lucky me

When I was a child, I dreamed of traveling all over the world with my sword, seeing the three mountains and five mountains, sunrise and sunset, imagining a person who is at home all over the world, and drinking all the loneliness.

When I was a teenager, I hoped to make great achievements and become famous all over the world. No matter the difficulties and dangers ahead, I still persevered and held on to a pure dream with a stubbornness. I just wanted to fly forward and overcome difficulties and obstacles. The way you came, taste the sweetness.

Nowadays, we are talking about the ups and downs of salary at the wine table, our resentment towards the society, pointing at foreign objects and mocking the obsession of the past. It is not about persistence, not about dreams, let alone wandering, feelings At the moment when the wine glasses staggered, they were deeply buried in my heart.

About world travel, I never forgot, but no longer mentioned.Even if we have seen Nigua Raja Falls, entered the Louvre, and climbed Everest, so what, life is life, we still have to go on step by step, all travel is evidence that we are alive, sometimes our Inadvertently taking pictures is just to prove our happiness to the world. Even if we do nothing, even if we just pass by, we still laugh wantonly, even if we are always ordinary, we still sing the greatness of ordinary, to praise ourselves, to praise life, to fill the part in our hearts Unwilling and cowardly.

On a sleepless night, such thoughts suddenly hit me, which caught me off guard. I, who was never consciously philosophical, began to think about the topic of life.Where do I come from and where should I go? If this is a proposition of too high a level in philosophy, then the most realistic question is, right now, as the current me, how should I live this life, and what path will I take in the future? , with whom to spend the rest of the time.

As an adult, I began to pursue my childhood dreams and regained the forgotten freedom and ease. I carried a backpack on my back but walked into the sea of ​​people. I forgot to be well-informed and the journey of pursuing individuality but forgot the sentimentality I created. The warmth of hand in hand.

Life is like a journey. I’ve heard this sentence thousands of times. I haven’t lived my life yet. I can’t prove to anyone whether it’s a journey or not. But when it comes to travel, it should be considered a trend now , fortunately, I finally started traveling when I was able.The meaning of travel is growing, in seeing and hearing, in different places to experience different life, but, then again, what can we do if we stick to the literature and art that we tell ourselves?You just guard that memory for the rest of your life, so what?Well, you see, I'm back to pseudo-philosophy.

In fact, from the beginning to the end, what I want to explain is one thing. When traveling, a person is lonely. I really don’t have the leisure, elegance and realm. , I went to Guilin alone to see the mountains and rivers, to Xiamen to see the sea, and to Harbin to see the ice sculptures.But I always hope that I will not be alone when I do all this, and I always hope that there will be a warm embrace and a thick palm next to me.

I don't like traveling in groups, I don't like excitement, I always feel that I need to carry it too much in the crowd, but I always fantasize that I can meet the destined person in the crowd, speaking of it, it is destined , It’s too unreliable. So far, the life I have experienced is the same as my travels. I eat alone, sleep alone, and travel alone.If it is really destined, think about it, it should appear now.

I have always envied others, envied their wealth, envied others' chic, envied others' sweetness, so in the end, I have always been envious. For me, love is actually always a castle in the sky. A good friend meets someone who will be with him for a lifetime in the best years. My classmates also start early and hold hands with each other. I have dreamed of my childhood sweetheart, the beautiful love in fantasy novels, from wishing vigorous love to longing From the long flow of water, to the pursuit of love today, I have never stopped fantasizing about love, but love has never come.

Sometimes I think that if puppy love was not so taboo when I was a student, maybe the age of my love blossoming would be very early, but when I think about it again, I used to think that my dream lover was long black hair with a shawl, big watery eyes, Gentle and watery personality, there are many girls like this, every time I meet, I can’t help but wonder if this person is my destiny, constant fantasy, and then constant timidity, coupled with young psychology, In fact, I really don't see the potential for puppy love.

There are many shortcomings in my body, weak will, indecision, but in fact, none of them are the reasons why I stopped pursuing love. Later, a very simple reason was that I began to have feelings for boys, so I began to be afraid, afraid of everything It’s all about love, I’m afraid of girls, I’m afraid of boys, and I’m even more afraid of myself. Thinking about the girls who had a good relationship with me in the past, they probably have deep resentment. They obviously have a crush on each other, but they can’t pierce that layer. Window paper, I still don't know whether I am gay or bisexual. I am sure that I am not purely heterosexual, but I have never dared to touch the issue of gay or bisexual. If you tell me clearly I’m gay, ok, then I’ll focus on being gay, but if I’m bisexual, should I pursue the responsibility of reproduction, or wait until the destined person appears and let that person tell me what to do? I have always believed that there is always someone who is deeply loved by another person in the world. I have never loved anyone deeply, and I don’t know who loves me deeply.

So, all the time, I've been alone, sometimes I think I'll be alone, I've been alone for 23 years, I don't know how many days I have left, but I'm still alone Walking on your own journey, in fact, I think that everyone is a solo traveler on the journey of life. Some people pass us by, some accompany us on a journey, and our parents accompany us from the beginning to strangers. Start to be our partner, and then accompany us on the next journey, but no one knows how far this journey is, maybe we get separated in the middle, maybe we part ways in the middle, everything in life, a person's life is a person's , have never merged into one, no matter who appears or disappears, it is the embellishment of this life.

From a perspective, everything in the world is actually an independent individual, but some have loneliness, while others have companionship.

Looking back on these 23 years of green years, everything is vivid in my mind, some of them are getting newer with time, and some of them have long been dusty. No matter what, this is what I have. My life is my own travel.