Qu Jiao sneered with tears in his eyes, turned his head to look at Zhongxuan's familiar yet unfamiliar face, and took a deep breath, "Well, since you said you were wrong, you just didn't feel good at that time, why didn't you Come to me early? I don’t believe that apologizing is so difficult... Are you happy to see me sad? Are you happy to see me living alone? You don’t care at all, do you?”

"I...I..." Zhongxuan's teary eyes, she didn't know whether she should tell Qu Jiao, she was afraid that Qu Jiao would dislike her, "I'm not... Qu Jiao...I really want to come to you, I dare not... I am afraid……"

Qu Jiao pinched her chin and forced her to look at him.

Qu Jiao stared at her face, suddenly felt that his love was too absurd and useless.Is this person, this person whom I have loved for half my life, really worth it?Is it worth her paying so much?Do you understand yourself?

Or is this just another ridiculous joke?What will she face when she wakes up tomorrow?You need another person, don't you?

The departure of her mother when she was young, the abandonment of her former lover... Now, the absurd self...

She acted in a one-man show for three years on her own, only to find out that everything was a hoax?

Everything is just a joke?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha? ? ! !

It's really funny...

The so-called lover in front of this...

Zhongxuan knelt in front of Qu Jiao, holding Qu Jiao's hand, wishing to bury herself in the dust, apologizing over and over again, begging for Qu Jiao's forgiveness.

She knew that Qu Jiao would be very angry; she knew that Qu Jiao would be very disappointed; she also knew that Qu Jiao might not forgive him at all.

She is afraid, she is sad...

But she is more afraid of Qu Jiao's madness at the moment.

Zhongxuan really knew that she was wrong, everything before was just playing with fire and self-immolation, why was she so stupid back then?

He actually thought that Qu Jiao would forgive her?

Why forgive such absurd her?Why should I forgive such absurd her?

Even if Qu Jiao loved her, this love was pushed away by herself, she can't blame others...

Now, selfish, she wants Qu Jiao to keep loving her.

Does Zhongxuan who is so selfish not admire Qu Jiao's love at all?

Qu Jiao said coldly, "Don't you dare? Are you afraid? Is there anything else you dare not do?" She laughed again, "Don't worry, I won't hit you." Afraid... At that time, what she dared most and wanted the most was to see Qu Jiao...

After Qu Jiao left, Zhongxuan began to fight to the death because no one cared about her, and began to give up on herself. Every day, she didn't know what to say, let go, and fooled around with others.

I thought it was all LES, and there would be no problem if everyone had a sense of proportion, but I didn't think about it. In fact, she was so well protected by Qu Jiao that her awareness of prevention was too weak and she was in danger without knowing it.

Then, she was dragged into a certain hotel by a man while drunk.

The man raped her and woke up the next day and disappeared.

It was only later that I found out that this man was just pretending that he was gay, cheating Les everywhere, hanging out with Les, and then committing rape while drunk.

Zhongxuan joined many people and sent this guy to prison.

But since then, she, who is somewhat sensitive, has suffered from some kind of stress-related mental illness. Whenever she sees a man approaching, she will feel uncomfortable, nauseous, and vomit involuntarily.

Zhongxuan didn't want to think about those gloomy years at all.In those days, my mother shed tears every day, and my father finally admitted the fact that she was a lesbian. The whole family was no longer embarrassed, and let go of their previous suspicions.

The whole family hopes that she can come out of the darkness and return to the past state.

They encouraged him and asked her to think more about Qu Jiao, think more about the days after finding Qu Jiao, and think more about the future. Qu Jiao must be waiting for her somewhere.

Therefore, "Qu Jiao" became the lighthouse for Zhongxuan to work hard to get out of the haze and darkness. Only when thinking of Qu Jiao, Zhongxuan would feel that his life still has meaning, as well as the direction of his efforts and his vision and pursuit of the future. .

So, Zhongxuan gritted her teeth, and under the guidance of a psychologist, she gradually got out of the haze and inner shackles. She knew that Qu Jiao must still love her, and she had to be responsible for her mistakes and make up for it.

This is her punishment for forcing Qu Jiao to leave sadly...

The author has something to say:

Hey...that's why little Zhongxuan didn't look for Qu Jiao...

In fact, she is also very poor!

Don't say I forcibly whitewashed~

Don't despise my dog ​​blood!

Obviously it was marked in the introduction at the beginning~

Alright~

I still love you~ heart to heart~

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