Do you have a scholarly tyranny?

Tan Siming did not catch up.

That's right, like a dog's skin plaster, he is the only one who can do this kind of thing.

Didn't Tan Siming say before that he wouldn't ask someone to stay?

Of course it is impossible to catch up.

Xi Hu smiled lightly.

There are many kinds of human suffering, such as birth, old age, sickness and death, parting from love, not being able to get what one wants, resentment and hatred, and the flaming of the five aggregates—all of them, in essence, are suffering from one's own weakness and one's uselessness.

Why should we meet?Xi Hu thought, in this world, everyone he meets is using their own way to bring him pain.

Some people gave him care, but it was better than nothing, and quickly took it back; some people were even more stingy, and never refused to give alms.

Reminding him all the time: You can't catch anyone.

No matter who it is, whether it's his biological parents, his grandma, his adoptive father, or Tan Siming.

His biological parents abandoned him, his grandmother left him, and his adoptive father alienated him.

Even Tan Siming is the same.

The outside temperature was close to [-] degrees, but Xi Hu's legs were frozen, uncontrollably, like a corpse whose soul had come out of his body, he was walking mechanically towards the school gate.

Why can you do this to me?

Why should I suffer all this?

Xi Hu's eyes were dim, and there was a void reflected in them.

Thousands of thoughts were circling in his mind, and a few thoughts stood out so naturally, like a tide, coming repeatedly.

—“No, that’s not the case.”

For a moment, there was a faint voice in Xi Hu's sinking heart.

Like a sporadic fire, wanting to jump up, want to refute, want to struggle to explain.

But because he couldn't get a credible proof, he could only say nothing, and was soon drowned out.

So I became more convinced that the various encounters that happened to me were probably due to——

I don't deserve to be loved.

I am incapable of loving myself.

I am not qualified to love others.

The three sentences together extinguished the last spark, a trace of green smoke dissipated, and the ashes fell.

Xi Hu returned to his so-called "home".

The room was spotless, not as dusty as he had imagined.For almost two months, just like the day he was evicted, he maintained the appearance of being occupied.

It seems that Xi Junfeng has hired part-time workers to clean up during this time.

Xi Hu took off his shoes and went straight upstairs to open the safe in the study.

Countless series of family ethics dramas piled up in his mind and turned into his conjectures—Xi Hu took it for granted that he was moving closer to the paternity test, the adoption contract, and the property transfer statement.

When I opened it, I saw that it was full of letters, handwritten papers, and newspapers.

Xi Hu took out the big pile, put it on the desk, lowered his head, and started to read from the top newspaper.

The newspapers are all medical, and there are also publications issued by Xingsan Medical, all of which are more than [-] years old.

Each newspaper was marked with red ink from a fountain pen.

Xi Hu flipped through a few pages, and the corners of the newspaper circled by the faded handwriting were all marking the column "Letters from Heaven and Earth" without exception.

The beginning of each letter is the same, saying: Hello doctor!

The content is the same, repeatedly describing the condition of my child and asking if there is any cure.

The inscription is also the same word: sea.

Looking at the stack of handwritten papers again, one by one, it corresponds to the content introduced in "Letter World".

All possible drug recommendations, treatment methods, and ways to seek medical treatment have been copied word by word, stroke by stroke, revealing the seriousness of the excerpter when making the excerpt.

Xi Hu is not a science student, but he is both annoyed and dizzy when he reads science and comprehensive things-seeing physics, he speeds up, seeing chemistry, he wants to throw sulfuric acid, and seeing biology can dissect paper.

Even if it involved himself, he looked at it for a while, but still couldn't stand it.

Xi Hu braced himself, endured the urge to throw away the manuscript, and finally saw the recipient of the last pile of letters, he couldn't help it.

All written to him.

Each one is not very long, and the most, it only takes up half a sheet of letter paper.

Xi Hu's hands were shaking.

"X month X day in X year. Child, today you are one month old. Thinking of your birth, it seems like it just happened yesterday. At that time, you were still very young, a little smaller than now, and your head was only the size of my palm. .

In a blink of an eye, you will grow from a wrinkled 'little old man' to a little baby who can look at me and smile even though he can't speak yet!

We held a grand full moon banquet for you. I drank too much, and it was your mother who helped me back.She complained that I should not drink so much wine, but I am happy, I am happy! "

"X month X day in X year. Son, today you have a name. It was given to you by your uncle Junfeng. The single name has the word tiger.

Both your mother and grandma think this name is good, saying that it has a good meaning, and it means a tiger general. When you grow up, you will be a person who can accomplish great things!

However, you don't have to stress too much.

Dad's greatest wish for you is to hope that you will grow up and live in peace and prosperity. "

Xi Hu noticed that from the next letter onwards, the handwriting on the letter paper became somewhat blurred.

The faintly identifiable handwriting is distributed on the fixed circular edge, as if it was blurred by a drop or two of tears.

"X month X day in X year. Kid, you scared us to death today, you know?

Your mother smiled and carried you out for a walk, but she came home crying.I saw you twitching in her arms, we called you, it was like you didn't hear me.

We took you to a city hospital, and the doctor said that you need to be hospitalized for observation.

Your mother started crying and was so tired that she fell asleep.I am writing this letter to you now, and I am still thinking about you, and I am afraid of you.

Promise me, kid, you won't scare daddy anymore, okay? "

"X month X day, X year. Son, you are seven months old today. You can make fists and crawl better than other children.

But child, your convulsions are becoming more and more frequent. Every time you have a seizure, it is very serious, and today you are even more unconscious.

Your mother didn't cry this time, she just looked at you from the side, as if she was about to faint.

My child, what is the matter with you? "

"X month X day in X year. My child, your illness has been very severe recently. Your mother is crying all day now, and your grandma is burning incense and kowtow for you, praying for blessings from the Bodhisattva.

Now your Uncle Junfeng is helping me take care of the family. I am alone, looking through medical books every day, looking for possible causes, and writing letters to medical journals and newspapers all over the country.

I don't believe in tears, I don't believe in gods and Buddhas, I only believe in cause and effect.

Child, you are my child, you made me a father.Since you chose to be born in our family, you will not be cruel to let us go, right? "

Xi Hu doesn't like hospitals.In the hospital, most of the patients looked so embarrassing and powerless, like a newborn crying baby.

His grandma used to live in the hospital, and the pain tormented her, but the walls of the hospital were still pure white and calm.

When the old man passed away, he was incontinent, excrement flowed all over the bed, and he walked without dignity.That day, several sick children pricked their fingers at the window on the same floor, crying loudly, and the crying came from the end of the corridor, which was disturbing.

Xi Hu, who was in junior high school, watched and felt that hell was nothing more than this.

Before seeing Xi Haihui's records, no one told him what illness he had when he was a child.Xi Hu didn't know how Xi Haihui felt when writing the letter.

He guessed that the self at that time was probably the same as the cold and long time in the hospital, the same as those uncontrollable excrement, the same as the weak and helpless sick child, which was annoying and made people lose all patience .

Xi Hu connected in one breath, and opened four more.

"X month X day in X year. Son, you have a terrible illness today, and your little face is turning blue. I almost thought that you don't want your father anymore.

Your mother was also frightened. She thought you might not survive. She asked me whether to consider having another child—the country has a policy that if the first child is not in good health, the couple can have a second one.

But I don't want to, very angry.Why doesn't she think about it, if you want another one, when you grow up, someone will point out and say: This family only has younger siblings because the eldest is sick? ——How will you deal with yourself then?

I cannot allow this to happen to you.

So I had a fight with your mother and she said I was crazy. "

"X month X day, X year. Son, I got another letter today! The doctor recommended that Professor Fang Min from Xingsan Medical Center may be able to cure your illness.

The wait for a reply is always long, but I try very hard to tell myself, don't complain, the wait is worth the wait.

Because when the time comes, there will be one more suggestion to try, and the possibility of curing you will be a little more. "

"X month X day in X year. Son, today I asked for leave from my unit and took you to the provincial capital.

It is the first time you have seen so many tall buildings, like a little guy who has never seen the world, you are so happy that you want to break free from my arms.

I thought I got up early and went to line up at 03:30, but I still missed it.I asked people at the registration window, and they said I was unlucky, if I came ten minutes earlier, I would be able to get on Professor Fang's number.

You are already my greatest luck, I don't ask for anything else.It's okay, we'll go earlier next time. "

"X month X day in X year. My child, I finally brought you to see Professor Fang Min today.

Professor Fang examined you and said that the existing surgical techniques in China cannot cure your disease, and drug treatment may be promising.

I asked how hopeful it was, and Professor Fang said she didn't know.It means that it may be cured, or it may not be cured anymore.

I don't believe it, and neither does your grandma.You are so healthy, so cute, you will not be sick, you will be fine.

Son, tell Dad that Professor Fang lied to us, right? "

The handwriting on the letter paper was not very clear again—it was from new tears.

Before Xi Hu could wipe his eyes with a tissue, he suddenly noticed that there was an extra person in the room.

Suddenly raised his head——

Tan Siming was sitting at the other end of the desk, because his head was lowered, his face was slightly downward, half hidden, and Xi Hu could only see the tip of his nose at most.

In Tan Siming's hand, Xi Hu finished finishing the newspapers and manuscripts that had been left aside, quietly sorting him out.

The author has something to say:

Huzi: Why should I bear all this?

——Author: Because you are the protagonist.