The lightness of the world of mortals

Chen Xilin thought for a while, "If you don't even have these conditions, I would think that even if you are attracted, whether we have the conditions to be together in reality."

Mingyu smiled wryly, "I have to admit, you are right. But most people become hunters when they meet their crush. How many people can really give up before they start?"

"If you don't care about the consequences and treat the other party as a prey, your questions are easy to answer, just let the other party get used to you."

She was right, she was not used to Hong's company.

"I met her when I was the most frustrated and lonely. She turned her day and night to accompany me. I couldn't refuse her way. From the very beginning, all her topics were about me, and every question she asked ,everything she said, every point of view expressed, surrounded me, asked me about my health, praised me, yes, she was never stingy with compliments, she made me feel valued like never before."

At that time, she should still be "he", "he" doesn't talk about herself, because "he" is a false persona, Ming Yu thought.For some reason, she didn't tell Chen Xilin the initial mistake. Maybe it had nothing to do with her later self-contempt, or maybe she wanted to save some memories and space for her ex that belonged only to her.

It seems that at this age, I will no longer be obsessed with talking about the past word by word, it is all digested by myself.

"Yue, why are you so lonely? Why haven't you been valued so much?"

Why?Ming Yu slid to the other end of the pillow, this question was complicated and simple.

"I am an illegitimate daughter. My mother, like me, became someone else's lover. The difference is that my mother gave birth to me and passed away because of giving birth to me. I once told you that my father passed away when I was very young , this is a story I have memorized since I was a child. He just abandoned his mother when she was pregnant. Since I was a child, I was like a street mouse, telling lies that the neighbors knew and made people point their backs and scold bastard……"

Her shoulders were embraced, and her whole body was embraced into Chen Xilin's arms. Smelling the familiar and pleasant smell on her body, her heart softened.

"Hong gave you legitimate love and care. It's justifiable. This is your birth defect. Your background and your first love never gave it to you."

Tears ran across Ming Yue's face, she was lucky to have the cover of the night.When she calmed down, she said softly: "She was very kind to me, and I was very happy in those years or two."

She closed her eyes, and the smell of Chen Xilin made her feel at ease.

Half-dream and half-awake is the rickety sun spot on the bus at five o'clock in the afternoon. After a day of classes, the car is like a makeshift cradle.

She was a sleepy fish in the cradle.Fish is her screen name.

Hong's message kept flashing:

Don't sleep, fish.

Fish, let me tell you a joke, cheer up, it's not safe to fall asleep.

It was the second year of graduate school. This gentle man named "Hong" had a clean and handsome side face.The photos are blurry, but the temperament is outstanding.

Hong and her prose posts, the two sang together, like oak and kapok.

She and Ivan have been dating for two years, and they have been dating in English. There is a part of her that Ivan, who does not speak her mother tongue, cannot touch.

But Hong touched everything.It is as big as the balance of the mean in the bones of the Chinese people, and as small as the "painted face" ice cream in childhood memories.They also chased dramas together. All the domestic TV dramas and variety shows that Ming Yue watched were all chased when he and Hong were together.

——Fish, are you busy today?

——Fish, I feel sorry for you.

——Fish, you are the most spiritual woman I have ever met.

——Fish, the weather forecast says it’s raining where you are, and my heart is all wet.

The chat of "him" always revolves around her, treating her reverently like her own queen.

They made a pair of their own emoticons: a puppy named "Hong" and a meaty bone named "Fish".Hong said that he would hold "his" bones forever.

The throbbing and dependence in the heart filled the screen, about to overflow, imprisoned by the cold metal frame.

——Hong, I want to hear your voice.

——Hey, my voice is not good.

——Hong, are your hands warm?

——Nuan, let me cover you.

- can't feel...

— Then close your eyes.

——Hong, if your face is not good-looking, it doesn't matter, if your height is not as good as mine, it doesn't matter, do you have any defects?It doesn't matter if you are dumb or deaf.

……

- Fish is the best fish in the world.

Admiration and longing are suppressed by avoiding the important, wandering on the edge of happiness and loss every day, the latter is getting heavier and heavier on the scale, and every silence is full of doubts and being questioned.

——Fish, if one day I'm gone, you'll be fine.

--Why?Why do you say that? ?

——I'm a little tired and want to rest for a while.

——Didn't it mean that you will always have a meaty bone in your mouth?

Later, Hong said that she on the other side of the screen cried for a long time because of this sentence.

That's right, she just saw a beautiful female student studying abroad. She looks handsome, temperamental and talented, just like the goddess she dreamed of, but how could the goddess like her? How can there be such a coincidence in this world?

She thought, as long as she can talk to her, she thought again, as long as she could impress the goddess, she thought again, it would be nice to be with her all the time, wouldn't she be bored one day?Get tired and withdraw...

She only secretly thought, if the goddess also likes herself... She slapped herself, and what she liked was not herself, but the man named "Hong", and the feeling of emptiness instantly eroded the bone marrow.

This unique and extravagant pain belongs only to a cyber fraud with a split personality.

It was himself who was cheated by the Internet in the end.

Hong Xinran was lying in the lonely apartment for three days, just lying like this, without any desire to eat.At this time, what she was more worried about was not her own embarrassment after the deceit failed, but how Ming Yue would bear such a cruel truth. She felt sorry for her.

There was no news from her for three days. Mingyu sat on the bench on the lawn and watched the pigeons. As he watched, his vision blurred, and the cool liquid dripped down his cheeks.She took out her mobile phone and replied under the original post: There is a fish bone that lost a dog...

I wanted to write something, but I couldn't write any more, so I just sent it out.

When Hong Xinran saw this sentence on the grave-like bed, her tears were like a flood, and she couldn't hold back anymore.

She told Ming Yue the truth with her voice on, and her voice was the truth.

I still remember that day, there was no sound from the other end of the phone for a long time, as if I had received a call from hell by mistake.

Without questioning, cursing, or crying, Ming Yue hung up the phone gently.

She sat on a lawn bench all night until the morning dew called her back.There are hundreds of messages from the woman named Hong Xinran on the phone: May I find you?

She smiled bleakly, why is she so confident that she still wants to see her?

But the smile gradually froze. Yes, I really want to see her. I told myself that I was just curious about what liars looked like.

How many hours are there in half a year?Apart from sleeping, Hong Xinran was always with her.

Chen Xilin's arm was placed on Ming Yue's pillow, and the latter's breathing became more and more calm. She couldn't bear to disturb her. From Haicheng to Damai, from Damai to San Fran, the woman in her arms was always running around. Tonight she You should have restful sleep.She gently leaned against Mingyu's ear, her hair stretched out and tangled around Mingyu's hair, and she felt distressed, but she didn't dare to say it, Mingyu couldn't hear this word.

At the turn of day and night, Jiang Ruojing sat blankly at the dining table, with half a bowl of unfinished noodles beside her. She had put it away since morning and now, and she had no intention of tidying it up.

The sun was setting, and she took a day off, but she didn't expect to sit here for a day.

The sun shone in from the west window, and Lu Li's spots scattered on the table in a daze. Jiang Ruojing stared at those spots, his mind wandering.The mobile phone was lying on the corner of the table, she stretched out her hand...

The sky outside the window turned white quietly, and Chen Xilin's eyelashes trembled as it came in from the open gap in the curtain.

A string of notes flowed out from somewhere, accompanied by the woman whispering, Chen Xilin opened his eyes, a peaceful sleeping face was close at hand, and a ripple appeared on that face in the next second, just like that moment The ethereal ending of a woman in the music that came from nowhere, Ming Yue opened his eyes and met Chen Xilin's gaze. A trace of doubt flashed in his eyes, as if he was recalling his situation... His eyes became soft again, and his neck was dyed. Put on a layer of pink, "I... When did I fall asleep..." After speaking, I turned my head and touched the bed, "My wake-up bell..."

Feeling empty with her hand, she found herself resting on Chen Xilin's arm, the pink on her neck spreading to her face, "Where's the phone..." she muttered.

The lazy French tune is lingeringly dripping from the mobile phone somewhere, like translucent jellyfish, rippling layer by layer.

"Will you wake up listening to this?" Chen Xilin closed his eyes and asked in a low voice.

Ming Yu turned his head and sniffed at the side of Chen Xilin's face.

"Huh?" Chen Xilin opened his eyes, looked at Ming Yu, and asked persistently, his voice so soft that it melted into the water.

The woman is lazily singing: je...jesuispretpourtoi...

A flame ignited in Ming Yue's eyes, and his slender fingers gently grabbed Chen Xilin's hair, "ettoi? es-tupretpourmoi?" she whispered softly.

The flame leaped from Ming Yue's eyes into Chen Xilin's eyes, burning forever, the soft lips touched together, like magnetic north and south poles, Chen Xilin was serious, he wanted to taste the tongue that popped out the string of notes, Ming Yue Don't dodge, get entangled with her.

"Yes...i'm...ready for you..." Chen Xilin finished the answer with her intermittently.

Ming Yue's hands slid down from her hair and landed on the back of her neck, subconsciously entangled them tightly, his mind went blank, he hadn't been unclear at such a time for a long time, and instinctively raised his neck, wanting to ask for it. more, bear more...

The ringtone that just made a crime just stopped at this time, and was replaced by another piece of music. The two of them paused, and the music stopped. Ming Yue's hands were loosened, consciousness slowly flowed back to his brain, and the music sounded again. Come on, that's the ringer.

"Are you answering the phone?" Chen Xilin lay back on her neck.

"I can't find it..."

As soon as the voice fell, the voice message rang:

"Yu, it's me...I want...I want to talk to you, okay? Call me back...I'll wait for you..."

Ming Yu sank into the bed like a buoy that had been pricked by a needle.

Chen Xilin closed his eyes and was silent for a moment, "Is there anything you haven't said to her?"

"I don't think so."

The bell rang again, Chen Xilin stretched his arms to the bottom of the bed, and fished out the phone.

It was still Jiang Ruojing.She seemed to have lost the ability to wait.

Chen Xilin swiped the green answer button, and Ming Yue closed his eyes.

"Yu, I'm sorry, I...I really want to talk to you, I..."

"Jessica." Chen Xilin calmly answered.

A moment of silence.

"Sorry." The phone hung up.

Chen Xilin paused, put the phone back on the bedside table, turned around, and held Ming Yu's hand.

"Don't touch me, dirty." Ming Yu said softly with his eyes still closed.

Tears welled up in Chen Xilin's eyes unexpectedly, restrained himself, and asked in a low voice: "How can I heal you?"

"...I'm sorry, I'm not ready, give me some more time, okay?"

Chen Xilin closed his eyes and nodded, "En."

God knows, maybe she wasn't ready either.