lucky me

After thinking about a lot of things, I began to feel that the most important thing in life is to live according to the heart, no matter how the external environment changes, no matter how superior you are to the ordinary people you used to think, don’t envy, try Do your best to live your own life well, let yourself live with the flow and follow your heart.

I started to pursue my original dream, the ideal in my childhood composition. I remember that when I was in elementary school, everyone wrote about the future and career. I wrote about me 20 years later. I wanted to be a teacher. At that time I am pure and simple, and I am grateful for the influence of my first teacher on me. I want to be a teacher like her, teaching and educating people, not only teaching, but more importantly educating people, breaking the shackles of modern education on them. They are naturally developed, free, and live the life they want to live. Don't choose a three-point and one-line life just like me because of life and because of what they are told.

I remember that when I chose architecture as a major, it was because of the employment rate of the elders in my family. Although all my inclinations were law, literature, finance and the like at the time, but out of worries about the future, I believe that the predecessors have gone through it. The road must be smoother and safer. The fact is that it is true at night, but I forgot that I turned my back and forgot about the sun.

I began to constantly look for the life I liked. I felt that traveling was the life of a literary youth like me, so I wandered wherever I could, but I always felt sad and lonely. Later, I found out that this might not be what I wanted. , because I'm just squandering, I like to see a lot of strange things, strange people, but that's still not the real me, I'm not the kind of brave and capable to be a lonely traveler, I'm timid and afraid of this more A life without security.

The part-time job I am doing now is the starting point for me to start again. My idea is to be a part-time teacher first. If I really meet my expectations, I will consider becoming a full-time teacher. This is in line with my ideal. Personality, when there is no clear way out for everything, it is a sensible move to leave yourself a way out.

In the company, I still do my job very seriously, but I have also started to switch between tutoring and my job. I have been doing this for several months. At the beginning, I couldn’t find my way and I still had a lot of worries. It also slowly began to subside, and I began to get used to it, and I had some confidence in this aspect, but I still didn't dare to be careless.Last month, a parent of one of my students approached me, hoping to have more time for independent tutoring, so I naturally considered jumping out of the institution and living an independent life. It seemed that I had been doing this for a long time Gradually, I forgot the original intention. Now that I think about it, why is it always so easy to be tempted and forget the purpose of sobriety? When tutoring a student, you can naturally concentrate your energy. Although sometimes the pressure will be a bit high, although it looks naughty, but a junior high school student, junior high school students are actually the kind of students who think they understand a lot, full of confidence in front of others, and full of confidence in others. Still not grown up, I feel that there is nothing wrong with it.

Yang Yu is one of my students. It is Yang Yu’s parents who hope that I can tutor alone. Their family is a local. In such a developed international city, the status of a local is worth a lot. Wealth is expensive, and it seems that Yang Yu's family is indeed quite rich, and his parents seem to be executives of the company.

Today's children are actually young, but they look very mature. When they don't wear school uniforms, they really look like little adults. They speak and act like they are not at this age. The children in big cities are indeed It's not the same, after all, I have been exposed to it since I was a child, and everything I come into contact with is really different from mine.

3 nights a week plus Saturday I have to go to their home to make up lessons for him. In the beginning, it was just math. Later, his parents decided to let me make up his other courses. Of course, the cost must be It is much higher than when I was in the institution before, and I finally feel that I have done a better job.

Usually on class days, I will carry a bag and ride a bicycle to work, so that I can go to class directly after I have a meal on the way after work. After turning a corner, I stop and take off my company coat and put it in my bag Here, I put on the prepared leisure jacket. I especially like this jacket because it is thick and has a hat on the back. It is very suitable for me to go out by bike at night, and the main style is good. I spent two or three hundred on the only I bought it at the fair.

It takes about 40 minutes to ride a bicycle to Yang Yu's house. Since I started teaching as a tutor, I have been riding a bicycle to and from work. On the one hand, I exercise my body. In the past two years after graduation, I have been sitting in the office all day, and I am getting fat. Well, in fact, I was still quite thin before, with a height of 174 and a weight of 100 kg, you said that I was not thin, but since I lived a comfortable life and did not think about making progress, my weight has gradually increased. If I don’t control my weight, I will be really No one wants it anymore. Occasionally I look in the mirror by myself, and my facial features are okay, but when I look in the mirror of the whole body, I always feel that everything is not pleasing to the eye, and my temperament is even worse.

Speaking of when I was very thin, I remember when I was in junior high school. The thinness at that time may also be related to the hard work in school. Our junior high school was far away from home, so most of us actually lived on campus. , I have to deal with everything by myself. At that time, I was only about 11 years old, but I felt that all this was for a better future and it was worth it, so I worked very hard in my studies, and my grades were particularly good. The kind of fighter in the school master, such an ignorant teenager pretends to be studying at the time when he should study most.

However, there, I met the first boy I was attracted to. He was the kind who was really handsome, like a prince who came out of an anime. To me, he was like a kind of high An unattainable existence, sunny, cheerful, handsome, good basketball player, and good background, he is simply the prince charming in many people's dreams. Therefore, for me at that time, apart from studying, the thing I looked forward to most every day was to be able to I saw him in the next class, one day he was wearing a V-neck T-shirt, one day he had a haircut, one day he was joking with someone, I even remember that he changed a pair of shoes almost every day, the whole person was very clean, It's refreshing, his home is nearby, so he doesn't live on campus, but he has a good relationship with his classmates, and the teacher likes him very much.

I think it is very happy to see him every day. I heard that he has no girlfriend, and I am very happy. I heard that he has a girl he likes, but I am so sad. Sometimes I always sneak there when I do morning exercises. I glanced at it for a second, and quickly retracted it. When he was on the basketball court, I would pretend to pass by and watch him sweat profusely in the sun.Because of my outstanding grades, he actually knows me, and occasionally smiles at me, but every time I walk away shyly, as if nothing happened, as if in a normal encounter, I should be the first at that time. It was the first time I experienced that sweet and sad feeling, but I didn't dare to admit it, and I never thought about facing it—that was actually like it.

It's just that I'm scared, afraid to like a boy, so I bury everything in my heart, no one knows what kind of feeling it is, that secret that only belongs to me, buried in forever deep down.In our junior high school career, we also had intersections, but in order to hide the fear in my heart, I never dared to talk too much in front of him, nor did I dare to show excessive enthusiasm, just like the normal communication between ordinary classmates. No one knows how turbulent my heart is, but my precocity tells me that everything will pass, and everything is focused on academics. Moreover, his treatment of me is nothing more than a kind of sideways affection for Xueba, and the fact is that this is the case. , until after we graduated, there was no contact, and I never heard from him again. In fact, the relationship in the budding period of the green years is actually buried in my heart forever, forever, in the deepest part of a person.

Thinking of it, I suddenly feel a little sad. In fact, I always have this or that idea on the road every day when I ride a bike. While listening to songs, my emotions change accordingly. For me who is a Pisces, fantasy is my biggest hobby. , I think maybe I also like the feeling that my thoughts are flying like this.

Speaking of junior high school, it was another colorful life. At that time, I had a good study, teachers and parents liked it very much, and there were many good classmates. Speaking of it, the relationship between me and girls was actually quite good. I even later found out that I still had a few admirers at the time, haha, I was quite happy to say that, in fact, my good friend at that time was also a woman, and she was my deskmate, although she looked like a lady, she was definitely a woman The man is open-mouthed and hands-on, but with a conscience in heaven and earth, I have never thought about her at all. In fact, I know me through her. So far, I may be the best person, and it may be the most regrettable person.

He was a very smart boy, the really smart one, he played crazy every day, slept in class, played ball after class, but his grades were pretty good, sometimes he felt that God was really unfair, I worked so hard Reading books, listening to lectures carefully, and devoting daily leisure time to study is the only way to maintain such a result. Although I was considered a legend at the time, I actually think he is, just like him, a person with all-round development of morality, intelligence, physique and beauty. It’s really uncommon. I’ve heard of him, but I have a strong sense of competition towards him. Speaking of which, I foolishly regarded him as a competitor all the time, even though we were even at the same table when we were divided into classes. But I still want to guard against him wanting to spy on me, trying to find a way to surpass me, now it seems to be a pain in the ass.But that’s how I felt about him at the time. He was about the same height as me, and I don’t remember getting to know him clearly. I remember that because our grades were very good, the teacher always arranged us to do many things together, including mathematics. Competitions, English competitions, are often together.

Speaking of which, he was the first person I shared a bed with. At that time, we were together in my own small room (it was a small room that my relatives lent me, so that I didn’t have to squeeze in with others. half live in school) to do the questions and listen to the listening comprehension together, it turned out that it was almost time to turn off the lights in the school dormitory, and he had no intention of leaving. It's over, so he said, it's so late, it's time to go to bed, he said happily, okay, where is your bathroom?Now I can’t do anything, because it’s the first time I slept with someone else, I was very afraid that I would talk in my sleep, or that someone who didn’t sleep well would feel uncomfortable. I slept well all night and didn’t dare to move. The posture he woke up the next day was still the same as the night before, which showed how nervous he was, and then he often stayed with me overnight.I was too serious at the time, and he always liked to deliberately tease me and mess with me, but when I think about it, he is very protective of me, he is the kind of person who is very cheerful and can chat with anyone he meets, So he has a lot of friends, but I am different. I am more introverted, and I would feel blushed when I talk to the teacher alone. He will always defend me in front of the teachers and classmates, and help me say what I dare not say. Once I was particularly concerned about the ranking of an exam. Because of the correction, the teacher miscalculated his score. If I asked the teacher to correct it, his total score at that time happened to surpass me, and he was the first. It was undoubtedly embarrassing, and then he said very lightly, forget it, let him alone, my whole feeling at that time was that kind of indescribable contradiction, on the surface only the two of us knew about it, but I think My ranking was not upright at all. Instead, I was ashamed of myself for surviving a catastrophe and successfully keeping the ranking. However, my naive self at that time always thought he was always chasing me. I don’t want to let go, and my studies always make me breathless. I can only maintain an ambivalence towards him, which is sometimes a close friend and sometimes a competitor. Later, there are more and more such situations, which is also true. As a result, our relationship became farther and farther after high school. I studied hard, but I always had to go up and down in the fiercer competition. After high school, my grades are not as brilliant as in junior high school, and I can only be regarded as a lower class in the top class, but he is still enthusiastic about other friends, which makes me more and more upset. I care about him, but why does he want to provoke others? Isn't it enough for me to be a good friend?

This kind of situation made me gradually lose control of my life, studies, and emotions. I don’t have a single friend anymore, and he is getting farther and farther away from me. Sometimes I meet on the road and even miss each other’s eyes. At that time, I really deserved it when I thought about it. I deserve to miss such a good friend, such a friend who understands me, until I suddenly remembered a few days ago, maybe I not only missed a sincere friendship, maybe I also failed a feeling, a piece of innocence, but now I want it so much The most regrettable thing in life is to meet the best person when you are most powerless, but you don't know it.I always think of him, if I had relaxed my heart at that time, if I hadn't been so naive, we might have been very different. Schooling is actually just a process, a journey in life, and I was covered in bruises during this journey. , also hurt others.Young boy, if you had the opportunity to know what happened today, would you still be so attached?Now we are far apart, the feelings I once had are slowly passing away in my heart, everything is my own fault, my mistakes are so thorough and so clear.All the regrets were buried in that youthful time, and my boyhood ended in such a time of regret and glory.