Skimming the fire

It took me a long time to realize how tortuous the reasons were.

Others' explanations made me indifferent.

I don't know what's the use of knowing these reasons now. If he doesn't tell me these secrets, what exactly is he thinking, whether it's protection or selfishness, I don't want to know at all.

I'm tired.

He carried all his secrets into this joint tomb, and I didn't even know if there was room for me.

Six years of wind, frost, rain and snow, does he know that the eight words "Life shares fate, and death shares the same acupoint" that I carved with my own hands have long been worn away to the point of not being able to see clearly.

He lies in one of my most longed for more than ten years ago.

But I still don't know if he felt disappointed when he left.

That winter was silent, and the snow was still hanging. I turned and left the place where I entrusted all my future, my love, my will, and my most anticipated life.

Before walking to Chitang Pass, heavy snow fell without warning.

When I came, the summer was scorching, the cicadas were singing long, and the alfalfa and apricot blossoms were drunk all the way.

When I left, the gate was closed by heavy snow, dead branches were pointing to the sky, and there was a dead silence.

I seem to have lost something, and it seems that I have lost nothing. It was just a dream. I came with nothing in my sleeves and left with nothing.

And now that I am back, the summer is hot and dry, but it is still dead.

I am alone.

I sat in front of his grave for thirteen days, I didn't know what to think, my hatred or love suddenly had no meaning.

I saw in front of his grave, who had planted several peonies, poria cocos, and acacias, but they were also exposed to the cold day and night, and were about to wither and die.

If this is the end of the story, I want to take another look at him, I want to touch his appearance again, after six years, it is hard for me to think of his facial features and the temperature of his palm.

I tried my best to forget the most precious memory of my life,

Even his voice.

This is so hopeless.

The sky is sunny, summer, there is no wind, the sun hurts my eyes, I can only feel the exhaustion from the deepest part of my bones.

Like a huge disaster.

The landslides and the ground cracked, and I was broken and crushed into powder. Every inch of my body was in pain, but I was alive.

why am i alive

Just how cruel are you? Putting me in such a situation, did you ever have a little bit of intolerance? If you had a little bit of intolerance, why did you and I get to where we are today.

I'm tired, I'm very tired.

I leaned against the stele, cold and hard, as if leaning on him in black armor in the past, stupid like a tree.

I planted him in my life.

He withered and collapsed on my heart.